Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, more of an obstruction than an NRL trainer, fluent in 10 different languages for giving opposition fans the finger and ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 24 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 24 Weekly Rant
Another week, another trainer controversy. No one should be talking about trainers. They are like referees, ball boys/girls, Mascots, Marketing Department people, and Security Guards. We should not have to be talking about them after a round of rugby league. There have been a few occurrences from within that extended group of rugby league associates this season when we’re talking about them it isn’t for a good reason. Or you can’t talk about them because it’s in front of the courts. So it’s best not to talk about any of them. Like trainers.
Of course Penrith fans who have taken the trainer incident personally have justification to point out that Penrith were probably harshly treated, and of course we await the NRL to stuff up the punishment on this week’s events to ensure that the controversy rages on in NRL 360 for another week. Which to be honest is better than their half an hour lotion applying session on Lachlan Galvin.
But why should we be talking about trainers, at all. In fact, why are they on the field. I’d like to blame Allan Langer at this point who perfected the art of being on the field most of the time. But maybe because it was the likeable larrikin Alfie that people didn’t mind as much. Or maybe it’s much easier to hate on someone who you don’t know and will never meet. Which is essentially the premise of most social media and especially Twitter, formerly known as X.
Simply put, they aren’t Alfie, and can’t help themselves, so throw them all off the field. All of them. Every club. Every trainer. Get off, and stay off.
Unless there’s player welfare at play because of the heat, then the players only need water when a try is scored. Although if you think about it, that does reward a team that is getting flogged as much as one winning. But rugby league tries to be a fair game, so that’s nice.
You don’t see trainers in English or European football while the game is on. They are restricted to applying special water based products to ensure the most severely injured players make rapid recoveries upon the opposition receiving a yellow card. It’s such a miracle cure I don’t understand why I haven’t seen bottle after bottle of Magic Spray on one of those home shopping networks or being flogged on those awful, awful Morning shows which should be an inspiration to anyone to your unemployment status.
You don’t see trainers at Wimbledon on court supplying water and telling players mid serve to go long. They of course do that with much more subtlety from up in the grandstand with signals, stares and looks to let the player know. That and the threat of severe beatings or kidnapping of special pets for any player who doesn’t win and/or play well. But at least you can ignore the Tennis trainers because they are not on the court, where they don’t belong. Unlike Rugby League.
You certainly don’t see trainers in the middle of Formula 1. Although that would be very funny. An engineer hanging on for dear life as Max Verstappen swings around the 130R corner at Suzuka, Japan at around 300kph. Giving instructions on how to brake for the chicane as he sails over the front of the car into a barrel roll, cartwheel, double backflip and landing with a handstand in an Olympic standard move at over 200 kph. The engineer flying off the car would still be faster than Yuki Tsunoda.
And Lance Stroll.
You also don’t see trainers in the Tour de France. Well not on bikes anyway. They are too smart to be on a bike and drive around in cars to supply water and instructions. But don’t give that idea to the NRL as the trainers are already getting in the way by running. So don’t give them a car. And although it could be good for potential sponsors, and even funnier if they were using a quad bike, doing jumps for the crowds amusement while players are waiting for Bunker decisions. As good as that sounds, they still shouldn’t be on the field in any form. Car, bike (BMX or Penny Farthing), Hot Air Balloon, Mission Impossible style hanging from a wire from the roof (which would be very funny), nor as a pantomime horse or parade float.
Back to the Tour de France, I would like to see the Tandem bike version.
In fact I can’t think of one sport where someone says to themselves before the game “Oh boy, I’m really looking forward to seeing the trainers on the field for 78 minutes.”
Or “I hope those players don’t run out of water after two minutes of a might time game in winter.”
Or “What a great line up of touch judges we have tonight”.
Or “Do I get change from $20 for a Pie and a Beer?”
No one needs to ask, or wants answers from those questions. So let’s agree now to end all trainer involvement and have them where they belong. On the sidelines with mascots, ballboys and ballgirls, Buck the Broncos horse, ABC Touchline reporters, those boxes that shoot flames into the air when a team scores and that nearly ran out of gas on Saturday night’s Dolphins v Roosters game, and touch judges.
Talking of not wanting or needing, you still get this week’s expert tips for Round 24.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 24 Expert Tips
THU – PENRITH v MELBOURNE (CommBank)
Through sheer luck or good management the NRL kicks off with a great game, and battle between two of the best teams of the modern era. One of course can only hope Melbourne play badly enough in patches for the Bellmay Box cam to do its thing.
Melbourne by 2
FRI – WARRIORS v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
Just when you think you can keep piling on the scorn to Flanno because his Dragons are losing they turn around an awful record against the Sharks and win. For the record I will still continue to pile scorn on Flanno and they will lose this weekend, as rugby league needs the Warriors in the finals more than the Dragons.
Warriors by 6
FRI – ROOSTERS v BULLDOGS
Channel Nein have certainly got their first two games right this weekend, with another ripper. It’s top hard to find something smart-arsed to say about this game, so being lazy I won’t.
Bulldogs by 4
SAT – CRONULLA v GOLD COAST
If a tree fell on the Sharks finals hopes would anyone hear it or care? I want to tip the Gold Coast, but they can’t beat busted-arse Souths.
Cronulla by 16
SAT – BRONCOS v DOLPHINS
The great clashes come thick and fast this weekend, and there’s so much to play for. Local bragging rights, keeping top eight hopes alive while ruinkin the other team’s chances. The Broncos are getting a taste of the Dolphins 2025 season with four key stars out, with Xavier Willison the biggest loss. Just another seven to eight to go to match the Dolphins injury list. So hard to pick with one eye open.
Dolphins by 8
SAT – SOUTH SYDNEY v PARRAMATTA
A week after a potential spoon bowl, this is a clash where the loser could be drawn back into a spoon bowl battle. Although that will require the Gold Coast to win another game. Which they probably won’t.
South Sydney by 2
SUN – WESTS TIGERS v MANLY (Allianz Stadium)
I do wonder why the Wests Tigers, who already have two home grounds are playing this game at another ground. But not enough to care and find out why exactly. I do care that the Tigers help the Dolphins with a win.
Wests Tigers by 4
SUN – NORTH QUEENSLAND v NEWCASTLE
It’s not just because this is the last game of the round that I can’t be bothered writing much for this game. It’s also because the game will probably be crap. That’s probably a bit unfair on both sides.
North Queensland by 12
NRL 2025 NRL Season Stats
