Just four weeks of the EPL season to go, but still enough time for our EPL Matchday 35 Predictions.
Whilst it looks likely that the title will be going to Chelsea and Spurs second, and down the other end the last two will be joining sport’s most mediocre team Ipswich Town in the Championship, that doesn’t mean it is still not exciting. Plus there’s the small deal of the remaining two Top 4 spots and last relegation place.
The FTA game for Australia will likely officially confirm one team’s demise as Bournemouth take on Bournemouth.
But there are plenty of good games throughout EPL Matchday 35. Everton, who are like the childless uncle (amusing to most but never taken too seriously) play Chelsea who need to keep winning to keep Spurs from sneaking the title. Talking of Spurs they play their most fierce rival Arsenal and can deliver their biggest f*** you to the Gunners in many a year.
Time to get on with our EPL Matchday 35 Predictions now though.
Each week we put our tips up against an opponent, just like Lawro’s tips on the BBC Football website. But instead of having famous comedian and musicians we’ve never heard of, we put our tips up against a different type of opponent.
We determine tips based on some ridiculous premise or statistic, and we then see if arse truly beat class.
And with 4 rounds left, we are really running out of ideas for a tipping opponent that is different and different from one we’ve used.
Not that we’ve given up, but we almost have. This week’s opponent is based on whether we received a red, amber or green light on our morning peak hour commute whilst doing our EPL Matchday 35 Predictions form study.
How does it work? Easy.
If the light was green, we tipped the home side. If it was red, then the away team gets the tip. In between in Amber means a draw. Thankfully the journey passed through exactly 10 traffic lights. How convenient.
The Gurgler’s EPL Matchday 35 Predictions
SOUTHAMPTON to beat Hull
STOKE to beat West Ham
DRAW – Sunderland v Bournemouth
LEICESTER to beat West Brom
CRYSTAL PALACE to beat Burnley
MANCHESTER UTD to beat Swansea
CHELSEA to beat Everton
MANCHESTER CITY to beat Middlesbrough
SPURS to beat Arsenal
DRAW – Watford v Liverpool
EPL Matchday 35 Predictions by Traffic Light
RED – HULL to beat Southampton
RED – WEST HAM to beat Stoke
RED – BOURNEMOUTH to beat Sunderland
RED – LEICESTER to beat West Brom
GREEN – CRYSTAL PALACE to beat Burnley
AMBER – DRAW – Manchester Utd v Swansea
GREEN – EVERTON to beat Chelsea
GREEN – Middlesbrough to beat Manchester City
RED – ARSENAL to beat Spurs
RED – LIVERPOOL to beat Watford
PREVIOUS RESULTS
Currently we are better than our opponents, only just. No great boast as our tips are under 50% for the year. We stink really.
THE GURGLER RESULTS
Total – 148 / 301 (only started Match Day 6 – includes FA Cup Rd 3)
Average – 4.9 / 10
Best: 8/10 (1) – Worst 2/10 (1) – Last Time – 5/11
OPPONENT’S RESULTS
Total – 127 / 301
Average – 4.2 / 10
3 Year Old – 6/10
7 Month Old – 3/10
Pack of Cards – 3/10
The Dog – 2/10
Cars that drove past – 5/10
Frankington Stanley 2/10
Scrabble – 5/10
Alphabetical Order – 4/10
Colour of Kits – 5/10
Person in City/Town per Points – 7/10
Team Nicknames – 4/10
British Train Stations – 6/10
Team Abbreviations – Results Pending – 3 / 10
Famous Faces – 6/10
Last 6 Form (for FA Cup) – 16/32
The Sack Race – 5 / 10
Hours of UK Sunshine – 4/10
FA Cup Form – 3/10
Vowels – 0/10
Excel – 6 / 10
Crime – 1 / 8
Yellow Cards – 6 / 10
Postcodes – 3 / 10
House Values– 3/10
Midweek Form – 3/10
Most Titles Won – 6/ 10
Fewest Relegations – 5/11
