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Kick to Come…The Gurgler on League

March 6, 2014

By Kaaps Loche.

Welcome to the first edition of Kick to Come, our view on League which we hope to bring you weekly throughout the season.

As the season kicks off tonight we release our first edition as a homage to the Qld league fan – slightly delayed. Not that it’s that big a deal that the game isn’t live tonight in Qld, as no one else on TV is showing, and if you can avoid the internet and radio who cares. Really it’s Queensland’s fault anyway for not embracing all the positive aspects of daylight savings, so we only have ourselves to blame. A cynic could also point to a revenge by NSW heavy sports hierarchy at Channel 9 for years of origin dominance. The worry is the intent from Nine that the Lock Desk Monster and ACA is more important than League. In case you’re wondering, dole bludgers, neighbours at war are interesting but not more than league. Enjoy the live game though Tasmania. League heartland.

As a Souths fan I don’t mind the extra wait, the prospect of beating the Roosters looks unlikely. Although it looks unlikely that many teams will be the Roosters this year. They seemed a work in progress last year with some good signings but quickly evolved into the deserving premiers they eventually became. However for all the talk of back to back and the talk is deserved, many a good Manly, Melbourne, Bulldogs sides over the years weren’t able to manage it. My money is on that the Roosters will go close. But anyone can tip a favourite.

The rest of the Top 4 will have many teams tipped as bolters or hopefuls, but is more than likely going to be the same as last year, and those sides haven’t gone backwards nor have any of the chasing pack gotten that much better. The usual overhyped Cowboys and NZ will be thrown around, but history proves the talk is different to walk. Not that both of these entertaining sides wouldn’t be welcomed in the sharp end of the year.

The midfield looks longer than usual with most of the remaining clubs having claims. Frenzied talk of Penrith has been bandied, but the recruiting of last chance saloon rejects from other clubs doesn’t inspire. Their quality under 20 side from last year does, and hopefully more of those will be included as year goes on. The Gurgler thinks the bolter will be Parramatta. Some good signings, and the most vital movement of Ricky Stuart departing can only be good.

Broncos expectations will be as low as ever in their history starting the year, and rightly so based on last year’s descent and awful trial form. The Gurgler predicts the expectations will lead to Griffin being the first coach given the full confidence of the board – read sacking. Maybe the Broncos could buy another fullback to get them out of their troubles.

The spoon looks reserved for Ricky Stuart to do a back to back club to club double. This will hopefully see the Whinge Express terminated for good.

Anyway, for no good reason here’s our predictions for the year.

NRL LADDER
Roosters
Rabbitohs
Storm
Manly
North Qld
Newcastle
New Zealand
Parramatta

Bulldogs
Penrith
Sharks
Brisbane
Tigers
St George
Gold Coast
Canberra

DALLY M
John Sutton

LEADING TRYSCORER
Michael Jennings

FIRST PLAYER IN TROUBLE
Anthony Watmough

STATE OF ORIGIN
QLD 2-1

Circling The Drain 3 – Gurgler’s Sporting Week in Review/Preview

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February 27, 2014

By Max Lane.

Another sporting week goes by, and another one looming providing plenty to discuss and dissect.

Australian Cricket proved it was too good to be true, the Winter Olympics finished (if you hadn’t noticed) and the Australian football seasons get closer and closer.

That will gives us more to talk about soon, in the meantime we have to settle for what’s on offer right now.

The STABILO BOSS HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK – brought to you by the NOKIA 7210.

– Jason Day’s win at the World Matchplay was a quality result for a quality guy. Hopefully it’s a warm up for a trophy filled majors tilt to improve on the excellent showing from last year.

– Sheffield Shield Cricket – just glad to have it back to fill those boredom dross filled days at work with Cricinfo and Local AM radio updates.

– Proper Rugby League trials. Proper results too (for a long suffering Souths fan). Both the Charity Shield and World Club challenge showed glimpses of two teams who should be in the sharp end of the comp this year.

THE “ABOVE THE TOP SHELF” PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK

– The announcement of the FFA Cup. It may be a slightly poorer cousin of the famous FA Cup in England, but it has potential to be a top notch sporting event. Not only a knockout winner takes all cup, but it has been engineered so lower league teams are primed to upset. All Non League v A League games are to be played at the lower team’s home ground. Also, the draw is designed so that 1 Non League Team will make the last 4. The lips smack with anticipation for a Brisbane blockbuster of North Pine vs Roar at Bob Brock Park.

GRAB THE PLUNGER – THE LOWLIGHTS

– In stark contrast to last week – the lowlight is the Aussie cricket team’s loss in the second test. One could add the cliché of one week is long time in sport, but we couldn’t be bothered, even though it’s true. Although some factors were against the Aussies like an ordinary pitch on the first day, they were thoroughly beaten by quality South African bowling. It also shows just how much the Haddin bonanza saved our rings in the Ashes. Our top order is far too inconsistent, and centuries only seem to come when the person in question is close to losing their place. Case in point our opener who was on the chopping block before the test. Going on that form, the whispers of unhappiness about Michael Clarke will ensure a game winning century this test.

– Special mention to Nathan Lyon’s shot in the first innings, which is one of the worst attempts to a show this summer.

– Brisbane Broncos – looking an ordinary season ahead if the pus they served up in NZ continues.

– Winter Olympics Closing ceremony. Is there anything more useless and wasteful than an opening ceremony. Yes, a closing ceremony. A Winter Olympics one no less. Good to spend several millions on a celebration to tell everyone where the next one is. Not that anyone will remember or know now where the next one is. Somewhere in Korea I think.

– Man Utd fans whinging about how bad their team is. Try spending a lifetime in the lower divisions.
INTERMISSION LINK – kill some time.

You think you love football?

SPORTING MYSTERIES – sponsored by Rodger Davis Menswear. It’s Plus Four – Plus!

LUCAS NEILL – the forgotten man of Australian Football. Hard to think that an Australian captain of any sport would be booed by his own fans, and Michael Clarke aside, Lucas Neill has received that “honour”.

It is something he won’t have to worry about next week in London as he was overlooked for the friendly at Millwall. Fairly too in this regard seeing he hasn’t had a club for some time. Despite best efforts to sell himself to football clubs like a meat tray at an RSL, the best he could do was Watford in the UK Championship.

His old club Blackburn were ok to let him train with the kids but not a full time or even temp gig. Harder to imagine is no A League wanted him either. Not sure what riders he had to come and join, but surely he would have offered to play for free to make the World Cup. If it wasn’t for the Elton John’s former team, he may well have been playing for the powerhouses of Marconi or Sydney Olympic in the NSW League.

UPCOMING WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS – presented by Womack Industries Inc. (Formerly Womack & Womack)

– Final F1 Test in Bahrain. Last chance for Red Bull to get more laps on their car before the season starts. Other teams get their chance to keep the advantage. With all the unreliability and unpredictability of the cars, Melbourne looks to be a cracker in a few weeks time.

– Adelaide 500 – whilst on motorsport, the V8’s kick off this weekend. A shame the two races have been changed to three, but still a welcome return. Safety nuts will find it hard to contain the excitement of Volvo’s introduction. Unfortunately not the station wagon driven by Rikard Rydell back in the 90’s.

– QRL Rugby League returns. An early start, but for a good reason – the Superbowl vs NSW Cup on Grand Final day that is well overdue. What better fixture to kick off the first round than perennial achievers Redcliffe against newcomers Papua New Guinea. Some bone rattling crunches will surely be on offer and the Gurgler will be there to recover the bits of human and report for your pleasure.

– 3rd Cricket Test v South Africa. Both teams have flogged the other, and now it comes down to a series defining test at a ground that Australia was bowled out for a total less than an under 12 cricket has to retire at. 2nd in the world and another failure for South Africa to beat Australia at home in the modern era is at stake. As are the standard top order batting places.

THE BEST BETS OF THE WEEKEND

QRL MULTI $18.50
+ PNG to cover 14.5 points v Redcliffe
+ Norths to beat Ipswich
+ Wynnum to beat Tweed
+ Easts to beat Mackay

MICHAEL CLARKE MOST RUNS 1st INNINGS – $4.50

SHANE VAN GISBERGEN ADELAIDE 500 WINNER $10.

Circling The Drain – 2 – Week of Sport in Review/Preview

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February 19, 2014

By Max Lane.

Back by popular demand is our weekly review of all things good, and some that are bad in the world of sport. Well, according to us anyway.

League was back, Cricket return to our screens, and the Winter Olympics is still on.

But that’s not all of it, we’ll cover what we think is worth talking about below.

Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding.

The STABILO BOSS HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK – brought to you by CANBERRA MILK

– First up, has to be the Australian Cricket Team. After the high of the Ashes series, it was always going to be interesting to see if the progress made during the summer would continue against the number one team in the world away from home. Happily, it looks good after one test. Yes, it’s only one test, but the manner of destruction in South Africa is a good sign for a new era of goodness. There’s still work needed like a firing top order, but what a distance we’ve come since the Indian and England series less than a year ago.

– Queensland Bulls also get a nod this week for an incredible win against the odds. After South Australia battered Queensland around for days and many hours, and Queensland responded with bugger all, a large loss looked likely. But like any Queensland sporting side they set about amassing the near 500 runs with spirit, and with a few overs remaining on the last day crossed the line with just 5 wickets down. In ended up the second biggest successful chase in Shield history. A long cry from the biggest chase which was another of those 1980’s disappointment for Queensland when ironically South Australia made just over 500 runs to beat Queensland.

– Whilst still on cricket – a shout out for anyone who scores a triple century. So kudos to Mr McCallum from NZ for his Bag O’Runs against the soon to be replaced 2nd best test side in the world. Not bad going after a double in the previous test. All whilst keeping and captaining. Talk about all rounder, batsmen everywhere else in the world have no excuse.

– Auckland 9’s – quite a risky concept, but one that looks to be have been a hit with all involved. The fans loved it, and the dressing up was first rate. The football itself was not bad either, less of the bastardised version of League that was expected. The success highlight that a Magic Weekend concept copied from UK where all teams play at one venue over a weekend would be a great idea and a highlight of the fixture list outside origin. Hopefully the success of the 9’s convinces them to do it.

– Mourinho vs Wenger – quality thinly or invisible veiled swipes at each other keep the football world ticking in the brief moments when nothing is happening on the field.

THE “ABOVE THE TOP SHELF” PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK

– Has to be Mitchell Johnson. Before the Ashes series who would have thought that the mo would have transformed the erratic left armer into the most feared fast bowler in the world. Breath was held awaiting the South African series to see if the same Mitchell Johnson from the Ashes would show up, and happily he did, and then some. Some of the bowling was brutish, setting up real fear amongst the opposition for the rest of this series, if not batsmen all around the world.

GRAB THE PLUNGER – THE LOWLIGHTS

– Winter Olympics – yes it’s on. Now Australia can go back to usual caring levels now that the hyped superstars have all missed gold. Although 2 silver and a bronze is still a great effort for a country which has had a s many 40+ days this summer as we have had.

– Graeme Smith’s blaming pitch for first test loss. Both sides batted on it.

THE STREET MONEY OF THE WEEK

Australian Olympic Committee reportedly spending $1 Million on Chumpy Pullin.

If the reports are true, then the funding of Alex Chumpy Pullin to the tune of a million seems to be a poor investment. Like in horse racing anyone with a million to spare can back the most obvious short priced favourite, and when they lose a harsh lesson is learnt. No winter Olympian is worth that kind of money. That’s what Red Bull for, to spend multi million dollars on extreme sporting stars.

UPCOMING WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS – presented by Womack Industries Inc. (Formerly Womack & Womack)

– 2nd Test v South Africa – more of the same please. A win would almost secure Australia as second best in the world and on the right path to the crown.
– F1 testing at Bahrain. With the first test a minor waste of time except for marvelling at the nose sections on the new cars to match this year’s attempt to slow down the cars, hopefully Bahrain will offer something more meaningful in how the grid will shape up this year. Surely Renault can’t have a worse test, so we’ll see the Red Bulls in action. A team hoping the temps will be higher than their total of points lasty season will be Williams. After a promising first test, a lot of people are hoping the timely switch from Renault to Merc will pay dividends this year. Losing Maldonaldo Venezuelan cash and being replaced by Martini branding can only be a good thing.
– A couple of proper League Games are coming up too. World Club Challenge and the annual Charity Shield. Both should prove good contests, and a welcome taste for the season ahead.

THE JACK THE SLASHER ALMOST FORGOT EVENTS

– More Winter Olympics but especially the Ice Hockey – highlight of the games.
– AFL Pre Season Tournwa continues all over the place.
– Bound to be some Golf somewhere – World Matchplay is usually interesting, for golf.
– A League

THE BEST BETS OF THE WEEKEND

Sydney Roosters / South Sydney Double – $1.90
Draw – Friday Night A League – Central Coast v Wellington – $3.50
Ian Poulter to win World Matchplay – $29.00

Circling The Drain – Gurgler’s Weekly Sport Review/Preview

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February 13, 2014

By Max Lane.

Welcome to what we hope will be our weekly sports debrief and view into the future. Highlighting the best and worst of what we’ve seen and read and the things with traction that have our appetites truly whetted. As ever we’ll try and highlight some of the lesser known heroes when we can but still balance that by caning anyone who deserves.

The STABILO BOSS HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK – brought to you by CHEP

– Brad Hogg spinning the Perth Scorchers to the BBL title. Another whole hearted performance from Hogg shows why the Perth crowd chant his name and love him with every justification. Insert your bottle of wine reference if you like, but Hogg is as good as ever. Hogg.
– Not one for Arsenal fans – but the first half from Liverpool was worth watching last Saturday night – it was enjoyable on radio and a replay later. It also makes the EPL title race all the more interesting. Add the midweek results into the mix and Liverpool are only 4 points behind the leaders now, with games at home to the other top three teams after Arsenal, could we see a genuine four horse race to the title.
– Rugby League is back, yes only trial games, but still League is back. To celebrate over 11,000 fans converged on Dolphin Oval to see the “local derby” between Broncos and Cowboys. The scoreline was almost as shocking as wondering how Dolphin Oval fit in that many people. Some NRL teams may struggle to beat that this year. What price a Redcliffe tilt at the NRL instead of the Brisbane Bombers. p.s. Brisbane Bombers won’t work.

THE “ABOVE THE TOP SHELF” PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK

Australian T20 selectors forgoing the usual building for the future for our T20 World Cup and picking on form – case in point – Brads Hogg and Hodge.

GRAB THE PLUNGER – THE LOWLIGHTS

– UK Wild Weather – cancel my Football will you?
– Winter Olympics – it’s just not that interesting. Although having to jump over the babushka doll is a good start.
– Not many sporting lowlights this week – so the overhyped, sensationalist reporting and coverage of the Schapelle Corby release can have a pay this week. After her $2 Million interview or whatever, hopefully she will go down the same path of anonymity as forgotten contestants from The Block, Mark “Jacko” Jackson and Hotdogs.

THE COME-UPPANCE OF THE WEEK

Dale Begg-Smith.

The occasional Australian athlete’s attitude of snootiness is OK for the very best of sportsman, whose achievements overcome some personality traits. But DBS acts like the internet millionaire living somewhere in the Caribbean he is, thinking that the results will save him. When they don’t, you’re just a douche. Maybe someone should tell the former Canadian that appearing to give stuff to media and the Australian public won’t kill him – we only care once every 4 years. It is Winter Olympics and no one will give a flying f*** about you for the other 1400 or so days between tournaments. Even then we really only care when you’re winning. So for the man who pouted his way through silver 4 years ago, enjoy the peaceful serenity of wherever you go back to. No doubt it won’t be Australia, and we won’t care.

UPCOMING WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS – presented by Womack Industries Inc. (Formerly Womack & Womack)

– Hopefully plenty more Australian runs and South African wickets. A good day one will hopefully be followed by excellent Days Two to Five. The first session is almost prime time viewing and great viewing for the cricketing purist, occasionally interest sports fan and insomniacs and new parents. Also interesting will be which Mitchell Johnson turns up this series. The one that played against England please.
– FA CUP Round 5 – with the top 4 playing each other in two quality games, it opens up the rest of the competitions to teams who usually don’t care, don’t win and the loveable minnows. Theydon Bois will tip his specials tomorrow, he tipped Southampton to win the cup as per of Tipstramdamus. So it is opening up for them.
– NRL 9’s – it may be a bastardised truncated version of league, but it’s still league and most welcome. A royal sampler package to see your team for the first time and for the eager bargain hunters of Supercoach and affiliates to get their first form guide.

THE MARK GREATBATCH ALMOST FORGOT EVENTS

– More Winter Olympics
– AFL Pre Season Tournwa
– Bound to be some Golf somewhere
– A League

THE BEST BETS OF THE WEEKEND

NRL 9’s Winner – New Zealand – $4.25
NRL 9’s Top Try Scorer – Kevin Gordon (Gold Coast) – $15.00
NEWCASTLE JETS to beat BRISBANE ROAR – $7.50

The Gurgler’s Wishlist – Sport

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February 4, 2014

By Theydon Bois.

Our final instalment in our wishlist sets up our vision for the world this year. Most importantly the world of sport.

As the great former Liverpool manager Bill Shankly once said “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude . I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.” The Gurgler concurs and we spread our love across most sports, although as you’ll read below we won’t be relying on living or dying by our wishes. But here’s hoping.

– Mark Webber win Le Mans at first opportunity, finally beating Vettel to something, and showing his quality as well as exorcising demons from his previous aerobatics. Minimum – make it past the first corner.

– Whilst we’re on motorsport – please someone other than Vettel to win one of the races this year. Minimum – in a touch of irony Vettel winning the championship after coming from behind and only winning because of the double points created to combat him winning the title.

– ICC deems One Day cricket a waste of time and leave just T20 and Tests. Will we expand on this in the coming weeks. Minimum – fewer games.

– Channel 9 to go broke and have to relinquish both Cricket and NRL coverage. Minimum – a scandal involving Michael Slater forcing him to resign from all forms of television.

– Brad Hogg to be selected and spin Australia to victory in T20 World Cup. Minimum – England not winning will suffice.

– Australia to at least not get flogged in the first game of the World Cup Football, given us football fans a few more days to dream before playing Spain and Holland. Minimum 2 – 0 or less.

– FIFA finally work out that a World Cup in summer in Qatar is a stupid idea in addition to all the human rights issues building the stadiums and the total outcry after continued protests and hands 2022 World Cup to Australia. Minimum – give it to England.

– Ipswich Town to break cycles of mediocrity and challenge for promotion. Minimum – more mediocrity.

– English Premier League to go down to last day at both end of the table including a 10 way battle for relegation. Minimum – 8 way battle for relegation.

– South Sydney to finally repay loyal fans and win a Grand Final. Minimum – will take a losing Grand Final appearance.

– A Redcliffe Dolphins v North Sydney Bears final on NRL Grand Final day. Minimum – South Sydney make the Grand Final.

– Ricky Stuart aka Carlos Smearson to fail at Canberra and finally lose his last chance at scowling his way through an NRL season. Minimum – wooden spoon for starters.

– Miguel Angel Jiminez to win all four majors. Minimum – US Masters – can’t you picture that Green Jacket with a big fat cigar.

SHORT AND SWEET.
– There is no Brazilian version of the vuvuzela at this World Cup.
– AFL to introduce 9’s competition to rival NRL.
– NRL to move Grand Final to 3pm.
– Rugby Union goes broke and disappears.

FINALLY….
Will someone hurry up and finish the bloody ASADA Drugs In Sport investigation. With the whole sorry saga about to blow the candles for a first time, just think of the action taken thus far. Parading all the heads of sport on the podium in Canberra telling everyone not to underestimate what they know reeked of a school principal publicly shaming a handful of students for a food fight. We may well underestimate what they know, but we can certainly say we overestimated how much action they take. But then again, it is a government department of sorts. You can visit the ASADA website for a myriad of FAQ’s.

Politics and sport usually don’t and shouldn’t mix. Aside from the occasion jersey thrown over the top of a business shirt whilst unconvincing handballs and spiral passes are thrown for a stunt, or handing out the third place trophy at the Grand Prix, politicians should stay well away. They ruin just about everything in everyday life, so leave our sport alone.

Not that The Gurgler wishes ill upon The Sharks, but surely they deserve not have known one way or the other before entering a second season of innuendo. Surely still, Sandor Earl shouldn’t be the only scapegoat thus far if the crimes are as widespread as the bureaucrats say it is.

But never fear, they’ve imported an ex judge to speed things along, which may get us to April before knowing any more. It may be of unprecedented complexity, but that’s Canberra excuse talk to cover backsides. Let’s hope that a second birthday of “the darkest day in Australian Sport” isn’t celebrated.

All New Quiz Page

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January 25, 2014

Who’s got time to waste? You do? Correct.

Check out our new feature and use the Quiz Time menu link.

Enjoy. Eat the pudding.

Gurgler’s 2014 Wishlist – TV

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January 22, 2014

By Kaaps Loche.

My letter sent to Santa was returned the other day. No Christmas present for me. So, looks like he didn’t even check his list once for me. Fat, useless, fool.

So in lieu of my Christmas wishes, I’m sending my letter to The Gurgler on my wishes for 2014 entertainment. Although I’m expecting the same response.

1 – KFC to stop sponsoring cricket for the love of God. Although they should be commended for disposing of the perfect storm of douche (Madden-Slater bowls love fest) that’s enough of the saturation of their saturated fat. Also, if you are advertising something, how’s about actually having someone who will eat the stuff. Case in point – Australia v England burger – 2 men – zero bites.

And for fast food in general – fewer wankers pretending or not even bothering to eat the food. Show us someone with a size larger than 6 who you know will actually eat it. And for McDonalds summer ad, no way would I accept an arse $5 note from anyone to pay for food.

2 – A Stefanovic Death Match – two brothers fight to the death so there is only one left to host all seven days of Today show. Whilst on the Today show, how about at least pretending that Sydney and Melbourne aren’t the centre of the universe and send the weather person to another place. On second thoughts it’s only Steven Jacobs so they can have him, and in fact I don’t really care anyway.

3 – More news. A weekday day off shows what life is like during the week and should provide all the motivation to find a job if that is the case. I can also say is that they should be the most informed people on earth which news covering most of the day. Although, second thoughts again, they do include those aimless, brainless, painful forum full of people who you barely recognise, care about or understand why they are giving you their opinion on the subject of the day. Kochie’s Angels, G Gap, Channel 9 Yap fest, any post 9am weekday show – so pointless, so worthless, so commercial news.

4 – Improve Reality TV Shows
MKR – More Crying
THE BLOCK – More use of blockisms at every opportunity – also see our previous article about new Block ideas.
https://www.thegurgler.com/2013/09/23/new-ideas-for-the-block-2014/
MASTERCHEF – In addition to more tears – new Masterchef ideas after Kids, Professionals and Celebrities. Please consider the following:
Masterchef Animals – Elephant v Donkey v Dog v Cat etc.
Masterchef Christmas Island
Masterchef Centrelink
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE – more of the same big names please.
BIG BROTHER – release a bear at midnight

5 – Clive Palmer to have Hinch style 7pm current affairs show. If not available due to Canberra duties, a weekly Sunday night address to the nation would suffice, entertain and inform.

6 – Creflo A Dollar Jnr bumped to prime time.

7 – Coles and Woolworths to be limited to one ad per hour per channel. Please, it’s not enough that they have cornered the supermarket game, now they have TV covered with their range of ads. Enough. Enough I say.

8 – A few more advertorials channels of Freeview would be good. Robot Vacuums need more time.

9 – Underbelly – Tour de France

10 – Sports Tonight to return to its 30 minute daily programme hosted by Roy and HG.

11 – Lotto draws to be revamped, hosted by Hotdogs, and to include the drawn ball to be shot out of a mini cannon, exploding on impact and the number illuminating from the smoke. Lotto judges to be a rotating roster of Elvis impersonators, Seeing Eye Dogs, Former NQ Fury A League players and Tim Webster.

12 – A large enough scandal that removes Michael Slater from all TV. ALL. If only he realised how universally he was hated.

All that or just watch Foxtel and especially Fox Sports.

The Gurgler’s 2014 Tipstradamus 100

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January 18, 2014

Welcome to the home of the year’s longest tipping comp.

Here’s our selection of tips for the nominated events.

Feel like having a go? Then send yours to contact.gurgler@gmail.com

CURRENT STATS
Event Completed – 0
Running balance – $0.00

Gurgler’s 2014 Wishlist – Politics

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January 14, 2014

So we’ve made it to another year. Some people make new year’s resolutions, often a lot of them broken already, some barely see the sunrise of January 1. We at The Gurgler aren’t even motivated enough to create a resolution that we could ignore.

Instead we’re providing lists of certain things we’d love to see during the new year. Most if not all probably won’t happen, but you can only dream.

First up is our wishlist of politics. We’ll deliver our 2014 wishes on Sport, Entertainment, and other things soon. One at a time.

POLITICS WISHLIST

By Patrick Heisenberg.

2013 was a year of change in Australian Federal politics, and with no election planned for this year or for a while yet you would think there’s not much for us to wish for. Well, it is politics anyway, how boring, and what could you possibly wish for.

Well for starters, the talk of a possible double dissolution election gets The Gurgler very excited, waiting with anticipation to launch our election tipping game. The potential for plenty of Antony Green also gets the inner nerd fired up.

2013 did provide some of the most surprising members of parliament and senate parties in Australian Political History.

If we are lucky enough to get another election this year and since the Labor party are so far behind and need to make up the seats, The Gurgler provides a list of potential new members of parliament for Labor to challenge the government and provide as much entertainment as Mr Palmer.

NEW CANDIDATES

MAC TONIGHT

Since the departure of Peter Garrett from the ALP they’ve needed another entertainer to bring some oomph into the party room. Who better than late night food peddling musician. Long nights in the party room will be no problem and members will be well fed. Potential for Education portfolio given how much McDonalds speaks to the kids. Happy Meals for all.

GUY FROM I-SELECT AD

With all the budget cuts needed in the post Gillard-Rudd axis, who better to save money from the budget especially in the health department. Potential new Health minister.

TOM PIOTROWSKI

Who better to take the reins as the new ALP Treasurer than Tom. See also: Robert Gottliebsen, Bernie Fraser if Tom’s not available.

CHAIRMAN KAGA from Iron Chef

If ALP win they’ll need to supply the speaker of the house. Who better to have in that role than the chairman. He could unveil each new law to be discussed with his usual flair and give Australian politics the pizazz it sorely needs. Order In The House ratings would soar. If that show is still on. If not it should be, with Kaga only.

RICHARD WILKINS

Former Keynotes host would be perfect Foreign Minister given his experience with celebrities all around the world. What world problems couldn’t be solved with a little Dicky Wilkins. The Republic of Buble would certainly toe the line.

THE ABC TRAFFIC GUY BRAD

Easy going, loved by all. Eloquent. A man to rely upon with traffic reports. Perfect front man for the infrastructure brief.

MARK WEBBER

Anyone who can survive the politics of F1 Racing and Red Bull will find federal politics a breeze. Sports Minister.

WARWICK CAPPER

Why not? If the Sunshine Coast could find themselves voting in Clive Palmer, surely the Gold Coast could see their way in giving the great man a nod for Canberra. Surely, parliament is big enough to have another larger than life figure too.

See also: BILLY J SMITH, BILLY BIRMINGHAM, AL from ALTEC and JOHN DEEKES.

NEW SENATE PARTIES

Since the Motoring Enthusiasts party got in at the last election we thought we’d suggest some more worthy entrants for your consideration and vote at the next tip off.

RACEHORSE OWNERS PARTY
DOGWALKERS AUSTRALIA PARTY
ANYONE WHO HAS BOUGHT A JEEP PARTY
HOLLYWOOD REPORTERS PARTY
VIENETTA APPRECIATION PARTY
ILLEGAL DOWNLOADERS PARTY
ALL YOU CAN EAT PARTY

NEW LAWS

In Queensland the LNP have cracked down on Bikie gangs with some new laws and powers to halt the problem. We think – why stop there? Please accept our list of other things ready for the Newman clampdown.

Minimum 5 years for People who fail to indicate when turning left.
Minimum 5 years for People who don’t say thanks when someone is courteous to them.
2 years without parole for anyone who is a complete douche and won’t take their feet off public transport.
10 years for anyone who has bought a jeep.
1 year for anyone thinking about it.
Same level of non congregating Bikie laws for magicians, circus performers and Rugby Union players.

Hope you’ve enjoyed our take on 2014 politics, check out our Sport wishlist next.

The Gurgler’s 2014 Tipstradamus 100

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January 4, 2014

2019 sporting predictions — Theydon Bois - Sports Editor

By Theydon Bois.

Welcome to the ultimate sports tipping challenge. Also the largest time wasting exercise of the Christmas-New Year holiday period.

Just in case I am abducted by aliens or lose complete interest in updating anything on this website, I have submitted tips in 100 sporting events spread throughout the year.

For each event we place an imaginary $1 bet. We will endeavour to keep you updated on their progress. For the events that don’t currently have a price we’ll update that with the odds before the events starts.

If you are interested in our selections please visit the dedicated page or click on the link below to save some time.

https://www.thegurgler.com/gurglers-2014-tipstradamus-100/

Feel free to join in with your own selections, see if you can beat The Gurgler. Use our contact page to send us your tips. Although given no one has the time to read this let alone send in 100 tips, I declare The Gurgler winners of Tipstradamus 100 for 2014.

As ever – bet early – bet often.

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