It’s been a long, awful off-season for the NRL, and with the season still a month away it’s a great time for some NRL Off Season filler, starting with our Rugby League Cartoon Best XIII.
Rather than a new picture of a former Rooster on the job, or domestic violence, we’re trying to inject something mildly interesting or amusing into the NRL off-season. And if it fails those categories, at least it is relatively harmless and read by no one.
There’s only so much pre season training and NRL Supercoach boom rookie news you can read waiting for round 1.
For our first attempt we ask the rugby league not many, if any, have ever asked.
Which cartoon characters would make up a great rugby league side?
Curious? Of course you are. So read on for our Rugby League Cartoon Best XIII.
The Gurgler’s Rugby League Cartoon Best XIII
1 – FULLBACK – ASTRO BOY
With looks like a young Billy Slater, the robotic boy may be young, but if he’s good enough, he’s old enough.
Pro – With the ability to fly thanks to jet propelled feet, no one is safer under the high ball.
Con – Will be reasonably useless if his jet propelled feet run out of fuel.
2 – WINGER – SPIDERMAN
Cross field kicks for his corner are no problem with the Red masked wonder able to reel in a kick of varying quality with his web shooting hands.
Pro – Can use spider web to make any pass or kick stick.
Con – Will need a closed roof stadium roof to be as effective in attack.
3 – CENTRE – TASMANIAN DEVIL
Hard to defend against, and the best hit and spin in the game. Doesn’t pass the ball often, and when he does is usually pretty wild, but that never hurt Justin Hodges.
Pro – Hit and spin move is the best in the game.
Con – Occasionally loses control and ends up over the sideline. Dangerous offloading.
4 – CENTRE – CAPTAIN CAVEMAN
When not using his club in attack or defence, he can simply yell at defenders to break the line.
Pro – The club is a good option in attack and defense.
Con – His attacking and defensive style lack a little bit of subtlety. And could spend some time out of the team for discipline reasons. Hard to communicate with.
5 – WINGER – ROAD RUNNER
Speed to burn like a feathered Martin Offiah, but enough smarts to outwit any opposition. Especially teams trying to distract by offering plates of free seed.
Pro – Fast and smart.
Con – Ball handling.
6 – FIVE EIGHTH – INSPECTOR GADGET
A five eighth has to be skillful, with plenty of tricks in the bag, and few others can offer up as much as Inspector Gadget can at his best.
Pro – Can use his extendable legs to jump over defensive lines, and the built-in roller skates gives movement like no other. Has so many other gadgets too.
Con – Tends to be clumsy, and usually requires a dog and his niece to assist him.
7 – HALFBACK – ORKO
Like any good halfback is small in size, but the levitating halfback has all the magic of a halfback, with movement second to none in the halves.
Pro – Crafty, hard to tackle because he has no legs, great passing skills, magic.
Con – No Kicking Game
8 – PROP – BEBOP
Rough and ready, forms a menacing partnership with Rocksteady.
Pro – Wild pigs are very hard to handle.
Con – Reasonably thick.
9 – HOOKER – REN HOEK
The smaller, angrier half of the Ren and Stimpy duo makes the cut at number 9. The small chihuahua has all the qualities of a great hooker, and very few throw a better pass from dummy half.
Pro – Small and feisty and great leading others around the park. Easily has 80 minutes in him.
Con – Psychotic, and likely to have discipline issues.
10 – PROP – ROCKSTEADY
The other half of the TMNT front row partnership. Has the best offload of any cartoon character in the world.
Pro – Rhino horns makes him hard to tackle front on.
Con – Not so smart.
11 – SECOND ROW – HE MAN
Big, strong, and powerful, don’t let his perfect man-bob haircut and outfits of leather vests, underpants and knee-high boots, he is the real deal of second rowers.
Pro – Perfect man bob haircut, and best tackling style in cartoon rugby league.
Con – Less effective when not in full buff mode.
12 – SECOND ROW – MAN-AT-ARMS
A throwback to a different era with his moustache and alfoil helmet, he is the cartoon equivalent of Terry Matterson and Gene Miles.
Pro – 80’s Mo bringing back the good old days.
Con – Nothing, even has a great name.
13 – LOCK – HULK
Green and mean, and with a fend that can’t be beat.
Pro – Strong as they come in angry mode.
Con – Too angry?
14 – BENCH – SHREDDER
Almost impossible to tackle with the blades on his arms and legs. Injuries are the main concern, usually caused by tripping on his cape.
Pro – Blades on arms and legs makes him quite painful to tackle.
Con – Blades on arms and legs makes him lose a lot of mobility.
15 – BENCH – FAT ALBERT
No rugby league side, especially a Rugby League Cartoon Best XIII, would be complete without a larger than life lovable character in the vein of George Rose. So we plump for Fat Albert.
Pro – Bit unit, hard to bring down
Con – Not an 80 minute player.
16 – BENCH – HAGAR THE HORRIBLE
Providing a little more muscle than speed, Hagar’s in your face aggression and horned helmet makes him someone to avoid tackling or being tackled by.
Pro – Aggressive, headgear with horns. Great beard.
Con – Lacking some athleticism for a modern-day forward bench player.
17 – BENCH – DUCK (from Sarah & Duck)
A bench always needs variety and versatility, and who better to bring variety than a duck.
Pro – Can fly.
Con – Poor handling skills.
