The 2023-24 Premier League season rolls on with another big weekend of matches ahead, culminating in the Manchester derby. Talking of going head to head with your local rivals, we offer up our 2023-24 Premier League Week 10 Predictions + Stats Summary, where the football and stats never stop, and we rarely sleep.
Each week we provide a meandering look into the upcoming round of Premier League football, with not only our predictions for the upcoming Premier League fixtures, but offer up a wide range of H2H and in-season stats and barely interesting facts.
There’s so much to go through we can barely contain it to just one long page, but it’s worth it for our Premier League Week 10 Predictions plus all the stats.
2023-24 Premier League Week 10 Fixtures
2023-24 Premier League Week 10 Predictions
Here are our fearless predictions for the fixtures ahead, and tune in below for all the stats and barely interesting stats that go along with them.
Crystal Palace 0 Spurs 1
Chelsea 2 Brentford 1
Bournemouth 0 Burnley 0
Arsenal 4 Sheffield Utd 0
Wolves 1 Newcastle 1
West Ham 2 Everton 0
Liverpool 5 Nottingham Forest 1
Aston Villa 4 Luton 0
Brighton 2 Fulham 1
Man City 2 Man Utd 0
Read on for the match by match full preview and stats.
A quick look at the current state of play in the Premier League.
2023-24 English Premier League Week 10 Best Stats
Here are some of our favourite stats from the match H2H stats below. But read on for ore….
Burnley have won the last four Premier League clashes v Bournemouth.
Sheffield Utd last won at Arsenal in 1971 – it’s been W14 D5 for Arsenal since.
Four of the last five games between Newcastle and Wolves at Wolves have ended in a draw. All of those were 1-1.
Nottingham Forest haven’t won at Liverpool since 1969 and it has been W21 D7 for Liverpool since.
Including last season, Aston Villa have won 11 games in a row at home and scored 31 goals.
Fulham (W3 D3) are undefeated in their last six games v Brighton.
2023-24 Week 10 – Match by Match H2H Stats Previews
Our big, beautiful full visual preview of each game is below.
More stats than you could probably ever want or need, for now.
FRIDAY 20:00 PM – CRYSTAL PALACE v TOTTENHAM
THE STAT/S
Crystal Palace have failed to score v Spurs in their last three matches. Only Spurs and Arsenal are yet to lose a game away this season.
OUR PREDICTION
Crystal Palace 0 Spurs 1
OUR THOUGHTS
The Ange love-fest goes on, much like our mentioning of it, but still being first at this stage is exciting for neutrals. Crystal Palace look a little light on goals, which may be a problem against this Spurs side.
SATURDAY 12:30PM – CHELSEA v BRENTFORD
THE STAT/S
Brentford are undefeated against Chelsea in their last three clashes, including their last two trips to Chelsea (W2). There have been three or more goals in all the clashes between these sides on a Saturday at Chelsea.
OUR PREDICTION
Chelsea 2 Brentford 1
OUR THOUGHTS
Chelsea showed some fight and quality last weekend, but need to back that up and more with their squad.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – BOURNEMOUTH v BURNLEY
THE STAT/S
Burnley have won the last four Premier League clashes v Bournemouth. And the last four games at Bournemouth in all comps. And the last five at any ground on a Saturday.
OUR PREDICTION
Bournemouth 0 Burnley 0
OUR THOUGHTS
There may only be two 3pm Saturday kick offs, but this match is the most Saturday 3pm kick off of the weekend.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – ARSENAL v SHEFFIELD UTD
THE STAT/S
Sheffield Utd last won at Arsenal in 1971 – it’s been W14 D5 for Arsenal since. And you have to go back to 1964 for their last win on a Saturday there.
OUR PREDICTION
Arsenal 4 Sheffield Utd 0
OUR THOUGHTS
Arsenal got away with last Sunday v Chelsea, and will probably take it out on Sheffield United, who remain winless.
SATURDAY 5:30PM – WOLVES v NEWCASTLE
THE STAT/S
Four of the last five games between Newcastle and Wolves at Wolves have ended in a draw. All of those were 1-1. Wolves have won just one of their last nine games v Newcastle at home.
OUR PREDICTION
Wolves 1 Newcastle 1
OUR THOUGHTS
Don’t let the kick off time fool you, this is quite the interesting clash between two clubs in decent form.
SUNDAY 1:00PM – WEST HAM v EVERTON
THE STAT/S
Everton have lost both of their Sunday games so far this season and haven’t scored a goal. They are W1 L3 v London clubs too.
OUR PREDICTION
West Ham 2 Everton 0
OUR THOUGHTS
A David Moyes derby featuring his two most successful clubs. His current one he never seems too far away from being in trouble. He’ll be back in West Ham’s bad books if he follows up last weekend’s loss at Aston Villa with a loss at home to Everton.
SUNDAY 2:00PM – LIVERPOOL v NOTTINGHAM FOREST
THE STAT/S
Nottingham Forest haven’t won at Liverpool since 1969 and it has been W21 D7 for Liverpool since. There have been 23 goals scored in the last four games at Liverpool when Nottingham Forest visit.
OUR PREDICTION
Liverpool 5 Nottingham Forest 1
OUR THOUGHTS
Liverpool are due to put a big score together at home and Nottingham Forest may be the unlucky souls on the receiving end.
SUNDAY 2:00PM – ASTON VILLA v LUTON
THE STAT/S
Including last season, Aston Villa have won 11 games in a row at home and scored 31 goals.
OUR PREDICTION
Aston Villa 4 Luton 0
OUR THOUGHTS
Aston Villa’s incredible home form is expected to continue but Luton continue to defy the doomsayers of relegation. Maybe not this week though.
SUNDAY 2:00PM – BRIGHTON v FULHAM
THE STAT/S
All of Brighton’s game this season have seen three goals or more. Fulham (W3 D3) are undefeated in their last six games v Brighton.
OUR PREDICTION
Brighton 2 Fulham 1
OUR THOUGHTS
Is this the perfect game for Brighton to find their winning form? Recent H2H says no.
SUNDAY 4:30PM – MAN CITY v MAN UTD
THE STAT/S
Both Man Utd (2) and Man City (1) have lost all their games v big six clubs this season so far.
OUR PREDICTION
Man City 2 Man Utd 0
OUR THOUGHTS
A Manchester derby to end the Premier League week, and both teams can’t afford to lose more than ever before.
AUSTIN, TEXAS - OCTOBER 22: Race winner Max Verstappen of the Netherlands and Oracle Red Bull Racing celebrates on the podium following the F1 Grand Prix of United States at Circuit of The Americas on October 22, 2023 in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
The Wooden Spooners return with the unique take on sport. Be it celebrating the forgotten, supplying headlines for sport that won’t make the paper, and providing fresh new ideas to improve their favourite sport. Like this edition where they come up with a bunch of ideas to stop Max Verstappen win every remaining race of the 2023 F1 season.
No one wants to see someone winning everything in any sport, especially the recently acquired US F1 fans via Drive to Survive. So The Wooden Spooners suggestions may seem a little cruel, but they are all for the greater good. And they may not stop Verstappen or Red Bull, but may as least spice up the remaining races.
So read on for the full selection of….
Ways To Stop Max Verstappen Winning Everything
THE PLANK
Given the excitement of the post US Grand Prix disqualifications of Lewis Hamilton and Charles Leclerc for too much wear on a plank of wood underneath their car, that gave us an idea.
What about installing a large plank of wood under the Red Bull of Max Verstappen to so him down. Make it fair, ensure that the wood or material used will shave off easily enough, so by half distance it isn’t too much of an inconvenience.
BAN MAX VERSTAPPEN FROM QUALIFYING
Max Verstappen has been so dominant this season, that it sort of doesn’t matter which grid slot he takes up, he usually wins.
So why not ban him from qualifying all together, making him start at the back of the grid for the remaining grands prix.
But that does seem a little unfair. So instead of completely banning Verstappen from qualifying, how about he gets a one lap shot at pole after all three sessions have been finished. If he’s good enough to still take pole, then good luck to him.
MAX’S PITSTOP STRATEGY AND TYRE CHOICE DECIDED BY SOCIAL MEDIA
Part of the dominance of Red Bull in 2023 has been their masterful strategies where other teams flounder. Not the fish.
So let’s use the power of social media to plan Verstappen’s strategy.
Of course this could lead to major sabotaging by those keyboard warriors on social media who don’t like Max Verstappen, but that’s part of the fun.
Fans choose pre-race the numbers of stops in a multiple choice question from one to five stops. Then two laps before each stop the socials are opened up again to choose the tyre compound.
Who knows, Max is so good, he will still probably win, but think of the interactive adventure for the fans, getting them involved rather than having them turn off due to the Red Bull winning streak.
MAKE MAX VERSTAPPEN START A LAP DOWN
Since Max Verstappen makes super quick progress through the field from lower grid slots, let’s see him put to a real test.
For the remaining Grands Prix of 2023, Max Verstappen starts each race a lap behind everyone else.
If he starts from pole it will actually be exciting to see him drive off into the distance, knowing he can’t cruise and collect the prize.
HAVE EVERY RACE IN SINGAPORE
Max Verstappen is yet to win in Singapore. So why not have the remaining races of the year there.
GET A RICH (SAUDI) BENEFACTOR TO OFFER UP $50 MILLION TO THE RACE WINNER For EACH RACE UNTIL THE END OF THE SEASON
The Saudi Arabian sports investment team have been throwing money around sport for the past couple of years, so why not hurl a little more at Formula 1.
We get the people involved with LIV Golf, Newcastle football club, and other sporting endeavour to lob a cool $50M on the table for every race until the end of the season.
Whilst this won’t sort the Max Verstappen winning everything problem, it would be fun to see the greed.
Greed is good.
SWAP LANCE STROLL AND MAX VERSTAPPEN
In the ultimate test of man vs car we swap Lance Stroll and Max Verstappen. Can Max Verstappen win in a car that is manned by the increasingly underwhelming Lance Stroll.
And on the other hand, can an average F1 driver do well in one of the best F1 cars ever produced.
Actually, wait a minute, we get to test that one every weekend with Sergio Perez.
RAFFLE CAR SEATS ON THE FRIDAY
Taking it a step further, how about raffling off the seats before Friday practice?
Very few teams will agree, except maybe Haas who might get a Verstappen to pilot their wagon.
But think of the TV drama playing out as the drivers are matched with their temporary new home.
GIVE MAX VERSTAPPEN AN F2 RED BULL
Since Red Bull sponsor about six different Formula 2 drivers, why not make Max Verstappen drive one of the F2 cars against his F1 buddies.
What the F2 lacks in power, aero, performance and most other things compared to an F1 car, Max will make up in muscle and talent.
SOME QUICK HITS
MAX VERSTAPPEN TO HAVE A MANDATORY TEN SECOND PENALTY AT ALL PIT STOPS
MAX VERSTAPPEN MUST RUN ALL THREE TYRE COMPOUNDS
MAX VERSTAPPEN IS GIVEN 75% FUEL OF THE OTHER DRIVERS OR DIESEL
PUT MAX VERSTAPPEN IN AN ALPHA TAURI FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON, ALLOW RED BULL TO HAVE FOUR CARS AND LET’S HAVE A FOUR WAY SHOOT OUT FOR PEREZ’S SEAT FOR 2024.
Here are The Gurgler’s 2023 US Grand Prix Ratings – our way of rating the performances of all the drivers from the most recent race.
Our G-Power Rankings goes a little bit deeper than just points scored on the Sunday and has a slightly cooler name than most. We take on board Free Practice, Qualifying, performance in relation to team mate, fastest lap, and a few more stats that are attempting to highlight a driver outperforming the car and/or thrashing their team mate.
Plus, we have a range of stats and barely interesting facts from the 2023 F1 Season so far.
A full explanation on what is included and the points awarded is below the visuals and hey, why not catch up with the race summary below.
Here are the current overall standings for our Driver of the Year winner – the Martini Medal. Named in honour of one of F1’s most unsung heroes – Pierluigi Martini of Minardi fame.
We have the overall scores as they stand, plus a visual which shows the flow of each driver’s position throughout the season, plus a few points of interest below.
Here is the breakdown of the Driver of the Year points from the most recent race and the season so far.
LATEST RACE RATINGS
SEASON RATINGS SO FAR
Race 18 2023 US Grand Prix Team Ratings
This is essentially using the same drivers stats but in reverse for the worst score, but taking out anything that is a H2H between the drivers.
And our annual award focuses on the other end of the grid, highlighting the worst team of the season.
Of course, the worst team of the season award needs to be named after the worst F1 team of all time. And if you want to fund out more about Andrea Moda, follow this link.
LATEST RACE RATINGS
SEASON RATINGS SO FAR
Here are the best of stats from the latest race and the season so far. Followed by our range of barely interesting visuals and more.
George Russell has not made a place on the first lap in seven races. Six of the seven races saw negative movement.
Fernando Alonso’s failure to make Q3 at the US Grand Prix means no driver has featured in all Q3 sessions this season.
Both McLaren drivers are ahead of Sergio Perez according to our Driver Ratings from Round 10 onwards. Lando Norris is second behind Max Verstappen.
Alfa Romeo has overtaken Alpha Tauri as the worst team in 2023 according to our ratings.
Here are the choicest of cuts from the F1 data we compile for season 2023, we a few hand picked barely interesting points to share below.
PRE/POST SILVERSTONE COMPARISON
Since many teams brought big updates for the British Grand Prix, so we thought we’d take a look to see whose changes are working best. By comparing the % gap to pole position from before the British Grand Prix and after. Along with some other stats. Basically, when McLaren came good and gave us something to cheer for.
THE STORY FROM ROUND 10…..
DRIVER 2023 H2H RECORD
Beating your team mate in F1 is very important, which is why we keep an eye on the H2H stats through the season.
2023 F1 QUALIFYING
Here our qualifying analysis covers just about everything we could find on qualifying.
QUALIFYING SUMMARY
QUALIFYING COMPARISON – GRID POSITION x AVERAGE GAP TO POLE POSITION
QUALIFYING COMPARISONS – BY TRACK TYPE AND GRID POSITION BY SEASON
FIRST LAP POSITION GAINS
Races can’t be won or lost at the first corner, well actually they can be lost at the first corner, and a good one can make all the difference.
So here are the stats on the lightning fast starters and the slow poke.
FREE PRACTICE
Some say Free Practice is a giant waste of time, and they are probably right. Regardless here is the average position for each driers in Free Practice this season. Each round an average of all the sessions.
FASTEST LAP
Sometimes this season all that’s left to enjoy is the late battle for fastest lap. Otherwise it’s a good judge of race pace.
Current Race Power Rankings in Detail
2023 F1 Season Power Rankings – Points Explanation
Here’s how the points work this season. Essentially the perfect race (Win from Pole, Fastest Lap, thrash team mate, best in race etc) should amount to the perfect 100 points.
FIRST LAP GAINS +0.5pts per position gained -0.5pts per position lost.
CHAMPIONSHIP POINTS – 25pts to 1pt as per World Championship – Sprint Race Points added.
BEAT TEAM MATE (RACE) – 10pts (if both finish or other driver got self inflicted DNF)
FASTEST LAP – 5pts – 1pt for top five drivers.
GRID POSITION TO RACE POSITION – formula +/- relative finish to grid
BEST OF THE REST (RACE) – 5pts to 1pt – top five non Mercedes-Red Bull drivers
QUALIFYING – 20pts to 1pt – Grid Position 1 to 20.
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) – 5pts
BEST OF THE REST (QUALIFYING) – 5pts to 1pt – top five non Mercedes-Red Bull drivers
GREAT/GRAPE – 5pts Great 2pts Honourable Mention -2Pts Dishonourable Mention -5Pts Grape
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) Time Gap – Formula for % beaten team mate by
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) Position – 0.5 Pts for every position team mate is beaten by. 0 points for second car.
FREE PRACTICE HERO – 10Pts to 1Pt – Average Position across all three practice sessions.
WIN FROM POLE – Bonus 5 Points
WIN FROM POLE WITH FASTEST LAP – Bonus 10 Points
DNF Not Driver or Team Fault Minus 2 Points
DNF CAUSED BY DRIVER/TEAM INCOMPETENCE Minus 5 Points
SPRINT RACE POINTS – Points 8 to 1 as handed out in the sprint race.
SPRINT RACE CHANGE – 0.5 Points per change in end position to starting position.
NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 15: Ed O'Neill attends AOL Build to discuss his new movie 'Finding Dory' at AOL Studios on June 15, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Daniel Zuchnik/WireImage)
Airing from 1990 to 1995, The Real Family was described by critics as “…pure chaos”, “..a show that gets away with everything and anything”, and “Married… with Children meets The Simpsons.”
The Real Family was known for its raunchy humour, airing at the ‘adult only’ time of 9:30 Thursday nights on Channel 10. It made no secret about using Married… as an inspiration, with a world-weary father (a former rugby league player who missed out playing first grade for the Western Suburbs Magpies due to injury), a lazy wife, a sexually frustrated son, and a ‘fun loving’ daughter. An eight-episode revival was announced for the Stan subscription service in late 2024.
“Real was one of the proudest moments of my career,” said Peter Curran, who played the father (Terry). “Playing Terry opened up so many new roles for me, and I was excited when I heard it was coming back.”
But that excitement faded when he read the scripts.
“They writers were trying to feed off the nostalgia and it was a copy-paste job of our classic episodes, with no attempt to modernise the show. I got five pages into the first script and I knew we didn’t stand a chance. Even though everyone is coming back, it wouldn’t be the same. Someone would complain about a joke on social media, there’d be a big fuss, and we’d be canned. It would kill me to see our legacy tarnished by a bad revival.”
Wanting to save the memory of his beloved show, Peter begged the producers to try something different. And he eventually got his way. Stan will instead air a four part ‘reunion’ series (with each episode one hour long), with the main cast discussing their favourite clips and memories of making the show.
“This is much better idea. We’re going to have some fun.”
Max Verstappen of Netherlands driving the (1) Oracle Red Bull Racing RB19 Honda RBPT during the Formula 1 Lenovo United States Grand Prix 2023 on October 20th, 2023 in Austin USA (Photo by Alessio Morgese/NurPhoto via Getty Images)
Yee-hah, we’re in Texas for a prime double of a Saturday sprint race and the main meal on a Sunday. To cover both races and so much more is our 2023 US F1 Grand Prix Result Summary which covers both races and anything else of interest.
This 2023 US Grand Prix Result, Lap by Lap, Review & Summary gives you just enough to catch up with. With just a hint of cynicism, bias, opinion and colour. The perfect bite sized review for those who couldn’t be bothered, or don’t have enough time. And you get it for both the main race on Sunday and the Sprint Race on Saturday. So read on.
Didn’t see the race live? Don’t have time to watch the whole race? Well here are the top laps where stuff happened. We write these live as we go, sort of like a minute by minute for the football, but marginally more interesting.
Setting the scene – Standard qualifying result for the sprint race with Max Verstappen taking pole, but the other cars seem closer. Ferrari look quick and in particular Charles Leclerc, Lewis Hamilton looks sharp and has a great history here, and Lando Norris is always competitive. That’s your top four and the winner will come from that group.
Lap 1 – Pole sitter Max Verstappen gets away OK but so does Charles Leclerc and Verstappen pushes him almost off the track – and it’s a wide track going into the first turn. Verstappen retains first. Behind Lewis Hamilton takes advantage and steals second from the Ferrari. Further back Sainz pinches Norris’ 4th on his soft tyres (only driver to do so). No real drama or major position swapping further behind.
SAFETY CAR DEPLOYED
ORDER – VER HAM LEC SAI NOR PIA PER RUS GAS ALB
Lap 3 – Decent battle raging between Oscar Piastri, Sergio Perez and George Russell for 6th. Perez possibly battling for his Red Bull career after yet another underwhelming qualifying for both the sprint and main race. Perez and Russell both overtake Piastri before the lap is done. Two laps later Pierre Gasly gets by too, and no points for Piastri. But the rookie McLaren held his own for sure. By the way, five second penalty for George Russell for his move on Piastri – going wide and gaining position.
Lap 4 – At the front for change anf there’s less than a second between Lewis Hamilton and Max Vestappen with the Mercedes looking quite good, and Hamilton is a track master. Maybe we’ll finally get the battle for first we’ve been craving for a while. Max Verstappen is on the radio complaining about driveability of his car too. Lewis radioes a bit later saying the Red Bull has run wide a few times. That was as close as Hamilton was going to get.
Lap 6 – Carlos Sainz’s soft tyres appear to be going off already and Lando Norris is all over him, but he can’t get past. He’d better hurry up as Sergio Perez is looming. Norris and Sainz swap positions and swap back on lap 8. They’re still going at it on lap 9, but the McLaren finally gets by on lap 10.
Lap 10 – Halfway point and the battle at the front is all but decided with Max Verstappen ahead by around three second and Charles Leclerc another three seconds or so behind that. With Norris in front of Sainz now, we’ll see if he can annoy the top three. Further back the Australians are putting the Down Under into Australian F1 drivers as Piastri is 10th (from 5th) and on his final warning for track limits, and Daniel Ricciardo is 13th (from 10th).
Lap 11 – Perez gets by Sainz for 5th, the Ferrari will be lucky to score points on these soft tyres.
ORDER – VER HAM LEC NOR PER SAI RUS GAS ALB PIA
Lap 13 – George Russell is right on Carlos Sainz’s tail, and he needs to get past to make up some ground for his five second penalty. Russell gets past into turn 1 on lap 14, but Sainz immediately takes him back. At least Russell didn’t turf him off this time, unlike last season’s lap 1.
Lap 15 – Max Verstappen is over five seconds in front of Lewis Hamilton, and only a mechanical failure can stop him now. And there have been very few of those this season. No real movement elsewhere in the top 10 either. One does wonder if these sprint races are worth it. We can sample the lack of racing once a weekend thanks.
Lap 17 – Lance Stroll retires from the sprint race with no brakes.
Lap 18 – George Russell is still behind Carlos Sainz, and behind him Alex Albon is trying to make up the time to steal the final point. He is six seconds behind and needs to be under five seconds.
Final Lap – Max Verstappen wins easily, nearly nine seconds in front, so at a click of half a second per lap or thereabouts. Lewis Hamilton looks best of the rest, which we’re not sure is that great a prize. Behind that Lando Norris did some damage to Leclerc’s lead, getting within a second by the end. George Russell’s penalty dropped him from 7th to 8th only.
ORDER – VER HAM LEC NOR PER SAI GAS RUS ALB PIA
Pos
Driver
Car
Result / Gap
Points
1
Max VERSTAPPEN
Red Bull
31:30:00
8
2
Lewis HAMILTON
Mercedes
9.465 behind
7
3
Charles LECLERC
Ferrari
17.987 behind
6
4
Lando NORRIS
McLaren
18.863 behind
5
5
Sergio PEREZ
Red Bull
22.928 behind
4
6
Carlos SAINZ
Ferrari
28.307 behind
3
7
Pierre GASLY
Alpine
32.403 behind
2
8
George RUSSELL
Mercedes
34.250 behind
1
9
Alexander Albon
Williams
34.567 behind
10
Oscar Piastri
McLaren
42.403 behind
11
Esteban OCON
Alpine
44.986 behind
12
Daniel RICCIARDO
AlphaTauri
45.509 behind
13
Fernando ALONSO
Aston Martin
49.086 behind
14
Yuki TSUNODA
AlphaTauri
49.733 behind
15
Nico Hulkenberg
Haas
56.650 behind
16
Valtteri BOTTAS
Alfa Romeo
1:04.401 behind
17
Guanyu Zhou
Alfa Romeo
1:07.972 behind
18
Kevin Magnussen
Haas
1:11.122 behind
19
Logan Sargeant
Williams
1:11.449 behind
DNF
Lance STROLL
Aston Martin
DNF Lap 16
2023 US F1 Grand Prix Result Main Race Summary
Didn’t see the race live? Don’t have time to watch the whole race? Well here are the top laps where stuff happened. We write these live as we go, sort of like a minute by minute for the football, but marginally more interesting.
Setting the scene – Max Verstappen takes the sprint race with a dominant win, but he doesn’t get it all his own way on the Sunday for the main race as Charles Leclerc took pole position in Friday’s qualifying. Verstappen briefly took pole but the lap was removed and he ended up 6th. Ahead is a cavalcade of rivals, all with genuine chances of staying ahead of Max Verstappen for at least 10 laps. Lando Norris produced a super lap for second, and Lewis Hamilton looks a genuine chance to win as well from third. He has form in Austin. This could actually be one of the races of the season. Or Verstappen thrashes them and takes the lead within 15 laps.
GRID (Starting Order) – LEC NOR HAM SAI RUS VER GAS OCO PER PIA
Lap 1 – Lando Norris gets away best and takes the lead into the first corner. Sainz makes it a Ferrari 2-3 by getting in front of Lewis Hamilton. Max Verstappen gains a spot at the expense of George Russell, but he is being harassed round the first lap by Oscar Piastri who has rocketed up from 10th on the grid. Big losers from the start was George Russell who dropped from 5th to 8th, Pierre Gasly who dropped the same amount of places from 7th and Perez who remains 9th, which won’t help.
ORDER – NOR LEC SAI HAM VER PIA OCO RUS PER GAS
Lap 2 – Lando Norris sets an early fastest lap and is 2.5 seconds in the lead heading into lap three. He looks determined to win today.
Lap 3 – Esteban Ocon appears to have a little bit of damage after first lap contact with Oscar Piastri. He is overtaken by George Russell and Sergio Perez and has a nice train behind him, including his team mate right behind and unhappy.
Lap 4 – Lewis Hamilton overtakes Carlos Sainz for third, and the Ferrari driver loses another place to Max Verstappen a lap later. For the record Verstappen is 5.5 seconds behind on lap 5 for those in a sweep for what lap he takes the lead.
Lap 6 – Lewis Hamilton is up into second place after an easy move on Charles Leclerc into the top hairpin. He is 3.2 seconds behind Lando Norris’ leading McLaren.
ORDER – NOR HAM LEC VER SAI PIA RUS PER GAS TSU
Lap 7 – Esteban Ocon retires from the US Grand Prix as relays show just how hard the contact was between him and Oscar Piastri. It was quite hard contact, which luckily for Piastri was Ocon’s left wheel into the McLaren sidepod, which is the best place to be hit if you must be hit by another driver, kin to a smack on the bottom really.
Lap 10 – Oscar Piastri has slowed with some car troubles and is out of the race. Just in case he can’t make it back to the pits a few midfield cars pit themselves in anticipation of a Safety Car. Piastri did make it back to the pits for a DNF. Maybe Piastri’s contact wasn’t so insignificant with Ocon.
Lap 11 – Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc briefly battle for third over a few corners, and the Red Bull comes out on top and is up to third. Leclerc didn’t give it up easily, but
Lap 14 – TV cameras are showing the battle for second last and last. Is that because the driver on the move is American Logan Sargeant who has yet to spin off, or is nothing else happening.
Lap 16 – Midfield check now, and Alpha Tauri are on for some good points with their drivers in 9th and 10th, Daniel Ricciardo doing well coming back from 14th starting spot. But they’ll need to keep an eye out for the two Aston Martin behind, who have made good progress from a pit lane start.
Lap 17 – Max Verstappen is the first front runner to stop for tyres. He comes out 9th in between two potential new team mates for 2024. Lando Norris pits a lap later and drops to 4th. Carlos Sainz is in too. So is Sergio Perez, but no one seems to care. Lewis Hamilton has yet to pit, and a radio message hints that he could be on a one stop race compared to the two stops the recent pit stop-ees appear to be on.
Lap 20 – Lewis Hamilton struggling on his tyres and has to pit, which he does on lap 20. He lost enough time on those older tyres to lose a place to Max Verstappen, and he may need to stick to the one stop to reverse that. Futher ahead Lando Norris overtakes George Russell for second, who finally pits at the end of lap 21. He wastes no time overtaking Gasly on his return to the track. Just Charles Leclerc of the front runners to pit now.
ORDER – LEC NOR VER HAM SAI PER RIC RUS GAS TSU
Lap 24 – Charles Leclerc pits from the lead, and he could pull off a decent one stop race, but is currently 6th. Lando Norris re-takes the lead and has a 2.5 second gap to Max Verstappen.
Lap 25 – Max Verstappen gains a second in one lap with his Medium tyres compared to Lando Norris’ hard tyres. A change of lead is now inevitable.
Lap 28 – Max Verstappen takes the lead from Lando Norris who puts up a token fight for a few corner. Who knows, strategy might play out in McLarens favour, if they are close enough to the Red Bull. Norris hangs onto Verstsppen’s tail for a few laps but eventually falls back.
ORDER – VER NOR HAM SAI PER LEC RUS GAS TSU ALO
Lap 34 – Lando Norris pits from second, he drops to 6th behind Charles Leclerc. Interesting period now with strategy. Will the Ferraris and Mercedes stick to one stop or modify it somehow. Will Red Bull cover the Lando Norris pit stop, or will they be too far in front? That final question is answered on the very next lap as Max Verstappen pits. The Red Bull just comes out in front of the McLaren, which is a shame for the neutral wanting a battle, but there’s still enough laps left.
Lap 38 – Lewis Hamilton pits, so no one stop strategy here. Meanwhile Max Verstappen overtakes Charles Leclerc into the first corner at the start of lap 39 which means he now takes the lead. Half a lap later Lando Norris is past the Ferrari too and maybe we will get a battle for the lead after all. And you can’t discount Lewis Hamilton on fresher Medium tyres vs the hard tyres of Norris and Verstappen.
ORDER – VER NOR LEC HAM SAI PER ALO STR RUS GAS
Lap 41 – Sergio Perez sets consecutive fastest laps just to let people know he is still in the race. That may well be true, but is inconsequential.
Lap 43 – Lewis Hamilton takes third from Charles Leclerc and with 12 laps to go is three seconds behind Lando Norris and five and a bit to Max Verstappen.
Lap 46 – Lewis Hamilton has set a fastest lap and is closing the gap slowly. 10 laps to go second is up for grabs, but first looks too far ahead.
ORDER – VER NOR HAM LEC SAI PER RUS GAS ALO TSU
Lap 49 – Hamilton spends lap 48 right on Lando Norris’ tail and he sweeps past the McLaren on the outside of turn two after Norris blocked him heading into braking for turn one. Sadly Verstappen is five seconds up the rod with seven laps to go.
Lap 50 – The Ferraris are very close together debating 4th place. A late, intra-team clash would be funny. But sadly for fans wanting to see a little prang and the intra-team anger that follows, Leclerc lets Sainz past easily for fourth.
Lap 51 – Hamilton is within 4.6 seconds of Verstappen, but there’s not enough time or extra speed. Carlos Sainz sniffs out the podium of Lando Norris. He needs to make up five seconds in five laps.
Lap 53 – Sergio Perez gets past the struggling Leclerc for 5th. Further ahead Hamilton is within 4.3 seconds, but that’s not enough.
Lap 55 – Hamilton within 2.9 seconds now as Hamilton crosses the line and closing fast. Is there enough time left in Hamilton and the race itself. It’s down to 2.2 halfway around the lap.
Last lap – Less than two seconds between the first two cars s they cross the line for the last lap. Can Hamilton get within a second and get DRS? No is the answer and Max Verstappen wins his 50th Grand Prix. Hamilton did well to make a race of it, falling a couple laps short of making it a very close finish. Lando Norris gets a just reward with another podium.
FINAL ORDER (Across the line) – VER HAM NOR SAI PER LEC RUS GAS STR TSU
Pos
Driver
Car
Time
Grid
1
Max VERSTAPPEN
Red Bull
1:40.028
6
2
Lewis HAMILTON
Mercedes
+ 2.225 behind
3
3
Lando NORRIS
McLaren
+ 10.730 behind
2
4
Carlos SAINZ
Ferrari
+ 15.134 behind
4
5
Sergio PEREZ
Red Bull
+ 18.460 behind
9
6
Charles LECLERC
Ferrari
+ 24.662 behind
1
7
George RUSSELL
Mercedes
+ 24.999 behind
5
8
Pierre GASLY
Alpine
+ 47.996 behind
7
9
Lance STROLL
Aston Martin
+ 48.696 behind
Pitlane
10
Yuki TSUNODA
AlphaTauri
+ 1:14.385 behind
11
11
Alexander Albon
Williams
+ 1:26.714 behind
15
12
Logan Sargeant
Williams
+ 1:27.998 behind
16
13
Nico Hulkenberg
Haas
+ 1:29.904 behind
Pitlane
14
Valtteri BOTTAS
Alfa Romeo
+ 1:38.601 behind
13
15
Guanyu Zhou
Alfa Romeo
+ 1 lap behind
12
16
Kevin Magnussen
Haas
+ 1 lap behind
Pitlane
17
Daniel RICCIARDO
AlphaTauri
+ 1 lap behind
14
DNF
Fernando ALONSO
Aston Martin
DNF (50)
Pitlane
DNF
Oscar Piastri
McLaren
DNF (10)
10
DNF
Esteban OCON
Alpine
DNF (6)
8
Here we go through the field and highlight the very best (Great) of the race, and the plodders, the over-ambitious, the out of luck, and simply hopeless (Grape).
These points get added to our Driver of the Season scores. points for a great nomination, and -5 for the worst or grapest driver in the pack. Then it is +2 /-2 for honourable or dishonourable mentions.
THE GREAT-EST – LEWIS HAMILTON
Not the win, but two second places across the Sprint Race and on Sunday. He loves the track, and this race showed he still has the speed. A few more laps and he may have taken the win.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
LANDO NORRIS – Decent weekend for Lando Norris with a 4th in the sprint race and he spent the first half of the race in front like someone who has done it forever. He’ll win a race soon, just not this season.
MAX VERSTAPPEN – A 50th race win, and a slightly more challenging one than usual coming from 6th place on the grid. Provided some entertainment with his grumpy radio messages with his team.
YUKI TSUNODA – A point for Tsunoda and Alpha Tauri. Not enough to move off the bottom of the championship, but welcome none-the-less.
LANCE STROLL – A couple of points for Stroll could shut people up about him for a race. Until he is a jerk next time.
THE GRAPE-EST – OSCAR PIASTRI
After sprint race win and podium at the previous race, he has a pointless weekend in Austin for the US F1 Grand Prix. Drops from 5th to 10th in the Sprint Race. Made a brilliant start to go from 10th to 6th in the main race, but there was contact with Esteban Ocon, which appears to have been fatal for his race chances as he retired reasonably early.
DIS-HONOURABLE MENTIONS
ESTEBAN OCON – The other driver in that first lap incident, but had less to lose in comparison to Piastri after his previous grand prix.
SERGIO PEREZ – WE may be a bit hard on Sergio Perez, but he is really wasting one of the best F1 cars ever produced. He loses a few more points to Lewis Hamilton in the battle for second in the Championship.
FERNANDO ALONSO – Bad qualifying sees him start form the pitlane. A very good recovery drive on the Sunday to score points from a pit lane start, until he retired with a handful of laps to go.
CHARLES LECLERC – Sixth place after taking pole is more underwhelming than he could have imagined.
Was it a good race, loads of action, tense, or just a big, fat, snooze-fest?
We rate the big race itself so we know which races to go back and watch in the off season or one to simply remember the winner for the post season quiz nights.
Note: this is for the combined races.
SEASON IMPORTANCE – 5 / 10
We’re not going to lie, we really don’t care about second place in the championship, but it was a decent race in that battle between Lewis Hamilton and Sergio Perez.
ON TRACK ACTION – 6 / 10
Enough on track moves, even towards the front to make the race interesting enough. Tyre strategy adding another element. But the end result remains the same.
ENDING 6 / 10
Lewis Hamilton catching Max Verstappen at the end was exciting enough, but realistically never quite looked like he was going to get there.
OVERALL RATING 17 / 30
A good enough race, with enough action and decent time zone to keep fans awake. The other drivers are getting closer to Max Verstappen, so maybe there’s some big races ahead.
2023 F1 Season Power Rankings
Stay tuned for our Power Rankings from the race soon as it is currently being calculated and will be ready on Monday.
aption Text:
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 15: Puppet Walter the Grumpy old man attends AOL BUILD Speaker Series: Jeff Dunham at AOL Studios In New York on September 15, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Ben Hider/Getty Images)
An elderly man is on a one-man crusade against gambling advertising.
Clarrie has spent every day for the last few weeks searching every gambling company on Facebook and leaving an ‘angry’ react.
“Gambling is one of the most evil things in the world! It destroys families, robs people of their money, and makes rich suits even richer!” said Clarrie. “If I show my disapproval with all of them, may someone important will notice. And don’t get me started on all those bloody ads!”
“Old mate has rocks in his head!” said Clarrie’s old army mate Paul. “Clar loved playing Two Up every Anzac Day and also loved putting a few bob on the horses. Don’t know what’s changed?”
But Vera, Clarrie’s wife, knows what’s really up.
“The old coot’s been so bored since the golf club banned him. I keep telling him, ‘just apologise for accidentally crashing the club’s golf cart into the shed’, but he’s too blooming stubborn!” she said.
“He’s using this silly ‘anti-gambling crusade’ because he’s got nothing better to do. I need to get him out of the bloody house! I have my social groups, afternoon stories, and visits with the grandkids – Clarrie is messing all that up!”
Though Vera may have found a solution.
“Clarrie was a half-decent cricketer when we first started dating. I saw him watching the world cup the other night, inbetween complaining about the gambling ads. He stayed up until sparrows watching one of the games. I’m going to call the local cricket club and see if they have any use for him. Maybe there’s a Masters side he can play for?”
They say there can only be winners and losers in sport, but of course thy’re wrong, there’s always the draw, and who doesn’t love a draw where everyone wins. Those winners include canny punters who look for value, and here to help is our Best of Football Draws Tips for the week.
Each week during the football season our resident football draw expert FRankington Stanley runs his keen eye over the many football divisions around the world to find the best draws for you. He’s sort of like the John West of Football draws.
Frankington Stanley is not fussy, no country or continent is out of bounds, and the more obscure the better. And some of them are quite obscure.
So get yourself ready for another weekly serving of the finest Football Draw tips from all over the world, where we take the stale out of stalemate. It’s all you can eat draws.
ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE – NEWCASTLE v CRYSTAL PALACE
ODDS – DRAW $4.50
FORM / STATS – Three of the last four games between Newcastle and Crystal Palace have been draws. Better still the last three games on a Saturday have all been draws.Throw in that both teams drew last game and you have draw gold here.
LITHUANIA A LYGA – Banga Gargzdai v Riteriai
ODDS – DRAW $3.24
FORM / STATS – Banga Gargzda got the chocolate last time they played Riterlai, but before that it was three straight draws with 1-1, 0-0 and 2-2. Both teams are in the bottom half of the table and will pobably settle for a draw.
SWISS SUPER LEAGUE – FC BASEL v SERVETTE FC
ODDS – DRAW $3.55
FORM / STATS – Look at the H2H between these sides – the last five games have ended in a draw. It screams draw. Also, dead last FC Basel are struggling and have drawn two of their last three at home.
Polish Ekstraklasa – Stal Mielec v Warta Poznan
ODDS – DRAW $3.03
FORM / STATS – Three of the last six games between these sides have ended in a draw, but worth noting all of those draws were at Warta Poznan.
EGYPTIAN 1ST DIVISION – Ismaily v Pharco FC
ODDS – DRAW $3.00
FORM / STATS – New season gives limited form, but the last match between these sides ended 0-0. Just the way you like it.
Kenyan Premier League – Tusker FC v Gor Mahia FC
ODDS – DRAW $2.70
FORM / STATS – Look at that price – $2.70 – surely that means draw. The last two games at Tusker FC have ended in a draw. Not just any draw draw, 0-0. Gor Mahia have drawn three of their last six, Tusker 2/6.
The 2023-24 Premier League season returns after yet another inconvenient international break. Feeling refreshed after a break ourselves we offer up our 2023-24 Premier League Week 9 Predictions + Stats Summary, where the football and stats never stop, and we rarely sleep. And there’s a big Super Saturday of eight games ahead.
Each week we provide a meandering look into the upcoming round of Premier League football, with not only our predictions for the upcoming Premier League fixtures, but offer up a wide range of H2H and in-season stats and barely interesting facts.
There’s so much to go through we can barely contain it to just one long page, but it’s worth it we think to catch up with our Premier League Week 9 Predictions plus all the stats.
2023-24 Premier League Week 9 Fixtures
2023-24 Premier League Week 9 Predictions
Here are our fearless predictions for the fixtures ahead, and tune in below for all the stats and barely interesting stats that go along with them.
Liverpool 3 Everton 1
Bournemouth 0 Wolves 2
Brentford 0 Burnley 1
Man City 3 Brighton 2
Newcastle 2 Crystal Palace 0
Nottingham Forest 1 Luton 1
Chelsea 1 Arsenal 2
Sheffield Utd 1 Man Utd 2
Aston Villa 1 West Ham 1
Spurs 3 Fulham 1
Read on for the match by match full preview and stats.
A quick look at the current state of play in the Premier League.
2023-24 English Premier League Week 9 Best Stats
Here are some of our favourite stats from the match H2H stats below. But read on for ore….
Liverpool have failed to win any of the last four Saturday games v Everton at either ground (D3 L1).
Bournemouth have scored just one goal at home this season.
Brighton are one of four teams not to have lost a game v big six clubs already this season (D1 W1) – others are Arsenal, Spurs and Chelsea.
The last three between Newcastle and Crystal Palace on a Saturday were all draws.
Nottingham Forest were the only team last season not to win at least one game v a promoted side.
Arsenal have yet to concede a goal away from home this season.
Chelsea have won four in a row v Arsenal at home on a Saturday.
West Ham (W6 D4) are unbeaten in their last ten games v Aston Villa and the last five at Aston Villa.
2023-24 Week 9 – Match by Match H2H Stats Previews
Our big, beautiful full visual preview of each game is below.
More stats than you could probably ever want or need, for now.
SATURDAY 12:30PM – LIVERPOOL v EVERTON
THE STAT/S
Everton won the last league clash at Liverpool on a Saturday. It gets worse, Liverpool have failed to win any of the last four Saturday games v Everton at either ground (D3 L1). There’s only 1.1 expected goals for and against between Liverpool and Everton. Everton are 0/1 v big six clubs and Liverpool are 1/1 v bottom six clubs,
OUR PREDICTION
Liverpool 3 Everton 1
OUR THOUGHTS
A quality Merseyside derby to kick off the Premier League’s return from an International Break. Everton are on the improve and have a sneaky good record against Liverpool on a Saturday.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – BOURNEMOUTH v WOLVES
THE STAT/S
Bournemouth have scored just one goal at home this season – their Expected Goals is close to four. Four of the last six games at Bournemouth have ended in a draw.
OUR PREDICTION
Bournemouth 0 Wolves 2
OUR THOUGHTS
This is a Saturday 3pm if ever we’ve seen one. Bournemouth are one of two teams left without a win and might want to hurry. Wolves are going a little better, and have lost as many games as Man Utd this season.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – BRENTFORD v BURNLEY
THE STAT/S
Brentford won the last match between these sides in March 2022, which broke a five game winning streak for Burnley. Brentford are one of the three teams (along with the bottom two) who are yet to win against a bottom six club this season. Burnley’s only win this season has come against a London club.
OUR PREDICTION
Brentford 0 Burnley 1
OUR THOUGHTS
And we thought Bournemouth v Wolves was Saturday 3pm special. This game will rival the other for last spot on Match of the Day.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – MAN CITY v BRIGHTON
THE STAT/S
Brighton are one of four teams not to have lost a game v big six clubs already this season (D1 W1) – others are Arsenal, Spurs and Chelsea.
OUR PREDICTION
Man City 3 Brighton 2
OUR THOUGHTS
What a clash this should be. Man City are Man City and will be tough to beat (although not as tough as other seasons so far). But Brighton games are always worth watching, as every game so far has seen over 2.5 goals. Hopefully Brighton score early to make it interesting.
SATURDAY 3:00PM – NEWCASTLE v CRYSTAL PALACE
THE STAT/S
Three of the last four games between Newcastle and Crystal Palace have ended in draws, and only three goals scored in total. The last three on a Saturday were all draws. Newcastle lost just one home games last season v London Clubs and are 1/1 this season too.
OUR PREDICTION
Newcastle 2 Crystal Palace 0
OUR THOUGHTS
Not sure which Newcastle will turn up for this clash – the one that wins by plenty or not. Crystal Palace keep things pretty tight away from home (W2 D1 L1) and have conceded the second equal fewest goals away (4 goals in 4 games).
SATURDAY 3:00PM – NOTTINGHAM FOREST v LUTON
THE STAT/S
Luton (W2 D2) are unbeaten in their last four games v Nottingham Forest. Nottingham Forest are unbeaten (W4 D2) in their last six at home v Luton. Nottingham Forest were the only team last season not to win at least one game v a promoted side.
OUR PREDICTION
Nottingham Forest 1 Luton 1
OUR THOUGHTS
We still think Luton can stay up, but they’d better hurry and win some more games. And will Nottingham Forest become the new Stoke City of modern day Premier League?
SATURDAY 5:30PM – CHELSEA v ARSENAL
THE STAT/S
Arsenal have yet to concede a goal away from home this season. Arsenal have a W2 D1 record v big six clubs this season. Arsenal are yet to lose a game this season too. One of just two teams. Arsenal have won the last thee league games between these sides and six of the last seven. Chelsea have won four in a row v Arsenal at home on a Saturday.
OUR PREDICTION
Chelsea 1 Arsenal 2
OUR THOUGHTS
A classic cross London derby with much riding on it. Not as much fun without Wenger and Mourinho
SATURDAY 8:00PM – SHEFFIELD UTD v MAN UTD
THE STAT/S
Sheffield Utd won the last game against Man Utd, but have a poor record at home v Man Utd – it’s L5 D1 in the last six home clashes.
OUR PREDICTION
Sheffield Utd 1 Man Utd 2
OUR THOUGHTS
Sheffield Utd are yet to win a game, and won’t here. But they’ll probably score the first goal and lead at half time before Man Utd do their thing.
SUNDAY 4:30PM – ASTON VILLA v WEST HAM
THE STAT/S
West Ham (W6 D4) are unbeaten in their last ten games v Aston Villa and the last five at Aston Villa. West Ham (W3 D5 L1) have the upper hand over Aston Villa on a Sunday too.
OUR PREDICTION
Aston Villa 1 West Ham 1
OUR THOUGHTS
Two fringe top six teams given it their all on the only game on Sunday has us excited anyway. The only issue is which players in our FPL to play against each other.
MONDAY 8:00PM – SPURS v FULHAM
THE STAT/S
Spurs are unbeaten in their last nine games v Fulham (W8 D1). Spurs have lost just three home games in 43 clashes v Fulham. Fulham have scored exactly one goal in each of their last five trips to Spurs. Spurs (W6 D2) are unbeaten in eight Monday games v Fulham.
OUR PREDICTION
Spurs 3 Fulham 1
OUR THOUGHTS
The Ange love-fest should continue, and can he win a third straight Manager of the Month? Not sure about the monthly award but Fulham’s poor record v Spurs seems a certainty.
The idea came when Adam was dragged to a work party one Friday night.
“It was the end of the week and I just wanted to go home and chill. But Peter – one of my extrovert workmates – could see my lack of enthusiasm and was nice enough to be my guide for the party.”
Peter was more than happy to take the bulk of the socialising while Adam quietly had a few drinks.
Before leaving the party, Adam thanked Peter for being so helpful. That’s when the idea came to him.
“Hire an Extrovert is going to be an app for introverts who want to avoid all the necessary socialisation in their daily lives: chatting at boring parties, giving speeches, making scary phone calls, so on and so on,” said Adam.
“Local extroverts create a profile and introverts can select the most suitable one. I’m aiming to grade the extroverts based on their strengths: the ones who love social situations, the ones who love confrontation, the ones who can give big presentations. There’s a lot to choose from. The introverts pay a small subscription fee, and the extroverts are paid a commission after their job is done. It’s not much for now, but hopefully it grows.”
Peter was one of the first to put up a profile.
“It sounds like fun. I’m always looking for stuff to do on the weekends, so this gig work will keep me busy. And I get to meet lots of new people. Win-win!”
With another wonderful NRL season over and the actual winners determined, it is time to unveil the other winners and losers of the season that was with The Gurgler’s 2023 NRL Awards we call The Mintos.
The Gurgler team have decided our own categories and winners, and it is a wide range of awards to give. Some that no other rugby league will do that we know of. From the biggest jerk to best/worst Ricky Stuart press conference, and so much more.
And of course The Gurgler’s 2023 NRL Awards are named after the cult hero rugby league icon Scott Minto. Who else.
Not many people were picking the Dolphins to finish above last, and even fewer gave them a chance to beat the highly fancied Roosters. But win they did in their first game, on the back of Felise Kaufusi smashing anyone who came near him, and players like Jamayne Isaako, The Hammer and Jeremy Marshall-King giving a preview of their wonderful seasons. “Phins Up” caught on quick, and the Dolphins were winners straight away.
DIS/HONOURABLE MENTIONS
LINDSAY COLLINS OUT-JUMPS JAMES TEDESCO IN ORIGIN GAME ONE TO SEAL WIN FOR 12 MAN QLD
OK, so not a great one for NSW fans, but it was a big moment. With Queensland just forging ahead despite a player less, a bomb was put to James Tedesco, who was clinically out-jumped by a Maroon player flying through who then gave the ball on for a try. And to the amazement/bemusement of most, on replay the high flyer turned out to be prop Lindsay Collins.
SECOND HALF OF GRAND FINAL
The 2023 NRL Grand Final was a classic, and the second half provided so much action and some huge moments and turnarounds. Despite being thoroughly outplayed in the first half, Brisbane only trailed by two points going into the break. Then Ezra Mam turned on the speed and skill with hat trick, and Brisbane looked home. But then Nathan Cleary stepped up and gradually broke the Broncos hearts, as Penrith took the Grand Final win and proved they are a team for all scenarios.
FIRST BATTLE OF BRISBANE
A lot of hype going into the Dolphins v Broncos game, but what a refreshing change to have the second Brisbane side. The tight game was decided by a long range try to Kotoni Staggs, who post try celebration will end up being iconic. Ironic too, as he was selected by the Broncos after sterling performances for feeder side at the time Redcliffe Dolphins.
UP THE WAHS
The 2023 season in general was a moment of the year as the Warriors hoisted themselves into the top four and loaded a bandwagon of fans. Hopefully they continue the winning next year, s it was good for rugby league.
After years of being on the end of all the Wests Tigers abuse and social media hate, Luek Brooks signed for Manly, which was funny.
DIS/HONOURABLE MENTIONS
ADAM O’BRIEN
The Newcastle coach was under fire for a lot of the season, until the Knights went on a winning streak to end the season and make the finals.
JAROME LUAI TO THE HATERS
His post origin social media post basically telling people to go back to their day job was pretty arrogant and funny.
ROOSTERS SEALING RABBITOHS FINAL EXIT
Souths could have made the finals if they beat the Roosters. They didn’t. much to the enjoyment of Roosters fans.
THE COWBOYS RETURN SERVE
Wests Tigers surprisingly flogged the North Queensland Cowboys halfway through the 2023 season by the almost Unbelievable score line of 66-18. Then a few months later the Cowboys pulled down the Tigers pants by 74-0 in Townsville.
Two of the most polarising NRL players went head to head in Origin Two, and were subsequently sent to the sin bin in a moment of much amusement.
DIS/HONOURABLE MENTIONS
TYSON GAMBLE v WILLIE MASON
There’s nothing like a social media battle, and Willie got the upper hand on this one.
BUZZ ROTHFIELD v GUS GOULD
Two of rugby league’s most opinionated, grumpy and arrogant people went head to head several times in 2023. Although, it could be argued that Buzz was the one starting most of the trouble.
THE WESTS TIGERS
Wests Tigers continue to in-fight as if there was a documentary still going on. Or maybe this happens at most clubs but for some reason the Fox League writers are obsessed. However the dumping of Tim Sheens was ordinary.
WAYNE BENNETT vs LOCAL JOURNALISTS
There’s nothing quite so awkward in rugby league than a Wayne Bennett press conference. They occasionally, and sometimes more often, end up with Wayne Bennett airing beefs with local journalists or him giving them nothing because of something they’ve written. Which in fairness, because they are from the Courier Mail it probably was rubbish. In line with the rest of the rag. And that’s probably the ALP government’s fault.
Phil Rothfield aka Buzz is a real turd. A grumpy Hans Moleman type figure that sadly hogs too much of the rugby media attention every week.
He comes up with his whispers or rumours, with an almost Trump-like disregard for whether they are actually true. His beef with Gus Gould is embarrassing, but also funny.
Ultimately though, appears he hates rugby league enough to question why he pends most of his time talking about it.
Makes Eeyore look like Miguel that chef from Channel Ten.
DIS-HONOURABLE MENTIONS
FOX LEAGUE WRITERS
The anonymous team of rugby league writers from the Fox Sports website that bash certain things in rugby league every day. And mostly the Wests Tigers. They should at least be brave enough to put their names to it.
PHIL GOULD
Loud mouth know-it-all whose opinion is treasured by himself most. Occasionally talks sense, but not enough.
THE BUNKER
Making an easy job so difficult, and a real party pooper on so many occasions. Think it would improve the game by now. It hasn’t. It doesn’t. And it won’t.
CHANNEL NEIN
Not quite as bad as it used to be, but still sh!t. But at least it is only four games a year now.
JAROME LUAI
Luai manages to rub most people up the wrong way, not helping people’s attitude on Penrith in general. Luai’s biggest jerk-work for the season was his post Origin 1 post on social media.
REECE WALSH
Luai’s sparring partner from State of Origin 2 was the biggest rugby league jerk from Queensland this season. His suspension for swearing at the referee was bad enough, but the bullsh!t story he came up with to cover for it was absurd. And appearing to start Origin skirmishes and running away.
Scapegoated for the Origin One loss, one of rugby league’s seemingly good guys was treated terribly by his own state. It affected him for a while too, as the Sharks weren’t as good as 2023 as a result.
DIS/HONOURABLE MENTIONS
TIM SHEENS
No surprise, but Sheens being dumped before the timeline of hand over was poor. Especially for a club legend who won their only title.
JUSTIN HOLBROOK
No surprise to see a Gold Coast Titans coach sacked, but to drop him for Des Hasler seems odd. At least PNG get a new head coach out of it.
OTHER NSW ONE GAME WONDERS
Like Nicho Hynes there were a few more players who will end up playing one game for NSW. Meanwhile, Queensland’s more high frequency of sticking with players unless someone is screaming out to be picked seems to be working fine.
There has rarely been an in-season implosion like the one at South Sydney. Leading the competition after Round 11 and looking great, to missing the finals as they deserved. Blame has been thrown around, and assistant coach Sam Burgess was in the middle of it and is leaving for the UK Super League. Something’s wrong, as there’s too many good players there to be so sh!t.
DIS/HONOURABLE MENTIONS
THE BUNKER
More technology on hand than Robocop and that robot from Short Circuit combined, The Bunker continue to disappoint to the point of wondering why we bother.
BULLDOGS
Many were predicting with a new ex-Penrith coach, and more Gus self-indulgent tripe that the Bulldogs were going to be big improvers this season. Instead that title went to the other team with an ex-Penrith coach, and the Bulldogs looked to have made no progress in 2023, and possibly going backwards. Injuries didn’t help, nor did Tevita Pangai as he rarely does, but they finished lower than the Dolphins on the ladder, which says it all really.
THE NRL OVER ORIGIN PERIOD
The sooner they park the NRL season during State of Origin the better. It sucks royal for two months, and very few sports on earth attack their own comp for such a long time because of three other games.
Was a good season from the former Triple M caller, who provided many moments of commentary gold throughout the season. And his calls in general were the right mix of excitement without going over-the-top, and a little bit of humour to keep it light when it needed it.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
WARREN SMITH
Still a great caller, even if it seems he has been bumped down the pecking order.
ANDREW VOSS
A good caller who injects plenty of life in the calls, and a little touch of smart-arse to keep it amusing.
PETER PSALTIS
Sadly hidden away on Channel Nein, which means most rugby league fans don’t hear him as often as they should. Supremely knowledgeable and quite funny, and a generous gent off the field. Hopefully the next in line for Fox.
BEST JERSEYS / WORST JERSEYS
At the beginning of the season we went through the best and worst NRL jerseys for the 2023 season. But after a whole season, maybe some of them grew on us and other went down in our view.
BEST
The Penrith jersey is a winner in many ways, their are the Premiers and it looks great. The Bulldogs jersey was one of our favourites at the start of the season and despite their disappointing returns in 2023, it still looks good. Manly’s jersey is neat and clean and less controversial than one of their 2022 kits. Finally, the Dolphins Anzac jersey is a favourite given our heritage of growing up in Kallangur.
WORST
The Dolphins first jersey was a real disappointment, that sand colour is way too prominent and it looked like a Vanilla Coke bottle. Staying in Brisbane and the Broncos jersey powered them to a grand final, but the uneven split looks terrible. Melbourne’s jersey looked like a Donald Duck outfit, and the Wests Tigers Anzac jersey was famed for featuring non Australian combat folk on the front, further enhancing their off field professionalism.
The ‘Sticky’ Award for Worst Presser
Ricky Stuart is known for his volatile (and frankly unhinged) press conferences. Depending on his mood, he veers from proud father to sulky teenager.
While he’s had his fair share of blow ups (the Full Credit to the Boys podcast devoted a segment – and catchy song – to his blow ups), he outdid himself in 2023. And there was a clear winner in 2023.
With Jarrod Croker heading towards his 300th NRL game, Stuart made the ballsy call to rest ‘Toots’ for the Friday night Wests Tigers game so he’d reach his milestone at Bruce Stadium against the NZ Warriors. The move was well-intentioned, but there was a lot of backlash.
The criticism seemed to hurt Ricky, as he blew up deluxe after the Tigers game (another get-out-of-jail win that the Raiders should have won comfortably, leading 18-0 deep into the second half), when asked about Jarrod missing the game.
“What I did was the right thing by all the Canberra fans. I wanted to make sure they knew I was resting Jarrod this week.
“I could’ve kept him in the team all week, they would have bought their tickets and poor buggers would’ve come down here to see him play 300, but no, I did the right thing. I was open and honest.
“I was probably wrong to be open and honest. I might as well just lie.
“It really shitted me off that these so-called experts who’ve never man-managed, never been leaders in making tough decisions – and that was a big risk tonight and I knew I was going to cop it from every one of you in here tonight if we got beaten.
“But I was prepared to take a risk. That’s leadership. Not these other muppets who pretend they know.”
A week later – after the 300th game ended in a big loss to the Warriors – Stuart doubled down, saying “What this club is about is blokes like Jarrod, that’s why we’re so proud of him. I’d rather have this week and lose the two points than have a sh***y week for Jarrod promoting his 300th and winning two point. If that costs us at the end of the year in the top four or top eight — so be it, that’s our fault. But I’d much prefer the week we had.”
In hindsight, Jarrod could have played at Leichhardt, celebrated his 300th win a win, and then come back to Canberra to celebrate game 301.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
The angry 90-second presser in Melbourne (after Canberra lost 48-2). He wanted to be there like a tired introvert wants to be at a lively family dinner.
The “That Wasn’t Us” justification after a big home loss to Newcastle, which spoilt a historic day for the Raiders NRLW side.
His emotional reaction after The Dolphins game in Wagga, with Stuart nearly breaking down when talking about Jack Wighton signing with South Sydney.
And – for a change of pace – his final presser after the elimination final: constantly mentioning the “Raiders DNA” and finally admitting that Wighton actually was a centre (but no explanation why it took five months to move him out of five-eighth).
The Gurgler’s 2023 NRL Awards – Quick Hits
Just a few quick hits where there was no nomination process, just a winner, or loser……
COME-UPPENCE OF THE YEAR
PAUL KENT – Without getting too much into legal territory Paul Kent has had plenty to say about the rights and wrongs of NRL players over the years, and then he had his legal moment. There was a lot of grave dancing when the news rolled in, given how big a jerk Kent had been toward so many.
HYPE MAN OF THE YEAR
MATT NABLE – For his weekly presentations on Fox League. So good.
THE IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO
WAYNE BENNETT – For his 900th coaching game pre-match press conference.
THE STOP IT RIGHT NOW
PROPS REQUESTING CAPTAINS CHALLENGES – Props who aren’t captain should not make requests for challenges, they are the Shane Watson of video calls in rugby league.
THE WELCOME RETURN
POST SEASON INTERNATIONALS – Great to have the tests back, and hopefully the mid season tests can continue in conjunction with a standalone State of Origin series.
