Circling The Drain – Gurgler’s Week O Sport

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August 13, 2014

What a week, seems only yesterday we were writing about the great week in sport that had just passed, and now it’s time to describe another.

NRL and AFL are starting to get interesting, English and European Football is kicking off, the last golf major has been run and won, and plenty of other action that has been forgotten or ignored in the case of Rugby Union.

SOUTHS/BRONCOS – One team making a run for the minor premiership, one trying to stay in touch with the Top 8, both had excellent wins. Souths were mightily impressive taking down the previously high-flying Manly, leading many to start counting Grand Final eggs. Broncos were good, but were helped by a very ordinary Dog performance led by Josh Reynolds (see Plunger).

MARC MARQUEZ – 10 in a row, yet to lose a race this year, and youngest to….do everything. Not since Mick Doohan has a season ticked by so one-sided.

RORY McILLROY – Has now won back to back majors and back to back US tournaments. Kept his number 1 and consolidated it for a while. Life is sweet for the British* star. * Note – will become Northern Irish once wins dry up.

MARCOS AMBROSE – As the NASCAR circus lands in upstate New York specifically at Watkins Glen and drivers have to add right hand turns to their skill sets, Marcos Ambrose speeds towards the front of the pack. A win in the second tier Nationwide race, and a close second in the Sprint Cup shows he is the master of the right hand turn.

AFL TOP THREE – Have just about sealed the all important top four final spot.

JOSH REYNOLDS – Typified the downward spiral of the Bulldogs with one of the worst performances of the year. Finally given ten minutes off with a few minutes remaining, he celebrated by perfecting the kick he should have been sent off for earlier in the evening. Luckily his final victim was a plastic chair. Hard to imagine that a third trip to the report book in three months for a kick in the face and a trip that would have had a South American football player requiring helicopter medivac mercy dash receiving three weeks. Maybe the neat coincidence of three applies.

TONY STEWART – A bad weekend that involved an accident which led to the death of a compeditor in a sprintcar race. Maybe he’ll think twice about trying a sprintcar after some of his last adventures ended in a broken leg and a fist fight.

HUDDERSFIELD TOWN – smashed 4 – 0 at home and looking for a new manager after just one game. Quite a feat in a division where the average lifespan of a manager is nearing less than a season.

MIGUEL ANGEL JIMINEZ – sadly didn’t make the cut, and looks like time is running out for the major he so deserves. The Senior Tour awaits, which had better get it’s no smoking laws in shape.

SOUTHS to beat BRONCOS
CANBERRA to beat Dragons
FREMANTLE to beat Hawthorn
QPR v HULL – under 2.5 goals total
H.MATSUYAMA – win Wyndham Champ.
INBEE PARK to win Ladies US PGA
$1 Multi $1,168

The Own Goal – Opening Weekend Tips

By

admin

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August 8, 2014

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And so to the reason this entire website was set up – to share the most underperforming football tips in the world.

CHAMPIONSHIP MULTI 1
BLACKBURN to beat Cardiff
IPSWICH to beat Fulham
WOLVES to beat Norwich
Multi pays $13

CHAMIONSHIP MULTI 2
BRENTFORD to beat Charlton
NOTTS FOREST to beat Blackpool
MIDDLESBROUGH to beat Birmingham
BOLTON to beat Watford
Multi pays $16

LEAGUE ONE
COVENTRY to beat Bradford
FLEETWOOD to beat Crewe
LEYTON ORIENT to beat Chesterfield
PRESTON to beat Notts County
Multi pays $18

LEAGUE TWO
Draw Cambridge/Plymouth
AFC WIMBLEDON to beat Shrewsbury
Draw Tranmere/York
SOUTHEND to beat Accrington Stanley
BURY to beat Cheltenham
Multi pays $130

The Shank – Gurgler’s US PGA Preview

By

Kaaps Loche

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August 7, 2014

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So we come to this, the final golfing major of the year, the US PGA. The poor man’s, red headed step child, 4th favourite major, no less.

We’ve got our unique take on the tournament, which won’t take any time at all. Sure you could go to a better site with more useful information, but that’s not why you’re here is it?

Nestled in amongst last rounds of NRL and AFL, start of English Football, World Cups, various other sports, and Commonwealth Games (OK maybe not the Comm Games has been a distraction), it’s easy to forget it’s on.

However miss the shindig at your peril. The US PGA is the Crap Fantale special tournament with many of the winners being one time only major winners who occasionally disappear into obscurity afterwards.

In that tradition – please accept The Gurglers favourite obscure US PGA winners, whilst we think of what to write next.

2009 – YE Yang
2003 – Shaun Micheel
2002 – Rich Beem
2001 – David Toms
1995 – The Elk
1992 – Nick Price
1990 – Wayne Grady
1988 – Jeff Sluman
1986 – Bob Tway
1983 – Hal Sutton
1977 – Lanny Watkins
1919 – Jim Barnes

This year the circus comes to Valhalla Golf Club, which is nestled in Louisville Kentucky on the East Coast-ish of USA. It has hosted the US PGA a few times before and even the US Seniors tournament.

Some quick Louisville, Kentucky tidbits-
Hosts Kentucky Derby horse race
Sister Cities include Quito, Leeds and Perm in Russia.
Famous people – Muhammad Ali, James Best (aka Rosco P Coltrane), Fuzzy Zoeller.

Previous Winners at Valhalla
1996 US PGA – Mark Brooks
2000 US PGA – Tiger Woods.

What can’t be sneezed at is not only the prize money, which totals $US 10 million, but the winner gets a free pass for life in this tournament, plus a 5 year welcome at the other 3 majors. Throw in 5 years on the PGA Tour and European Tour, and four good days makes a lifetime of cash. It does seem like an absent parent that they throw money at this instead of the prestige of the other three, but still not bad if you can get it.

Talking about who’s going to get it, we’d thought it would be remiss of us to throw our two cents or fifty cents at the market for your consideration.

TO WIN:
Tiger Woods @ $34 (Why not at that price)
Miguel Angel Jiminez @ $201
Kevin Stadler @ $201
Jamie Donaldson @ $126
Jason Day @ $51

TOP 10
Miguel Angel Jiminez @ $12
Hideki Matsuyama @ $4.50
Jordan Spieth @ $4.50

OTHER BEST
First Round Low Score
Sergio Garcia @ $26
Three or more Aussies in Top 10 @ $13

Circling the Drain – Gurgler’s Week O Sport

By

Max Layne

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August 6, 2014

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So we’ve made it to another week. Might I say what a shame the Commonwealth Games are over, but in what style. Nothing beats a Closing ceremony does it? More later.

RORY MCILLROY – Not a bad run for the Briton (read: Northern Irishman when he loses) a British Open winner, US Tour Winner and number 1 all in the last month.

PNG HUNTERS – Another win, another step closer to a sweet, sweet finals berth and a chance at Superbowl glory.

MIGUEL ANGEL JIMINEZ – More of hope than an achievement for this week’s coming US PGA. The Mechanic is due. More tomorrow in our Golf preview.

FOOTBALL AGENTS – The transfer Window is still open for another few week but up until now the top 20 transfers in Europe total just over 1 billion Australian dollars. That’s just the transfer fee not the wage. Good money for everyone involved.

CHANNEL 7 GET THE OLYMPICS BACK – Although Olympics aren’t really our cup of tea, the removal of the games from Channel 9 has many, many upsides. No Stefanovics, Eddie Maguire, Emma Freedman, Michael Slater, et al. Hopefully Ch7 wrote into the contract that none of the above can come.

THE ABOVE THE TOP SHELF PERFORMANCE
The World Cup inspired cross from Chris McQueen during Souths game in Cairns last week was the highest of quality finish you could find. Whether it was meant or not, it was some of the finest.

GRAB THE PLUNGER – THE WEEK’S LOSERS

RICKY STUART – Heading for a wooden spoon in consecutive years with different clubs. Putting his own brand of polish in the nation’s capital has been to the detriment of the Raiders who timed the wearing of a Hulk jersey poorly with a terrible performance that would fail to topple any Qld Cup side.

NRL JERSEYS – Further from above – enough different jerseys and special rounds. Manly do not play in Yellow and Blue. Surely teams should have a home and away jersey only with a one off special jersey.

EXIT STRATEGY FROM IPSWICH 400 V8 RACE
If you expect anyone to go to this race from outside the Ipswich council range then think of better ways to get fans in and out. Sending them through 30 minutes of unlit dirt roads so they have the privilege of driving 20 kilometres the wrong way before heading in some kind of proper direction toward the capital is BS.

Add to that the track is rubbish, and you have all the possible reasons to move back to the hallowed turf of Qld motorsport – Lakeside.

UPCOMING HIGHLIGHTS

US PGA – The final Golfing Major – we’ll talk more tomorrow.
WATKINS GLEN NASCAR – They have to turn right – meaning Marcus Ambrose comes to the fore.
NRL FRIDAY NIGHT – Souths 2nd v Manly 1st plus Brisbane v Bulldogs for two sides desperate for wins. Only taken until August to have two games worth watching on a Friday night.
UK FOOTBALL – Championship, League One and League Two kick off this weekend, followed by the start of the League Cup midweek. Goodbye to sleep on a Saturday night until May.
FFA CUP – More of the round of 32 in this surprisingly excellent tournament.

THE MEH OF THE WEEK

COMMONWEALTH GAMES AND CLOSING CEREMONY – The Games were just a bit dull. But then came the closing ceremony. Like most of the closing ceremonies, they are a complete waste of time and money. Not even Kylie or some unknown Australian interloper could make it interesting.

Surely if the whole process was to hand over the games to the Gold Coast you could have included the former AFL great, former mayoral candidate wannabe, porn star, actor, only person thrown off Celebrity Big Brother, Warrick Capper.

THE GURGLER’S MEGA-MULTI
PNG HUNTERS to beat Ipswich
MARC MARQUEZ to win US Moto GP
SOUTHS to beat Manly
ESSENDON to beat Richmond
MIGUEL ANGEL JIMINEZ – Top 25
MARCOS AMBROSE to win NASCAR at Watkins Glen
League 1 – FLEETWOOD to beat Crewe
League 2 – BURY to beat Cheltenham
Championship – NOTTS FOREST to beat Blackpool

$1 Multi pays $715.

Gurgler Event presents…A Gurgler Movie Night

By

Harlan Bulwer

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August 4, 2014

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Join us for a Gurgler Movie Night – Coming Soon to the following locations…
Tivoli Drive In.
Dawn Cinemas.
Illegally downloaded all over the world.

The Gurgler Live Podcast – Episode 5

By

Derek Ottoman

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August 4, 2014

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Yes it’s been a while between episode four and five, but that didn’t stop Police Academy producing pure gold between four and five. And they had to deal with the massive loss of Guttenburg and the addition of Schlatter.

There are other things that aren’t worth waiting for between four and five, like a Cab anywhere in Australia on a Friday night.

In between the two is our Podcast this week.

There’s plenty of Commonwealth Games gear, including ways to sizzle it up with new events, favourite games mascots of yesteryear, and The Gurgler Shop opens with an Infomercial Comm Games flavour.

There’s all the usual token lip service to all our favourite sports and banter you can’t buy anywhere else. Or even here.

Join Derek Ottoman and special guest host Max Hyte for this week’s blast.

Can’t hear it below – find it on Soundcloud.

https://soundcloud.com/the-gurgler-4503/gurglerlive005

Circling the Drain – Gurgler’s Week O’Sport

By

Max Layne

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July 30, 2014

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Yes, it’s back. The can’t miss, new edition of our thoughts in the week of sport.

Sure you could get your 13 seconds on the 6 O’clock news before you settle down to watch any of the number of mouth-watering reality shows on offer at the moment.

Or you could go to a much better website, but you may have to pay for it, or they have professional or good writers. Since you’re here we presume you have no eye for quality and are ready to accept the goodness.

LEWIS HAMILTON – Third from back of the grid, giving his teammate a team order trumping in the process was a very good result after spinning off early in the race. Reading the UK press on Monday morning you’d swear that a Briton and not an Australian had won the GP mind you.

FFA CUP – The bastardised copy of the UK FA Cup kicked off this week with the minnows given their time to shine. A third tier Victorian team gave the headline writers their cupset, and the two Non A League Brisbane teams made it through on Tuesday night. Although it’s a little contrived to ensure lower teams go further than normal, the early signs are good.

PNG HUNTERS – They’re back with two wins in a row and a big one last weekend. Still with a sniff at finals football and the elusive NRL GRand Final berth that awaits the Qld Cup winner.

MANLY – Good win despite off-field dramas. Pity it’s Manly.

BRISBANE LIONS – Beating Gold Coast easily may make up for some the ordinary form this year. A moment in the sun (pardon the pun).

ABOVE THE TOP SHELF PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK

DAN RICCIARDO – What a win. What style too. Passing two champions late after leading a good chunk earlier on route to win number two of many it seems.

PLUNGER TIME – THE LOWLIGHTS

TYRONE VICKERY – Four weeks was generous.

BRONCOS – Sacked the coach for next year – flogged by Melbourne – falling out of contention. Boxes ticked for September holidays.

ROMAIN GROSJEAN – OK, I’m no F1 driver, but surely a professional shouldn’t off behind the safety car.

GC SUNS – Who said the Gold Coast need Gary Ablett to succeed this year? Everyone? They might be right.

THE “MEH” OF THE WEEK

Hard to choose between The Commonwealth Games and Tour de France.

We’ll choose the Tour this week as we can still choose the Comm Games next week.

Scenery apart it’s a big group of lycra-clad fools (cyclists) riding together with about 30 seconds of action at the end of a four hour slog. And the only people who care are the equally lycra-clad amateurs. Give this tour a full 1 metre gap and more.

THE GURGLER’S LONG PRICE NO HOPE MULTI FORECAST.
Bet early, bet often.

MARC MARQUEZ win US GP
VALENCIA to beat Monaco in Friendly
MELBOURNE STORM to beat Tigers
CARLTON with 33.5 start v Freo
BRISBANE LIONS to beat Melbourne Demons
H.MATSUYAMA – Top 10 Bridgestone Inv Golf Tourn USA
PNG HUNTERS to beat Norths Devils
GRAVITATIONAL to win Darwin Cup

Multi pays just $1365.

Do it.

Gurgler Music Keynotes – 2005

By

admin

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July 29, 2014

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Our look back on music continues, and this week we visit 2005 courtesy of 100% Hits and their compilation of the finest pieces of art for the year.

We could pick songs that are good or tremendously famous, however that’s not what The Gurgler is about.

Please find below for your amusement, our Top of 2005, and go to our dedicated page for the Youtube clips taking you back to yesteryear.

2005

Axel F
by Crazy Frog

Someday, Someday
by Thirsty Merc

Jerk It Out
by Caesars

Star 2 Fall
by Cabin Crew

Midas Touch
by Kelly Paterniti

Thrust’s Hungarian GP Impressions in Point Form

By

Perry Thrust

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July 28, 2014

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Perry Thrust returns to present a Hungarian GP review in the spirit of Markus Winklehock’s career – short and sweet. Unlike Luca Badoer it’s in point form.

– Great race from Ricciardo. Tough work to pass on that track regardless of tyre strategy, so to get both Hamilton & Alonso in a matter of laps is quite the quite achievement.

– Great race from Alonso. I was hoping he would be able to hang on actually, but not quite.

– Hamilton took home 3^rd place in the race and 1^st place in the Gloves Off Olympics, which surely cost Rosberg the win and Mercedes a good deal of points. Can’t fault him though. I’d say it’s a great drive from last (with a bonus 1^st lap spin), but when you’re driving an absolute rocket and no one outside of the top 10 will even give a sniff of trying to fight you, you’d be hard pressed to not walk into at least a Top 6.

– Rosberg will bring up the 2013 Malaysia Hold Station kerfuffle, but he would have done the same thing in this situation. He hasn’t been shy in the “gamesmanship” stakes this year.

– Button and Bottas both gambled and lost.

– The Team Lotus drivers provided a couple of boneheaded accidents. Fits nicely with their back catalogue. Crashing out behind the safety car is almost as bad as whoever that Virgin driver was who totalled his car on the way to the grid in Suzuka a couple years ago, and hasn’t been heard of since.

– Everyone enjoyed Vettel spinning off.

[poll id=”25″]

The All New Circling The Drain

By

Max Layne

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July 23, 2014

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The weekly review of sport that is The Gurgler’s Circling The Drain is back after some time off for which we have plenty of excuses.

– World Cup induced coma.
– Put on leave from The Gurgler due to Todd Carney-like controversy in Rum Jungle bathroom.
– Recovery from Luis Suarez bite.
– Attempt from Courier Mail to stop our Qld biased reporting as it is in breach of their copyright for publication.
– Ran unsuccessfully for the by-election of Stafford under The Gurgler’s People party.
– Successful 6 week stint as Neighbours extra perusing over a menu yet never ordering a thing.

Closer to the truth is that we couldn’t be arsed as no one usually reads it anyways. Hey, we can’t even be bothered proof reading it.

The amount of complaints about its absence was zero, so by popular demand we are bringing it back.

Normally we have highlights and lowlights of the past week, but since we can’t remember when this last was published , we’ll take a trip back recent memory lane at the Winners and Losers.

WINNERS

GERMANY – Winner of the World Cup with plenty of goals including the biggest pant pull-down in World Cup history.
FIFA – Will take their cash caboose back to Switzerland and hide for another 4 years periodically popping up to pay themselves, and allow Sepp Blatter to embarrass himself and the organisation.
TIM CAHILL – Not only the best Australian player at the World Cup despite playing just 2 games, but probably the best Football Australian player ever. The only man who looks like scoring, and one of those was above the top shelf.
MEZIT OZIL – Realised unlike most professional footballers that he is well paid for a job that millions would want to do for nothing by donating Wolrd Cup to Brazilian children.
DAN RICCIARDO – As our own Perry Thrust wrote in his GP round up – Dan is the real deal. Outqualifying his illustrious 4 time champion team mate at most GPs, showing plenty of racing prowess and winning his first GP. The roller coaster ride that was Webber is well and trulli forgotten.
“A” CRICKET – Despite misgivings about the term “A” for a second XI side in this nanny state of political correctness, the games at Allan Border oval were a welcome winter treat.
WAYNE BENNETT – One of those lucky people who get to come back to their old job with a nice pay increase.
RORY McILLROY –Is Britain’s Rory McIllroy again after being Northern Irish for the last few tournaments. Won the British Open at a canter and only 1 more to complete his collection of majors at an age lower than most Saturday golfer’s handicaps.
MARK MARQUEZ – Only winner in Moto GP this year with 9/9. Add 7 Poles and 7 Fastest Laps and it’s domination like no other in world sport right now.
MERCEDES F1 – Go close to most dominant sporting entity. The occasional blip shows they are human, but will still win both titles at a canter.

LOSERS

BRAZIL – Saved their worst World Cup defeat for the second biggest stage at the World Cup in front of their adoring fans. There were tears after making the semi finals, and plenty more on the way out. Ironically and probably on purpose were the odds for next World Cup in 2018 set at 7-1.
ENGLAND FOOTBALL – Hosed down expectations before the tournament, yet the disappointment produced must have surprised even the most glass half-empty fan.
OTHER FOOTBALL TEAMS – Russia for allowing more Capello World Cup boredom/misery. African teams who argued over money instead of worrying about the game. Spain who never made it our of the third round.
LUIS SUAREZ – Rewarded for third biting escapade with a many million pound move to Barcelona.
NRL – For allowing the rubbish truncated NRL rounds to drag out over 10 weeks over Origin period. Guess that’s what happens when you sell your soul to Channel 9.
BLACKPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB – Currently have only 8 players to start the new season. A good way to build on last year’s slide from Top 6 to near relegation.
PADDY KENNY – Former Leeds goalkeeper sacked for wearing number 17 against new owner’s suspicions.
FELIPE MASSA – Despite having the equal or outright second fastest car in F1 he is being outperformed by his far less experienced team mate, and manages to find accidents along the way.
FIFA – Just because.
TODD CARNEY – Lots of things aren’t good ideas when drunk, thankfully a few years ago phones just made calls.

BEST BETS
We’ll sort out how to waste your money as well as your time.