It’s time for weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s angry man Buzz equivalent known only as the NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 23 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 23 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
What a week to be alive. The Swimming is finally over at the Olympics, the temperatures are slowly rising, footy finals are getting closer, well, for some clubs, and there’s fifty cent fares on Public Transport in Brisbane.
That means you can get from the Sunshine Coast to the Gold Coast for just fifty cents, which with the tremendous SEQ transport network means that only costs five cents an hour of travel. Talk about a city that is Olympics ready.
But I think if the State Government really wants to get re-elected whenever the next vote-fest is on, the fifty cent fares don’t go far enough. First of all, I don’t understand why the rapper with the same name as the cut-price transport fares, and who is no doubt a train enthusiast like all great musicians, wasn’t asked to front the promos on the price drop. Nothing says catching trains and Citycats is cool like a famous US Rapper. Look what Snoop Dog did for Menulog.
Of course the same doesn’t apply for Brisbane City Council buses, because nothing can style up having to catch a bus. It’s literally the worst of both worlds. The inconvenience of Public Transport stops, often within 100 metres of each other, combined with sitting in the same garbage traffic you’re trying to avoid, but you get to do it in the armpits and winter snorts of others. Not even a nude Greg Norman using the catchphrase “We’ve Stripped back to fares to nothing on Buses” could do it either. Although, we’d still love to see it, working campaign or not. Hopefully Greg is seen on one of those Bendy Buses if you know what we mean. He’d be even better on a CityCat. Greg loves the outdoors. And the outdoors loves Greg. Everyone loves Greg. Could be a good name for sitcom, although would have to come on late at night.
But going further than rappers and nude golfing legends, if the Queensland Government want to get re-elected, they should make Public Transport free for all rugby league membership holders forever.
And before you complain to us via our email address gurgler.chat@gmail.com to tell us in 15 words or less that rugby league fans already get free travel to games, which I will ignore for the record, I’m not talking about game days, I’m talking about forever.
Think of the multi layered benefits of forever Free Travel for rugby league members. First, it will keep them off the road, a good thing given many drive home angry after a loss. Especially in Brisbane as both the Broncos and Dolphins have won about three games between them in the last three months. Think of it as a public safety initiative. Then there’s the added benefit of those footy fans not driving, so they can have more $15 beers at Suncorp Stadium. With the Governments now charging $6.70 excise on a plastic cup of beer, that’s a real money spinner for any Government. Finally, with people all over South East Queensland working out that a rugby league membership will give them free public transport it means rugby league clubs will be loaded, and more people coming to Stadiums to watch their team. Government owning the Stadiums and taking their share of the profits from the Poker Machines at the club. Except for the Queen of the Nile, that machine never pays.
But aside from public transport excitement, especially on ABC Brisbane 612 where the phones were ringing hotter than another Daylight Savings debate, there’s the finals series of the NRL approaching. And talking of daylight savings how about the Broncos stat of losing every day time match this season. Maybe the Broncos should push themselves forward an hour. Or maybe there is some kind of vampire blood. Google a picture of Adam Reynolds and Bram Stoker side by side and you’ll be convinced that something is up. Or maybe they are just full of themselves and playing like crap. We say the former.
But that’s enough for now as I sit back and wait the full week to collect my bet on the Olympics Triathlon bet of Over 37.5 compeditors getting gastro from the swimming leg.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 23 Expert Tips
SOUTH SYDNEY v MELBOURNE
The game’s most lop sided fixture deserves the minimum effort in tipping. At least the game isn’t in Melbourne where Souths have never won v Storm.
Melbourne by 18
GOLD COAST v CRONULLA
People haven’t been this excited about a sporting team on the Gold Coast since Warwick Capper played for the Brisbane Bears. Less exciting are Cronulla.
Gold Coast by 8
PARRAMATTA v PENRITH
Fun fact 1, Parramatta won their first away game for the season last weekend, all they needed was an away game outside of Australia. Fun fact 2, Parramatta have the best winning % against Penrith since Covid. It is still under 50%. Fun fact 3, the Rooty Hill RSL is almost halfway between Parramatta and Penrith. Fun fact 4, Penrith will win.
Penrith by 12
CANBERRA v MANLY
Canberra fans will probably enjoy a safer walk home this Saturday than on last Sunday at Belmore if you are to believe social media. That’s mainly because Manly fans probably can’t be arsed travelling to watch their team.
Canberra by 8
NORTH QUEENSLAND v BRISBANE
The world’s longest local derby sees busted arse Broncos take on the Cowboys in Townsville. That’s a much longer trip home than last weekend when they were awful. Which they will probably be again this weekend. The silver lining is Payne Haas’ injury means Xavier “The Beast” Willison gets to start.
Cowboys by 16
DARGONS v BULLDOGS
I’d love to be happy for the Dragons’ unexpected success against Melbourne last weekend, but I can’t, don’t like Flanno. Happier for the Bulldogs turnaround in fortunes, they have some great players and 100% less Flanno.
Bulldogs by 6
DOLPHINS v WARRIORS
Dolphins are outside the Top 8 for the first time in a long time this season, and their close but no cigar form against some very good sides is commendable but bad for the heart. Problem is, Dolphins are yet to win a day game this season, and have a terrible record at Suncorp on a Sunday. Luckily the Warriors away form on a Sunday is almost as bad as the Dolphins Sunday record.
Dolphins by 2
NEWCASTLE v WESTS TIGERS
Given that it is just a question of when not if the Wests Tigers get screwed by the Bunker or by a Sin Bin that only they and Latrell Mitchell would get in trouble for, the Tigers can’t win. And won’t.
Newcastle by 12
