Ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, in training for the next mascot race, keeping an eye on his tail after seeing Reece Walsh lurking around the barn, plus refusing to play most positions and play in reserve grade, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 23 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
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The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 23 Weekly Opinion
It’s time to really get into the NRL aka Rugby League aka “the Rugby” for our Victorian readers, of which there will be none.
The glory of the Australian/Commonwealth Games are over, and it’s always nice to spank the fellow Commonwealth nations before we do much less well at the Olympics. Although we always do quite well at swimming at these types of events, except it dominates the first few days of coverage, and my ignorance of not being able to tell apart a breaststroke from a butterfly means I don’t get into it much. Although one of those two types of swimming sounds more interesting than the other.
But as a casual observer of swimming, I only ask for three things. Lots of Australian Gold, footage of Laurie Lawrence belting people over the head while cheering and/or that coach Dean someone-or-other aka Mr Thrusts-a-Lot giving a special, crowd-terrifying performance in the grandstand. Oh, and always a fast pool. I’m totally out of interest if the pool is anything other than fast.
I wonder of the Queensland Country Bank Stadium last Thursday was the rugby league equivalent of a fast pool. How else can you explain the 94 points scored. First I’d be checking if the field was indeed too fast, secondly I’d be checking any player who put money on the Roosters to beat the -70 points start, finally I’d investigate and links to crocodiles in case Bob Katter is nearby. He hates crocs.
Talking of hating things with a passion, what a treat to see Ray Stone scoring last weekend. Not only did the try help the Dolphins beat the Dragons, but it is always amusing to see a player who genuinely hates scoring tries. Ray disposed of the ball like a mere mortal would after knocking on inside the attacking half, and the respect Ray gets from Dolphins team mates and fans around the world meant that the celebration was muted. Much like his many decoy runs for the team. It does make you think though, as you see the scowl of complete contempt, to think of any other sports person in any other game that hates the most glorious thing about their sport more.
Well, Argentina recently in the Football World Cup comes to mind. How a side can not play a game of football for almost two hours an expect to win a game is hard to imagine. Then again it isn’t, if the internet innuendo was right, FIFA had one hand on the trophy for them.
And talking of FIFA, what an incredible week for them, or at least the guy in charge. Cooking up a scheme to sell parts of the World Cup to businesses in the US which are too close the guy in charge for most people’s liking, then “encouraging” all footballing nations to sign up and get $20M. The guy who looks more and more like a bumbling cartoon villain got the end result he probably deserved after Europe, Asia and North American governing groups told them to go and get stuffed, FIFA had no choice but to give up on their plans to make a few more billions.
Whilst not currently trading at FIFA levels of imaginative accounting and political figure arse kissing, the NRL aren’t immune from letting others run the game. How else can you explain why Sunday afternoons still mainly feature all Sydney team games. Or that despite nearly all of the rugby league fan community aside from the most Sky News loving individuals wanting a standalone State of Origin series on the weekend with the rest of it filled with other rep games, the NRL signed a new deal with the TV channel that will insist on the fans being ignored. Ditto for Sunday Night Grand Finals. The AFL at least maintain their traditional Grand Final slot, the ones fans love and TV companies tolerate.
Maybe the deeper you go into sports administration the more disappointed you get. Formula 1 has turned their sport into Mario Kart, which would be excellent if the driver were allowed to throw things at each other on track.
Although I’d like to think Lawn Bowls governing body is all above board.
Talking of disappointment and sport, sadly there’s no confirmation of a new deal for Ray Stone at the Dolphins. Sources say he wants to return home, but I won’t believe it, as Ray Stone doesn’t feel pain, so feeling homesick seems unlikely. But if he is and he does leave, this column will always love Ray. Even if he hates us back, along with tries and everything else. We’re sure the recent 66-0 blip, which looks like kids play after the Cowboys complete pantsing by the Roosters, was a direct result over the future uncertainty of Ray Stone. The players almost protesting on field at the lack of re-signing.
For the Dolphins it would be another great player leaving for not much coming in. That may well be unfair on incoming UK half George Williams, but he is the Sunday Night Grand Final equivalent for the Dolphins. Not only would the Dolphins miss his hard tackling, and equally hard hitups, but no one is more dedicated and runs more decoy runs than Ray Stone.
So until it happens, I say re-sign Ray Stone. Now.
And before this turns into yet another Ray Stone article, below are my weekly expert tips and views on each game.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 23 Weekly Expert Tips
THURSDAY 8PM – GOLD COAST v NORTH QUEENSLAND
You reckon Channel Nein might have some regrets insisting that Round 23 opens up with Gold Coast v North Queensland? Well it should have plenty of points given these two teams conceded 124 points between them last weekend. Although they only managed 18 in attack. That doesn’t sound very exciting at all. Cowboys are outside the eight on points difference, which isn’t a surprise given they lost by 70 points last weekend, but still have a bye up their sleeve, so no forks for North Queensland’s season yet. The cutlery draw is full yet again for the Gold Coast.
North Queensland by 4
FRIDAY 6PM – WAHS v PENRITH
Game of the round neatly tucked away from fans in the most annoying timeslot. Following their sh!t Sunday night timeslot earlier in the season. Although one does hope that these two teams will play again on a Sunday night, if you know what I mean. And if you are too stupid and don’t know, we’re talking about a glorious sell out Grand Final with Wahs and Panthers fans everywhere. The Warriors have such a bad record against the Panthers, so bad it scared them into losing to Penrith’s reserve grade side last season after some buffoon scheduled their post Perth Origin game in Auckland.
Penrith by 10
FRIDAY 8PM – ROOSTERS v BULLDOGS
Well surely we won’t see as many points this weekend, and it would be unfair to say that because the Bulldogs are playing that won’t happen. Mainly because the Bulldogs are one of the lowest point scorers in the competition. Both teams are building nicely towards top four and top eight respectively, but no one really wants a Bulldogs-Roosters Grand Final. Not in the same way people want and need a Warriors vs anyone Grand Final.
Roosters by 14
SATURDAY 3PM – MELBOURNE v MANLY @ HBF Park Perth
Well Melbourne may as well play in Perth, as with the sharp end of the AFL going on, just as many people in WA probably care about the Storm as Victorians do for their rugby. And taking over one of the NRL’s traditionally least likeable clubs really seals the deal for Perth fans. This will be a decent indication about how much local love the Bears will get. They unveil their 2027 jersey on the weekend, get it right and they won’t need that many local fans.
Manly by 6
SATURDAY 5:30PM – DOLPHINS v BRISBANE @ Suncorp Stadium
The Dolphins can really turn up the misery for the Broncos by inflicting a rare defeat over their local rivals and marching on towards a first final berth that the Broncos threw away last weekend. Well, in fairness when you’ve lost 10 of your last 11 games it’s hard to exactly pinpoint where you’ve thrown it all away. One does wonder how a side so good on paper can not win so much. It’s so easy to blame the coach and I will. Dolphins can enjoy the smug all the way up the Deagon Deviation with a win, and they
Dolphins by 20
SATURDAY 7:30PM – SOUTH SYDNEY v PARRAMATTA
After somehow securing a win last weekend by playing worse than the Wests Tigers, which takes some doing, Parramatta might like their chances of winning a second game in a row. Although the fact they haven’t won consecutive games since Round 3 this season and the fact they have lost 10 of their last 11 v South Sydney, and that Souths have won their last seven at the Olympic Stadium, means an Eels wins is as likely as the Wests Tigers winning a premiership.
Souths by 16
SUNDAY 2PM – CANBERRA v NEWCASTLE
Newcastle are the new Canberra for 2026 with a run from last, or predicted to be last (like Canberra were in 2025) to strong finals contenders. What a turnaround from busted arse to arse kickers. Although it did help playing at Suncorp Stadium last weekend for both Kalyn Ponga and Bradman Best given Origin form. Canberra aren’t quite the old Canberra, as in they aren’t top like last season or dead last like some suggest all the time, but the loss to Penrith did halt the momentum of a late finals run. They can still make the top eight, they just need to win two more games than the Cowboys, which is quite plausible after last weekend. Should be quite a fun game at the least.
Canberra by 6
SUNDAY 4PM – ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA v CRONULLA @ Kogarah
There really has to be nothing else on to watch this one. A real Channel Nein special. May as well go with an upset and bet around it.
Dragons by 2
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