More effective than an interim coach, in training for the next mascot race, and trying to work out how to change his eligibility from Donkey to Queensland in time for Origin III, on the bench for an international team who haven’t qualified for the current Football World Cup, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 17 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
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The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 17 Weekly Opinion
After all the excitement of the first State of Origin match I forgot to offer up my tips and opinion for the last few weeks of NRL action. They tell me the Dolphins have won a few so that works. But given the website received zero complaints about the absence I presume that nobody missed this nor anyone actually wants this week’s ramble and selections. Well I’m afraid that’s just too bad.
Anyways I had to have the week off as I was recovering from headaches, caused by Channel Nein commentator Mat Thompson screaming at everything. My god it was even worse than I feared pre-match. It was like there was a party in my head and everyone had megaphones, saxophones, and the awful sounds of a xylophone. I could also hear the sound of those two guys from the Oh Yeah song ringing in my ears the next day. That I can’t explain.
If I thought that the Origin experience was bad enough, what horror to find out that Channel Nein are going for the whole NRL broadcasting rights by themselves.
My goodness, four games is three and a half too many, and now they want to broadcast 204 NRL games (plus finals, State Of Origin etc.). I’ll be deaf before Magic Round, and over rugby league after the second State of Origin.
And it’s not just Shouty McShut-Up as the main pain point, there’s the ensemble cast which are almost bearable for 320 minutes and change, but not for multiple months. Or weeks. Or days even.
You have all the Channel Nein stars as the co stars. They are big on experience, and winning, and winning experience, but they are relatively low on likeability or excitement.
Andrew Johns is a brilliant mind and points out things before they eventually happen, but he has the delivery enthusiasm of wet paper towel. So given the emergence of AI, could a forward-looking broadcaster plug an AI chat bot into the mind of Andrew Johns and have the vocal output altered to be more dynamic, with more gusto, even more Gutherson if you have to, just less Andrew Johns. The funniest would be changing his voice and rhythm (no melody) to Matty Johns.
I’d say Gus is similar, but Gus is also good to listen to when he’s in the mood. Which is rarely these days. He looks like a living embodiment of an angry Facebook rant about Albo, Franking Credits, and Solar Power. But the Nein broadcast does miss with him not introducing it I must say. Well, I’m told he doesn’t do it anymore. I don’t tune in until the time Sportsbet says the game kicks off.
Cameron Smith for some reason is just unlikeable. Maybe it’s because he spent his entire career at the Melbourne Storm, or maybe it’s because……na, who am I kidding, it’s the Storm.
There’s a reason Paul Gallen took to people punching him after he left rugby league.
Darren Lockyer covers the gravel voiced quotient required for rugby league coverage, but unlike his Fox equivalent Cooper Cronk, Lockyer doesn’t suck the life out of a broadcast with know-everything trumpeting.
The rest are ok I guess. Although it might more to do with my laziness and inability to think of something funny to say about the rest.
At this point of the Channel Nein bashing I must point out that none of this is aimed at Peter Psaltis, who is one of the finest rugby league broadcasters around. If all of the NRL broadcasting went to Nein, more Psaltis is about the only positive I can see.
More on, not moron, the State of Origin for a moment, the big question is about Ashley Klein. Not the sending off, as certain camera angles shows that was ok, but just him in general. I can’t understand why he continues to get the year’s biggest games to officiate. Like Channel Nein he’s terrible and as far as I can recall, any game where there has a controversial or completely incorrect call, Klown is usually involved. He’s got the ego pulling power of former famous referee Bill Harrigan but a tenth of the talent. He’s like the Lance Stroll of rugby league, which is probably a little harsh on Klown and F1. The best referees are the ones who you can barely picture, forget their name, but say they do a great job but can’t remember why. Not big name muppets and klowns.
But at least there’s solace in Round 14 of the NRL this weekend where there is not only eight games, and Origin players back, but a healthy dose of great rivalries too. The match ups are almost to good to bag like I do most other weeks, but it hasn’t stopped me attempting it.
If you are still with me, help yourself to my expert tips for Round 14 below, and well done.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 17 Expert Tips & Match Analysis
THURSDAY 7:50PM – PARRAMATTA v SOUTH SYDNEY
There’s a reality somewhere that I care about this game, but it isn’t in my top five. If Trell plays it might be interesting for Origin selection, and having Alex Johnson potentially scoring a million tries in interesting, and if Souths lose a Wayne Bennett press conference is usually good value. Still…..
Souths by 1
FRIDAY 6PM – GOLD COAST v BULLDOGS
After the weekend, if the Gold Coast Titans don’t call themselves the Chargers, or at a minimum change their jersey to the Chargers colours/design then they deserve to be shipped up to Ipswich and rebranded as the Ipswich/Brisbane Jets. That Chargers vibe saw them beat Penrith. And if Captain Charger isn’t invited back at least three more times season, then they should forfeit their franchise license at season’s end.
Titans by 6
FRIDAY 8PM – BRONCOS v ROOSTERS
A Broncos losing streak is extremely funny for anyone who is not a Broncos fan, not in the decision-making hub of Channel Nein Mild World of Sports, or in the daily sportswriters meeting of News Ltd. I guess they could do without a visiting Roosters side who seem to like playing at Suncorp Stadium more than the Broncos recently. There’s only so much Xavier Willison can do.
Roosters by 10
SATURDAY 3PM – DOLHPINS v WARRIORS
Clash of the weekend and one where the atmosphere will be so good, unlike the breakfast drink which isn’t. And apologies for ignoring Penrith fans, but who wouldn’t love a Wahs-Phins GF. Aside from Channel Nein, Pauline Hanson probably and folk who hate rugby league, which would include the Perth media. Poor Bears. As least when the NRL gave the Dolphins f—k all help to join the competition the Dolphins had a leagues club, Wayne Bennett and a laneway nearby that has statues of the Bee Gees to help them Stay Alive.
Dolphins by 2
SATURDAY 5:30PM – NORTH QUEENSLAND v PENRITH
Penrith don’t seem to like playing in Queensland as much these days, with their record since 2024 being W6 D1 L4. Wonder if it is too hot, or too nice, or they’re jealous of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. The Panthers, like many, were dazed and distracted by the Titans jersey last weekend as were surprise losers. Luckily for them the Cowboys jersey is either bland or yuck, can’t remember which one. But having grey as a predominant colour is kind of hard to make look good. Unlike the colour grey, Cowboys are almost impossible to predict and come into this game on the back of three straight losses and playing Penrith. So it probably means win, or loss, or even draw, which happened not long ago.
Cowboys by 2
SATURDAY 7:30PM – MANLY v MELBOURNE
People still remember the infamous Manly v Melbourne Battle of Brookvale and it is often referred to when the game is on the horizon. Is that because it was a famous moment of a previous time in the game, or that both sides are thoroughly unlikeable and that non-fans of these sides are happy to watch (and pay) for these clubs to punch each other early and often. One sidetrack of the match is the difference in demeanour of each coach. One is like an angry 1970’s school teacher with the socks pulled up to the right height and who isn’t afraid to hand out a little 30cm ruler justice, and the kind kindergarten teacher getting the best of people. Both methods are effective, and hard to argue against Bellamy given longevity. Unless he’s only still in the job because the board are too afraid to sack him, or talk to him. Which is plausible.
Melbourne by 4
SUNDAY 2PM – CANBERRA v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
Things are starting to catch up with Ricky Stuart, and you could look at it different ways. One is that Canberra massively over-achieved last season and fans should enjoy the downside of the ride. Second is that hopes have been raised so why can’t fans hope for better. The other is, that it’s actually only Canberra and who cares at all until they make the finals and it gives a non-Sydney, non Broncos alternative. In saying that, they are playing the Dragons, the wholemeal bread or Arrowroot of the NRL. Although, that is quite generous.
Canberra by 10
SUNDAY 4PM – NEWCASTLE v WESTS TIGERS
Between the previous seven games, the million World Cup games, Formula 1, and a certain soreness after too much World Cup slothing, I would have almost run out of energy for this Sunday afternoon classic. I’m sure rugby league will be the winner.
Newcastle by 12
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