More effective than an interim coach, in training for the next mascot race, and trying to work out how to change his eligibility from Donkey to Queensland in time for Origin II, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 14 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
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The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 14 Weekly Opinion
After all the excitement of the first State of Origin match I forgot to offer up my tips and opinion for last weekend’s Round 13 action. But given the website received zero complaints about the absence I presume that nobody missed this nor anyone actually wants this week’s ramble and selections. Well I’m afraid that’s just too bad.
Anyways I had to have the week off as I was recovering from headaches, caused by Channel Nein commentator Mat Thompson screaming at everything. My god it was even worse than I feared pre-match. It was like there was a party in my head and everyone had megaphones, saxophones, and the awful sounds of a xylophone. I could also hear the sound of those two guys from the Oh Yeah song ringing in my ears the next day. That I can’t explain.
If I thought that the Origin experience was bad enough, what horror to find out that Channel Nein are going for the whole NRL broadcasting rights by themselves.
My goodness, four games is three and a half too many, and now they want to broadcast 204 NRL games (plus finals, State Of Origin etc.). I’ll be deaf before Magic Round, and over rugby league after the second State of Origin.
And it’s not just Shouty McShut-Up as the main pain point, there’s the ensemble cast which are almost bearable for 320 minutes and change, but not for multiple months. Or weeks. Or days even.
You have all the Channel Nein stars as the co stars. They are big on experience, and winning, and winning experience, but they are relatively low on likeability or excitement.
Andrew Johns is a brilliant mind and points out things before they eventually happen, but he has the delivery enthusiasm of wet paper towel. So given the emergence of AI, could a forward-looking broadcaster plug an AI chat bot into the mind of Andrew Johns and have the vocal output altered to be more dynamic, with more gusto, even more Gutherson if you have to, just less Andrew Johns. The funniest would be changing his voice and rhythm (no melody) to Matty Johns.
I’d say Gus is similar, but Gus is also good to listen to when he’s in the mood. Which is rarely these days. He looks like a living embodiment of an angry Facebook rant about Albo, Franking Credits, and Solar Power. But the Nein broadcast does miss with him not introducing it I must say. Well, I’m told he doesn’t do it anymore. I don’t tune in until the time Sportsbet says the game kicks off.
Cameron Smith for some reason is just unlikeable. Maybe it’s because he spent his entire career at the Melbourne Storm, or maybe it’s because……na, who am I kidding, it’s the Storm.
There’s a reason Paul Gallen took to people punching him after he left rugby league.
Darren Lockyer covers the gravel voiced quotient required for rugby league coverage, but unlike his Fox equivalent Cooper Cronk, Lockyer doesn’t suck the life out of a broadcast with know-everything trumpeting.
The rest are ok I guess. Although it might more to do with my laziness and inability to think of something funny to say about the rest.
At this point of the Channel Nein bashing I must point out that none of this is aimed at Peter Psaltis, who is one of the finest rugby league broadcasters around. If all of the NRL broadcasting went to Nein, more Psaltis is about the only positive I can see.
More on, not moron, the State of Origin for a moment, the big question is about Ashley Klein. Not the sending off, as certain camera angles shows that was ok, but just him in general. I can’t understand why he continues to get the year’s biggest games to officiate. Like Channel Nein he’s terrible and as far as I can recall, any game where there has a controversial or completely incorrect call, Klown is usually involved. He’s got the ego pulling power of former famous referee Bill Harrigan but a tenth of the talent. He’s like the Lance Stroll of rugby league, which is probably a little harsh on Klown and F1. The best referees are the ones who you can barely picture, forget their name, but say they do a great job but can’t remember why. Not big name muppets and klowns.
But at least there’s solace in Round 14 of the NRL this weekend where there is not only eight games, and Origin players back, but a healthy dose of great rivalries too. The match ups are almost to good to bag like I do most other weeks, but it hasn’t stopped me attempting it.
If you are still with me, help yourself to my expert tips for Round 14 below, and well done.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 14 Expert Tips & Match Analysis
THU 7:50PM – MANLY v SOUTH SYDNEY
A real test for Fozball after a second loss under Super Coach Kieran Foran, against whichever South Sydney side turns up on Thursday.
Manly by 10
FRI 6PM – MELBOURNE v NEWCASTLE
Newcastle can achieve “real deal” status by defying the stats with a win in Melbourne. If they do, I hope it is a scrappy affair with loads of penalties and mistakes, which increase the number of crosses to Craig Bellamy in the coaches box.
Newcastle by 6
FRI 8PM – CANBERRA v ROOSTERS
I’ve stared at the keyboard for 15 minutes trying to think of something good, funny or smart to say but have nothing. So I’ll lob a Six Again hand grenade in and leave.
Canberra by 6
SAT 5:30PM – NORTH QUEENSLAND v DOLPHINS
I can never get the Cowboys right. They lose when I tip them and win when I don’t. So going with a different plan this week.
Belgium by 2 after extra time
SAT 7:30PM – BRISBANE v GOLD COAST
One of these teams will have the longest current losing streak at the end of this game. Would be even funnier if it’s a draw. Surely the Broncos dip in form isn’t bad enough to lose to the Titans though. Broncos need another toilet water controversy to kick start their season, but prefer not to think of what Reece Walsh could come up with.
Brisbane by 2
SUN 2PM – WESTS TIGERS v PENRITH @ CommBank Stadium
It feels like the last time Penrith lost a Sunday game predates Covid. Good to see the Tigers back in the Winner’s circle, although that circle isn’t wide enough for them to beat Penrith.
Penrith by 18
SUN 4PM – CRONULLA v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
At least this all-Sydney Sunday Afternoon Channel Nein special is a good rivalry. Not just Parramatta/Penrith playing someone else. The REv V are red hot too coming into the game on the back of one straight win.
Cronulla by 6
MON 4PM – BULLDOGS v PARRAMATTA @ Olympic Stadium
Thankfully a game I don’t care about is packaged for a NSW only public holiday.
Eels by 6
PREVIEW & REVIEW GEAR
NRL ROUND 14 TIPS
NRL ROUND 13 TEAM OF THE WEEK
NRL ROUND 13 STATS AND ONE MINUTE MATCH REPORTS
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S FULL NRL 2026 GEAR
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