The Gurgler can reveal the tape of a private conversations between the NRL’s Head of Football Graham Annesley and controversial referee Ben Cummins following Canberra’s 14-12 win over North Queensland last night.
GRAHAM ANNESLEY: Hello Ben. I think you know why I called you?
BEN CUMMINS: Yes, Mr. Annesley.
GA: Ben, you had one job last night! What the hell happened?
BC: I’m sorry, I tried to give the Cowboys that penalty under the sticks, but the bloody Raiders challenged it. Stupid technology!
GA: That’s not good enough Ben. Do you know why I gave you the Cowboys game?
BC: Because Townsville’s nice and warm in August?
GA: No! Because I thought the Raiders would be vulnerable. We made them fly in-fly out from Canberra and gave them no time to acclimatise after two tough games against Easts and Souths. Remember what happened in Darwin? The “Green Machine” couldn’t hack the heat and fell apart. You were meant to help the Cowboys win.
BC: I’m sorry, sir.
GA: The sniper who took out Josh Hodgson during the Melbourne game was meant to finish the Raiders. They’re supposed to be sliding down the ladder. I’m very disappointed.
BC: If you want the Raiders to lose so badly, why not give me their games against the Storm or Roosters?
GA: Are you kidding? Those games are too high profile: remember the shitstorm from the grand final? Jesus, Freddy and Gus are still on my ass about the Roosters losing three weeks ago. This Cowboys game was perfect: right in the middle of Super Saturday when most people are having dinner. If the Cowboys win the media calls it a huge upset. The feel-good story would cancel out any corruptions calls.
BC: I can do the Raiders v Roosters game in a few weeks. I’ll promise that I’ll help Easts win.
GA: Are you kidding me, Mr “Six Again”? That’s game’s in bloody Canberra! Make the slightest mistake and you’ll be lucky to leave Bruce Stadium alive!
BC: Ok, ok, I get it! Don’t yell at me. So what now?
GA: You’re done Ben. That’s it.
BC: What?
GA: Don’t worry, we’ll stick you in the Bunker for the rest of the the season, but only for crappy teams. The good news is you get free KFC vouchers.
BC: Sir, why do you hate the Raiders so much?
GA: Why not? They’re not a Sydney team, but they don’t have the ratings or profile of Brisbane or Melbourne, so they can’t get away with it. The Raiders were fine in the 90s when I was a ref, but as soon as their stars left, that was it. Nobody wants to go to Canberra, it’s too bloody cold, and that lime green jersey is hideous. We’d be better off shipping them to Super League. Heck, half the team are bloody Poms anyway, and they might even win something over there.
BC: Man, you really are a jerk.
GA: You’re a jerk! At least I never changed my mind halfway through a tackle. Now get out. I’ll send you the KFC vouchers later.
BC: Yes, sir.
