Gurgler Football Weekly – The Own Goal

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November 28, 2014

Welcome to the new look Own Goal column. Each week we’ll attempt to bring you enough news, stats and figures to capture your imagination for a few seconds.

Here we share the love between all four tiers of English Football, the greatest football system anywhere in the world. Occasionally we involve teams lower down too, and especially when it involves our favourite – The FA Cup.

So enjoy our thoughts, stats and best bets which are the best that money can’t buy.

The bi-monthly whining about Arsene Wegner kicked off this week after the Gunners missed out on another win against Manchester United. Calls for his sacking were toned down by midweek after their passage to the knockout stages in the Champions League was confirmed. Their reward will probably be being knocked out of the next round by Bayern Munich. The reward for Manchester united was to have some red win hurled in their direction. One can only hope it was a McGuigan Red Label no less.
Not immune from the sackings call is Liverpool’s Brendan Rodgers whose Liverpool side couldn’t beat Bulgarian powerhouses Ludogorets Razgrad in the midweek Champions League clash. One caller to the BBC said they would rather not qualify for the Champions League. Some are hard to please. Rodgers will be hard-pressed to please if Stoke are handed anymore than 0 points on their visit this weekend.
Talking about calls for sackings managers – Alan Pardew manager of the month elect and his Newcastle side have now won 5 in a row. Just as unlikely as the 5 wins in a row with Pardew still at the helm, is that Pardew is now the fourth longest serving manager.
The Championship continues with Derby looking the likely team to break away in 1st as is traditional in the second tier. The chasing pack however is much tighter with 5 points covering 2nd to 11th. new boy Malky Mackay at Wigan managed just a draw in his first game in charge.
Previously high flying undefeated Bristol City had the League One title almost sewn up in November, but have had a decent taste of third tier reality with a pair of losses. They still sit atop of the ladded, but the gap is closing.
Ched Evans fresh from his rejection at Sheffield Utd has been knocked back by bottom of the League Two Tranmere. It appears that if the worst team in the football league aren’t keen, he will need to drop down the a league or two or find another country to play in. Liechtenstein will probably have him they tend to overlook a lot of things
Another new manager to say hello to and goodbye to another. Mark Yeates at Cheltenham was the third longest serving manager until last weekend. A bad run and a bad league position was enough to waive goodbye to a period in charge at least 5 times the average stay..

[soccer-info id=’2′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’EPL TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’20’ type=’table’ style=’green_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’CHAMPIONSHIP TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’21’ type=’table’ style=’red_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LEAGUE ONE TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’22’ type=’table’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LEAGUE TWO TABLE’ /]

– EPL – WEST HAM v NEWCASTLE –
Andy Carroll playing against his old team and his likely next team.
– EPL – SOUTHAMPTON v MANCHESTER CITY
Time for contender v pretender evaluation.
– EPL – QPR v LEICESTER
A good ol’ fashioned relegation six pointer.
– EPL – LIVERPOOL v STOKE
Can Brendan Rodgers turn it around?
– CH – CHARLTON v IPSWICH
Ipswich threatening to achieve something, Charlton hard to beat.
– CH – MIDDLESBROUGH v BLACKBURN
Two form teams hoping to consolidate top 6.
– CH – BRENTFORD v WOLVES
Both from L1 heading in opposite directions away/from a return.
– L1 – PETERBOROUGH v BRISTOL CITY
Two contenders on a bad run hoping to turn it around.
– L1 – SHEFFIELD UNITED V NOTTS CO
Two form teams meet – Notts Co best away team in L1
– L1 – YEOVIL v PRESTON
Relegation v Promotion
– L2 – SHREWSBURY v BURTON
Best home form v Hasselbank
– L2 – HARTLEPOOL v WYCOMBE
Last v First always interesting.

Here’s the rest of the upcoming fixtures.

[soccer-info id=’2′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ title=’EPL UPCOMING FIXTURES’ limit=’10’ /]

[soccer-info id=’20’ type=’fixtures’ style=’green_light’ title=’CHAMPIONSHIP FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

[soccer-info id=’21’ type=’fixtures’ style=’red_light’ title=’LEAGUE ONE FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

[soccer-info id=’22’ type=’fixtures’ title=’LEAGUE TWO FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

So it’s all come to this, our best selections and tips for you to turn into many dollar, pound, euro or rupee. Please accept our best bets.

If you were lucky enough to read this last week, we finally gave you a winner in League Two. Bet early – bet often.

[table caption=”EPL MULTI – $1 pays $62″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
MAN UTD to win,v Hull
SWANSEA to win,v Crystal Palace
BURNLEY to win,v Aston Villa
SOUTHAMPTON to beat, v QPR
DRAW, Sunderland v Chelsea
[/table]

[table caption=”CHAMPIONSHIP MULTI – $1 pays $18″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
DERBY to win,v Leeds
WIGAN to win,v Shef Wed
BRIGHTON to win,v Fulham
BOURNEMOUTH to win,v Millwall
[/table]

[table caption=”L1 MULTI – $1 pays $17″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
LEYTON ORIENT to win,v Bradford
MK DONS to win,v Colchester
SWINDON to win, v Fleetwood
PRESTON to win,v Yeovil
[/table]

[table caption=”L2 MULTI – $1 pays $80″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
TRANMERE to win,v Portsmouth
PLYMOUTH to win,v York
BURY to win,v Dag & Red
WYCOMBE to win, Hartlepool
LUTON to win,v Mansfield
CHELTENHAM to win,v Yeovil
[/table]

So you want more? Well we shall reward your perseverance thus far and dazzle you with some more important stats that matter. Or don’t. Whatever.

EPL
[table caption=”EPL Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Chelsea,12

Wins,Newcastle,5

Without Win,Aston Villa,8

Loss,Hull/Liverpool,3

Most Draws,Sunderland,7 (12)

Best Home Record,Chelsea,18pts (6)

Worst Home Record,Aston Villa,5pts (6)

Best Away Record,Chelsea,14pts (6)

Worst Away Record,QPR,0pts (6)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Southampton,13

Least Goals Scored last 6,Leicester/Villa,2

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,Sunderland,13

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Southampton,2

[/table]

[table caption=”Championship Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Bournemouth/Blackburn,8

Wins,Brentford,4

Without Win,Shef Wed,10

Loss,Watford/Wolves,3

Most Draws,Charlton/Shef Wed,9 (18)

Best Home Record,Cardiff,21pts (9)

Worst Home Record,Blackpool,5pts (9)

Best Away Record,Derby/Middlesboro,17pts (9)

Worst Away Record,Blackpool,3pts (9)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Bournemouth,18

Least Goals Scored last 6,Shef Wed,1

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,Notts Forest/Blackpool,12

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Shef Wed,3

[/table]

[table caption=”League 1 Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Milton Keynes,7

Wins,Swindon,3

Without Win,Peterborough,5

Loss,Colchester,3

Most Draws,Oldham,9 (18)

Best Home Record,Milton Keynes,20pts (9)

Worst Home Record,Doncaster,6pts (8)

Best Away Record,Notts Co,18pts (8)

Worst Away Record,Gillingham,3pts (9)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Rochdale/Notts Co,12

Least Goals Scored last 6,Chesterfield/Yeovil,3

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,Coventry,12

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Shef Utd,2

[/table]

[table caption=”League 2 Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Newport,7

Wins,Southend,3

Without Win,Tranmere,13

Loss,Cheltenham,4

Most Draws,York,9 (18)

Best Home Record,Shrewsbury,25pts (9)

Worst Home Record,Hartlepool/York,6pts (9)

Best Away Record,Wycombe,20pts (9)

Worst Away Record,Carlisle,4pts (9)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Shrewsbury,14

Least Goals Scored last 6,Wimbledon/Mansfield,3

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,Cheltenham,16

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Plymouth,2

[/table]

Gurgler Bundesliga Weekly – Fussball Frolics

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admin

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November 28, 2014

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We’ve been accused of being far too English-centric with our Football coverage, so we thought we’d get as far away from the English game as possible.

Please accept our all new German Bundesliga Football Weekly, proudly brought to you each week by Count Klaus von Dutchmann III.

Here’s his introduction, in case you don’t already know him….

Count Dutchmann was born in Wankendorf in 1975 to the noble house of Schauenburg. His family lineage stems from the County of Holstein-Kiel, one of the oldest in greater Germany. Being an only child to Klaus von Dutchmann II and Inga Kochstuffen he was privately educated and groomed for his title from birth. Training that was unfortunately needed earlier than anyone anticipated, when his parents were victims of the Great Engel Disaster of 1989, when residents of Wankendorf were unawares the family were playing the popular role playing game, and proceeded to sentence them to death by Scaphism without trial.

Thrust into his new role and needing to reassert his family’s honour, he poured a substantial amount of his inheritance into the local Fussball team, Holstein Kiel. The side was a powerhouse in the Northern Germany league until the Bundesliga was formed, when all of the talented players from the area were drafted into the bigger clubs. Having slipped into the 4^th division, Count Dutchmann saw an opportunity to get his citizens back in favour. After restoring the stadium to its former glory, he then convinced some of the home grown talent to stay in the region, rather heading to one of the larger cities. His vision, rather, investment, paid off with Holstein Kiel winning the Regionallliga Nord in 2013.

Thegurgler.com welcomes Count Klaus von Dutchmann III as its Bundesliga correspondent.

It seems the international break gave some of the teams the break required to step back from their season, smell the roses and come back with the focus to take their game up a notch. Bayer Leverkusen was definitely one of those teams, with a convincing win over Hannover 96. This away win catapulted them into 3^rd, with Borussia Monchengladbach. This week they play lowly Koln, whom seem to be playing like they spending too much time at the Lindt factory, but nevertheless escaping the relegation zone. You wouldn’t be punished for chalking this one up already for Leverkusen.
Either Dortmund didn’t hear my praises for them last week, or were too caught up with Chancellor Merkel partying on Caxton St to only manage a draw against Paderborn. This puts them in the unenviable position of the relegation playoffs. A win against Eintracht Frankfurt this weekend and they might be able to salvage some pride…or at least my multibet.

[soccer-info id=’3′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’BUNDESLIGA TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’3′ type=’results’ title=’BUNDESLIGA RESULTS’ limit=’9′ /]

[soccer-info id=’24’ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’BUNDESLIGA 2 TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’24’ type=’results’ title=’BUNDESLIGA 2 RESULTS’ limit=’9′ /]

Match of the week is definitely 2^nd VFL Wolfsburg vs 3^rd Borussia Monchengladbach. I’m only tipping BRM because of personal preference. They are away from home though, so I’m really just hoping that Bundesliga is the winner.

The other game of note is Hoffenheim vs Hannover. A win at home for Hoffenheim would really shake up the top 6. And because of the high value, the Bundesliga multibet has only 3 legs.

In Bundesliga 2 the Match of the Week is SV Darmstadt 98 (3) vs Karsruher SC (6). All of the other matches are one way affairs on paper, but if Nurnberg defeat Eintracht Braunschweig, there potentially will be 5 teams sitting at 23 points. That would be something, wouldn’t it

Here’s the rest of the upcoming fixtures.

[soccer-info id=’3′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ title=’UPCOMING FIXTURES BUNDESLIGA’ limit=’9′ /]

[soccer-info id=’24’ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ title=’UPCOMING FIXTURES BUNDESLIGA 2′ limit=’9′ /]

So it’s all come to this, our best selections and tips for you to turn into many dollar, pound, euro or rupee. Please accept our best bets.

Bundesliga Tips $1 pays $17.53

Paderborn(A) beats Werder Bremen

Borussia Monchengladbach (A) beats VfL Wolfsburg

Borussia Dortmund (A) beats Eintracht Frankfurt

Bundesliga 2 $1 pays $34.53

SV Darmstadt 98 beats Karlsruher

Fortuna Dusseldorf (A) beats VfR Aalen

Kaiserslautern (A) beats FC St Pauli

Nurnberg (A) beats Eintracht Braunschweig

So you want more? Well we shall reward your perseverance thus far and dazzle you with some more important stats that matter. Or don’t. Whatever.

ALL STATS FROM WHOSCORED.COM

[table caption=”Bundesliga Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Bayern Munich,12

Wins,Bayern Munich,3

Without Win,Mainz,4

Loss,Hoffenheim/Stuttgart,4

Most Draws,Mainz,7 (12)

Best Home Record,Bayern Munich,21pts (7)

Worst Home Record,Stuttgart,4pts (6)

Best Away Record,FC Cologne,10pts (6)

Worst Away Record,Schalke 04,3pts (6)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Bayern Munich,20

Least Goals Scored last 6,Hamburg/Hann 96/W Bremen/Bor Dort,5

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,Stuttgart,17

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Bayern Munich,1

[/table]

[table caption=”Bundesliga 2 Form,” width=”300″ colwidth=”125|125|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]

Result,Team,Games

Unbeaten,Bayern Munich,12

Wins,Bayern Munich,3

Without Win,Mainz,4

Loss,Hoffenheim/Stuttgart,4

Most Draws,Fort Duss’dorf/Kaiserltn/Bochum,7 (14)

Best Home Record,FC Heidenheim,18pts (8)

Worst Home Record,FSV Frankfurt,3pts (7)

Best Away Record,Fortuna Dusseldorf,15pts (7)

Worst Away Record,St Pauli,2pts (7)

Most Goals Scored last 6,Braunschweig,11

Least Goals Scored last 6,Aalen,4

Most Goals Conceded Last 6,St Pauli,14

Least Goals Conceded Last 6,Karlsruhe,3

[/table]

These stats and so many more courtesy of a much better website – www.whoscored.com

[contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

Gurgler’s 2014 Tipstradamus 100 Results

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admin

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November 25, 2014

0

2014 was such a long time ago. Well, it is in sporting terms. Especially when it comes to our Tipstradamus 100 for 2014.

For those who don't know or didn't read our original story, it can be found here – https://www.thegurgler.com/gurglers-2014-tipstradamus-100/.

A quick rundown is that 100 different sporting events were locked in just before 2014 started, and the odds at the time were used to determine score, with an equivalent $1 bet on each event scoring each tip.

We have listed our results below, with a small profit of $3.22 at the end of the year if we had of spent the original $100. Our winners total came in at 30 giving us a 30% strike funnily enough.

Could we have done better? Of course, and especially if we had a time machine or fork bending powers, but since we don't we'll have to do better next year.

Some of our better results were the NRL-AFL double and the GAA Football-Hurling double. And who would know the NASCAR champ at $17, we do.

Stay tuned to The Gurgler though, as we intend to launch the all new Tipstradamus 150 for 2015. It like there's a TAB party on your PC and everyone's invited. But stay tuned for the announcement soon, but get thinking on the major events for next year now. It will take a few weeks to find 150 winners.

Champions League Tip & Stuff + Bonus Europa League

By

Theydon Bois

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November 25, 2014

0

Welcome to our quick hit of Champions League & Europa League Tips and Stuff.

Up to Matchday 5 in the European cups with some teams almost qualified for the knockout stage, and others hanging on grimly.
The biggest of these games is the Manchester City v Bayern Munich clash which is live on SBS for those earlybirds.

[soccer-info id=’603′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’604′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’605′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’606′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’607′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’608′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’609′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

[soccer-info id=’610′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ /]

– Wed AM – Manchester City v Bayern Munich on SBS
– Wed AM – PSG v Ajax
– Thu AM – Arsenal v Dortmund 0n SBS
– Thu AM – Basel v Real Madrid
– Fri AM – Wolfsburg v Everton
– Fri AM – Villareal v Borussia M-Gladbach
– Fri AM – Celtic v Red Bull Salzburg

[soccer-info id=’603′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’604′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’605′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’606′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’607′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’608′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’609′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

[soccer-info id=’610′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ limit=’4′ /]

So it’s all come to this, our best selections and tips for you to turn into many dollar, pound, euro or rupee. Please accept our best bets.

[table caption=”Champions League Tips – Tuesday” width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet,Game
BAYERN MUNICH to win, v Man City
PSG to win,v Ajax
CHELSEA to win,v Schalke
SPORTING to win,v Maribor
BARCELONA to win,v Apoel
Pays $8.70,for $1 Multi
[/table]

[table caption=”Champions League Tips – Wednesday” width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet,Game
LUDOGRETS RAZGRAD to win, v Liverpool
ATLETICO MADRID to win,v Olympiakos
DRAW.Arsenal v Dortmund
ANDERLECHT to win,v Galatasaray
OVER 2.5 GOALS,Basel v Real Madrid
Pays $53,for $1 Multi
[/table]

[table caption=”Europa League Tips – Thursday” width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet,Game
VILLAREAL to win,v Bor M-Gladbach
UNDER 2.5 GOALS,Inter Milan v Dnipro
SPURS to win,v Partizen
KOBENHAVEN to win,v Helsinki
FIORENTINA to win,v Guingamp
LEGIA WARSAW to win, v Lokeren
DYNAMO KIEV to win,v Rio Ave
RED BULL SALZBURG to win,v Celtic
Pays $254,for $1 Multi
[/table]

These stats and so many more courtesy of a much better website – www.whoscored.com

The Gurgler Six Pack – New Political Party

By

Kaaps Loche

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November 24, 2014

0

Welcome to the latest addition to The Gurgler’s line up of stories and opinion – The Gurgler Six Pack.

Each week, or whenever we can be bothered, we’ll take a topic or event out of the esky that we wish to open the lid on and serve up six of our finest servings on the matter.

They won’t be Crown Lager or Crown Larger quality, nor will they be OP Rum above the top shelf quality either. They will be as you expect from The Gurgler – barely amusing, reasonably lame, yet surprisingly obscure or forgotten and hardly relevant to the main topic.

It is a punter’s race after all, and we try and give the punters what they want.

Here’s this week’s Six Pack:

NEW POLITICAL PARTIES

With Jacqui Lambie resigning from the Palmer united Party, the writing is on the wall for the fledgling political party, and that writing says that the PUP will be put down quicker than a Gold Coast football team.

But we will miss the fun and antics that provide a well overdue dose of interest to federal and state politics, so we at The Gurgler want to run through the possible options of other successful and/or eccentric rich Australians forming their own party and keeping the interest and frivolity flowing.

1 – FRANK LOWY & THE AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALL PARTY

With Soccer in Australia being labelled anything from the sleeping giant, to the fastest growing sport in Australia to the biggest junior sport for participation to the sh!t on TV where they dive around pretending to be hurt until the magic water spray is applied and penalty awarded, who wouldn’t want to vote and be a part of the Australian Football Party.

A neat little reversal too from Mr Lowy for those who can remember Clive Palmer’s attempt at setting up a new football governing body. One would presume that the Lowy led Football Political party would last longer than the Palmer led Football Governing Body.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
The Voice of reason – Craig Foster
Senate Leader – Les Murray
Francis Awaratife

2 – DR EDELSTEIN – THE LEISURE SUIT GEOFFRRRY PARTY

One thing missing from parliament in Canberra is an elderly man in brightly coloured suits. Whilst no one will match the colour of Clive Palmer himself, the wardrobe of Dr Edelstein will attempt to make up for it.

Although not technically rich anymore, he was once, and that’s more than good enough for this six pack.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
A rotating roster of blond American wenches from 25 – 40.

3 – BOB INGHAM – THE CHICKEN PARTY

A man of few words is just what this country needs. Far too many politicians talk far too much, Bob will talk when he has to, if he has to.

Catering would also improves with nuggets and chicken tenders (Southern Style) being served up every day.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Lohnro
Man in a lifesize chicken suit.

4 – GREG NORMAN – THE GREAT WHITE SHARK PARTY

Fact – people love Greg Norman and Golf. The reason they love the Shark is his cavalier attitude towards the game with his massive drives, brave iron play, and ability to choke. There’ll never be a dull moment with Greg hanging around.

Others who wouldn’t miss out would be the newspaper writers around the land, who would have a minimum of 50 golf related puns ready on 10 seconds notice to put on the front page of the various rags.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Rodger Davis
Rod Pampling
Jeff but not Peter Senior
Palm Meadows

5 – JOHN SINGLETON – THE MOGAN SLOGAN PARTY

The man of the people, Singo would be an instant hit with the public and political fans and press alike.

One can imagine that Singo would shout the bar every time one his motions are approved that he would shout the bar and no expense spared.

Free beer would always be a winning policy, and at the end of the day would be an equal amount of waste as several high level government policies.

His election on the back of bring back the Bears to rugby league will strike a chord with his Central Coast voters too.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Not Gai Waterhouse.

6 – THE FORGOTTEN TV STARS PARTY
Whilst not rich in monetary terms, the following collection of previously loved and recently forgotten TV stars would enrich the nation with their love of the Australian politics and provide some light entertainment, which flows back nicely as the replacement for the Palmer United which has provided the light entertainment in Australian Politics if nothing else.

KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Christopher Trusswell aka Nudge
Bruno Lucia
Tony Martin aka Reverend Bob
The Goggo Mobile Guy
John Deekes

The Third Man of the Year Nomination announced

By

Kaaps Loche

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November 23, 2014

0

The internet’s smallest poll for 2014 continues with a third nomination for the coveted Golden Turpie award for Man of the Year.

Now, as mentioned in the original opening to the award, it does not necessarily need to be a man, or in this instance, a human.

This nomination goes to a TV star who filled many ad breaks with his sage advice on the difference between animals and insurance. In this day and age of people being far too busy to deal with the differences between animals and insurance, the advice received with every ad break is welcome comfort to all.

So we offer congratulations to Aleksandr Orlov the Compare the Market meerkat on his nomination for the Man of the Year 2014.

Click on our images to the right for previous nominations and the background to the award.

Voting opens soon once all 6 nominations are announced.

Gurglervision – FTA TV Best, Blurst and Sport

By

Kaaps Loche

-

November 23, 2014

0

So Foxtel is offering their wares for just $25 a month. Well, there’s still plenty for nothing on free to air and why not save yourself $25 and your time with our rundown on the best and blurst of FTA TV this week.

There’s no big budget dramas or reality shows here, they already get plenty of air time, we’re down at the other end of the pool championing the lesser known, forgotten, and the lesser liked servings available.

So we’ll take the hard work out of the TV Guide and highlight or favourites and all the sport on offer.
BEST:
Slow week – NEW SOUTH PARK Sunday night

BLURST:
ARIA’s – Katy Perry? One Direction? Australian Popular Music? No thanks. Showing on CH10 Wednesday night. Worse still – tune in for the Red Carpet beforehand.

SPORTING HIGHLIGHT:
CHAMPINS LEAGUE RETURNS – SBS 5:00am – Wed and Thurs mornings.

MOST INTERESTING SHOPPING CHANNEL SHOW:
It’s Diamond Day on TVSN on Sunday.

[table caption=”TV HIGHLIGHTS” width=”500″ colwidth=”50|50|50|350″ colalign=”left|left|left|left”]
Day,Channel,Time,Show
Mon,7Mate,6:30,4 x Seinfeld
Mon,SBS,7:30,Stephen Hawking’s Grand Design
Mon,GO,8:00,Top Gear
Mon,ABC2,8:33,Louis Theroux – The City Addicted to Meth
Mon,SBS,9:25,Brooklyn 99/Housos
Mon,ONE,9:30,Flying High II
Mon,SBS2,10:20,South Park
Tue,GO,8:00,Top Gear
Tue,7Mate,8:30,Man Finds Food + Chowmasters
Tue,CH7,9:30,Mrs Brown’s Boys
Tue,SBS2,10:20,South Park
Wed,Eleven,7:30,Simpsons + Futurama
Wed,ABC,8:00,Micallef’s Mad As Hell + Chaser’s Media Circus
Wed,SBS2,9:30,Fargo
Wed,GO,11:00,On Deadly Ground with Steven Seagal
Thu,SBS2,8:00,Gadget Man
Thu,SBS2,8:30,South Pk Replay new replay+9:00/10:30
Fri,SBS2,8:30,Ali G
Sat,GEM,3:20,It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World
Sat,ABC NEWS 24,5:00,Victorian Electon Coverage (for the political nerds)
Sat,7Mate,7:30,London’s Super Tunnel (for the transport nerds)
Sat,7Mate,11:22,Rage Guest Programmer
Sun,SBS,9:30,Monty Python’s I down 5 to go.
Sun,SBS2,9:30,NEW South Park
[/table]

WEEKDAY WONDERS:
Daily show that are your boredom backups.
ABC – 6:00pm – Eggheads / QI DOuble
7MATE – 6:30pm – Seinfeld Double

[table caption=”FREE FTA SPORT” width=”500″ colwidth=”50|50|50|350″ colalign=”left|left|left|left”]
Day,Channel,Time,Sporting Event
Mon,7Mate,4:00am,NFL Triple Header
Mon,ONE,11:30,F1 – Abu Dhabi GP Replay
Wed,SBS,5:30am,CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – Man City v Bayern Munich (Replay 10:20pm)
Thu,SBS,5:30am,CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – Arsenal v Bor Dortmund
Thu,CH7,12:00pm,GOLF – Australian Open
Thu,SBS,11:00pm,FOOTBALL – Champions League Highlights
Fri,SBS2,6:30pm,FOOTBALL – Europa League Highlights
Fri,SBS,6:30pm,ALEAGUE- Melb Victory v Brisbane
Sat,CH7,12:00pm,GOLF – Australian Open
Sat,CH7,12:00pm,GOLF – Australian Open
Sun,SBS2,10:00pm,ALeague Extra Time

Gurgler’s F1 Showdown Preview

By

Max Layne

-

November 22, 2014

0

THE TITLE RACE

So it’s come to this, what looked inevitable after the first race in Melbourne with Mercedes domination and controversy that double points in the last race could unfairly change the title, is right on schedule as the last event looms.

With a championship battle that has been exclusive to Mercedes all year, it is down to the two drivers to live or die by the double points rule that no one seems to like, but most seem to like that the championship is still. Slightly hypocritical yes, but so is F1.

The Ham, who was 10 wins to Rosberg’s Five has the 17 point lead, however that 17 point lead could will not be enough if Rosberg wins and Hamilton finishes lower than second. Given that no other car in race trim is likely to be within half a lap of the silver arrows by the end of the race, it seems unlikely that second at worst would be a challenge.

It would then require mechanical issues or an intra-team incident to hurt either driver. Not out of the realms of possibility though, as both drivers have suffered issues throughout the year, with Hamilton on the receiving end of the worse luck. An omen his fans would rather forget.

An intra team incident is also a possibility after the battle between the two Mercedes drivers reached a climax in Belgium.

Another variable is mistakes under pressure, which have been an increasing factor in the back end of the championship. Rosberg’s inability to brake cleanly at Monza and Sochi, and Hamilton’s off in Brazil show that either driver could make a mistake that could open the door for the other driver’s championship.

Below we attempt to list positives and negatives for each driver to help you decide who to follow on Sunday.

YOU WANT TO SUPPORT HAMILTON BECAUSE…
He has won the most races by double and deserves it.
He would be almost unbeatable if not for double points.
He has had the most mechanical issues.
You enjoy shows like TMZ and ET.
You can’t wait for the next piece of bling to celebrate the title.

YOU WON’T SUPPORT HAMILTON BECAUSE…
He is British.
He is becoming more Ice T than T Car.
You won’t be able to stand another year or so of pure UK Press tongue up arse lovefest.
You don’t want a jumping and elated Nicole Scherzinger ruining another tense final moment of a F1 year. Note to broadcasters – F1 is not about hangers on, we don’t care about any of the wives or gf’s so enough flashbacks to pits during coverage.

YOU WANT TO SUPPORT ROSBERG BECAUSE…
You are German or you hate England.
You are a fan of Keke Rosberg from back in the day.
You are a Schu fan who enjoyed some of Nico’s work at Monaco.

YOU WON’T SUPPORT ROSBERG BECAUSE….
He is German.
You found Monaco and Belgium to be dirty German tactics akin to the Schu and won’t stand for it.
Has won half of the races as Ham and doesn’t deserve it.
You hate double points.

THE GURGLER’S VERDICT – We really don’t care, but would love an action packed race. If it means first corner incident and failures then happy days.

BEST OF THE REST
Once again the 3rd place and final podium will be up for grabs between the next best driver this year behind the Mercedes duo – Daniel Ricciardo. Or one of the two drivers from the second best car of the year – Williams.

Another element for this final race for best of the rest is the splitting of some long term relationships, both of whom are in the phase of attempting to impress the next partner with trying to show the previous what they’ll miss.

Vettel and Alonso are both moving on from the teams they’ve called home for many seasons. Vettel will have the fondest memories of Abu Dhabi with Chapionship and wins, so remains a real dark horse for the podium. Alonso in the meantime won’t have as fond memories of this place, having spent one of the races here studying the rear wing of Petrov, thowing away a Championship in the process.

THE GURLGER selects VETTEL for old times sack.

THE ARSE END OF THE GRID
With the midfield usually comprising a range of cars who overtake will equal bravery and stupidity, we don’t need to talk them up. More of the same Racing please.

The most interesting thing will be Caterham, who needed internet money to gain a place in the final event. A positive is bringing back Kamui Kobayashi, a negative is having another pay driver Stevens from lord knows where filling the other starter. At least Sauber who are also on zero points are ahead of the championship in tenth so will get their freight next year paid for, if the make the grid.

There’s little to no attrition in this GP, so one of the these teams will hoping for a mega car pileup to sneak a point.

GURGLER PREDICTS
Both will remain pointless, will be lucky to finish too. Will be lucky to be there next year.

GURGLER ALSO PREDICTS
1st Retirement – Perez or Sutil
Top 3 – Vettel
Top 6 – Kyvat

STATS
PREVIOUS WINNERS

[table caption=”Recent Winners Abu Dhabi” width=”500″ colwidth=”80|100|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]
Year,Driver,Car
2013,Vettel,Red Bull
2012,Raikkonen,Lotus
2011,Hamilton,McLaren
2010,Vettel,Red Bull
2009,Vettel,Red Bull
[/table]

MEMORABLE MOMENTS
2009 – Kobayashi impresses enough to get a Toyota drive for 2010, who then withdrew. Button v Webber in the last few laps was classic racing.
2010 – Petrov holds off Alonso for many, many laps, (more than likely the reason for DRS being introduced). His own fault for he and Webber pitted early for tactics and it didn’t work. Title handed to Vettel on a platter.
2012 – Kimi’s storming drive included the now immortal line over the radio “Leave me Alone, I know what I’m doing” Classic Kimi.

Gurgler’s Euro Football Weekly

By

Theydon Bois

-

November 21, 2014

0

Welcome to the new Euro Football Weekly.

Here we delve into the reaches of the many European Football Leagues on offer, all with claims to be as good if not better than the EPL.

Each week we’ll go through the Spanish, Italian, and French Leagues in detail, with some updates and tidbits on other leagues.

For your German news and views, help yourself to our separate Bundesliga column here and look out for it each week.

So enjoy our thoughts, stats and best bets which are the best that money can’t buy.

European qualifiers are done and dusted for another round, plus special mention must go to Faroe Islands who created the biggest upset in football history based on FIFA rankings by defeating Greece and manager Raineri in the process.
Special mention also to San Marino, as predicted by The Gurgler, broke their 60 odd game losing streak with a draw.
The big news in Spain is the debut of Man Utd reject/decent manager David Moyes for Real Sociedad. He’ll be very keen to prove many wrong in Spain despite Man Utd going no better this year, with easier fixtures and plenty more cash spent.
The other news is a real David v Goliath clash when Real Madrid visit Eibar. The Madrid side who are the most expensive team in the world, earning plenty and used to the best facilities will have to take a reality check as they play a team recently promoted in a ground that holds around 5000.
In Italy, the Milan Derby holds the most interest. Neither side looks likely for Championship glory, but that won’t stop the atmosphere in the San Siro. And the wonderful banners. And that crazy Italian football panellist going nuts.
Controversy in League one as Sheffield United bow to public pressure and not allow Ched Evans to play. The convicted rapist will most likely struggle to find a home after some very public backlash to him training with The Blades, which will no doubt act as a deterrent to most clubs.

[soccer-info id=’1′ type=’table’ style=’red_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LA LIGA TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’5′ type=’table’ style=’green_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’SERIE A TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’6′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LIGUE 1 TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’7′ type=’table’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=DUTCH LEAGUE TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’4′ type=’table’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’Portuguese Table’ /]

[soccer-info id=’8′ type=’table’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’Belgian League Table’ /]

Here’s the upcoming fixtures.

[soccer-info id=’1′ type=’fixtures’ style=’red_light’ title=’LA LIGA UPCOMING FIXTURES’ limit=’10’ /]

[soccer-info id=’5′ type=’fixtures’ style=’green_light’ title=’SERIE A FIXTURES’ limit=’10’ /]

[soccer-info id=’6′ type=’fixtures’ style=’red_light’ title=’LIGUE 1 FIXTURES’ limit=’10’ /]

So it’s all come to this, our best selections and tips for you to turn into many dollar, pound, euro or rupee. Please accept our best bets.

Bet early – bet often.

[table caption=”EURO SUPER MULTI – $1 pays $167″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
ATLETICO MADRID to win, v Malaga
REAL SOCIEDAD to win, v Deportivo
OVER 2.5 GOALS, Barcelona v Sevilla
REAL MADRID to score 3rd Goal, v Eibar
ROMA to win, v Atalanta
UNDER 2.5 GOALS, AC Milan v Inter Milan
DRAW, Metz v PSG
MARSEILLE to win, v Bordeaux
[/table]

Gurgler’s UK Football Weekly – The Own Goal

By

Theydon Bois

-

November 21, 2014

0

Welcome to the new look Own Goal column. Each week we’ll attempt to bring you enough news, stats and figures to capture your imagination for a few seconds.

Here we share the love between all four tiers of English Football, the greatest football system anywhere in the world. Occasionally we involve teams lower down too, and especially when it involves our favourite – The FA Cup.

So enjoy our thoughts, stats and best bets which are the best that money can’t buy.

EPL and Championship join their lower tier buddies back in action this week after another international break. Clubs will be counting the cost of injuries sustained for their countries.
The EPL race could be halfway over this weekend if Chelsea beat WBA as expected and Manchester City fail to beat Swansea. The next most likely Manchester Utd and Arsenal play each other for the battle with Southampton as best of the rest.
The Championship welcomes Malky Mackay to Wigan as new manager despite the controversy over racist, and everthingist text messages that were made public. Not to be forgotten about in that department, the chairman of Wigan dropped a little Jewish gear to remind everyone that Malky is not the only one who can court controversy.
On the pitch 4 of the top 5 play each other in a weekend that could see a little gap open up to the chasing pack.
Controversy in League one as Sheffield United bow to public pressure and not allow Ched Evans to play. The convicted rapist will most likely struggle to find a home after some very public backlash to him training with The Blades, which will no doubt act as a deterrent to most clubs.
Footballing superstar Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank makes his home debut as Burton manager against no less a side than top of the league Luton Town.

[soccer-info id=’2′ type=’table’ style=’blue_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’EPL TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’20’ type=’table’ style=’green_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’CHAMPIONSHIP TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’21’ type=’table’ style=’red_light’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LEAGUE ONE TABLE’ /]

[soccer-info id=’22’ type=’table’ columns=’#,Team,MP,W,D,L,F,A,G,P’ title=’LEAGUE TWO TABLE’ /]

– EPL – ARSENAL V MANCHESTER UNITED
Past masters clash trying to underwhelm their fans more.
– EPL – ASTON VILLA V SOUTHAMPTON
Terrible form v Terrific form = upset
– CH – WATFORD V DERBY
One of the top of the tree games on offer this weekend
– CH – BOURNEMOUTH V IPSWICH
The other one
– CH – CHARLTON V MILLWALL
Local London derby
– L1 – BRISTOL CITY V PRESTON
Another Top of the Table clash. Prev unbeaten Bristol rebound or fall?
– L1 – SHEFFIELD UNITED V OLDHAM
Two in form teams clash to push promotion claims.
– L2 – BURTON V LUTON
Hasselbank debuts, Luton flying (pardon the pun)

Here’s the rest of the upcoming fixtures.

[soccer-info id=’2′ type=’fixtures’ style=’blue_light’ title=’EPL UPCOMING FIXTURES’ limit=’10’ /]

[soccer-info id=’20’ type=’fixtures’ style=’green_light’ title=’CHAMPIONSHIP FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

[soccer-info id=’21’ type=’fixtures’ style=’red_light’ title=’LEAGUE ONE FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

[soccer-info id=’22’ type=’fixtures’ title=’LEAGUE TWO FIXTURES’ limit=’12’ /]

So it’s all come to this, our best selections and tips for you to turn into many dollar, pound, euro or rupee. Please accept our best bets.

If you were lucky enough to read this last week, we finally gave you a winner in League Two. Bet early – bet often.

[table caption=”EPL MULTI – $1 pays $26″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
SPURS to win, v Hull City
DRAW, Arsenal v Man Utd
NEWCASTLE to win, v QPR
CHELSEA to win, v WBA
STOKE to win, v Burnley
[/table]

[table caption=”CHAMPIONSHIP MULTI – $1 pays $625″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
WIGAN to win, v Middlesbrough
DRAW, Charlton v Millwall
LEEDS to win, v Blackburn
BIRMINGHAM to win, v Rotherham
IPSWICH to win, v Bournemouth
[/table]

[table caption=”L1 MULTI – $1 pays $56″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
NOTTS COUNTY to win, v Yeovil
OVER 2.5 GOALS, MK Dons v Port Vale
DRAW, Sheffield Utd v Oldham
LEYTON ORIENT to win, v Crewe
SWINDON to win, v Peterborough
[/table]

[table caption=”L2 MULTI – $1 pays $90″ width=”500″ colwidth=”100|100″ colalign=”left|left”]
Bet, Game
PORTSMOUTH to win, v Morecambe
TRANMERE to win, v Southend
NORTHAMPTON to win, v Stevenage
BURTON to win, v Luton
DRAW, Hartlepool v York
[/table]

So you want more? Well we shall reward your perseverance thus far and dazzle you with some more important stats that matter. Or don’t. Whatever.

[table caption=”EPL Recent Form” width=”500″ colwidth=”80|100|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]
Streak,Team,Games or points
Unbeaten,Chelsea,11
Wins,S-Hampton/Newcastle,4
Without Win,Aston Villa,7
Loss,Leicester,4
Best Home Record,Southampton,16pts (6)
Worst Home Record,Aston Villa,4pts (5)
Best Away Record,Chelsea,14pts (6)
Worst Away Record,QPR,0pts (5)
Most Draws,Sunderland,6
[/table]

[table caption=”Championship Recent Form” width=”500″ colwidth=”80|100|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]
Streak,Team,Games
Unbeaten,Bournemth.Blackburn,7
Wins,Ipswich/Brentford,3
Without Win,Sheffield Wednesday,9
Loss,Multiple Clubs,2
Best Home Record,Ipswich,20pts (9)
Worst Home Record,Blackpool,4pts (8)
Best Away Record,Middlesboro,16pts (8)
Worst Away Record,Bolton,3pts (8)
Most Draws,Charlton/Shef Wed,9
[/table]

[table caption=”L1 Recent Form” width=”500″ colwidth=”80|100|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]
Streak,Team,Games
Unbeaten,MK Dons,5
Wins,Port Vale, 3
Without Win,Yeovil,8
Loss,Preston,3
Best Home Record,Bristol,20pts (8)
Worst Home Record,Leyton Orient,3pts (8)
Best Away Record,Notts Co, 18pts (8)
Worst Away Record,Gillingham 2pts (8)
Most Draws,Oldham,17
[/table]

[table caption=”L2 Recent Form” width=”500″ colwidth=”80|100|50″ colalign=”left|left|center”]
Streak,Team,Games
Unbeaten,Luton,11
Wins,Shrewsbury,6
Without Win,Tranmere,12
Loss,Cheltenham,3
Best Home Record,Shrewsbury,25pts (9)
Worst Home Record,Hartlepool,6pts (8)
Best Away Record,Wycombe 17pts (8)
Worst Away Record,Carlisle, 4pts (8)
Most Draws,York,9
[/table]
These stats and so many more courtesy of a much better website – www.whoscored.com