Channel 9 Australian Summer of Cricket? No thanks.

The Australian Summer of Cricket is approaching faster than a steaming Mitchell Starc delivery, but for some reason we feel like letting this entire summer go through to the keeper. Except for maybe the Big Bash that is.

Well there’s many reasons actually.

Despite recently providing advice on what to do for sports fans to fill in the gaps of the footy off season, we have officially decided – F*** this and am sitting it out the Australian Summer of Cricket.

Some or very few will ask why. Some will say Who are you to ignore Cricket. Others will say this website is getting worse every week so why don’t you shut up.

Since you’re asking, here’s our thoughts on it all.

Firstly and mostly, the recent focus on Michael Clarke and his book launching and headline grabbing 60 minutes interview is one of the main factors and the final straw. Michael Clarke has shown he can be a jerk and as unlikeable as a retired former player as he was when he was a current player. Still all about him. Still the most important thing on the face of the earth. No wonder he was promoted to the Channel Nein commentary team – the most self infatuated arse licking vacuum in the sporting word. Here he is again trying his hardest to ruin any momentum of good times Australian cricket. LMB we say.

It’s not just us who find Michael Clarke tedious – our favourite news site – The Betoota Advocate – sums up Michael Clarke best.

Michael Clarke, and possibly Ricky Ponting before him, had set Australia on a path of Australia’s least likeable sporting team. Or possibly just in front of the Wallabies possibly even behind as the Wallabies just don’t win as opposed to being a bunch if poor behaving jerks who win when it’s easy.

Talking of Jerks, Unlikeable Tossers and Self Indulgent Tripe, that brings us to our next reason for not tuning into Channel 9 for the Australian Summer of Cricket.

Whilst the Channel Nein Rugby League commentary is inferior to Fox Sports in every possible way at best, and a turd filled bucket of dross at worst, it is far easier to digest than the incessant throbbing to every orifice that is Channel Nein’s Australian Summer of Cricket.

Say what you want about them, they don’t care. You’re just a passionate cricket. You doesn’t come into it. It’s all about I and plenty of it.

That’s almost the most annoying things about the Channel Nein cricket commentary team, it’s all about them and you always feel like an outsider at a party missing all the in jokes. They are all very important ex-Australian cricket stars after all, and what would we know. The favourite thing are the trips down memory lane which almost without fail involve one of the commentary team. They are all very important ex-Australian cricket stars in case you forgot.

On the rare occasion when it’s not all about them, it’s a competition who can be the loudest, most over the top, the greatest Aussie Icon blokiest man that has ever been a former Australian cricket great. It’s hell on earth. A session or two into the Summer usually pulls us up. This year we won’t even get that far.

Normally one can find peace and solace in the ABC Grandstand commentary, where a little time spent syncing TV and radio can reap massive rewards. But with Jim Maxwell suffering a Stroke and missing the first chunk of the summer, it is less the saviour as previous years. He’s hoping for a return on December 4, we hope it’s well before then. And hope for the best possible recovery too.

The loss of Jim Maxwell has compounded the recent losses of Kerry O’Keeffe and Peter Roebuck. Whilst the replacements have been OK, and is still many times superior to Channel Nein, it is not quite the same, or it certainly won’t be without Mr Maxwell. Not that the rest aren’t up to it, it’s just not the same. It will still be competent, informative and accurate, but not quite the same. Three adjectives that could never be used for Channel Nein.

Putting the watching and listening to cricket aside, onto the actual cricket now. Going through the schedule, and the highlight is by far the visit of South Africa for a three Test series. Problem is instead of being in the premium timeslot of Boxing Day – New Years it is first up, and will be here before you know it. Then there’s the fact that the first Test will in Perth, a place where Australia has never beaten South Africa. Well up to the 1930’s when the Internet crashed and we couldn’t look back any further.

The next one is in Hobart, which never seems to excite anyone, often the locals too. Who could blame them when they get the Joan Collins Special every year when it comes to Cricket scheduling. Much like Channel Nein’s scheduling of Canberra in the NRL, they are a given a game when it is convenient to the powers that be.

The third Test is a day-nighter at Adelaide, but given how badly Australia shat their Non German Dax in the recent One Day series in South Africa, anything resembling a One Dayer against South Africa will require a lot of Sorbent. Chalk a 2-0 to the Proteas.

Then there’s Leg 1 of the ODI series v New Zealand. Three games in Australia against the Kiwis and three later in New Zealand. All 6 are who cares fixtures, as ODI become sport’s most predictable event. Well other than a Manly NRL fixture.

Pakistan arrive for three tests, and the interest will be in which Test side for Pakistan shows up. On their day the world’s best, but most times they come down under for the Australian Summer of Cricket they are a shadow of their best. The Day Night Test debut at The Gabba does interest us, but not much else.

Pakistan hang around for some ODIs, and in a nice gesture from Cricket Australia, Brisbane is given its solitary game on the premium night that is Tuesday. Pfffft.

Even the planned T20 at the end of the Australian Summer of Cricket hardly excite. Cricket Australia must think the same as they are given one of the games to Geelong.

All in all, there might be enough to tempt Aussie cricket fans to tune in throughout the Australian Summer of Cricket. Good luck to you. Not us, we’ll check the scores and move on. Until the TV coverage does the same.

UPDATED:

James Brayshaw will not be part of the Channel Nein commentary team this year. It’s a good start but nowhere near enough to get us back.

Shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

Thankfully Channel Nein were able to recruit someone who will be able to stick to their stringent policy of self infatuation and ignorance by hiring Kevin Pietersen. I’m sure he’ll be well received in Brisbane and everywhere across the country.

THE FULL SCHEDULE FOR THOSE INTERESTED