The Six Pack is back after a little while off whilst we catch our breath on all the sport, here is another instalment of six of the finest in the most obscure or unimportant categories the F1 themed Driving paybacks.
This time it is about driving. The longer you spend on the roads, the more chance you have of coming across a jerk, someone dangerous, or just any of the most pig-ignorant inconsiderate wankers/wankettes on the road.
Here for your consideration are paybacks you can do without being too dangerous or illegal. As the F1 season has kicked off, we’ve given them an F1 theme, just to make them identifiable and “interesting”.
1 – THE PARADE LAP
Ever started entering a roundabout only to glance left at a car who appears to be approaching too fast to stop? If you don’t have to stop in the middle of the roundabout, you could try the parade lap. Move as far to the left as you make it around the roundabout, and at the slowest possible speed. Crawling speed is best and in keeping with a parade lap. Works best if you are turning right and they are going straight ahead.
2- THE SAFETY CAR
If the enemy car continues behind you at tailgating fashion, simply activate the virtual safety car which forces you to do no less than 10km/h under the speed limit for as long as the danger is in place. This is much preferable to the very unsafe and illegal Brake Test.
3 – THE STOP-GO PENALTY
If the enemy car is still behind you, and you’ve stopped at a set of traffic lights or a stop/give way sign, it is time for an impromptu Stop-Go penalty. All this requires is for you to stay stationary for an extra 5 seconds at the stoppage. Once underway, just check if the virtual safety car has ended first. You may have to continue under those conditions.
4 – THE DUMMY PITSTOP
Like in F1 where the pitcrews bring out tyres as a ruse to fool other teams into thinking a pit stop is imminent, if your enemy car is still annoying you and a left hand turn is approaching, you can try the Dummy Pit Stop. What this requires is you to indicate as early as possible for the left hand turn giving plenty of notice for the enemy car behind. But you don’t take that turn, nor do you slow down too much as the turn arrives. Simply drive on and turn the indicator off. This only applies to left hand turns as doing it for right hand turns could lead to an accident. Which we are trying to avoid.
5 – THE IRVINE BOX-IN
Like a famous moment in the 1997 season of F1 at Suzuka where Michael Schumacher boxed in his rival to allow Irvine to overtake him and the Williams in one move around the outside, you can use this tactic if the enemy remains behind, and on a multi lane road. All you have to do is legally catch up or drop back to the car in the lane beside you and maintain a position that doesn’t allow the enemy behind to be able to change lanes.
6 – THE REVERSE VETTEL
By now the enemy driver is probably fed up of your F1 tactics, and has stopped looking at their Facebook or Twitter updates long enough (easy to notice on the road people, your head bobs up and down more than a person who offers their services late at night) to perform some dangerous overtaking manoeuvre. All that remains is for you to turn the Vettel victory finger apply to the middle finger in the direction of your enemy. This should be the nice farewell gift for them.
