The 2025 NRL Season is almost here, and the Wooden Spooners team will return to give their unique take on the NRL and indeed entire sporting calendar. The Wooden Spooners team have the stories that no one would dare to tell, or believe, with content you won’t find anywhere else. This time the Wooden Spooners are looking forward at what they think will happen in the rugby league season ahead with their 2025 NRL Season Headlines in Advance.
The Quartz ball has been summoned and studied, and here are the best 10 2025 NRL Season headlines the Wooden Spooners have come up with.
2025 NRL Season Headlines in Advance
DONALD TRUMP WILL SLAP A 25% TARIFF ON RUGBY LEAGUE MERCH AND INTERNATIONAL BEER AT THE LAS VEGAS NRL ROUND AND RENAME TEAMS PLAYING
With Donald Trump slapping tariffs on a lot countries and items, it should come as no surprise that the Wooden Spooners can forsee the US President announcing three days out from the Las Vegas round that any NRL merchandise sold at the ground will have a 25% Tariff because it is a sporting jersey not for an American Team made by Americans for Americans.
Same applies to any beer that is not brewed in the USA. Even Heineken Zero, a beer which makes zero sense and possibly should have a higher Tariff applied.
Emboldened by his joy killing of merch, Donald Trump will demand the four NRL teams be renamed into more palatable names for his US based supporters.
So the games will be renamed as below.
Capital America (Canberra) vs New America Islands (Warriors)
Western America (Penrith) vs East Coast America (Sharks)
President Trump will also insist that the people of New America Islands want to become the 53rd state of the USA behind Canada and Greenland.
OFF THE BACK OF A SUCCESSFUL LAS VEGAS ROUND FEATURING CAPITAL AMERICA, NEW AMERICAN ISLANDS, WESTERN AMERICA AND EAST COAST AMERICA, NETFLIX WILL ENTER THE RACE FOR NRL TV RIGHTS
The 2025 Las Vegas round will be an even bigger success than the first attempt of 2024, as Trump’s interest ensures MAGA faithful give the NRL a go. This surge in popularity will see Netflix wanting to cash in on the buzz.
With the TV rights up for grabs soon, the streaming giant wants in, and to make amends for an ordinary attempt to do boxing.
Sadly time zones mean they can only take the Sunday 4pm game, but that makes it a prime time feature on the West Coast of the USA.
So American audiences will get to know all of the Sydney teams, given they are the only ones who usually play in that time slot. Although US audiences will never fully grasp what a Rabbitohs is, nor a 40-20, it will rate it’s socks off.
NRL WILL CHANGE THE FAILED HIA SIN BIN RULING MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE JUST SENDING ANYONE PUT ON REPORT TO THE SIN BIN FOR SIMPLICITY
The NRL have decided to trial sending players to the sin bin once a HIA has been determined and the player has failed, no matter that it could be up to 15 minutes later.
After determining two games in the pre season trial that the idea is stupid, the NRL will decide to take away one interchange instead.
Then when that doesn’t work, they will make teams start their next game with one less player for 10 minutes.
Then when that doesn’t work the NRL will propose that every HIA based report will cost the team a two point deduction.
After ruining the early rounds of the NRL with over-officiating buffoonery, the NRL will enforce that any player guilty of a reportable offence will get five minutes in the sin bin, which has been reduced accordingly pending expected uptake in business.
THE NRL WILL ANNOUNCE DAYTIME GRAND FINAL AND STADNALONE ORIGIN WITH FULL INTERNATIONAL ROUND ROBIN ON APRIL 1ST
There will be short lived joy for rugby league fans in 2025 as two of the ideas that rugby league fans like the best will be dangled in front of them only to have it cruelly taken away as an April Fool’s Day joke.
Most normal people, this excludes anyone in the Channel Nein decision making areas, all want a daytime NRL Grand Final. Realising the AFL can do a traditional daytime Grand Final because they run their own game, not get told what to do by Nein muppets, the NRL finally break and announce the daytime GF plus throw in standalone Origin.
After the news makes it to all the lightweight morning shows, funny man Peter V’landys holds a press conference to advise that nothing will change and wishes everyone a happy April Fool’s day.
What won’t be an April Fool’s Day joke is later on in the Year the NRL will announce Cold Chisel as the Grand Final entertainment.
TALKING OF NRL GASLIGHTING, THE NRL WILL SPEND THE WHOLE OF 2025 STUFFING AROUND THE PERTH BEARS
Aside from Origin Bolters, a bunch of players denying that they are going to the Roosters only for the Roosters to sign them all, and complete garbage from Buzz Rothfield, the most written about subject in the NRL in 2025 will be the 19th team, in particular the NRL dragging out negotiations with North Sydney Bears, Perth and WA governments and the WARL.
The on again and off again saga will continue as the NRL turn the screws on money, eventually announcing in September that the Perth Bears will enter the NRL in 2027 sponsored by multiple Mining companies after being successfully negotiated by the Prime Minister in the lead up to the Federal Election as the ALP chase votes in the west.
Rumours that proud WA resident Kevin Bloody Wilson is involved in the project will end up proving true and Dilligaf logos will be placed on the right bum cheek of every Perth Bear player.
A STATE OF ORIGIN PLAYER WILL MISS THE SERIES DUE TO LEGAL ISSUES
It’s been too long since there was a good naughty NRL player off field drama, so 2025 will not only see an NRL players getting in huge trouble, our Quartz Ball of Prediction sees the player to be in an incident which ends in arrest somewhere between Todd Carney and Sam Kerr levels.
The player in question will miss the State of Origin and potentially cost their state a trophy. An animal will hopefully not get harmed in the re-telling of that in court.
ONE COACH WILL RESIGN AND UN-RESIGN WITHIN THE SAME DAY
Looking at you Ricky……
Ricky Stuart, one of rugby league’s most volatile coaches will reach a point of frustration in 2025 as the Canberra Raiders struggle early.
As ever, some of the Raiders fan base will demand his exit, and Ricky obliges temporarily.
In a time frame just longer than a Mal Meninga run at Parliament, Ricky Stuart will hold an impromptu media conference to announce his return as Raiders coach.
VICTORIANS WILL CONTINUE TO BE UNABLE TO TELL RUGBY AND RUGBY LEAGUE APART
Victorians love their sport they like to say, and in 2025 the Melbourne Storm Rugby team will be as popular as ever.
And by as popular as ever, we mean twin middle child levels of being ignored until the traditional time for Victorians to care in late September.
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S 2025 NRL SEASON SPECIALS
NRL 2025 BOLD PREDICTION FOR EACH CLUB
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE NRL 2025 PREMIERSHIP
I’ve got a headline for you. Your website stinks. Think your so funny, but your not. Typical leftist anti-Trump rubbish. Hope you’re website is hacked. MAGA.