Welcome to the latest addition to The Gurgler’s line up of stories and opinion – The Gurgler Six Pack.
Each week, or whenever we can be bothered, we’ll take a topic or event out of the esky that we wish to open the lid on and serve up six of our finest servings on the matter.
They won’t be Crown Lager or Crown Larger quality, nor will they be OP Rum above the top shelf quality either. They will be as you expect from The Gurgler – barely amusing, reasonably lame, yet surprisingly obscure or forgotten and hardly relevant to the main topic.
It is a punter’s race after all, and we try and give the punters what they want.
Here’s this week’s Six Pack:
NEW POLITICAL PARTIES
With Jacqui Lambie resigning from the Palmer united Party, the writing is on the wall for the fledgling political party, and that writing says that the PUP will be put down quicker than a Gold Coast football team.
But we will miss the fun and antics that provide a well overdue dose of interest to federal and state politics, so we at The Gurgler want to run through the possible options of other successful and/or eccentric rich Australians forming their own party and keeping the interest and frivolity flowing.
1 – FRANK LOWY & THE AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALL PARTY
With Soccer in Australia being labelled anything from the sleeping giant, to the fastest growing sport in Australia to the biggest junior sport for participation to the sh!t on TV where they dive around pretending to be hurt until the magic water spray is applied and penalty awarded, who wouldn’t want to vote and be a part of the Australian Football Party.
A neat little reversal too from Mr Lowy for those who can remember Clive Palmer’s attempt at setting up a new football governing body. One would presume that the Lowy led Football Political party would last longer than the Palmer led Football Governing Body.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
The Voice of reason – Craig Foster
Senate Leader – Les Murray
Francis Awaratife
2 – DR EDELSTEIN – THE LEISURE SUIT GEOFFRRRY PARTY
One thing missing from parliament in Canberra is an elderly man in brightly coloured suits. Whilst no one will match the colour of Clive Palmer himself, the wardrobe of Dr Edelstein will attempt to make up for it.
Although not technically rich anymore, he was once, and that’s more than good enough for this six pack.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
A rotating roster of blond American wenches from 25 – 40.
3 – BOB INGHAM – THE CHICKEN PARTY
A man of few words is just what this country needs. Far too many politicians talk far too much, Bob will talk when he has to, if he has to.
Catering would also improves with nuggets and chicken tenders (Southern Style) being served up every day.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Lohnro
Man in a lifesize chicken suit.
4 – GREG NORMAN – THE GREAT WHITE SHARK PARTY
Fact – people love Greg Norman and Golf. The reason they love the Shark is his cavalier attitude towards the game with his massive drives, brave iron play, and ability to choke. There’ll never be a dull moment with Greg hanging around.
Others who wouldn’t miss out would be the newspaper writers around the land, who would have a minimum of 50 golf related puns ready on 10 seconds notice to put on the front page of the various rags.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Rodger Davis
Rod Pampling
Jeff but not Peter Senior
Palm Meadows
5 – JOHN SINGLETON – THE MOGAN SLOGAN PARTY
The man of the people, Singo would be an instant hit with the public and political fans and press alike.
One can imagine that Singo would shout the bar every time one his motions are approved that he would shout the bar and no expense spared.
Free beer would always be a winning policy, and at the end of the day would be an equal amount of waste as several high level government policies.
His election on the back of bring back the Bears to rugby league will strike a chord with his Central Coast voters too.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Not Gai Waterhouse.
6 – THE FORGOTTEN TV STARS PARTY
Whilst not rich in monetary terms, the following collection of previously loved and recently forgotten TV stars would enrich the nation with their love of the Australian politics and provide some light entertainment, which flows back nicely as the replacement for the Palmer United which has provided the light entertainment in Australian Politics if nothing else.
KEY PARTY MEMBERS
Christopher Trusswell aka Nudge
Bruno Lucia
Tony Martin aka Reverend Bob
The Goggo Mobile Guy
John Deekes