Faster than a Spurs defender, less reliable than a VAR decision, harder than a pack of Millwall supporters after a few pints, it’s the EPL Donkey who is back for another week with a Routemaster of opinion, and this week’s Premier League Week 7 Tips.
Putting the ass in sass, the EPL Donkey offers his thoughts on the week that was or could be or will be, often with little to do with football, before launching into his Premier League Week 7 Tips for the punters and fans.
The EPL Donkey’s Weekly Rant
Another gameweek awaits this weekend before another dreaded international break. That’s two for just seven weeks of proper football.
Sure, your international football trendies, of which there are at least 143 outside of the major tournaments, will disagree saying that World Cup qualifying and Nations League are just as important as any league anywhere in the world. I disagree. International breaks are a pain in the arse.
A Nations League will always be glorified friendlies, and no name or format will ever make me think otherwise. As for World Cup qualifying, it takes way too long.
Surely there’s a better way, and there is.
The Gurgler suggested a few years ago that the World Cup should be giant knockout tournament played across the world for a few months with no need for qualifying. If you can be arsed reading it is available via this link.
That would reduce football to end of season, and every two years to allow for World Cups and Continental Cups, and that’s it.
No more bothering the leagues and games that people want to see.
Although, maybe Man Utd fans would prefer to watch England. Who could blame them.
It should be just a matter of time before they give ten Hag the boot.
That’s one of the two good things about International Breaks. One is if your team is going badly the manager is more than likely to be sacked during these International breaks. The other is the extra to evaluate just how bad the Fantasy Premier League team is.
My team has a rule of requiring three Ipswich Town players in the squad at all times. A somewhat ridiculous restriction, but one that is looking more likely to pay off than previous.
Fantasy Premier League is great. Sometimes it is the only reason I watch some games. Well, just the minis of teams I don’t care about.
That and the tipping, which is on the loose below.
The EPL Donkey’s Premier League Week 7 Tips
CRYSTAL PALACE v LIVERPOOL
Crystal Palace haven’t beaten Liverpool at home for a decade. And it will be probably be another one before they do. If they are in the same division, which isn’t a given. At the end of this season.
Crystal Palace 0 Liverpool 3
WEST HAM v IPSWICH
West Ham have too good a side to be down so far on the table. But hopefully they wait one more week before improving. Ipswich have zero wins, but are at least winning the promoted teams race.
West Ham 0 Ipswich 2
MAN CITY v FULHAM
The last time Fulham won at Man City they were probably playing by the financial rules.
Man City 2 Fulham 1
LEICESTER v BOURNEMOUTH
The Saturday 3pm game of the week.
Leicester 0 Bournemouth 0
BRENTFORD v WOLVES
The first minute should be worth watching to see if Brentford can do it again. After that, just check the score. If there is more.
Brentford 1 Wolves 0
ARSENAL v SOUTHAMPTON
A second game in a row v a promoted side, a team they haven’t lost to at home on a Saturday since 1987, and who are scoring at a goal every second game. So since they scored last week, and they never win at Arsenal on a Saturday I won’t tip them this week.
Arsenal 5 Southampton 0
EVERTON v NEWCASTLE
At least Everton have won a game now.
Everton 1 Newcastle 2
CHELSEA v NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Cole Palmer.
Chelsea 3 Nottingham Forest 1
ASTON VILLA v MAN UTD
Presuming Man Utd choke in Europe midweek to Porto and their manager Erik ten Hag is sacked and they get the new manager bounce.
Aston Villa 1 Man Utd 2
BRIGHTON v SPURS
On paper this should be Football’s equivalent of an all-in, main street Western shoot-out or Demolition derby with Caravans in a game with shots and goals a plenty.
Enjoy it while it last, another round of fixtures before another dreaded International break for a range of games that not everyone, if any or many care about. Talking of many or any, here are our Premier League Predictions Week 7 that have about those chances of being correct.
Each gameweek in the Premier League in 2024-25 we offer up a stat filled prediction preview, with some barely interesting stats and visuals, just enough to bluff your way through various tipping competitions or betting shops.
And stay tuned for the EPL Donkey, who serves up a slightly different view on the Premier League each week.
2024-25 Premier League Predictions Week 7
Barely Interesting Premier League Stats Week 7
Here you’ll find the choicest cuts of barely interesting stats on offer for every fixture this gameweek. Some may assist your tipping, others are barely worth a grunt. Either way, they are all yours.
CRY v LIV – Liverpool and Chelsea are the only teams with a 100% record away from home. No team has a 100% record at home after GW6.
CRY v LIV – Liverpool are unbeaten in ten games at Crystal Palace (W9 D1).
CRY v LIV – Liverpool have an almost as good record v Crystal Palace on a Saturday at either ground – W8 D1.
LEI v BOU – Bournemouth are on a three game winning streak v Leicester.
LEI v BOU – Leicester have the worst Expected Goals Against, Expected Points and second worst Expected Goals this season. Behind Ipswich on Expected Goals and just ahead of Ipswich for the other two.
MCI v FUL – Manchester City have won 16 in a row v Fulham and have a further six games unbeaten.
MCI v FUL – It’s ten wins in a row for Manchester City at home to Fulham. They have won those games by a combined 30-3.
WHU v IPS – Ipswich did the double over West Ham the last time they were in the same division in 2011-12.
WHU v IPS – West Ham have only won two of their last eight games at home to Ipswich.
ARS v SOT – Both games were draws the last time these teams were in the Premier League together. Three of the last four games at Arsenal have ended in draws too.
ARS v SOT – Arsenal are unbeaten v Southampton at home on a Saturday for the last 18 games, that run includes only four draws.
BRE v WOL – The home side (either team) have won only once in the last six games in this fixture. Worse for Brentford fans, they are winless in their last five home games v Wolves (L3 D2)
EVE v NEW – Everton won this fixture at home by 3-0 last season. Newcastle have won the last two Saturday games @ Everton.
CHE v NFO – Nottingham Forest (W1 D1) are unbeaten v Chelsea at Chelsea over the last two games there.
CHE v NFO – Chelsea have won all three games at home on a Sunday v Nottingham Forest.
AVL v MUN – Man Utd have won three in a row v Aston Villa.
AVL v MUN – Man Utd have won eight of the last ten games at Aston Villa on a Sunday (W8 D1 L1)
BHA v TOT – Spurs are unbeaten in the last five games v Brighton. In fact, they won them all.
Premier League Week 7 H2H Stats
Here are the H2H for Week 7 of the Premier League.
General Premier League Season Stats
This is where we put the current season stats. With only a few games played, this is about the most interesting we can find for now. But stayed tuned for more and better.
Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower but better than a Bunker decision, with more longevity than a defeated Grand Final coach, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his 2024 NRL Grand Final Predictions & Thoughts as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2024 NRL Grand Final Thoughts
So it has come to this, a Melbourne Storm v Penrith Panthers Grand Final, an end result as predictable as a Home and Away cliffhanger, a coach being sacked within a month of getting “the full support of the board”, or an election eventually descending into someone being accused of eating someone’s pet.
Going back to Home and Away for a second, if any country town had as much crime and caravan explosions per capita as Summer Bay there would be a Senate enquiry with many a politician standing there promising swift action against those responsible. The Opposition leader would demand action, and so they should. The River Boys have got away with too much for too long. Perhaps Alf should run for the local MP job, although it always goes to the people in the big smoke of Yabby Creek. Much like Queensland. So that makes Brisbane Yabby Creek. Fair enough. It’s also a bit like Murder She Wrote where a murder happened every time a little old lady arrived in town. If I was a law enforcement professional I know who I’d be listening to, not the little old lady where murder seems to follow. Although, given her actress died recently I guess we don’t need to listen to her either.
But moving forward to the Grand Final and there’s lots at stake for these sides. For Penrith, a win could almost justifiably call them the best NRL team of the modern era. Making five straight Grand Finals and winning a modernly historic four in a row would be hard to beat. It’s no St George in the 50’s and 60’s, and who knows it might end up being that and more, but this modern era is much harder to win rolling titles being the athleticism required, the money involved, the salary cap, and the lack of on-field punching and almost criminal levels of aggression. Especially given the Bulldogs/Wests Tigers can only take one or two Penrith players a season. A loss could unfairly, but that won’t stop Twitter, saying that Penrith aren’t quite the mega club that Melbourne is, if they lose it is two Grand Final losses in a row to the Storm and legacy has an asterisk. And possibly two fingers extended from Molly Meldrum in the direction of Penrith. If he knew where it was. And I’m not saying he doesn’t.
For Melbourne, they need to win to remove a bit of a reputation as finals choker. Please don’t tell Craig Bellamy I said that though, He scares me. If he read this I could almost feel the laser-like hatred burn through the monitor. And a Storms win would give the many, many Melburnian rugby fans so many reasons to celebrate. By the end of the night their voices would be sore, the arms tired from waving various scarves and banners, and 90% would be able to remember at least two players names. Although we’d bet none could remember Trent Loiero, although people who like a high proportion of vowels in their rugby league players surnames would. That’s only Victorian-based Storms fans by the way. I wouldn’t pick on genuine Melbourne fans who are among the most knowledgeable, and like their coach, scary.
Although, I wouldn’t want to walk through Penrith with a Storm jersey on if the Panthers lose the Grand Final either.
Mainly because I don’t live in Sydney, nor do I own a Storm jersey or have any inclination to buy one and wear it. And if I was walking anywhere in western Sydney it would be the Rooty Hill RSL.
But it’s all about legacy this game, and one that could define the NRL’s champion team. Or let’s hope it is just that.
Who knows, perhaps jealous of the attention the actual rugby league teams get, the NRL Bunker will try and force their legacy on the game. They have form this season, and occasionally referees have form in Grand Finals too, which is and was unfair on Canberra. But let’s hope the Bunker remembers it’s place. Nowhere near the actual ground where the game is being played and gives itself a $1 to shut up.
Talking of form, one does wonder if Tina Arena will make a surprise cameo in the NRL Grand Final show with a walk-on as sucksessful as her AFL Grand Final effort. Although how she slots into Kid LAROI’s act is hard to work out. Mainly because I don’t know any of their songs. My IPod doesn’t have songs made this millennium, which is probably bad for my personal development, but not Arrested Development. They were good. For such a short time. Especially that song about Mr Wendell. Perhaps there’s your cameo walk-on. Kid Laroi doing Arrested Development’s Mr Wendell, and then Wendell Sailor comes on stage at the start of verse two. Talk about giving the fans something special. Not Meatloaf special. Nor Billy Idol hovercraft special. Proper special.
But one wonders why we need Grand Final entertainment at all. Can’t we just play 30 minutes of season highlights and bloopers? The time when the entertainment is on is when I get the party pies ready for the game. I need to do it early so they aren’t Chernobyl levels of hot that instantly melt the roof of your mouth with a single bite. With a pain that lasts longer than the hangovers of the eventual winner of the Grand Final. Although there is a fine art to it, as if you let them go too long they reach Servo levels of luke-cold awfulness and then you can really taste the grissle and the horse. But I say that quietly, as I live in a stable next to horses. Of course Party Pies go with Sausage Rolls, which are always served with a side on Mylanta shots, as there is 99.4% chance that eating a Sausage Roll will give you heartburn. If heartburn persists contact your local chemist or Fire Station.
Snacks aside, leaving entertainment where it belongs, and diving into some actual rugby league, here are my fearless predictions for the 2024 NRL Grand Final. Notice I don’t say “Big Dance”, because that’s stupid and lame. Used by Morning Breakfast shows in between the same Breaking Overnight news every half an hour and two talking heads arguing with each other about stuff that normal people don’t care about. Mostly people who care watch Sky News up late, but who aren’t watching Sky News early in the morning because all they have on is news, and not conservative talking heads all bashing Labor about stuff.
So onto the NRL’s Donkey’s 2024 NRL Grand Final Bold Predictions. I don’t why I referred to myself in the third person. And why is it the third person. And what is the second person doing while the first and the third person are talking. Maybe they’re on Sky News. Maybe they’re in Summer Bay planning to blow up the next caravan. Maybe they are playing Queen of the Nile at the Rooty Hill RSL. Or going to Peter Wynn’s Superstore to buy a Storm jersey to walk down the main street of Penrith. Not in Melbourne, one day after the Grand Final they won’t care. Or maybe, they are patiently waiting for this rot to stop and want to see what the bold predictions actually are. Fair enough.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2024 NRL Grand Final Predictions
2024 NRL GRAND FINAL WINNER
It’s almost too hard to pick. So much on the line. So scared of offending either sets of fans. So I’ll chicken out and go with the home team by two points.
Melbourne by 2
2024 NRL CLIVE CHURCHILL MEDAL WINNER
It would be easy to say Jahrome Hughes, as he has been the best player this season. Or Dylan Edwards as he is usually the best player in every game. But that would be boring. And I want someone with a bit of anger, a bit of mongrel. Someone you’re not quite sure if they will swear or not during the acceptance speech.
So that leaves Liam Martin with his concrete smashing stare and unloveable larrikin Harry Grant as the two picks in a tight game for the top gong.
Liam Martin / Harry Grant
OTHER BOLD PREDICTIONS
On field melee within the first five minutes.
One NRL Bunker destroying rugby league with a bad No Try call between the 50th and 60th
Dylan Edwards to run for 5,000 metres.
Xavier Coates to pull off a try in the corner where he ends up do a handstand with the ball.
Some Storms fans to cry out “Ballllllll” early in the game. Most of those fans will re-connect with the Storm next October.
The 2024 NRL Grand Final is here, with two of the best teams for most of the year and the last five seasons vying for legendary status as the ultimate NRL winners. Talking of winning, our 2024 NRL Grand Final Tips Predictions & Stats Preview are here to help you find the 2024 NRL Premier in advance.
Each week we offer up a quick preview glance for each match, throw in a bunch of barely interesting stats, and mix in a pinch of opinion, some spicy tips and you have a rugby league soup with probably more flavour than one could ever need or want. It’s all you can eat NRL stats.
2024 NRL Grand Final Tips
Here are our tips for the week ahead. How did we get to here? By going through all the visuals and stats below.
Looking for a cheat sheet for the weekend’s upcoming games?
Here’s as much information that we could cram into one size fits all visual.
Plus our famed barely interesting stats all in the one place for this week of fewer games.
The last team to win a Grand Final as the team who finished lower on the ladder during the regular season was the last Penrith-Melbourne GF in 2020. Melbourne finished 2nd to Penrith that season.
Penrith were the last team to win the Grand Final despite having the worse H2H record during the regular season (in 2022).
The last five Premiers have averaged 25 points or more during the regular season. Melbourne averaged 29.9 points per game this season compared to Penrith’s 24.5.
The last seven Premiers have averaged less than 15 points per game against in the regular season. Neither team have managed that this season but Penrith’s 15.8 is better than Melbourne’s 18.4.
Penrith have won 12 of their last 14 at the Olympic Stadium v all teams, but there is a dangerous pattern for Panthers fans…..Most recent game first WWWW L WWWW L WWWW…..which means an L is due next.
Melbourne are W2 L2 in their last four games at the Olympic Stadium.
Melbourne have won of the last five games v Penrith on a Sunday.
Melbourne have won the only two games v Penrith on a Sunday where they are the designated home side. For field goal fans….they kicked a field goal in both of the games.
Since losing the 2020 Grand Final to Melbourne, Penrith have won 19 of their 22 Sunday games.
Since losing the 2018 Grand Final to Roosters, Melbourne have won 22 of their 26 Sunday games.
Melbourne have won eight straight games v Sydney sides, as the designated home side, on a Sunday.
Penrith have won only one of their three games on a Sunday this season v non-NSW sides. Their only win was a golden point win over the Dolphins.
2024 NRL Grand Final – Assorted Stats
Heading into the 2024 NRL Finals Series, it’s time to check a few stats for each of the finals team’s records this season against the other top teams, across other seasons and their finals record in general. In case you needed more stats.
The 2024 NRL Grand Final is here, and it is a mouth watering battle between arguably the best team of the post 1998 NRL era, and without question the best team of the past five season. So which great team will take out the 2024 NRL Premiership? Let our 2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory have a wild guess at the winner.
What are our 2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory you may ask? Thanks for asking.
Inspired by Allan Lichtman’s Keys to the White House and its uncanny ability to pick the winner of the US Election. So we thought it is good enough for US Politics, then surely we can cook something up for something even more important, like legacy defining NRL Grand Finals.
Like the Keys to the White House our 2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory is all subjective, but we took as many relevant stats as we could. And only since 2014, because who has time to go further back. But does include ladder position and H2H record from this season, along with point scoring and conceding for the season and the finals series so far. Plus Finals winning % for all time and last six season plus Finals H2H for all time, and the rare occasion the Grand Final teams meet each other in the finals before the big game.
The end destination is the Category Wins, which is the total of wins within each of the 11 categories listed.
The last 10 seasons results plus this year’s stats are below for your interest.
2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory
2024 NRL Grand Final Winner is…..
Melbourne Storm
The Storm win the Category wins by just 6-5, in one of the tighter battles of the last few seasons.
The last five winners of the Category Wins has won the Grand Final which is good news for the Melbourne Storm fans, but thins out to 7/10 over the ten seasons.
Penrith’s superior recent finals record and defence almost get them home, but the Storm’s overall 2024 performance puts them just in front.
Other Grand Final Keys to Victory Stats
For ladder position 7/10 teams that win the Grand Final finished higher on the ladder. But that does improve to six times from the past seven seasons.
Melbourne’s H2H superiority this season doesn’t guarantee victory, as the record is 4-4 for Grand Final winners having the H2H advantage from before the Grand Final.
And they say that defence wins titles, and that may be true, but in our 2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory it shows that the team that had the better defensive record (Points per Game Conceded) between the two sides in that season up until the Grand Final wins the big game only seven time from the past ten season, compared to nine times out of ten for the team with the better attacking record. The only team to defy that stat? Penrith in 2021.
That’s the 2024 NRL Grand Final Keys to Victory, feel free to argue or ignore. We’ll wait until Sunday to see who unlocks the door of destiny.
Garry has been a big Brisbane Lions fan all year. And by all year we mean from about half time in their second finals game where they pulled a magnificent victory from out their arse against the GWS Giants, because the NRL had already finished and he was looking for something else to watch.
That might be a little unfair on Garry, he’s only acting like a lot of Queenslanders do in September. League loving Queensland awaken from their AFL coma just in time to jump on the Brisbane Lions bandwagon for the first game of the finals, and more often than not, and true bandwagoners won’t even jump on the bandwagon until the second week of the finals.
What else are rugby league fans going to do now there are no Queensland NRL teams left in the finals? Although we genuinely question if the Titans made the finals that all Queenslanders would care. I mean, they are no Daikyo Dolphins. But what are these people to do otherwise? Follow the Wallabies? Pfffft. There’s always the 2024 European Cricket Championship which we highly recommend. But that won’t give you anything to do on AFL Grand Final day.
But that doesn’t make Garry any less a fan on Grand Final day. Like most he will find something else to do when Katie Perry is on. Especially given she is threatening to play at least one off the new album. The new album, like most new albums a decade after their best work (which we used advisedly in Katie Perry’s case) has been rated one of the worst in recent times.
Like most he’ll have some Lions merch. Sure, his is just the poor man’s rip off he quickly purchased from Best and Less because the even cheaper stuff on Facebook from China wouldn’t get here in time, but that’s mean he won’t love his scarf for most of the match and then store it in a bag with the other dress up stuff accumulated over the years. Like the commemorative poncho he won for eating a 2 kilo burrito at the local mexican restaurant, or the shirt of the Esk Cup that he had to buy when he jagged the trifecta some year, or the Courier Mail lift out of the 1995 Queensland Origin team.
Garry will be tuned in, and you know he’ll yell ball at the right time. And demand 50 metres penalties with little to no idea at why they are given, plus ask at least three times what a rushed behind is. After he has a little chuckle to himself about the term.
Garry has just enough knowledge about AFL to be dangerous, but is smart to know that on Grand Final that because he’s only been watching the Lions for six quarters of football, and would be unable to recall where they finished on the ladder in the regular season, and can’t recall any of the players names, that he should just stick to the basics.
So the AFL Grand Final parties and pubs days all around the nations, well ones in Queensland anyway, will have many a Garry. And just because he’s watched less than two games, can’t recall any players or relative 2024 performance, will probably throw his Lions merchandise out in a few month, won’t watch any of the lead-in stuff, and bad mouths AFL on his socials, that doesn’t make him any less of a Lions Bandwagon superfan.
As the summer of cricket in Australia approaches, you may have missed the unofficial start with the 2024 European Cricket Championships already underway.
Don’t know about the 2024 European Cricket Championships? Or the 2023 version? Then you should. Or try harder.
The England v Australia ODI series may be on currently, but it proves there’s too much meaningless cricket, too many who cares fixtures, and that’s where the 2024 European Cricket Championships is different. Every game matters.
Countries from all around Europe flock to Spain to soak up the sun and their best cricketers take up the challenge for what the European Cricket body themselves call “The Euros of Cricket”.
And unlike the Football Euros, the European Cricket Championships has so many more nations, and so many more chances for a winner. And minnows are celebrated and not punished.
Sure, unlike the Euros of Football, the Euros of Cricket doesn’t feature the best cricketers in the world. And it doesn’t have to. There’s no big names, massive egos or indeed above a Warehouse Cricket level of skill. The beauty of the European Cricket Championships is that it gives the average Cricket Joe dreams of playing semi-international cricket. And often leads to a spike in Ancestry.com to see if there are any distant links to any of these European Cricket nations.
That’s not to say that the players don’t give it everything. They do. And it’s hard not to catch the infectious enthusiasm.
And unlike the Euros of Football there’s no big stadiums full of overpriced tickets and expectant fans. Just a ground in Malaga that’s big enough to be professional, but small enough for many, many sixes.
Or Maximos, as they are called in European Cricket by one of the great sporting commentators Mr Maximoooo himself.
The commentary matches the on ground action, with enthusiasm mixed with a laid back style making every match about 100 times more watchable than any cricket broadcast involving Michale Slater and co.
But be careful if you’re at the ground, the Maximos are dangerous, or you might have to go and help look for the ball caught up in the savannah like grass mounds.
Avoiding the odd six would be worth it though, as the Spanish sun, Gabba grass wicket and marquees looks like a cricket fan’s heaven. Perhaps the ECC should get week long tours up and running. Maybe they do. Maybe we’ll do it.
One of the other great things is that for Australian audiences, the 2024 European Cricket Championships are on in prime time, and then continue all the way to early morning.
Perfect for night shift, insomniacs, overnight service station workers, and those sports loving freaks who will shorten their lives to soak up any kind of sport they can watch.
Plus the games are only 10 overs a side, meaning there are multiple games on every gameday, mixing up your day/night of cricket.
And the 10 over format, which also has time limits means the cricket is fast paced, with the only down time usually due to a missing ball that have been smashed out of the park. Or into the clumps of bush that line the Spanish field.
Not only time limits, but the 10 over usually ensures even the more mis-matched games are competitive for longer. Unlike competitions like the Big Bash in Australia where the results looks determined early, and there’s still another hour left. Not the European Cricket Championship. It’s all good eatin’.
The competition is already underway with the second tier nearing finals. So you can choose to join the fun now, and get ready to get into the top tier of the 2024 European Cricket Championships later.
Follow the competition results and standing in all its glory below.
The EPL Donkey is back for another week with a Routemaster of opinion, and this week’s Premier League Week 6 Tips.
Putting the ass in sass, the EPL Donkey offers his thoughts on the week that was or could be or will be, often with little to do with football, before launching into his Premier League Week 6 Tips for the punters and fans.
The EPL Donkey’s Weekly Rant
Ahhhh, another midweek lot of League Cup, where no one cares except if your team is knocked out by a lower division team, which doesn’t happen much and not enough. The end result is usually someone playing Man City in the final, although they made hard work in their most recent match against Watford.
But maybe Man City should take it seriously, as with the 115 charges against them from the Premier League, they might not be able to win anything again this season, or for many more seasons.
But with all that in the courts, and who knows how long that could take.
If the penalty means relegation, can they sort that in time for the end of the season? Or will it drag into the off season, or indeed the following season, which could be good news for the third worst Premier League team this season I guess. And there could be appeals and counter-appeals and more boring legal drama like the court parts of Law and Order. Or maybe it would be like Ally McBeal. Although, one would prefer to see Ally McCoist cast in a football style remake.
Either way, and doubtful Ally McCoist would look good in a mini skirt, there’s a much better way. And more entertaining.
The offer for Man City and the Premier League is this. A Wheel of Fortune……
The Premier League create a giant wheel a la Wheel of Fortune which has potential punishments instead of meaningless TV money amounts.
Like 10 – 100 point deductions. Or Man City must immediately release 2 – 10 players. Or instant banishment to National League. Or exclusion from Cups. Or Europe. Or nothing, as in no punishment at all. There has to be some risk v reward.
All of these are loaded onto the wheel as potential outcomes. Man City can then risk it all, and avoid the lengthy delay and huge costs for one spin of the wheel.
And of course, it could all be televised live, and potentially more money made by making it a Box Office special. Or even play it in the cinemas. Play it everywhere. All that attention and potential for earning for one spin. One spin with a huge repercussions. For all of football. So why not punish and entertain.
Or do it the boring way through the courts. I know what the punters would want.
Talking of punters, here’s this week’s expert tips and small moaning summary on each game.
The EPL Donkey’s Week 6 Premier League Tips
NEWCASTLE v MAN CITY
Newcastle haven’t beaten Man City since 2019 in the league, and it’s been L8 D2 since. Slap on another L after this weekend.
Newcastle 1 Man City 3
EVERTON v CRYSTAL PALACE
Hard to believe these teams are winless after five matches. Actually no it’s not. Crystal Palace always start slow, then sack their manager and Everton are sh!t.
Everton 1 Crystal Palace 1
ARSENAL v LEICESTER
Leicester haven’t won at Arsenal on a Saturday since 1973. So safe to say they probably won’t win in 2024. Although, it’d be very Jamie Vardy to crash the party.
Arsenal 4 Leicester 1
BRENTFORD v WEST HAM
Some people said that West Ham hiring Julen Lopetegui to be their manager would be a bad idea. But they are unbeaten away this season. Pity Brentford are 2/2 at home.
Brentford 1 West Ham 1
CHELSEA v BRIGHTON
This could be the best game of the weekend.
Chelsea 2 Brighton 2
NOTTINGHAM FOREST v FULHAM
Who’d think heading into this Gameweek 6 game these teams would be 8th and 9th with just the one loss between them. Both clubs are likeable so I’ll be a coward and tip a draw.
Nottingham Forest 1 Fulham 1
WOLVES v LIVERPOOL
Wolves have had a tough start to the season fixtures-wise. So a visit for Liverpool won’t help.
Wolves 0 Liverpool 2
IPSWICH v ASTON VILLA
Only the most hopeful, desperate-for-a-win Ipswich fan would dare tip anything other than a pantsing from Aston Villa.
Ipswich 2 Aston Villa 1
MAN UTD v SPURS
Sort of a Battle of the Managers.
Man Utd 1 Spurs 2
BOURNEMOUTH v SOUTHAMPTON
These teams don’t like each other very much. The Premier League don’t seem to either by putting this on a Monday.
Five games in, and there’s still a record six teams without a win. That relegation battle is shaping up to be a beauty. Talking of winless, here are our Premier League Predictions Week 6 that are also in need of a win.
Each gameweek in the Premier League in 2024-25 we offer up a stat filled prediction preview, with some barely interesting stats and visuals, just enough to bluff your way through various tipping competitions or betting shops.
And stay tuned for the EPL Donkey, who serves up a slightly different view on the Premier League each week.
2024-25 Premier League Predictions Week 6
Barely Interesting Premier League Stats Week 6
Here you’ll find the choicest cuts of barely interesting stats on offer for every fixture this gameweek. Some may assist your tipping, others are barely worth a grunt. Either way, they are all yours.
NEW v MCI – Man City are unbeaten in 11 games v Newcastle (W9 D2).
NEW v MCI – Newcastle have won only one of their last 18 home games v Man City (W1 D4 L13). Man City have scored at least three goals in the last four games there.
EVE v CRY – Everton are unbeaten in their last eight home games v Crystal Palace (W3 D5). Everton have won their last three at home to Crystal Palace on a Saturday scoring three goals each time.
ARS v LEI – Arsenal have won five straight league games v Leicester. Arsenal are also unbeaten in 16 games at home on a Saturday v Leicester (W12 D4).
BRE v WHU – Brentford have won all three homes games v West Ham since returning to the Top Flight.
CHE v BHA – Chelsea have lost only one home game v Brighton (W8 D2 L1).
CHE v BHA – Brighton have won the last two games v Chelsea on a Saturday.
NFO v FUL – There were nine goals scored across the two games between these sides last season.
WOL v LIV– Liverpool have lost only one of their last 13 matches v Wolves (W11 D1 L1).
IPS v AVL – Aston Villa have lost only one in 14 games v Ipswich (W9 D4 L1) and are unbeaten in eight games v Ipswich anywhere (W5 D3).
IPS v AVL – These teams have never played on a Sunday.
MUN v TOT – Man Utd have lost only one of 13 games played between these sides at home on a Sunday (W9 D3 L1).
BOU v SOT – The home side has failed to win the last seven clashes between these sides (L5 D2).
Premier League Week 6 H2H Stats
Here are the H2H for Week 4 of the Premier League.
General Premier League Season Stats
This is where we put the current season stats. With only a few games played, this is about the most interesting we can find for now. But stayed tuned for more and better.
Here are The Gurgler’s 2024 Singapore Grand Prix Ratings – our way of rating the performances on the track without getting disqualified.
Our G-Power Rankings goes a little bit deeper than just points scored on the Sunday and has a slightly cooler name than most. We take on board Free Practice, Qualifying, performance in relation to teammate, fastest lap, and a few more stats that are attempting to highlight a driver outperforming the car and/or thrashing their teammate.
Plus, we have a range of stats and barely interesting facts from the 2024 F1 Season so far.
Here are the current overall standings for our Driver of the Year winner – the Martini Medal. Named in honour of one of F1’s most unsung heroes – Pierluigi Martini of Minardi fame.
We have the overall scores as they stand, plus a visual which shows the flow of each driver’s position throughout the season, plus a few points of interest below.
Here is the breakdown of the Driver of the Year points from the most recent race and the season so far. Remembering our ratings go across a whole weekend, so the race winner who may not have had a great qualifying or sprint race may not come out on top.
LATEST RACE RATINGS & DRIVER OF THE SEASON UPDATE
2024 Singapore Grand Prix Ratings – Teams
This is essentially using the same drivers stats but in reverse for the worst score, but taking out anything that is a H2H between the drivers.
And our annual award focuses on the other end of the grid, highlighting the worst team of the season.
Of course, the worst team of the season award needs to be named after the worst F1 team of all time. And if you want to fund out more about Andrea Moda, follow this link.
LATEST RACE & SEASON RATINGS
BEST OF 2024 STATS AND DRIVER OF THE YEAR
DRIVER 2024 H2H RECORD
Beating your team mate in F1 is very important, which is why we keep an eye on the H2H stats through the season.
New for this week is the overall H2H. Which means the H2H from every session – FP and Qualifying, plus who set a faster Fastest Lap and two points for beating the team mate in the race. Note: both have to feature in same Q session for H2H point.
2024 F1 QUALIFYING STATS
Here our qualifying analysis covers just about everything we could find on qualifying.
Below visuals: LEFT TOP – Season Compare. RIGHT TOP – Singapore GP Compare
FIRST LAP POSITION + GRID TO RACE RESULT GAINS
Races can’t be won or lost at the first corner, well actually they can be lost at the first corner, and a good one can make all the difference. Unless you drive a Red Bull, then it doesn’t really matter.
So here are the stats on the lightning fast starters and the slow pokes.
Kevin Magnussen is number one for the record.
FREE PRACTICE
Some say Free Practice is a giant waste of time, and they are probably right. Regardless here is the average position for each drivers in Free Practice this season. Each round an average of all the sessions.
2024 F1 Season Power Rankings – Points Explanation
Here’s how the points work this season. Essentially the perfect race (Win from Pole, Fastest Lap, thrash team mate, best in race etc) should amount to the perfect 100 points.
FIRST LAP GAINS +0.5pts per position gained -0.5pts per position lost.
CHAMPIONSHIP POINTS – 25pts to 1pt as per World Championship – Sprint Race Points added.
BEAT TEAM MATE (RACE) – 10pts (if both finish or other driver got self inflicted DNF)
FASTEST LAP – 5pts – 1pt for top five drivers.
GRID POSITION TO RACE POSITION – formula +/- relative finish to grid
BEST OF THE REST (RACE) – 5pts to 1pt – top five non Mercedes-Red Bull drivers
QUALIFYING – 20pts to 1pt – Grid Position 1 to 20.
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) – 5pts
BEST OF THE REST (QUALIFYING) – 5pts to 1pt – top five non Mercedes-Red Bull drivers
GREAT/GRAPE – 5pts Great 2pts Honourable Mention -2Pts Dishonourable Mention -5Pts Grape
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) Time Gap – Formula for % beaten team mate by
BEAT TEAM MATE (QUALIFYING) Position – 0.5 Pts for every position team mate is beaten by. 0 points for second car.
FREE PRACTICE HERO – 10Pts to 1Pt – Average Position across all three practice sessions.
WIN FROM POLE – Bonus 5 Points
WIN FROM POLE WITH FASTEST LAP – Bonus 10 Points
DNF Not Driver or Team Fault Minus 2 Points
DNF CAUSED BY DRIVER/TEAM INCOMPETENCE Minus 5 Points
SPRINT RACE POINTS – Points 8 to 1 as handed out in the sprint race.
SPRINT RACE CHANGE – 0.5 Points per change in end position to starting position.
SPRINT RACE QUAL – Points 8 to 1 as handed out in the order of qualifying 1st to 8th.
