Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, and spending more time in the Sin Bin than his contract allows, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 8 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.

The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 9 Weekly Rant

And so we approach another Magic Round, the NRL’s annual shindig, a spirit-ual journey for rugby league fans to the place known as the Cauldron and Lang Park.

The NRL could have found a better game to kick off Magic Round than Parramatta and Cronulla. Although it is the 6pm Friday kick off, and often ignored due to low quality, this is Magic Round and it should be better. The whole weekend should be full of rivalries like in the UK. Or at least serve up the Warriors Cowboys game to get the blood rushing. 

Just don’t leave the NRL in charge of it otherwise they’ll pick eight games of Roosters playing the Panthers and Broncos one half at a time to ensure they have played each other a few more times before Origin.

Maybe get an AI bot to determine which sets of fans hates each other the most and do the draw accordingly. It should be easy for AI to do that and be the second-best use of AI according to The Gurgler website. The other great use of AI is coming up with multiple pictures of Greg Norman and turning it into a comic of Greg saving the world from Tariffs, Elections, Cyclones, Floods and Music Industry.

Also, while on the subject of the NRL up to no good, it is good to know the NRL were trialing how to ruin Magic Round again with a record number of Sin Bins last weekend. You have to practice hard to ruin something just right. Unless Man of Feathers aka PvL changes his mind again and lets Street Justice take over this weekend.

Not that I’m against saving players noggins so they can lead rich, full lives after rugby league, but maybe there’s something in between we could trial.

First of all Sin Bins ruin games. It usually results in lower quality of football, decreases water cooler talk about actual rugby league, makes fans angry, and gives Buzz Rothfield something to get on a high horse about. If only that horse would kick him off. And in the teeth for good measure.

Secondly, if we have to have them, ten minutes is too long. A slightly mis-judged shoulder contact doesn’t deserve a player to miss 12.5% of the action. Although according to recent Election ad campaigns Sin Bins are probably Albo’s fault, as they mix him up with NRL CEO Abdo, and Trumpet of Patriots probably think Sin Bins are because of wokeness.

Wokeness or not, I say the Sin Bin should be five minutes maximum. I was going to suggest three, but the referees would look pretty stupid sticking three fingers in the air. Not as silly as that loon of a cricket umpire Billy Bowden used to be. And probably not as silly as The Bunker always looks. And it doesn’t have any hands or fingers.

Better still, the Sin Bin experience could be enhanced for the fans. Bringing NRL entertainment and player safety together in the best way possible.

I think the Sin Bin should be a physical place where the player sits in full view of the public on the sideline. Jammed as closely as possible between the field of play and fans. Maybe not unlike a UFC cage where fans can vent, and players can return serve with a guarantee from the NRL of no punishment. With banter going back and forward the ten minutes will go so fast.

That may not sound like a players cup of tea, or bubbler, but perhaps if you say reduce the Sin Bin for players to sit in the public sideline Sin Bin, they only have to serve five minutes. Real team players will take the abuse and the reduced time.

Ray Stone would go in there for a regular interchange and a HIA.

Going even further, perhaps the sideline Sin Bin could be one of those dunking machines you see at school fetes, that usually have the least popular teacher sitting on there, where the cheeky and the well behaved students unite to inflict cold water misery on their teacher/s. Imagine having an NRL Sin Bin Dunking machine on the sideline, where fans can pay $5 each to get one beanbag to throw at the dunking target. Proceeds could go to Men of League to support players after the game, making the whole process a full circle, full of player welfare, giving the fans something to do, and being very funny to watch.

Or if those out there who think dunking NRL players in dangerously low levels of water is cruel, perhaps the Sin Bin punishment as a Magic Round special could be that the player has to run to the Caxton and back. For the very fit it would be less of a punishment, and for the tired and can’t be arsed it may end up closer to the original ten minutes of the sin bin. Or in the case of some players, they may not come back. Or not for a while a little drink in the toilet.

You could then have a drone following them up the hill to the Caxton and back, through the crowd, and make it a red button special on Fox League. If they still do that. Don’t think they do. If they do, could you please have a No Cronk commentary option. Cronk is the NRL’s king of “I Told You So”. Making one half decent point then hammering it all game in case you didn’t hear or didn’t appreciate just how great a rugby league thinker he is.

Maybe the Red Button could also have a Flanno cam for Dragons game, where to save the Fox League team time, it would one camera focused on Flanno at all times, with text message of support from Fox League commentators scrolling on the screen below. Hopefully the camera is positioned correctly so you can’t see Michael Ennis kissing Flanno’s arse the whole time.

Or what about a Red Button special they used to do where they locked two fans of opposing sides in a booth and let them banter during the game.

It will probably go unnoticed that the side to miss out on Magic Round this season is Manly. Because no one cares. But it can’t be the team that everyone hates the most every year, so whilst I’m floating ideas that won’t happen, here’s an idea for some extra spice for the Magic Round.

How about the team that gets thrashed by the biggest margin is the team that misses out for 2026. That would certainly keep people interested all the way through. And of course, betting markets on Magic Round’s biggest loser should be available. Or if no team is beaten by more than 10 points, then Manly have to suck it up again.

But let’s hope the NRL takes a fallen Hollywood child actor’s serving of chill pills and calms down and lets the football and alcohol do the talking for one of the great rugby league experiences – Magic Round.

And talking of magic, here’s my expert tips to make leads in the tipping comps disappear….

The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 9 Expert Tips

CRONULLA v PARRAMATTA

Aside from Souths v Newcastle and Wests Tigers v Dragons, you have to think there was a better game to kick of Magic Round. I presume this would normally have kicked off on a Sunday Afternoon, 4pm, yep, has that written all over it.

Parramatta by 10

ROOSTERS v DOLPHINS

Much like politics, nothing good comes about when Queenslanders head to Canberra. And there’s only so much Ray Stone can do about it.

Roosters by 6

SOUTHS v NEWCASTLE

Next.

Souths by 12

WARRIORS v NORTH QLD

A rose between two thorns this game. Well worth the effort it should be. Two good fun sides in form.

May as well get some rugby league in before the election coverage kicks in. Of course we recommend the ABC and Antony Green, always. But a Bob Katter-Cliver Palmer-Jacquie Lambie trio on Channel Seven sounds almost tempting.

Warriors by 6

WESTS TIGERS v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA

This game is up against the final Antony Green election night coverage on the ABC. Good luck. There’s not enough Lachie Galvins in the world to get me nor Benji Marshall interested. Only Isaac Moses would be interested, and maybe Parramatta. But not me, Phil Gould, most Wests Tigers fans, and I presume Michael “Slats” Slater, who has other things to worry about. Aside from cricket commentary.

Tigers by 8

GOLD COAST v BULLDOGS

One team was spanked in the first half last weekend and the other was spanked in the second half. We’ll take the team with the least recent sore backside.

Bulldogs by 8

PENRITH v BRISBANE

Fact, Brisbane are unbeaten, and unbeatable when Xavier Wilison plays a full 80 minutes. And the Broncos might be happy to keep Penrith dead last.

Brisbane by 2

MELBOURNE v CANBERRA

Probably saving the best for last at Magic Round. Pity it wasn’t the first game. For both watching the game on Sunday and my enthusiasm levels of coming up with an attempt of humour here. Maybe my tips is humourous to Storm fans. Although, they are usually light on laughs. Given this features two of rugby league’s most fiery coaches, why not install a single person viewing booth on the sidelines with TV cameras inside for the coaches to sit in all game as another Red Button special.

Canberra by 6