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Gurgler’s Favourite TV Shows

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By Kaaps Loche.

After checking the TV Guide for the night’s viewing, my mind ran to shows I’ve missed or shows I’d love to see. Here’s a list of The Gurgler’s favourites.

  • Press Your Luck – Australian version and Turpie Era only.
  • It’s A Knockout – Billy J Smith He’s Fallen Over Era only – must include the game with the big giant heads.
  • Mark Suleau’s On The Road
  • Anything with Roy and HG on.
  • Santo, Sam & Ed’s Sports Fever
  • Skins Golf
  • A show featuring weekly challenges between Warwick Capper and Jeff Fenech.

Maybe you agree, maybe you’ve got better suggestions, email us at contact.gurgler@gmail.com with the subject Lost TV. We’ll publish the best answer or the nastiest feedback on our website.

New Ideas for The Block 2014

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By Kaaps Loche.

Having seen through another series of the Block, listening semi-intently in the background whilst performing tasks around the house, I wondered, if given the chance, how I would improve the show for next year.

Aside from hoping for a B-Grade celebrity version, featuring a cast with the combined pulling power of celebrity splash AND celebrity apprentice, here is the best I could do – some new locations or midweek challenges to spice up The Block 2014.

 

– Houseboat challenge – contestants have 1 week to spruce up a houseboat. Catch is, that they they can only dock twice a day at 7am and 7pm for loading and unloading of product and tradies.

– Hamsterdam challenge – anyone whose seen series 3 of The Wire would recall the Hamsterdam free drug market. Can you imagine what kind of nice outdoor living and alfresco dining the Blockheads could whip up. Better still, let the  judging come from the Baltimore people themselves.

– Train challenge – each pair gets carriage of the Sunlander, and must make a studio apartment out of the carriage. Tradies can only enter and leave at the regular stops.

– Whilst on the theme on trains, re-open Doboy station with a Block platform v platform stoush.

– Wicked campervans are always looking for new designs.

– Aspley Acres Caravan Park challenge – 48 hours to transform an entire caravan.

– Grant Hackett’s apartment.

– Golf course design challenge – each couple gets a Par 3, Par 4, and Par 5 to redesign in a week. Judging by Ozzie Moore, Brett Ogle and Wayne Arthurs.

– If any of the above get boring, or the show itself, release a lion in the middle of the night that contestants have to work around for the rest of the week.

WACA ground stripped of Test Match in 2014/15.

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By Patrick Heisenberg.

 

It was recently announced that the WACA ground (Perth) has been stripped of hosting its annual test

match for the 2014/15 series against India.

 

This series will be comprised of four matches whereas generally the Australian test match summer

spans five or six matches. Resultantly the powers that be at Cricket Australia (CA) have deemed the

WACA to be the unfortunate fall-guy. It will be the first time “the WACA” has not hosted its annual test

match in almost 40 years.

 

This decision has been met with impassioned criticism from the sandgropers and general concern

from the wider Australian cricketing public. Cricket fans will never want their favourite and/or local

venue to miss out, especially one as revered as the WACA. Its reputation as a pace bowler’s dream

is resounding and omnipresent across the cricketing globe. It has also played host to some peerlessly

ferocious, tense and bloody battles over the course of its history.

 

Cynics have pointed to India and its questionable yet influential administrative juggernaut, the BCCI,

as the source behind this decision. I take issue with a great many things the BCCI do, or don’t do in

the case of DRS, and so too do a great many others. But in this case I believe the ‘enemy’, if we want

to be dramatic, or ‘source’ behind this decision is home-grown.

 

To underline my point we must first consider which venues will host matches during this series:

Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne and Sydney. Now let’s look at their approximate patron capacities:

• Brisbane’s ‘Gabba’ has a capacity of roughly 42,000

• The Sydney Cricket Ground holds roughly 44,000 (the figure is presently difficult to define

amidst its current renovation period)

• Adelaide is being extended to around 53,000

• The M.C.G. is a well-known monolith, holding up to 95,000 seated spectators.

 

The WACA has a capacity of roughly 22,000. That’s around half the size of the smallest venue shown

above. CA’s CEO James Sutherland touched on my not so subtle implication when discussing their

decision. “Though a traditional Test match venue with a proud history, the WACA ground has the

smallest capacity of the five mainland Test venues and has historically attracted lower attendances,”

Now, without clarifying his exact thoughts, I wish to, tongue firmly in cheek, rebut the question “what

22,000 seat ground has higher attendances when compared with grounds that are 2-4 times the size?”

I presume he means that the attendances are lower “per capita”, and on this notion I pose the

question to the infuriated Perth public – “if you care so much, why don’t more of you show up when

you do have a test match?” I believe this is a fair question.

 

The days of cricket being a gentleman’s game that was solely focused on enjoyment and rivalry are

long gone. There are, to this very day, gentlemanly acts and also fierce rivalries, but behind these

fundamental principles lie the administrators and their KPI’s and monetary-based targets and goals

and views to expansion and global domination.

 

Test cricket makes money – a lot of money. It makes its money through ticket sales, advertising and

international broadcasting rights. If we accept the unfortunate but true notion that cricket is now

as much of a business as it is a sport, what governing body in their right mind would play a game

in a location that was known to produce less money? It is accepted and acceptable that when the

Australian cricketing calendar has six test matches scheduled for the summer that each of the six

main test match grounds are used. I speak, in this case, of the “one versus the other” selection criteria

for which grounds to use in this shortened test summer, when exclusion of venues is a relevant factor.

Do you choose the ground that looks old, worn and, on its absolute best day, can only seat half its

closest competitor? Or do you choose the ground that is newer, better, seats more people and thus

makes more money? As a passionate fan you pick your favourite ground and/or the one you envision

the biggest advantage or greatest tussle, as a businessman you pick the ground that prints the most

money, results be damned.

 

The times, they are a-changing. And they have been for a long time now. Western Australian

cricket must acknowledge the obvious and move ahead or this will continue to happen. I for one

love the WACA and would never want that, but if it were to I’d blame those at its helm and not the

businessmen who are currently being presented with a lopsided, weak argument for the WACA

compared to some very strong arguments against it. Money talks in this world, cricket is no longer an

exception.

 

Get to know Patrick Heisenberg on out About Us page.

Progress

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By Perry Thrust

 

It’s finally happened – today Voyager 1 has left the solar system. Never before has humanity reached

beyond the edges of the Milky Way, heading off into the unfathomable depths of space.

 

Closer to our home planet, I’ve encountered another giant leap for mankind – a kebab shop that

delivers. Even better, they deliver until MIDNIGHT.

 

It’s an idea that has been thought to be beyond the realms of possibility. And sadly, it probably is.

I won’t bother naming it, but this daring adventure is likely to be curtailed once the harsh reality is

realised: If anyone is ordering a kebab to their home at any time after 9pm, they are 100% likely to

be in a deep drunken slumber long before it arrives.

 

Still, I have to admire these brave Turks. Progress is rarely made without sacrifice, and it is by

their inevitable failure that we will explore the myriad of possibilities that lay before us in the vast

unknown of food conveyance.

The Dark Ages

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From Perry Thrust.

After a recent power outage in my apartment building, I’ve realised that my emergency procedure

for this situation is inadequate. More importantly, I’ve identified a key flaw in the standard flashlight

design: It might have well been invisible, because I couldn’t find it in the dark.

 

All flashlights should have a glow in the dark coating, or at least have glow strips supplied with the

purchase, that would be applied to the device by the user.

 

Sure, I could have purchased a flashlight that wasn’t painted black. I could have kept it in an easily

accessible location near the entry of my home, so that I didn’t have to scour my apartment like an

animal, relying on the poor illumination from my phone screen as I dug through drawers. But why

should I have to?

 

I lay the most of the blame squarely at the foot of the Australian Government. For too long the fat

cats in Canberra have ignored this important safety issue, leaving you and your children in mild

danger. How many toes will continue to be stubbed until this is addressed? That blood is on their

hands.

 

What’s needed is strong legislation. Big Flashlight doesn’t care, extra safety measures only cut into

their bottom line. They need these changes forced upon them, and that needs to happen now.