NRL | The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 16 Expert Tips and Opinion

Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, more biased than your club’s most hated referee, with less time for press conferences than most NRL coaches and as big a bullsh!t artist as Phil Gould, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 16 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.

The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 16 Weekly Rant

Riddle me this? How do you know it’s Origin time? Hmmmm, hmmmmm, mow my lawn? Well it’s because Canberra are the FTA game on Channel Nein. We’d really know if Channel Nein have given up if the Warriors were also on FTA this week. But that’s just stupid, to have two of the form teams of the competition on in prime time.

That’s unfair on Channel Nein who have to pick the games at the beginning of the season. As we are sure that they would still ignore Canberra even if they chose the games three weeks in advance.

Talking of capitals, what about the military march in the US capital over the weekend which had crowd numbers ranging from 250,000 down to the crowd at the Sharks-Dragons shire derby. Depending on how you consume your news I guess. If it’s late at night, with big names, then I’m sure you’ll believe the 250K. And more. Maybe if they had thrown in some NASCAR as well. Although ironically they were in Mexico, where the ex V8 Supercar driver Shane van Gisbergen won because they had to turn right. Strange that Trump supporters love NASCAR if they usually only turn to the left.

But competition on the size of things and turning left or right aside, the Military show did give me an idea.

Why doesn’t rugby league have a march of its own. Inspired by the orange man and delivered to patriotic Australian rugby league fans.

And there’s a decent milestone to celebrate coming up. On 29^th August it will be 130 years since the birth of rugby league in a pub in northern England. I’m not sure if it is also Peter V’landys’ birthday. And I also don’t care.

The march needs to happen in Australia and not northern England for many logistical reasons for Australian fans, so why not start it at the Bateman’s Crystal Hotel in Sydney, where my lazy search in AI told me is where the first NSWRL meeting took place, and go all the way to the SCG.

Of course the NRL doesn’t own tanks like the US Army, but who needs those when we can start off with a front row of weapons including Payne Haas, David “Cement” Gillespie, Martin Bella, Fuifui Moimoi and Willie Mason. Throw in Adrian Morley, Steve Matai and Justin Olam for extra defence. Plus you could also include players with the nickname of Tank like Moses Leota and Frank Pritchard. One look at that ensemble and Australia’s national security will be safe forever. Not even North Korea would dare send a nuke in the direction if there was even the slightest inclination.

And if that wasn’t enough, Ray Stone would be marching by himself. Glaring at the crowd. Hating the attention almost as much as he hates scoring tries. The Ray Stone stare it is told is worse than looking into the sun.

But the NRL 2025 March shouldn’t all be about keeping Australia’s borders safe through the might of rugby league. There also needs to be a celebration of the game.

People, teams, organisations will be invited to create their own float. But with a looming deadline of late August, they need to get moving fast.

Fox League will of course have a giant paper mâché tongue on a float, with a giant hologram sphere rotating with the pictures of Lachlan Galvin, Shane Flanagan and to a lesser degree Kyle Flanagan. This float will have Michael Ennis on board.

Channel Nein will celebrate the game by having most of the NRL teams logos, sadly not having enough room for Canberra or the Warriors.

A second float will be created for Buzz Rothfield to moan about everything on the float ahead. Happily tomatoes will be supplied and all police complaints ignored as attendees of the march turn this section of the NRL March 2025 into an Australian La Tomatina.

Rugby league will also not take itself too seriously either, as they celebrate the great off field moments. Todd Carney will be there in charge of a giant water cannon spraying the crowd. The dog from the Joel Monaghan moment has probably passed away, and the dog from the Mitchell Pearce experience has since needed therapy, but this float will have dogs roaming in honour of the big dog moments in NRL off field folklore, and in honour of the ones we have never heard about, but know are a good chance of happening.

There should also be a whole bunch of mini marches of junior rugby league to showcase the grassroots pathways.

And for a final show of a strike weapon, Matt Burton will be on the back of flatbed truck with hundreds of footballs kicking his giant bombs into the crowd.

I guess the only thing about an NRL march full of defence is those Westpac ads they roll out during the first Origin clash. Especially the one with Cam Smith and Jonathan Thurston. It had the chemistry of a parent-teacher interview, and Cam Smith just isn’t that likeable. He may not be the Lance Stroll of rugby league, but he also isn’t the Oscar Piastri either. 

The commentary will be shared between the broadcasters in a hands over the water moment. Cooper Cronk will have opinions on how the players should march. Gus Gould will talk up any young players but make sure he lets the viewers know he has no interest in signing any of them.

Talking of biased, boring commentary, here’s this week’s selections. 

The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 16 Expert Tips

FRI – WESTS TIGERS v CANBERRA (Campbelltown)

This might have been a good game if the Origin stars weren’t meant to get on a plane out of Perth on Thursday morning. But hey, at least the FTA fans get to see Canberra for a change.

Canberra by 16

SAT – WAHS v PENRITH

This will really test each others seasons. The question of real deal for the Warriors and genuine comeback threat for the Panthers. No offence to Penrith but a Wahs win is better for rugby league.

Wahs by 2

SAT – DOLPHINS v NEWCASTLE (Perth)

You have to wonder what the NRL is selling by sending Newcastle over to Perth, a team who has yet to break 200 points for the season. Maybe it’s the Dolphins, who have scored 216 points since the beginning of May.

Dolphins by 30

SAT – SOUTHS v MELBOURNE (Accor)

There’s not much going for Souths to win this game except that Melbourne has a soft spot in their stats against Sydney teams on a Saturday. Just a shame Souths have injuries on top of the worst H2H record of any current NRL team against another current NRL team.

Melbourne by 10

SUN – BRISBANE v CRONULLA

Brisbane has a terrible recent record on a Sunday, for day games, and home games on a Sunday. Cronulla have quite a good record v Queensland sides recently. And Reece Walsh played really well last game, which means everything is pointing towards a Sharks win.

Cronulla by 2

SUN – ROOSTERS v NORTH QLD

You get the feeling that if the Cowboys lose this game that their coach Todd Payten is in a lot of trouble. That’s very unfair. If anything, he should have gone after last week’s loss to the Dolphins. North Queensland were dreadful. 

Roosters by 12

SUN – PARRAMATTA v GOLD COAST

Matty Johns may question why he has to start his Sunday Night show late for this game. None of the Origin players will probably play, and Mitchell Moses is out for a while. Both sides have lost their last seven Sunday games. Zero boxes ticked.

Gold Coast by 2