Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, with more speed than an Origin Bolter and as big a bullshit artist as Phil Gould it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 13 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 13 Weekly Rant
The NRL really know how to piss off their fans. Not only was it a reduced round of five games, but their instruction to tell all the outsiders win so most people in tipping competition got zero out of five is pure genius. That’ll teach them to constantly moan about how crap the NRL is when Origin is on.
Normally they just ignore all the really good alternatives from fans and experts in their own special way of telling us to stick it up our arse, but it really is above the top shelf kind of whiskey to see how Round 12 played out.
And there are good alternatives. NRL takes a proper break, not just a half-arsed, player-shy, standard-low, interest-low concoction of NRL, and plays the State of Origin over three weeks. And the fans get treated with a Pacific Nations tournament, because more PNG Kumuls is good PNG Kumuls. Or a Panasonic Cup style mini knockout tournament for the NRL. Or why not start the NRLW early. Or Nines, or Sevens. Just not the current thirteens with players missing left, right and centre. It’s pure arse NRL until mid-July.
Although one silver lining is perhaps betting companies could offer betting markets on which Origin players will back up.
Talking of arses, Gus Gould’s Bulldogs signed Lachlan Galvin after denying the club’s interest. He’ll say he never said that and will claim a Kanye style genius that it was all planned all along and blah blah blah on whatever that show is on Channel Nein. Being on Channel Nein I have no idea. Or interest.t
It is funny to see the Fox League writers attempting to take the moral high ground saying that Gus Gould shouldn’t mislead his viewers on Channel Nein by lying. If you’re silly enough to choose to watch any Channel Nein show, especially rugby league, then you deserve to get lied to. Worse if you watch MAFS. And enjoy it.
Some people claim that Gus Gould has a conflict of interest being in the media and being former Labor powerbroker Graham Richardson of the Bulldogs but given his media commitments are on Channel Nein it’s no conflict for me. The only conflict involving Gus Gould for me is can I wait for the delayed Fox League coverage for State of Origin. Then I realise that coverage has Cooper “I Told You So Over and Over and Over Again” Cronk, or potentially Michael Ennis, or worse, both. So if I’m going to hate the coverage I’m watching anyway, may as well be live. And shit.
One silver lining is I think MAFS is over, so won’t have to put up with any cross-promote there from Channel Nein. Although, I usually time my switching over to Channel Nein’s coverage of State of Origin like those F1 mechanics do when they wait for the last possible minute to take the tyre warmers off the F1 cars before the race starts. Like an F1 race, going too early could ruin the whole experience.
Watching Channel Nein for State of Origin is one of those unpleasant but necessary chores, like doing your tax, getting a flu shot and watching the AFL Grand Final, but it does make you appreciate what you have on Fox League for the rest of the season. Except the Grand Final. Which at least probably won’t feature Penrith.
But it could feature the Bulldogs, and therefore possibly feature Lachlan Galvin, who will want to be good with all his takeover of NRL media in the last few months. The signs are there, especially because Gus Gould said he’s the best young player he’s ever seen, and he doesn’t lie. Also leaving the Wests Tigers is a good sign his career is on the rise. Given that most players who leave the Tigers blossom and the reverse for those who arrive.
You want to hope it’s worth it as a Bulldogs fan. They are leading the competition after all and seem to have a really good team culture. Galvin appears less of a team player, or maybe that’s how he comes across in the media, but maybe that’s what the Bulldogs want. A selfish winner who’ll stop at nothing to win. Like the CEO.
Or it could go completely pear shaped and be just as interesting. Either way, a successful Bulldogs going all the way with their passionate fans or watching a competition leading team implode is good for rugby league.
Talking of pairs, here’s the seven tips for the weekend of Origin period NRL.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 13 Expert Tips
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA (Kogarah) v NEWCASTLE
The NRL really don’t like their competition during Origin if this is the first serving for the weekend. I’m sure Michael Ennis will tell us it’s rooooooooooooly greaaaaaaaaaat. I say he sucks up to the Dragons, and therefore sucks himself.
Dragons by 12
GOLD COAST V MELBOURNE
It’s a Melbourne invasion on the Gold Coast for winter. Look for the many socks with sandals around town. I wonder if Craig Bellamy has a pair of Crocs and what kind of jibbitz he would have. Probably lots of angry emojis.
Gold Coast by 6
NORTH QUEENSLAND v WESTS TIGERS
Watch the Tigers unburdened by releasing Lachlan Galvin thrash the Cowboys at home where they have an ordinary recent record against Sydney teams. But the Tigers are usually sh!t away and against Qld teams, and the Cowboys have won the last three games v Tigers by a million, so who knows.
Tigers by 10
MANLY v BRISBANE
Manly haven’t played Brisbane at Brookvale since 2014. Instead they have been giving Brisbane on their million away games at Suncorp Stadium. Broncos have their two best players backing up from Origin, maybe. But they do have Xavier Willison and that combined with a general dislike for Manly and DCE is enough for me.
Broncos by 8
SOUTHS v WAHS
This could be a real arm wrestle. Sadly there will be no Sylvester Stallone like in the Arm Wrestling movie Over the Top. Although I think Stallone’s best work was in Demolition Man. That’s an underrated fun movie. “What seems to be your Boggle?” Classic. And the guy from Yes Minister as an evil overlord is quality casting.
Warriors by 10
PENRITH v PARRAMATTA (CommBank)
If Penrith’s bad luck with referees doesn’t tell you that referees punish the lower sides then you’re simply ignorant. The Panthers are a side that won four premierships in a row, so very much used to winning, but it’s not until they’re last when they get dudded with poor calls.
Parramatta by 6
ROOSTERS v CANBERRA
Canberra seem to be a popular team to be on a winning streak, and since I don’t like the Roosters, and they don’t like me, I’ll tip the Raiders.
Canberra by 4
I liked the round 13 tips