Ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, in training for the next mascot race, rejecting any future playing contracts under $2M per season, and refusing to play most positions and play in reserve grade and at the Sydney Football Stadium, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s NRL Grand Final 2026 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
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NRL Grand Final 2026 NRL Donkey Rant
Thank god for Newcastle and their magnificent display on Sunday, saving the rugby league finals for the neutrals, non Sydney siders, tall poppy choppers, bitter Dolphins fans, even more bitter Broncos fans, at least one of the Johns brothers, maybe at least one of the members of the band Silverchair, and definitely sure the result works for Screaming Jets frontman Dave Gleeson who given Newcastle are in the Grand Final and the NRL is looking for some Grand Final entertainment that could really work nicely.
And if the Man of Feathers goes down the Screaming Jets runway, and I whole heartedly hope he does, then song choice would become an issue with so many good ones. October Grey may suit the month, but not really a GF song. Better is and if the Jets are playing and don’t offer up that song I’d worry for sections of the seating. There’s a song about Elvis with a super into intro of Elvis impersonating that I think fans would love. But best of all would be FRC. The Fat and the Rich part of that song title might get past the 7pm-ish TV timeslot, but the C probably wouldn’t. But package those three songs into a tight ten minutes of solid pre-match entertainment.
Other people at this website who think they’re smarter and funnier than me have already offered up NRL Grand Final Entertainment ideas which you can follow below at your own peril.
Related: NRL Grand Final Entertainment Alternatives
That would be a double win for Newcastle and the region’s reputation for good times. Less so for Penrith and Roosters, as I can’t easily recall a music act. Although, had the Dolphins made it, they have the Bee Gees in their corner, and you might have been able to influence the only living one to come out. I could see thousands pulling off a few Travoltas in the crowd to Staying Alive.
AI Artist’s Impression: Bee Gees statue in Redcliffe – with Ray Stone Tribute.
All the above is not to be too anti-Penrith, I greatly admire their achievements, but other than Gold Lotto, Gold Logies and a trifecta in any greyhound race, people don’t want to see the same team/person/thing winning too many times. When I say people, I mean non-Penrith fans. I’m sure they’d like to see Penrith winning forever given their machine-like playing style and the rise of AI. Maybe they will one day win everything just before AI ruins the world. If AI does, it’s because of managers around the world using is like a buzzword for everyday activity and for a lack of imagination ironically. But Newcastle are a better story for the people listed above. And more. But not for the one office jerk who support the Roosters, and you know there’s going to be one, and you know how painful they will be this week.
The same can’t be said for the Roosters as a team for all the people, or more than just a few people, as I don’t want them to win anything, ever, and pretty neutrals aren’t keen either. That’s not just because they handed the Dolphins a rugby league lesson last Friday that ruined a weekend and will take many months to heal the scars or sitting there with 20 minute to go realising the game is live and you can’t fast forward to the end to see the 30 minute Ray Stone tribute that never happened anyway, but the recently bias of that wouldn’t help, but they are hard to like. Well, except for Marky Mark, he’s highly likeable, maybe that’s why he’s leaving. Knowing that if he hangs around the Roosters too long people will forever associate him with the Roosters and end up disliking him.
Maybe one day the Roosters will get the treatment that Man City got this week where they were found guilty of over a hundred financial charges. The sombrero does cast a lot of shade, so who knows. But if that does happen, maybe Newcastle winning would save the Roosters losing the title a few years down the track and some legal costs for everyone involved. Not that I am definitively saying the Roosters are rorting like Man City have been found guilty of, few sporting clubs have, but sombreros are wide and provide lots of shade.
Talking of shade, it is about time we turned the light out on The Bunker. Or at least limit their involvement. There is no point spending millions of dollars to make your sport worse. As super seer Wayne Bennett forecasted, The Bunker has had a say in games in the finals, and where they didn’t and Ashley Klein wasn’t involved in the TV room, Klein was on the ground giving the game his special touch.
Thankfully the awful decisions from the Dolphins-Roosters game squared up and one side was much better than the other, but come on now, how do you not see either player’s feet on the line. And then there’s the ridiculous rule that you can’t rule on forward passes. You can judge a players finger moving 1 millimetre in an intercept attempt, or measure how far a player can stick their finger up their nose if they want, or track movement changes for people kind of not chasing a kick, but you can’t judge a pass that goes several metres forward. It’s the same kind of busted arse logic that put Ashley Klein anywhere near an important NRL game.
Thankfully it looks like he’s out of match official contention, to be replaced with anyone else, which is who you want. A referee team whose names you can’t remember or don’t care about. That’s the perfect match official lineup.
So given Ashley Klein is free, as are most of the others who have worked The Bunker and therefore ruined rugby league in 2026, maybe they can be part of the Grand Final entertaining crew. Instead of having a music act for the sake of it, unless it is Jimmy Barnes, Jimmy Barnes with Ian Moss, Cold Chisel, or the Screaming Jets, they can line up all the officials, hand out one tomato per league fan, and do a Mexican wave type of deal and have the match officials on the back of a flat bed truck following the crowd and receiving the fruit/vegetable. In case there are Canberra fans in the crowd, we can also bring back Ben Cummins for some Grand Final revenge.
Channel Nein will have a few ads, Block cross-promotes and Mat Thompson yelling at something, so there’s ample time to clean up before the game. And if not, just sweep them into the in goals and we have a big red try zone area like the good old days when the Winfield Cup was on and smoking was ok, and the best players got to have that big Winnie Red stain on their jersey and wear it as a symbol of pride. It also led to a few kids ruining back yards for a while by finding a spare can of red spray paint and replicating in backyards around Australia.
And finally talking about ruining things, looking forward to the fourth and final taste of Channel Nein commentary for the season. At least with Newcastle playing Andrew Johns should be somewhere between Donald Trump napping in the Oval Office and Guy on train reading newspaper. Gus will probably smug and take credit for both sides playing in the Grand Final. No matter what sides are in the Grand Final Cameron Smith will suck, Jonathan Thurston will laugh at something, Mat Thompson will yell at everything.
As will I, and you with ten minutes to go and the Knights are just holding on. Best of luck to both sides. But more to the truth, best of luck to Newcastle.
NRL Grand Final 2026 Expert Tips
NRL GRAND FINAL – ROOSTERS v NEWCASTLE 7:30PM
I’m ignoring all the stats, all the logical reasons to go with the Roosters, and taking Newcastle on the heart they have shown in this finals series.
Newcastle by 6
NRLW GRAND FINAL – ROOSTERS v BRONCOS 4PM
Replay of last year’s Grand Final and hopefully a repeat of last year’s result where the Broncos stole the Premiership from the Rooster’s beak. Although, that may be wishful thinking against a side who haven’t lost. But as is traditional the Roosters got past Canberra in a finals game with help from refereeing decision. Given I said the Roosters won’t win the NRL Men’s GF, and the Broncos stench of failure could potential infiltrate the Women’s team, I’ll say Roosters.
Roosters by 16
STATE CHAMPIONSHIP – PENRITH v REDCLIFFE DOLPHINS
At least one Dolphins side made the Grand Final, the original one too, with enough NRL Dolphins to make themselves compeditive. Although, Penrith are a machine, and will probably destroy Redcliffe. Although, it will be good to see Jake Averillo (fast) in action in the Red of Redcliffe/Dolphins one more time. This game is becoming less competitive as the NSW Cup sides are usually one feeder team per NRL side, while the Queensland ones are usually spread out across three. I know Queenslanders are up for a underdog status win, but potentially if this game continues to become less worth watching, maybe we could shift the PM’s XIII v PNG. Esepcially given the PNG Chiefs arrival soon in 2028. Just saying.
Penrith by 24
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