Ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm assistant coach, in less trouble than a FIFA boss, attempting to sell himself to PNG to get some of that sweet sweet Government-Free moolah, asking the nearest president to overturn his ban at the local RSL for a drunken walk through a fountain, and playing out of position for the good of the team, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 23 Review & Ratings on the weekend of rugby league that was.
This NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 23 Review & Ratings is all new and offers up a second serving of Donkey rugby league in a week. Why would the world need twice the NRL Donkey? First of all, how rude. Secondly, because no one delivers rugby league with such an honest, almost churlish attitude, not afraid to tell rugby league what he thinks. Sort of like Pauline Hanson but with none of the racism. The NRL Donkey hates everything and everyone equally. And now he gives it with both barrels – and both ends of a rugby league weekend in the NRL, with a review with a match by match thoughts and a preview with all the opinion and more.
Related – more serious Rugby League gear
- NRL Round 23 NRL Team of the Week
- NRL Round 23 NRL Weekly Stats & One Minute Match Reviews
- NRL Round 22 NRL NRL Donkey Preview and Rant
NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 23 Review
Here’s the NRL Donkey’s thoughts and mini rants on all of the games from the previous weekend.
THURSDAY 8PM – GOLD COAST 8 NORTH QUEENSLAND 30
I gave up trying to work out which team was which due to the opposing colours of jerseys and waited until one started losing, which I then presumed was the Gold Coast.
FRIDAY 6PM – WAHS 28 PENRITH 12
What a game, and hopefully a preview of the Grand Final. Although, given Panthers injuries and recent form, plus underwhelming form on a Thursday night, maybe the Panthers aren’t the certainties to play in the GF. Although I’d prefer them to the Roosters. But neither to the Dolphins. But always Wahs. It would be great for rugby league and anyone who disagrees hates rugby league more than Phil Rothfield and Perth media combined.
FRIDAY 8PM – ROOSTERS 20 BULLDOGS 18
There’s just something about a Roosters v Bulldogs game. Something that I can’t be bothered with. But good on the Roosters for keeping the Minor Premiership alive.
SATURDAY 3PM – MELBOURNE 42 MANLY 20
Do I smell buyer’s remorse of offering up a rookie coach a long-term coaching contract? Probably not, it’s Manly after all, and the bosses will be fighting over something. Good for Melbourne given their injuries, and it was also clever marketing from the NRL to showcase the Melbourne Storm cast-offs to the fans who will be supporting them net year. Well, the few who can be bothered. Nice jersey though. Although it may have needed a little more yellow/gold to win over locals. Maybe it wouldn’t. Good luck to the Bears anyway.
SATURDAY 5:30PM – DOLPHINS 40 BRISBANE 32
You could be forgiven as a Dolphins fan to be heading back to the peninsular or other safe haven after 20 minutes against the Broncos. Down 24-0 with Erqa Mam partying like it’s 2023, on field, not on the road. And with no Ray Stone to come off the bench, one could been told themselves everything was lost. Last time the Dolphins had given such a start was when the Sharks eventually belted them, 66-0 at the home of the Bee Gees aka Dolphin Oval. That day had a lack of Ray Stone too. But not for the first time this season the Dolphins turned things around, with 100% action man Kurt Donoghue having a Stone-like impact of the bench. Shame a 52 point first half can’t happen every week. A Broncos loss every week can happen at the going rate. There’s only so much a full game Qavier Willison and a half-game Mam can do.
SATURDAY 7:30PM – SOUTH SYDNEY 28 PARRAMATTA 24
The consistently inconsistent South Sydney flew out of the blocks, given among the easiest first ten minutes of the season. More injuries for the Rabbitohs, including poor old Ashton Ward doing a hammy while kicking a goal. Whichever spirit they crossed they need to un-cross soon, given their horror two seasons of injuries. Maybe Wayne needs one of those exorcisms. Or some kind of voodoo magic.
SUNDAY 2PM – CANBERRA 24 NEWCASTLE 30
You knew the Ricky press conference blow up was gonna come and he sure gave the writers the quote they could milk for the early past of this week. Poor Corey Horsburgh, his red hair and hailing from Redcliffe (we think) means he was always going to be tempted into the slap.
SUNDAY 4PM – ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA 24 CRONULLA 16
Proof that the Dragons aren’t quite as their dead last and two wins for the season was coming into this game. Nice of Cronulla to disappoint earlier than usual. They still have the easiest run home of all the finals hopefuls, but the tag of dark horse got clipped a little. Imagine what the Dragons can do net year with the talent they got coming. Maybe even 12th.
NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 23 Ratings
The Gurgler website is famed for the many, many stats and visuals on offer, and the NRL Donkey was feeling a little left out.
But of course the NRL Donkey doesn’t want to celebrate the good, his cynicism won’t allow it, so he has found two ways to celebrate the mediocre. The first is taking The Gurgler’s all-new Player Ratings system, where stats are used to determine a player score out of ten, and flipping it’s on it’s head by taking the worst scores in each position. Secondly, he has devised a way of seeing which players was the worst contributor, coming up with a points system for all manners of errors, penalties, missed tackles, and gave it the subtle title of the Sh!t Play Inde.
Plus AI Greg is here for his best of from the weekend.
NRL Donkey’s Stats – Not Quite Team of the Week
Here are the lowest ranked players per position to create the Not Quite Team of the Week.
NRL Donkey’s Stats – Sh!t Play Index
Compiling missed tackles, penalties, errors on a sliding scale, here are the top 10 most “influential” players this weekend.
