It’s been 8 days since my last confession, and I must confess that the AFL season has now entered the finals and has been virtually ignored by this column, and in general. It’s not you AFL, it’s me. With all the Football, World Cup, F1, NRL, Mechanic not winning any of the golf majors, and of course Rugby Union, it’s been hard to keep up with everything. My penance is to watch all four finals games this weekend. Tough life.

So as the AFL enter the finals the NRL as ever are behind with their final regular week only being played this weekend. Although with every game except the Tigers v Sharks meaning something to the finals race it looms a goodun’.

What’s also looming is in about a month or so there’ll be no Australian Football to talk about. With only Cricket and handful of RL tests and V8’s to cover the summer, it could be a lean period for this article. Never fear, we’ll just come up with a Summer Series of the article, just like our favourite now defunct TV Show Today Tonight.

Continuing on the theme of crap, the horrible realisation that a big cricket summer also involves way too much Michael Slater (with >0 being the maximum The Gurgler can stand). We can only hope the ABC Grandstand coverage is not far out of synch. No doubt there’ll be more whinging about that in the not too far future. But best we get back to the very recent past and future.

WILL POWER – An “at last” that has rarely been more deserving for the Toowoomba speed merchant. He finally nabbed the Indycar championship last weekend after many attempts and close Chaves. So our hat off to you for the championship, and thankfully due the season ending in August, you’ll have plenty of time to celebrate. The way Caterham are changing their drivers, he might be a chance there before the year is out.

GWS – Avoided the wooden spoon which is an achievement to be proud of. Victory in the last round against the Bulldogs confirmed third last and progress. With only one win less than Premiership juggernauts Brisbane Lions and Carlton they can look forward to next season and improve again.

EVERTON 3 – CHELSEA 6 – who doesn’t love goals. 9 goals in all with the usual pieces of controversy and feistiness. There won’t be another one this season so enjoy it while it lasts.

ZIMBABWE beat AUSTRALIA – OK, so it’s only a meaningless ODI tri series (which one isn’t) and we did beat South Africa, but Australia shouldn’t be beaten by Zimbabwe. Let alone easily beaten too. Not doubt selectors will blame it on Phil Hughes. It does highlight the perils of minnows for the upcoming (wait for it and try not to get too excited) Cricket World Cup.

REFEREES BRONCOS v DRAGONS – Sure officials make mistakes, and the binning of Gillett in last Friday’s game was plenty big. However it highlights two frustrating things with officiating. One – with all the extra officials and ability to go to the video replay system, why can’t moments as big as these be reviewed before a side is punished for 10 minutes. Two – why aren’t the officials held to account more. Surely if a team who have been beaten by 60 points have to front up to a presser against their best wishes, a ref could be made to explain on the night how they reached some of the conclusions they did. Not going to happen. The NRL will be hoping the next error isn’t against the Cowboys in a knockout final, or they may need some troops diverted to Townsville.

PNG HUNTERS OUT OF QRL FINALS CONTENTION – The PNG Hunters were undoubtedly the great story of Rugby League this year. Faced with a bye and a list of results needed to continue into the finals, the PNG Hunters came up short, but only just. Need either Ipswich or Tweed to lose their final game, the Jets took out half of the equation on the Saturday. Tweed however made PNG wait until the very last minute for their disappointment. A last minute try to the other Seagulls sunk the hopes of the Hunters and League fans everywhere. Their cavalier style will hopefully continue next year all the way to the NRL Superbowl Final.

FOOTBALL INTERNATIONAL BREAK – a bunch of meaningless friendlies a few months after the World Cup. Who gives a shit. Only upside is the third and fourth tier get their moment on Soccer Saturday, and Non League day in the UK gets bigger and bigger.

THE WEEK’S POISONED CHALICE
Gold Coast Titans appointed Neil Henry as coach for the next three years. Given their late season form it is hard to see that 3 years being completed. A question mark on whether the club itself will be around in three is also in the back of the mind, given Gold Coast’s apathy towards sport at times. Daikyo Dolphins anyone?

THE MEH OF THE WEEK – US OPEN TENNIS.
It’s on and we have no idea aside from the Aussie exits who is where. If anyone knows please feel free to text me.

UPCOMING HIGHLIGHTS
AFL FINALS
NRL FINAL REGULAR ROUND
ITALIAN GP

THE GURGLER WIN WIN WIN SUPERMULTI
GEELONG to beat HAWTHORN
SYDNEY SWANS to beat FREO
ESSENDON (with 24.5 Handicap)
PORT ADELAIDE to beat Richmond
NEWCASTLE to beat DRAGONS
DRAW – Switzerland v England
ICELAND to beat Turkey
SAN MARINO to beat Lithuania.
$1 gets you $1553.

Welcome to the week that was, is, and will be. Our favourite bits, less favourite bits, and some general rubbish to fill the space. Plus our usual super multi which hasn’t yet won, but don’t miss out when it does.

MK DONS 4 MAN UTD 0
Rarely has a second round League Cup result attracted so much attention. Such is the decline of the multi English and European champions since the departure of Sir Alex, that a League Cup game makes Australian commercial news.

Yes, EPL teams get beaten by lower division teams, you only need to look at other results this morning (West Ham beaten by Third Div Sheffield Utd and EPL new boys beaten at home by fourth tier Shrewsbury Town). However, such was the fuss of David Moyes’ reign last year and the heralded arrival of former Dutch manager Van Gaal, that a defeat to a deserving MK Dons is being debated whether it’s a mere blip, time for patience or another step towards real decline.

Either way the game is Milton Keynes’ arrival as the town’s second best sporting team behind Red Bull Racing, and a whining point for spoiled Man Utd fans. As a lower division fan used to much mediocrity, there’s a small (large) amount of shadenfreunde.

It’s OK though, they’ll probably hit the 200 million pound mark this transfer window before it closes.

ASADA SAGA SORT OF OVER
With the banning of the Sharks players affected by the supplement drive, the NRL half of the saga is over. We hope. ASADA has proven itself one of the most useless public service organisations in Australia, leaving media hog and former ASADA chief Richard Ings to do all of the explaining.

AUSTRALIA v ZIMBABWE
Yes, Zimbabwe still play cricket, fancy that. Nothing better to warm up for a summer of cricket which will hopefully end in World Cup glory on home soil, than bullying a much weaker opposition. A total of 350 justified whatever excuse given to Phil Hughes not to include him. Mitchell Johnson provided the TV News highlight by smashing a six into the commentary box.

BELGIAN GP
So many highlights. First up is the victory to Dan Ricciardo who is fast proving his speed, racecraft, and complete difference in the luck stakes to Webber. Another win after a Mercedes issue leaves him within sniffing distance of a very unlikely championship bid.

Normally a season with a car that is much faster than everyone else is reasonably boring, with a German thrashing their team mate. Not this year. Hamilton and Rosberg continue the needle between them making the title run a very spicy meatball. If the claim from Hamilton is true that Rosberg admitted running into him on purpose it will be interesting to see the payback. If it isn’t, it will be just as interesting to see the reaction from The Ham.

NEW ZEALAND SMASH AUSTRALIA IN GAME THAT WON’T BE MENTIONED
Another year down, another step backwards for *****.

MARIO BALOTELLI SIGNS FOR LIVERPOOL
The man famed more for his off field shenanigans than his on field skills which are great is back in the EPL. Entertainment is expected on both.

LOWLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
NORWICH BEATING IPSWICH – it’s been three years since Norwich decided to achieve and spend some time in the EPL. Back where they belong, and playing who they should, they picked up from last time around when they beat Ipswich twice in a season by completing the half of the job on Saturday.

CANBERRA v SHARKS – Nothing like a clash between second last and last so late in the season. Canberra won handing the Sharks one award that ASADA can’t take away.

Seeing the V8’s run around in the suburbs of Sydney on the weekend on a proper old track led The Gurgler down a path of reminiscing.

So our sporting wish for the week is for the return of Lakeside Raceway in the northern suburbs of Brisbane. Its lap of around 38 seconds should provide the huge 29 car field very little room and a lot of entertainment for the fans.

Replacing Ipswich and their 45 minute round trip through Bumf*** Idaho just to get on the highway to get home would be welcomed.

Each week we’ll provide a sportsman who we believe would make the switch to another sport well or poorly but entertainingly.

This week we like to see a Gurgler favourite Warwick Capper playing ODI cricket.

Imagine the delight of Bay 13 and other plastic seated fun zones around Australia mimicking the warm up routine of Warwick or the spectacular outfield catches the Capper could manage.

And surely he could bring back the time honoured 80’s look of a batsman wearing shorts with pads.

THE GURGLER SUPER MULTI
NRL – CANBERRA to beat West Tigers by 19+
HAWTHORN to beat Collingwood by 60 points or more
SIMON WHITLOCK to win Sydney Darts tournament
DRAW – REAL SOCIEDAD v REAL MADRID
ROMA to beat Fiorentina
$1 Multi pays $831

GREG INGLIS
The big man has good but not great this year been due for a while for a biggun’. He delivered a message once again at what the Broncos missed out on a few years ago when they had his signature. Rather than sliding out of finals contention and into obscurity they could be mounting a Souths-like challenge on the NRL title.

The retrieval of the chip kick, ramming the Broncos fullback out of the way, and back up play to finish off with a try shows all that’s good with him. The goanna post-try celebration is also welcome. As would be a premiership for long, long suffering Souths fans.

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL –
Sure the crowds will be poor, but the NRL doesn’t really care do they? As long as Channel 9 bigwigs are happy. We’re also happy at the return of Thursday Night Football. This means that we’re not forced to stay up until 11pm and more to watch both games. It also proves a point The Gurgler has been trying to make for ages that we don’t need the specific state based TV games – e.g. Broncos for Qld and Wests Tigers/Parra for NSW. The NRL And Channel 9 should stop treating league fans like they are as stupid as ACA would like us to believe and back the product and show the best games possible each week. Real fans want to see the best games between the best teams.


MOTO GP POST RACE ANTICS
Always of a high quality featuring – magic, portaloos, burnouts and more. The picking up of a man in a spandex chequered flag outfit was another milestone reached in the world of post race celebrations.

PHIL HUGHES
Setting himself up nicely for yet another axing from the Test side by scoring a sh!tload of runs in the northern winter circket tour. A double century in a one dayer from 155 balls no less and plenty of runs elsewhere has forced selectors to replace the inevitable Watson injusy with the left-hander for the upcoming African ODI series. This should lead nicely into Test selection in the summer where the smallest failure will lead to another axing, and another round of suggestions that he just needs to score plenty of runs to get his chance.

EPL IS BACK
The best football league in the world is back to accompany the rest of the UK Football Leagues. Sure it doesn’t have the big names who all sign for either Real Madrid or Barcleona, but it does feature a comp in which the battle for the title consistently features more than two sides and Top 4 battle that features twice that amount.



MAN UTD
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Many, many trumpets hailed the arrival of Dutch manager Louis Van Gaal to Manchester as the saviour of the once mighty Red Devils. Especially after the World Cup performance of Holland aka The Netherlands. However, as the wise saying goes, you can’t polish a turd, and no amount of Mr Sheen or Charlie Sheen for that matter will gloss up a team that was no good last year, and one of your 20million+ signings isn’t fit enough. They will have to look harder for a scapegoat this year if it continues. Our money’s on Rooney as they’ve just moved Nani on.

WESTS TIGERS
A little over a month ago the Wests Tigers were smashing the Bulldogs with a bunch of promising kids. Now they are being relentlessly smashed. Winning has now become whining, and the Farah-Tallis spat just sums up their relevance to finals football. Hopefully a culture doesn’t brew that ruins the promising kids.

BALL BOYS
At the end of the day it was a correct ruling. Whether they’ve been let go before doesn’t matter. The carry on including caning the ball boy to tears is poor. Calls that they’ve ruined Parramtta’s chances of a finals berth are harsh considering there have been some very ordinary non Hayne performances this year. And that they’ll ruin the Grand Final too, please. I do remember 6 very grown up officials not being able to count to 6 last year, and a very mature video ref who couldn’t determine the most obvious knock on in league history.

BLEDISLOE CUP
I know we aren’t supposed to mention it but nothing like kicking a dog when it’s down. The pinnacle of a sport signified by no tries and nothing but penalty goals shows what a rubbish game it is. Normal service should resume when the All Blacks pull the Wallabies pants down again, and the Rugby bandwagon is over for another year.

SHANE WATSON
Injured again. Maybe Brut should come up with a spray on body shield or something similar.

COLLINGWOOD
Kicking sand into face. Any side belted by the Lions are struggling. Unlikely to bring their brand to the finals this year. So Sad.



MEH OF THE WEEK
England cricket team beating India. Hopes raised hopefully before another Ashes smashing next time around. Amazing how such a busted arse operation is now so good.

THE GURGLER’s SUPER MULTI
$1 wins $234
ALL BLACKS to win 13+
SOUTHS to beat NQ Cowboys
RICHMOND to beat St Kilda
GEELONG to beat Hawthorn
ALONSO Top 3 Belgian GP
V8’s Race 2 – Michael Caruso Top 6