They say there can only be winners and losers in sport, but of course they’re wrong, there’s always the draw, and who doesn’t love a draw where everyone wins. Those winners include canny punters who look for value, and here to help is our Football Draws Tips of the Week – FA Cup Edition.
Each week during the football season our resident football draw expert Frankington Stanley runs his keen eye over the many football divisions around the world to find the best draws for you. He’s sort of like the John West of Football draws.
Frankington Stanley is not fussy, no country or continent is out of bounds, and the more obscure the better. And some of them are quite obscure. They don’t even feature on the Who Scored website.
So get yourself ready for another weekly serving of the finest Football Draw tips from all over the world, where The Gurgler and Frankington Stanley take the stale out of stalemate. It’s all you can eat draws.
Here is the best of the best draw tips for the week.
League – Sheffield Wednesday v Cardiff City
ODDS – DRAW $3.20
FORM / STATS – Two of the last four games between these sides at Sheffield Wednesday on a Saturday have ended in a draw.
League – Crystal Palace v Everton
ODDS – DRAW $3.10
FORM / STATS – There have been as many draws as Everton wins in this fixture when played at Crystal Palace. Crystal Palace drew their second last home game in the Premier League.
League – Shrewsbury Town v Wrexham
ODDS – DRAW $3.40
FORM / STATS – Wrexham have drawn two of their last six away games.
League – Swansea City v Morecambe
ODDS – DRAW $5.00
FORM / STATS – These teams have never been before, so that screams draw.
Think you can’t fit any more football in this festive season? Well prepare to loosen that belt by another notch because here comes one of the great weekends in football and to celebrate we offer up our FA Cup 3rd Round Predictions & Stats.
The FA Cup Third Round is where the Davids meet the Goliaths, and sometimes the Davids meet the not-so-Davids, and the Goliaths meet some other Goliaths. Essentially the top two divisions of English Football meet the best of the rest who have made it this far. Some from Round One, others from deep in the qualifying wilderness. Either way, there will be games featuring teams that Premier League loving can or can’t vaguely remember.
Some fans, like the teams themselves won’t care, sending out their second or third best efforts, but not at The Gurgler, we’re looking for the Cupsets where a team worth hundreds of millions has their pants pulled down by a team worth considerably less.
It sadly doesn’t happen as much as we’d hope, but regardless we are full of opinion, enthusiasm and bravado as we supply the 2023-24 edition of FA Cup 3rd Round Predictions & Stats.
FA Cup 3rd Round Fixtures
Thursday
20:00
Crystal Palace
v
Everton
Friday
19:15
Brentford
v
Wolves
Friday
19:30
Fulham
v
Rotherham
Friday
20:00
Tottenham
v
Burnley
Saturday
12:30
Millwall
v
Leicester
Saturday
12:30
AFC Wimbledon
v
Ipswich
Saturday
12:30
Maidstone
v
Stevenage
Saturday
12:30
Coventry
v
Oxford
Saturday
12:45
Sunderland
v
Newcastle
Saturday
15:00
Stoke
v
Brighton
Saturday
15:00
Queens Park Rangers
v
Bournemouth
Saturday
15:00
Blackburn
v
Cambridge U
Saturday
15:00
Gillingham
v
Sheffield United
Saturday
15:00
Newport
v
Eastleigh
Saturday
15:00
Southampton
v
Walsall
Saturday
15:00
Norwich
v
Bristol Rovers
Saturday
15:00
Plymouth
v
Sutton United
Saturday
15:00
Hull
v
Birmingham
Saturday
15:00
Watford
v
Chesterfield
Saturday
17:30
Swansea
v
Morecambe
Saturday
17:30
Chelsea
v
Preston
Saturday
17:30
Sheffield Wednesday
v
Cardiff
Saturday
17:30
Middlesbrough
v
Aston Villa
Sunday
14:00
West Ham
v
Bristol City
Sunday
14:00
Luton
v
Bolton
Sunday
14:00
Manchester City
v
Huddersfield
Sunday
14:00
Peterborough
v
Leeds
Sunday
14:00
Shrewsbury
v
Wrexham
Sunday
14:00
Nottingham Forest
v
Blackpool
Sunday
14:00
West Bromwich Albion
v
Aldershot
Sunday
16:30
Arsenal
v
Liverpool
Monday
20:15
Wigan
v
Man Utd
FA Cup 3rd Round Predictions & Stats
THURSDAY 8:00PM
Prediction – Crystal Palace 2 Everton 1 Stats – Everton are unbeaten in three midweek fixtures at Crystal Palace (W1 D2).
FRIDAY 7:30PM – 8:15PM
Prediction – Brentford 0 Wolves 2 Stats – Wolves are unbeaten on their last five trips to Brentford (W3 D2) including one game on Dec 27. Brentford are one of three teams to have not won a game in the Premier League this season against Midlands clubs. The other two are midlands clubs Aston Villa and this weekend opponents Wolves.
Prediction – Fulham 4 Rotherham 0 Stats – Fulham have scored the second equal most goals v bottom six opponents at home in the Premier League this season. Fulham (W14 D7 L3) have a decent record at home to Rotherham in the lower divisions. Rotherham have won just one of their last 14 in the Championship and sit last on the table.
Prediction – Spurs 4 Burnley 2 Stats – Spurs have won their last four home games to Burnley to nil. Spurs (W10 D1) are unbeaten in their last 11 games at home to Burnley whose last win came in 1983 in the League Cup.
SATURDAY 12:30PM – 12:45PM
Prediction – Millwall 1 Leicester 1 Stats – Millwall have won three in a row at home to Leicester in the FA Cup. Leicester (W10 D2 L1) have lost just once away this season in the Championship.
Prediction – AFC Wimbledon 1 Ipswich Town 1 Stats – Last season was the first time Ipswich had made it past the third round since 2010. Both Wimbledon and Ipswich have won an FA Cup.
Prediction – Maidstone 1 Stevenage 1 Stats – Maidstone are unbeaten v Stevenage in the FA Cup. Maidstone are currently fourth in the sixth tier National League South. Stevenage are a strong seventh in the third tier League One.
Prediction – Coventry 1 Oxford 0 Stats – Coventry have won 6/7 home games v Oxford. They have only lost the most recent fixture in 2019. Despite lying 10th in the Championship, Coventry have only lost once at home this season (W5 D7 L1).
Prediction – Sunderland 1 Newcastle 3 Stats – Newcastle have only won once in their last eight visits to Sunderland (W1 D3 L4). The home side (either team) have won just the one match in the seven FA Cup meetings between these sides.
SATURDAY 3:00PM
Prediction – Stoke 0 Brighton 5 Stats – Stoke have lost just four of the 22 matches v Brighton at home. Stoke (D4 L2) are winless in their last six home matches in the Championship.
Prediction – QPR 0 Bournemouth 2 Stats – QPR are last for home form this season with just two wins in 12 matches in the Championship. QPR have won the only FA Cup clash between these sides in 1967. Bournemouth are second for last six game form and last six away form in the Premier League.
Prediction – Blackburn 3 Cambridge 0 Stats – Blackburn have won all eight home games v Cambridge.
Prediction – Gillingham 1 Shefield Utd 0 – CUPSET Stats – Sheffield Utd have scored just five goals in ten away games this season in the Premier League. Gillingham have won both of their most recent games 1-0.
Prediction – Eastleigh 0 Newport 2 Stats – This is the third time that Non League Eastleigh have made the FA Cup 3rd Round. They have made it through qualifying rounds for the past four seasons. Newport (W2 D4) are unbeaten in their last six home games.
Prediction – Southampton 4 Walsall 0 Stats – Southampton are unbeaten in their last 18 Championship games. The Saints have also won seven in a row at home. Walsall won their last away game in League Two by 6-1.
Prediction – Bristol Rovers 2 Norwich 1 – CUPSET Stats – Norwich have lost just one of their last 11 home games v Bristol Rovers. The away team has never won an FA Cup game between these two teams (L2 D2). Bristol Rovers are unbeaten in nine home games in League One. Bristol Rovers last made in past the third round of the FA Cup in 2008 when they made the Quarter Final.
Prediction – Hull 2 Birmingham 0 Stats – The away side (either team) has won the last three matches between these sides and the only FA Cup game between these teams in 1955.Wayne Rooney was manager of Birmingham. Birmingham have won just one of their last 11 away games in the Championship (L9 D1 W1)
Prediction – Watford 1 Chesterfield 2 – CUPSET Stats – Watford have lost just one of their seven home games v Chesterfield (W4 D2 L1). Watford are winless in their last four home games in the Championship (D2 L2). Chesterfield are top of the National League Premier (5th Tier) and have won 20/25 games this season. Their games have seen 94 goals in the 25 games this season – scoring 61.
PLYMOUTH ARGYLE v SUTTON UNITED
No H2H Record
Prediction – Plymouth 2 Sutton 0 Stats – Plymouth are unbeaten in their last seven home games in the Championship. Sutton are last for away form in League Two with one win in 12 games (W1 D2 L9).
SATURDAY 5:30PM
Prediction – Chelsea 3 Preston 0 Stats – Chelsea (W3 D1) have never lost to Preston in the FA Cup. Preston last beat Chelsea at Chelsea in 1958 – nine games ago.
Prediction – Sheffield Wednesday 1 Cardiff 1 Stats – Cardiff have won the last two games v Sheffield Wednesday by 2-1. Sheffield Wednesday have climbed out of the Championship relegation with a run of three home wins from their last four matches.
Prediction – Middlesbrough 0 Aston Villa 2 Stats – Middlesbrough have a poor recent record at home to Aston Villa – L6 D1 – and have only scored one goal in two of those matches.
SWANSEA CITY v MORECAMBE
No H2H Record
Prediction – Swansea City 0 Morecambe 0 Stats – This is the third time in four seasons that Morecambe have made the FA Cup 3rd Round. Not bad going for a team that has never been higher than the third tier. They have never made it past the third round since their first try in 1921.
SUNDAY 2:00PM
Prediction – West Ham 3 Bristol City 0 Stats – West Ham are unbeaten v Bristol City in the FA Cup. West Ham have lost just once at home to Bristol City in 16 games (W13 D2 L1).
Prediction – Luton 0 Bolton 2 – Cupset Stats – Bolton (W2 D1) are unbeaten in three FA Cup games v Luton at Luton.
Prediction – Man City 5 Huddersfield 0 Stats – Manchester City‘s market value according to TransferMarkt is a full Billion Euros more than Huddersfield.
Prediction – Peterborough 2 Leeds 1 – Cupset Stats – Leeds have won four of the last five games at Peterborough. Leeds have lost their last three away games in the Championship. Peterborough have lost just one of their last 18 games and are unbeaten in their last ten games at home and averaging three goals a game at home in their last six matches.
Prediction – Shrewsbury 0 Wrexham 1 Stats – Third tier Shrewsbury come into this game on a four-game losing streak and have scored at a rate of less than a goal per game at home this season and are second worst for goals scored overall in League One. Wrexham are sitting third in the fourth tier but their 11 goals in 12 away games is exactly the same as Shrewsbury’s home scoring feats.
Prediction – Nottingham Forest 4 Blackpool 1 Stats – The last game between these sides was in the third round of the FA Cup last year where Blackpool secured a big win over a side in the Premier League. 13 goals in the past three games between these sides too. The last two seasons Nottingham Forest were in the Premier League they lost in the 3rd Round. Blackpool have made the fourth round of the FA Cup in two of the last three seasons.
WEST BROMWICH ALBION v ALDERSHOT
No H2H Record
Prediction – West Brom 3 Aldershot 0 Stats – Aldershot are the only team not to draw a game away from home in the National League Premier this season. West Brom have won five of their last seven games in the Championship including wins over three of the current top seven sides.
SUNDAY 4:30PM
Prediction – Arsenal 2 Liverpool 1 Stats – Arsenal have won both of the clashes in the FA Cup v Liverpool on a Sunday.
MONDAY 8:15PM
Prediction – Wigan 0 Man Utd 3 Stats – Manchester Utd lead the H2H by 18-1. This is the first time since 2015 that Man Utd haven’t played their FA Cup 3rd Round game at home. Pity, Man Utd have won all 11 home games v Wigan scoring 38 and conceding one. Man Utd are winless in their last four away games in the Premier League.
ORLANDO, FLORIDA - DECEMBER 17: Jason Langer of Germany hits a putt on the 18th hole watched by his father Bernhard Langer during the final round of the PNC Championship at The Ritz-Carlton Golf Club on December 17, 2023 in Orlando, Florida. (Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images)
An avid golfer has fallen in love with a ‘joke’ Christmas present.
Beatrice Frame is a long-suffering ‘golf widow’, with her husband George a regular player at the Belconnen Golf Club.
She was finishing off Christmas shopping at Kmart last week when she saw the perfect ‘joke’ gift for her husband: a portable putting set with in-built ball returner.
“It was a last-minute gift and I thought he’d play a few times and get bored of it. I was so wrong!”
George’s face lit up like one of his grandchildren when he saw the putting set, and he’s been barely been off it since.
“I had to tell him to wait until after Christmas lunch before he could use it. As soon as he was done, he set it up in his office and played with it for an hour. He even skipped his usual Christmas afternoon nap.”
Ever since, George has been practicing his putting.
“He does it three times a day: first thing in the morning, a bit after lunch, and another session after dinner,” said Beatrice. “I used to find the putt-putt noise annoying, but I’m used to it now.”
The best thing for Beatrice is it’s given her some alone time.
“I have a peaceful coffee in the morning and do the crosswords in the paper; I have time to clear up after lunch and watch my soaps without George getting in the way; and in the evenings I can read a book or maybe walk the dog if the weather’s nice. Even better, he’s stopped complaining when he can’t go to the golf club anymore. Thought I don’t know how he’s not bored of it yet.”
Though George has an answer.
“The mat is divided into four quarters and I challenge myself to get 50 consecutive shots at each length and then move up. I haven’t quite gotten 50 at all four lengths yet, but I’m getting there. I can’t wait to tell the fellas at the club when I go back next month – my putting game’s going to be amazing!”
A man sits on a motorcycle as filming continues in Glasgow for a new movie for the Batman superhero franchise. (Photo by Andrew Milligan/PA Images via Getty Images)
A filmmaker’s attempt to make ‘the wokest movie ever’ has backfired.
Sick and tired of certain groups on social media labelling any slightly progressive movie or TV show as ‘woke’, writer and director Jesse Howard decided to prove a point.
His meta satire The Wokest Movie Ever is about an emerging writer/director who makes a movie including every possible race, gender, and differently-abled person, as they compete in a global competition to find a billion dollar treasure chest.
But Howard has been copping it on his press tour.
“The problem is certain clickbait websites are posting misleading articles on my movie and all the punters on social media have fallen for it, spewing outrage when they haven’t bothered reading it.”
Howard has tried to promote the movie in more ‘prestigious’ cinema websites and magazines, but even that’s led to backlash, with journalists accusing him of “pandering to the lowest common denominator.”
“The serious film critics are just as bad as the ‘woke outrage mob’, but they’re just snobbier. I can’t win! I’m glad I made the movie, but it’s going to be a flop, sadly.”
Howard has already moved on to his next project “Bulletman” – a blockbuster superhero film based on an obscure 1980s comic book series.
“At least people aren’t sick of superhero movies yet, so it should be a huge hit and make everyone forget about my ‘woke’ movie.”
It’s the last matchday weekend of 2023, and time to get ready for the fireworks. Talking of explosions and implosions, our Premier League Week 20 Predictions are here.
Each week we provide a meandering look into the upcoming round of Premier League football, with not only our predictions for the upcoming Premier League fixtures but offer up a wide range of H2H and in-season stats and barely interesting facts.
There’s so much to go through we can barely contain it to just one long page, but it’s worth it for our Premier League Week 20 Predictions plus all the stats.
2023-24 Premier League Week 20 Fixtures
2023-24 Premier League Week 20 Predictions
Here are our fearless predictions for the fixtures ahead, and tune in below for all the stats and barely interesting stats that go along with them.
Luton 1 Chelsea 1
Wolves 2 Everton 2
Man City 6 Sheffield Utd 0
Crystal Palace 1 Brentford 1
Aston Villa 4 Burnley 0
Nottm Forest 2 Man Utd 1
Spurs 3 Bournemouth 2
Fulham 0 Arsenal 3
Liverpool 3 Newcastle 0
West Ham 2 Brighton 1
Read on for the match-by-match full preview and stats.
Season Progress: 49% – 86/175 – Correct Scores – 11 (4 in GW18)
(Tech Issues GW 6 + excl Thu GW19)
2023-24 Premier League Week 20 Best Stats
LUT v CHE – Luton’s five goals at home to big six clubs this season is the third best total.
WOL v EVE – Wolves (W4 D1) are unbeaten in their last five matches v Everton.
MCI v SHU – Man City have won five in a row v Sheffield Utd, but four of those victories have been by one goal. Sheffield Utd are one of four clubs to have lost all five games so far v big six clubs.
CRY v BRE – Crystal Palace (D3 L4) are the only side this season not to have beaten a London club.
CRY v BRE – The last five games between Crystal Palace and Brentford have ended in a draw. The last three 1-1.
AVL v BUR – A promoted side (Sheffield Utd) is the only team to take a point from Aston Villa at home this season.
AVL v BUR – Five of the last six games between Aston Villa and Burnley have ended in a draw.
NFO v MUN – Man Utd have won nine straight v Nottingham Forest. Man Utd are also 4/4 v bottom six (at time of match) away from home.
TOT v BOU – The away side has failed to win any of the last four games in this fixture. Bournemouth are top of the last six form.
FUL v ARS – Arsenal are unbeaten in their last 11 games v Fulham (W8 D3). Fulham last beat Arsenal in 2012. Arsenal have scored 14 goals in their last four trips to Fulham.
LIV v NEW – Liverpool are unbeaten (W10 D4) in their last 14 games v Newcastle including five wins in their last five games.
LIV v NEW – Liverpool are unbeaten in their last 27 games at home to Newcastle (W22 D5) with Newcastle’s last win coming in 1995.
WHU v BHA – West Ham last beat Brighton at home in the Championship in 2012. It’s been D2 L4 since.
2023-24 English Premier League Current Season Stats
A quick look at the current state of play in the Premier League.
Stats don’t include Thursday 28th fixtures stats as we did this before that game played.
A local gamer has been left frustrated by YouTube walkthroughs.
Terry was thrilled to get Battle Ops 6 on the Playstation 5 – a revival of the classic 1990s turn-based military game – as a Christmas present.
After spending most of Christmas evening and part of Boxing Day playing it, Terry got stuck on a tough battle. Figuring it was a fastest way to get out of trouble, he went to YouTube. Which he soon regretted.
“All of these bloody gaming YouTubers think they’re the next viral celebrity. I watched three videos and all the muppets talked over the footage and made it impossible to concentrate. And they’re all so loud!” One idiot even started crying when he talked about how much the original games meant to him growing up,” said Terry. “I love the games too, but it was so fake! I should have muted the videos, but then I might have missed something important.”
After giving up on YouTube, Terry searched the internet before finding a Reddit thread on how to beat the hard level.
“I should have done that first. I got my answer straight away and beat that hard level pretty easily.”
Still annoyed by the YouTube videos, Terry left comments on all of the them criticising the ‘creators’ for “being narcissistic muppets who care more about going viral than actually playing the game.”
KNUTSFORD, ENGLAND - JUNE 18: Jess, a golden Labrador attends Dogfest 2023 at Tatton Park on June 18, 2023 in Knutsford, England. (Photo by Shirlaine Forrest/Getty Images)
A beloved family dog has made the most of Christmas Day.
With his humans (Peter and Sarah) hosting an extended Christmas lunch, Zoey the six-year-old labrador cashed in.
Zoey made sure to carefully sniff every new arrival and work out who were the best people to get attention and food from. She also got presents from her humans – a packet of her favourite treats and a new bone chew toy.
While Zoey didn’t get much food during Christmas lunch, she focused on being a good girl and was rewarded with a nice plate of leftover roast pork, roast potatoes, and some peas.
She then worked off the big meal by chasing the tennis ball around during a long game of backyard cricket.
Exhausted by all that activity, Zoey spent the afternoon in a deep snooze, before waking up about 5pm to farewell the last of the guests.
“Christmas is the best day ever!” said Zoey (yes, Everyday News staff writers can understand dogs – just go with it!). “I got so much food and attention. The introverted humans love me the most as petting me gives them an excuse not to talk to other humans.”
Later that night, Zoey’s ears pricked up when she heard Peter and Sarah discussing another house party for New Year’s Eve.
Boxing Day fixtures await, fresh from the over-eating and over-drinking of Christmas Day. Talking of hungover and bloated, our Boxing Day Premier League Week 19 Predictions are here.
Each week we provide a meandering look into the upcoming round of Premier League football, with not only our predictions for the upcoming Premier League fixtures but offer up a wide range of H2H and in-season stats and barely interesting facts.
There’s so much to go through we can barely contain it to just one long page, but it’s worth it for our Boxing Day Premier League Week 19 Predictions plus all the stats.
2023-24 Boxing Day Premier League Week 19 Fixtures
2023-24 Boxing Day Premier League Week 19 Predictions
Here are our fearless predictions for the fixtures ahead, and tune in below for all the stats and barely interesting stats that go along with them.
Newcastle 2 Nottingham Forest 0
Sheffield Utd 0 Luton Town 0
Bournemouth 2 Fulham 0
Burnley 0 Liverpool 4
Man Utd 0 Aston Villa 1
Chelsea 3 Crystal Palace 0
Brentford 1 Man City 1
Brighton 2 Spurs 2
Arsenal 4 West Ham 0
Read on for the match-by-match full preview and stats.
Season Progress: 49% – 82/167 – Correct Scores – 10 (3 in GW18)
(Tech Issues GW 6 + excl Wolves v Chelsea GW18)
2023-24 Boxing Day Premier League Week 19 Best Stats
NEW v NFO – Newcastle have won seven home league games in a row v Nottingham Forest.
SHU v LUT – Sheffield Utd are the only team not to beat a bottom six side this season. (D2 L1)
BUR v LIV – Liverpool have won five straight at Burnley.
MUN v AVL – No team has won three games this season against big clubs other than Aston Villa. Interestingly, their F/A v big six clubs this season is 4-4.
CHE v CRY – Chelsea have won 11 games in a row v Crystal Palace. And six in a row at home, without conceding in the last four home games.
EVE v MCI – Man City are undefeated in 12 games v Everton (W10 D2). Man City have won six straight at Everton.
ARS v WHU – Arsenal have won eight straight v West Ham at home.
2023-24 English Premier League Current Stats
A quick look at the current state of play in the Premier League.
Stats don’t include Wolves v Chelsea stats as we did this before that game played.
Christmas is fast approaching, and for local man Slade Burton (fake name) that means it’s time for his annual Christmas traditions.
Slade lives in a small one bedroom apartment in Inner City Brisbane, working hospitality hours and the fact that the rest of his family live in Victoria means he has spent the last two Christmases by himself. 2023 will be a third straight year of working past midnight on Christmas Eve, and doing the morning shift on Boxing Day because he has no kids, so in the minds of co-workers is much less important.
Not that Slade minds, he gets a few days off either side to do what he wants, and his annual Christmas traditions.
Similar to most households around Australia, Slade spends the week before Christmas over-catering, but in his case it isn’t too much Ham or dessert, just a sh!tload of alcohol. Enough to supply one and a half end of season footy trips.
Of course, Slade is well awareof the finest Christmas Cocktail list provided by our website for the festive season. And intends to have a go at all of them despite the warnings, and a bad experience from attempting it on a lonely Friday night during a Covid lockdown in 2020. A full outfit worn that day hasn’t been the same since. Nor has the greetings from the elderly couple living next door. It went from polite Good Mornings to disappointed Baby Boomer overnight. Slade still wonders what he did. Then prefers not to think about it.
Despite over-catering on alcohol, Slade’s Christmas food line up is less extravagant and more minimal. His food is limited to a block of both Cracker Barrel and Mainland Vintage cheese, Jatz crackers and Cheds, and some Beef Jerky for balance. Simple pleasures, but still an annual Christmas Tradition for Slade.
Speaking of cheese, another annual Christmas tradition is reminding himself of Peter Russell Clarke’s Where’s the Cheese? adverts. So onto YouTube for a solid hour of those, including watching the infamous swearing bloops at least nine times.
Thankfully the pub where Slade works in the bar has a restaurant that is so bad that management deem it a waste of time opening on Christmas Day, which allows him to tick off his annual Christmas traditions.
All of the above is just the entree of course, for the proper annual Christmas tradition is watching a traditional Christmas movie – Bad Santa.
The delightful Christmas themed movie starring Billy Bob Thornton is still one of the funniest movies Slade has ever seen, remembering the tears of laughter from the first time he watched the movie in the cinemas in October of that year. October being a much safer month to release the movie in case unsuspecting families considered taking their kids to see a drunk, criminal Shopping Centre Santa swear and piss his way through another Christmas.
Despite being a viewing in the double figures, most of the movie still hits the spot, with wonders why Billy Bob Thornton didn’t receive an Oscar for his portrayal of Santa instead of whatever arthouse dull-fest film actor won that year. Thoughts even turn to how he could become the Bad Santa of his current workplace, then the thought of having no job and no place to live and being featured on the local news camping as a victim of the Cost-of-Living crisis.
As Slade polishes off his tenth cocktail in the Christmas Cocktail list, the movie comes to an end, with the infamous scene of “the kid” riding off on his bike with the T-Shirt “Sh!t Happens When You Party Naked”.
With work due on Boxing Day he decides that the 11:20pm showing on his wall clock, and the blood alcohol reading of 0.21 is enough reason to go to bed. But in a final Christmas tradition he retires to no bed, but a temporary sleeping arrangement that has become a holiday tradition.
Slade grabs a single mattress and pushes it up against the lounge creating a poolside sunbathing chair-style setup, that he has dubbed his “Slothtress”. Moments later, with an ambitiously chosen two-hour full replay of some Grand Prix from the 1980’s still blaring on the TV, Slade has passed out and dreaming of next Christmas when he can do it all over again.
Everyday News is the Gurgler’s news for the everyday person from the everyday world. Stories from the quiet suburban neighbourhoods, the local bus stops and aisles of your local Bunnings. Stories that are usually left unsaid and under-appreciated. Everyday News is certainly not under-appreciated at The Gurgler, in fact we champion the quiet people. Sure they sound like Betoota Advocate rip offs, but that simply isn’t true, ours aren’t that good.
They say there can only be winners and losers in sport, but of course they’re wrong, there’s always the draw, and who doesn’t love a draw where everyone wins. Those winners include canny punters who look for value, and here to help is our Best of World Football Draws Tips for the week.
Each week during the football season our resident football draw expert Frankington Stanley runs his keen eye over the many football divisions around the world to find the best draws for you. He’s sort of like the John West of Football draws.
Frankington Stanley is not fussy, no country or continent is out of bounds, and the more obscure the better. And some of them are quite obscure. They don’t even feature on the Who Scored website.
So get yourself ready for another weekly serving of the finest Football Draw tips from all over the world, where The Gurgler and Frankington Stanley take the stale out of stalemate. It’s all you can eat draws.
Best of World Football Draws Tips of the Week Christmas Special
All odds courtesy of Sportsbet
DRAW OF THE WEEK
Here is the best of the best draw tips for the week.
League – Crystal Palace v Brighton
ODDS – DRAW $3.40
FORM / STATS –
50% of the 12 games played in the league since Brighton were promoted have ended in a draw. Better still, the last four games played at Crystal Palace have ended in a draw. And even better is that all four of those draws ended with the exact same result 1-1.
Brighton and Crystal Palace also hold the season high for drawn games with five. Four of Brighton’s draws have come in their last eight games. Crystal Palace may not have that late run of draws, but they have only won once at home this season. So wins are scarce and a draw it shall be.
Kenyan Premier League – Ulinzi Stars v Posta Rangers
ODDS – DRAW $2.80
FORM / STATS – Three of the last six matches between the sides have ended in a draw. If that’s not enough for you the Posta Rangers’ last three away games ended in a draw.
Egyptian Premier League – ZED FC vs El Dakhleya
ODDS – DRAW $TBA
FORM / STATS – ZED FC are unbeaten so far eight games into the season but have drawn four of their past six matches. The last two home games have been draws too. El Dakhleya drew their last away game, which is their only non-loss away from home this season. Overall though, it is four draws from their last five games home or away.
Liga Portugal – Vitoria de Guimaraes vs Rio Ave
ODDS – DRAW $3.60
FORM / STATS – Rio Ave have drawn four games in a row, so they are ready to draw again. The last time these teams met at Vitoria de Guimaraes it was a draw. Overall H2H shows three draws in the last five games.
UK DRAW SPECIAL OF THE WEEK
With so many divisions, there should be so many draws to choose from. Frankington Stanley chooses his draw from any and every division in the UK.
And it’s double your holiday fun this week.
National League North – Blyth Spartans v Chester
ODDS – DRAW $3.20
FORM / STATS – Anyone for a double Meatloaf? Two out of three ain’t bad, in fact it’s good. As good, if not better than Don. Two of the last three home games for Blyth Spartans have ended in a draw. Same for Chester’s last three away games.
National League Premier – Kidderminster v Southend
ODDS – DRAW $3.20
FORM / STATS – Southend’s last six away matches have seen four draws alongside a win and a draw. All of those have seen goals with three 1-1 and the other 2-2. Kidderminster did draw their second last game at home. But not many draws overall, the first ever match between these sides in 2000 is the only draw that has ever happened between these sides.
BIG FIVE LEAGUE DRAW SPECIAL OF THE WEEK
Some have accused us of picking easy leagues for our draws. First of all, how dare you, secondly we introduce of Big Five League draw of the week, where we scan the five biggest leagues in Europe for the finest draws. It could be Serie A, La Liga, Bundesliga, Ligue 1 or the Premier League, but what it will always be is a quality eye for a draw.
Serie A – Verona v Cagliari
ODDS – DRAW $3.20
FORM / STATS – The last two games between these sides where Verona was the home team ended in a draw. Similarly this season Verona have drawn their last two games at home too. For Cagliari two draws from eight away games is their best result for the season so far, so a draw might be something they settle for.
Premier League – West Ham v Man Utd
ODDS – DRAW $3.50
FORM / STATS – After Man Utd’s last start 0-0 draw at Liverpool a draw is more likely. Funny though, that draw was Man Utd’s first of the season. And we say many more to come.
