Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, more trouble than a busload of NRL players on a trip to Bali, and less efficient than DOGE would approve of, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his 2025 NRL Round 1 Las Vegas Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 1 Las Vegas Weekly Rant
Finally the NRL is here after what seems like an eternity of finding something better to do. There’s been European Cricket thank god, with it’s delightfully amateur cricket and the many, many Maximos (a six in normal cricket). There’s also been other professional cricket, mainly the Tour to Sri Lanka where we followed with equal interest the Australians pulling down the pants of the home side, and a certain gentleman who attended everyday of every test wearing a giant inflatable Kangaroo. Plus loads of European football. So it really hasn’t been that bad, but nothing beats rugby league returning.
So I am rather excited to get rugby league back into the veins. And then I look at the draw. No offense, but the two games on offer are ones that I wouldn’t normally go out of my way to watch normally. The Warriors are always watchable and Canberra are good to follow in case Ricky Stuart blows up, but the match itself is a bit meh. Of course being a Warriors game, Channel Nein won’t be showing it at all. Because Channel Nein are jerks.
I guess I should be excited at the prospect of Penrith v Cronulla, but I’m not. Just another Sunday afternoon game (in Australia) with two Sydney teams playing each other. Refer above for jerk-work.
Maybe I’m just a grumpy, ungrateful jerk myself who should simply be excited about rugby league returning no matter who is playing. After a quick think, there’s I could probably exclude the maybe. But as ever it does lead me to wonder about whether there’s a better way to determine who gets to play in Vegas. If they want to I guess.
First, one game should be a Grand Final replay. Nothing shows the USA more than showcasing our best. Just like the G’Day USA promo thing in the US where Aussies whip out Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman to prove how great we are. What’s better than one of the new Keith Urban album though? One of the old NRL album with the Grand Finalists from last year. In true American style we could also call this game a one-off World Series.
That’s one game sorted.
How to choose the other two participants?
How about having a Minor-Minor premiership winner for the team who is leading the competition before the Origin series kicks in?
Or doing a survey to the fans and find out which club is the most hated and send that team over as the villains.
Or the team that has the biggest win in Magic Round the previous season gets the other ticket.
Or on Dally M night, each club has to do a miming singalong to an Elvis song in full Fat Elvis Vegas kit, and the winners according to a Facebook poll get to go.
So many other creative ways to do it. Although, that doesn’t stop the game still being Penrith v Cronulla, as the Panthers are more likely to lead the ladder before Origin than most teams, and we reckon Nicho Hynes has plenty of Elvis in his system. Rhinestone jumpsuit and all.
Maybe I should just be happy rugby league is back after all.
Before I forget, it is good to see some Canberra players have got in trouble already, I would be extremely disappointed if a planeload of rugby league players made it to Las Vegas and someone didn’t play up. And if I was given a 50 cent betting voucher from GurglerBet (Home of the Fifty Cent bet) then Hudson Young would have been under heavy consideration.
Even better knowing that it was all about sharing a bed. Which offers up so many delicious questions. Doesn’t Hudson Young like to spoon. Is Morgan Smithies a well known snorer who pisses off all team mates when they do away trips in the regular season. Did the inflatable bat get mentioned as a night time toy? Is Hudson Young not a sharer? Was the offer of getting to choose the TV channel and missing out on a bed not good enough. Did Hudson Young plan on creating his own mini buffet in the bed, including a Roast Pork with all the trimming and three kinds of french fries, so there was actually no room for another person? So many questions. We’ll have to leave it up to Ricky to let us know some of the answers.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 1 Las Vegas Expert Tips
CANBERRA v WARRIORS
A lot of people are picking Canberra to finish last again, some maybe just to piss off Ricky Stuart, some on genuine concerns of form. Maybe that explains why Canberra win a lot of Round 1 clashes recently.
Canberra by 6
PENRITH v CRONULLA
Another year, another few players out the door, and no doubt another few players in that will kill it in the NRL and the Panthers win another title. Another couple of losses for the Sharks v Penrith too.
Penrith by 10
2025 NRL Season Preview Stuff
We’ve done a lot of stuff ahead of the new NRL season, and here it all is.
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S 2025 NRL SEASON SPECIALS
NRL 2025 SEASON LADDER PREDICTIONS
WOODEN SPOONERS 2025 NRL HEADLINES
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE NRL 2025 PREMIERSHIP
