2019’s first batch of good people are ready to be rewarded as we announce the January 2019 Hero of the Month nominations.
To combat the cynicism of our regular Jerk of the Month poll, we also have our celebration of those people or things that do good, and are mostly underappreciated.
While the Jerk of the Month list expands every month, the January 2019 Hero of the Month is a select group, going for quality over quantity.
December – January was a big period for cricket, given there was not much else on in Australia, and so there are quite a few cricket nominations for 2019 Hero of the Month.
As ever, the voting of the winner is up to you, the reader/s, so vote early and often, as you can vote for as many people as you like.
FORM GUIDE – January 2019 Hero of the Month
PAT CUMMINS
Why are they a Hero?
For single-handedly bringing joy to Australian cricket fans this summer.
If he wasn’t taking wickets and being the most effective bowler in just about every session, he was the only batsman who looked capable of digging in.
The one shining light in what before the recent win against Sri Lanka, has been a very lean summer.
Hero-Meter: 9/10
KERRY O’KEEFFE
Why are they a Hero?
For his contributions as part of the new Fox Cricket commentary team.
The humour and underrated analysis is still there from his olden days at ABC Grandstand, but it now is more appreciated as part of the broadcasting changes.
It certainly is a refreshing change from the dross served up by Channel Nein for the last decade and more.
Hero-Meter: 8/10
RISBAH PANT
Why are they a Hero?
Indian Test Wicketkeper Rishabh Pant looks a great prospect for the Indians, and he looks like a potential great entertainer on and off the field.
On the field, he has broken records as a keeper, and he bats with gusto, averaging around 50 with the bat and a strike rate of 74.
Being a keeper, he was chirpy throughout the test series, and some of his verbal work behind the stumps was quality.
As was the follow-up photo with Tim Paine’s partner under the title of Babysitting, which was at the heart of one of his sledges.
Hero-Meter: 5/10
ASH BARTY
Why are they a Hero?
For doing what most other Australian tennis players can’t do, win and show some heart, and not be a complete jerk.
As some of her male contemporaries pick fights with Davis Cup bosses, Tennis Australia, themselves and each other, Barty kept winning at this year’s Australian Open. The quarter-final loss doesn’t matter, at least there’s someone to cheer for next major.
We like her even more as she had a second career at one stage as a Brisbane Heat player. Nothing like a duel sports star.
So for achievement instead of jerk, Ash Barty get a monthly hero nod.
Hero-Meter: 7/10
SANTA CLAUS
Why are they a Hero?
For another year of super fast, super efficient present delivery.
No one does worldwide logistics like Claus and Co. and we salute the big man, with the big beard and red suit for another year of solid December 24 work.
Hero-Meter: 10/10
AIR CONDITIONING
Why are they a Hero?
Summers in Australia are hot, and usually feature the occasional record heatwave.
Without Air Con it would be more insufferable than it currently is.
One of those things you only appreciate when they’re not working.
So we appreciate them with a nomination for January 2019 Hero of the Month, when they are working at their hardest.
Hero-Meter: 10/10
VOTE NOW – January 2019 Hero of the Month
Choose your January 2019 Hero of the Month. Vote for one – or vote for them all, your choice.
Following on from our semi popular Premier League predictions, we introduce our weekly EPL Fantasy preview – The Own Goal FPL Week 24 & 25
Each week we’ll attempt to give a quick round-up of some of the points of interest in Fantasy Premier League.
We used to do a podcast through our Fantasy United team, but who’s got time for that these days.
So enjoy The Own Goal FPL Week24 & 25 preview. We’ve combined the midweek and following weekend into one.
Or cut out the middle man and go straight to the official FPL website here.
Disclaimer: We are Ipswich Town fans, so have no prejudice against any side in this division. Or the next, come August 2019.
WHO’S HOT
MO SALAH (Last Week 15pts – Form 10.0) the man knows how to find the net, and it doesn’t matter how the goals go in. He and Van Dijk are the difference at the moment. It’s a big price tag, but it brings a big return. Has scored double figures in six of his last eight games. Those two games were against both Manchester sides.
MARCUS RASHFORD (Last Week 8pts – Form 9.5) Talking of Manchester, Rashford is leading the charge for Utd with a fine recent run. A good, cheap striker scoring goals is the perfect combination. Scored in his last four league games.
LEROY SANE (Last Week 12pts – Form 7.8) Hard to know which Man City midfielder to feature here, but Sane is doing quite the job for Man City right now. 30 points in his last three games.
CRYSTAL PALACE AWAY FORM – beaten Man City and Wolves away from in recent away games, and scored three goals against Liverpool at Anfield. Scored eight goals in the last three away games. Have only scored six goals at home all season.
DIEGO JOTA (Last Week 19pts – Form 5.0) – Those loyal, savvy, or lucky players who ahd the Wolves forward were rewarded with a hat trick against Leicester and big points. Could this be the turning point, or will his big swag O goals sucker a few in for his next lean run? He did score 11pts in Week 16 (1 Goal 1 Assist), the last time he started and played 90 mins.
WHO STINKS
HUDDERSFIELD AT HOME – face Everton at home (who have their own troubles) but have lost six in a row at home. Need the new manager bounce, but hard to see where the goals / points will come from.’
FA CUP 4th ROUND LOSERS – although they named squads not at full strength, but Everton and West Ham should be beating lowly Championship club Millwall and last place third tier club AFC Wimbledon respectively. The big worry is for Everton who may start to worry about a second half fade with Marco Silva. FPL favourite Richarlisson has scored only 2pts in his last 4 matches.
FPL WEEK 24- THE BIG QUICK QUESTIONS
Do you race Son back into your team straight after his arrival back from the Asian Cup? Looks like they’ll need him after going down to Crystal Palace in the FA Cup.
Will the Manchester United juggernaut ever end.
After conceding three goals at home to Crystal Palace, is Liverpool the defensive player certainty of earlier in the season? Especially if Van Dijk is in doubt. Leicester did score three against the usually tight Wolves last week.
Do you take Higuain? Read on for our thoughts.
FPL WEEK 24 – HIGUA-IN OR OUT?
The Argentine International has made the big loan from Milan / Juventus to Chelsea with a view to going permanent. But big moves in January don’t always work out. Higuain is a great players, but whose sweet spot of form was a little while ago. We’ll go through the pros and cons.
Higua-IN
His best season was under Sarri at Napoli in 15/16, where he scored an incredible 36 goals with 2 assists.
He is quite reliable injury-wise, he rarely misses games.
His arrival means that Hazard could be pushed into his favoured position. Where he scores points.
Higua-OUT
He has only scored 6 goals this year, and one goal since having a shocker against his parent club Juventus. He missed a penalty, then lost his mind, then got sent off.
January Transfer don’t often work when buying strikers – look at the examples. Although it appears to work for defenders with Laporte and Van Dijk among the recent mid season transfer for Man City and Liverpool.
Fernando Torres @ Chelsea for 50M
Andy Carroll @ Liverpool for 35M
Wilfried Bony @ Man City for 27M
Juan Cuadrado @ Chelsea for 22M
He has been accused of going missing in big games.
There is also the thought that he might not be able to handle the pace of the EPL.
Verdict
At 9.5M he may well be worth the punt. He should score more than Olivier Giroud, but there are doubts. At a minimum he should allow Eden Hazard to move back to his preferred position, so perhaps the key is to get Hazard into your side. If you want to be different take both. Chelsea have Bournemouth (A) and Huddersfield (H) next.
STAT ATTACK
Potneital points Higuain would have scored tansferring his goals, assists, and cards from Italy. We haven’t includedBonus points of course. Too hard.
Season
Team
Games
Mins
Goals
Assist
Cards
Est. Points
18-19
Milan
15
1281
6
1
3Y 1R
51
17-18
Juventus
35 (4 as sub)
2818
16
7
4Y
147
16-17
Juventus
38 (5 as sub)
2967
24
3
1Y
175
15-16
Napoli
35
2974
36
2
1Y 1R
216
14-15
Napoli
37 (6 as sub)
2780
18
7
5Y
156
STAT ATTACK
His current points would be around 51 (not incl bonus), so this is the selected company he could be keeping. out of the forwards. To see if the 9.5 price tag is worth the risk
With two rounds so close together some of the decisions come down to picking one player out of a group from the same team. Here then are a few choice internal battles for the new few games.
Stat
Eriksen
Son
Cost
9.4
5.0
Form
8.6
4.5
Total Pts
89
106
v Watford
6 Games – 0G 3A
4 Gmes – 4G 1A
v Newcastle
5 Games – 1G 5A
2 Games – 0G 1A
Verdict: Can you take Son v Watford and Eriksen v Newcastle?
Stat
Sane
Sterling
Cost
9.7
11.3
Form
7.8
6.8
Total Pts
127
143
v Newcastle
1 Game – 0G 1A
8 Games – 3G 1A
v Arsenal
4 Games – 3G 1A
9 Games – 4G 2A
Verdict: Tightarse says take Sane.
Stat
Aubameyang
Lacazette
Cost
11.3
9.3
Form
3.8
4.3
Total Pts
136
104
v Cardiff
1 Game – 1G 0A
1 Game – 1G 1A
v Man City
2 Games – 0G 0A
1 Game – 1G 0A
Verdict: Neither
FPL WEEK 24 – MIDWEEK FORM + POST FA CUP FORM
Midweek games don’t come around very often, so we thought it would be interesting to see if some teams perform better than others. We also have stats on teams performances straight after the third and fourth round of the FA Cup given this round follows the weekend of FA Cup clashes. Just in case you were in two minds about
STAT ATTACK – MIDWEEK FORM FROM LAST 5 SEASONS
Each team’s average points per game listed.
Man City
2.3
Liverpool
2.2
Chelsea
2.1
Man Utd
1.9
Tottenham
1.9
Burnley
1.8
Arsenal
1.7
Brighton
1.7
West Ham
1.6
Huddersfield
1.6
Everton
1.5
Wolves
1.5
Watford
1.5
Bournemouth
1.4
Leicester
1.4
Cardiff
1.3
Newcastle
1.2
Fulham
1.1
Southampton
1.1
Crystal Palace
1.1
STAT ATTACK – FORM AFTER FA CUP ROUND 3/4 SINCE 2010
Team
Avg Pts
Man Utd
2.1
Chelsea
1.9
Tottenham
1.9
Everton
1.7
Burnley
1.7
Man City
1.7
Liverpool
1.7
Huddersfield
1.6
Cardiff
1.6
Leicester
1.6
Bournemouth
1.5
Arsenal
1.5
Newcastle
1.5
Southampton
1.4
West Ham
1.4
Watford
1.4
Brighton
1.3
Fulham
1.2
Crystal Palace
1.1
Wolves
1.0
FPL WEEK 24 – CAPTAIN? MY CAPTAIN?
Eden Hazard – six goals in seven against Bournemouth, but a wait and see with Higuain coming on board.
Mo Salah – playing Leicester at home, who are hard to predict. Salah’s ability to find the net isn’t.
Paul Pogba/Marcus Rashford – Man Utd playing Burnley at home should give Pogba, Rashford and co more chance at serious points. Burnley are coming off a 5-0 thrashing in the FA Cup, Man Utd were impressive beating Arsenal with their “second string” side.
Sane/Sterling – away to Newcastle who have proved a little tougher to beat against the top sides than their league position shows. Perhaps not the day for these two.
Sergio Aguero – A real left field choice here, as not sure he will even play – but he does have 14 goals and 4 assists against Newcastle in 10 games.
We suggest: Mo Salah / Paul Pogba / Sergio Aguero
FPL WEEK 25 – MAN CITY + EVERTON BONUS GAME
Premier League Week 25 brings the first double up for two teams, as Manchester City and Everton face on a Wednesday evening UK time.
So, the question is whether you load up for one game week.
In the case of Man City, you are mad in general if you don’t have at least two of their players at the moment, so adding an extra City player makes sense for EPL week 25 and beyond. Perhaps bring in Aguero with Kane absent, or grab a little extra Silva, or if you can afford it, both Sane and Sterling.
Man City’s two games are Arsenal (H) and Everton (A), both are capable of allowing some big scores against them. Recently, refer Spurs for Everton, and Liverpool for Arsenal.
As for Everton, given they are seemingly in a little bit of a drift form-wise, it would certainly not be too wise to load up on Everton players. If you already have Richarlisson, Sigurdsson or Digne, probably not a bad idea to keep them and hope for more points than usual.
Although given that the two games in Gameweek 25 are Wolves (H) and Man City (H), you probably can’t expect to big a glut of points.
FPL WEEK 24 – OUR TEAM
You can’t give off tips without putting your money where your mouth is, so our team details are here for your information. Feel free to pick our team apart at your leisure. We used the wildcard this week in honour of Harry Kane’s injury.
Here’s some slightly useful information about upcoming games for each team. Who has the most games against the current Top 6 and Bottom 6. Following on from that, we have designed a measure to rank each team’s next 6 games in difficulty. Using opposition ranking, points, factoring in home and away fixtures.
Every week we offer up our Premier League predictions, along with a mini preview of each match, with a few best bets in an alternative Premier League preview.
We also put our tips up against a competitor, usually not human though, and based on some football stat or general life. This week our tipping opponent is based on each team’s form after a third or fourth round of the FA Cup.
It’s a lot like the BBC’s Lawros tips, but better. Arguably.
Premier League Predictions Week 24 – Gurgler v Traffic
TIPS BACKGROUND: Because this set of midweek Premier League fixtures follows the FA Cup, we thought it would be interesting to see what kind of form teams are in immediately after the games. Might be worthless as most teams put out a much changed line up, but we still think it’s worth a look.
We have used only the third and fourth round, and these will more than likely feature most, but not all, Premier League sides. And are likely to be midweek rounds.
The average points per game has been calculated, and the team with the biggest average points per game gets the tip. We’ve gone back to this decade, and down the divisions as a lot of teams have come from there.
But first our tips. Based on our opinion, research, study and ignorance. (In no particular order)
ARSENAL to beat Cardiff (3-1)
FULHAM to beat Cardiff (3-2)
DRAW – Huddersfield v Everton (1-1)
WOLVES to beat West Ham (2-0)
MAN UTD to beat Burnley (3-0)
MAN CITY to beat Newcastle (3-0)
CHELSEA to beat Bournemouth (3-0)
DRAW – Southampton v Crystal Palace (2-2)
LIVERPOOL to beat Leicester (3-0)
SPURS to beat Watford (2-1)
PREMIER LEAGUE Predictions Week 24 – Post 3rd / 4th Round FA Cup form
Average points per game from 2010 in brackets.
CARDIFF (1.6) to beat Arsenal (1.5)
BRIGHTON (1.3) to beat Fulham (1.2)
EVERTON (1.7) to beat Huddersfield (1.6)
WEST HAM (1.4) to beat Wolves (1.0)
MAN UTD (2.1) to beat Burnley (1.7)
MAN CITY (1.7) to beat Newcastle (1.5)
CHELSEA (1.9) to beat Bournemouth (1.5)
SOUTHAMPTON (1.4) to beat Crystal Palace (1.1)
LIVERPOOL (1.7) to beat Leicester (1.6)
SPURS (1.9) to beat Watford (1.4)
Premier League Predictions Week 24 Mini Match by Match Preview
Here’s a quick run down of every game for Week 24, with a barely interesting stat and a best bet included for those inclined.
Arsenal have had a good and bad last week or so. Their win over Chelsea in the League saw them close the gap to fourth place (Chelsea) to just three points. Then they were knocked out of the FA Cup by Manchester United, opening up the chance for United to equal their all time FA Cup record. Their injury crisis in the defence is starting to catch up.
Cardiff meanwhile have had almost the worst week possible, with their new signing Emiliano Sala going missing on a plane trip to come and join up with Cardiff. A terrible tragedy, that makes a trip to the Emirates seem less important despite their 18th league position.
Barely Interesting Fact: Arsenal have only been winning at half time on three occasions this season.
Fulham need to start winning, and soon. Seven points from safety, and just one win in their last ten games. They have already been knocked out of the FA Cup in Round Three. To add to their mess, their player Aboubakar Kamara was involved in separate fights at their training ground, the second of which saw the police involved. One less worry for Fulham we guess. Brighton have won once in eight games, but their two wins on the road this season put them fourth last in away form. There’s never been a better time for a Fulham win.
Barely Interesting Fact: There have been three or more goals in six of the last seven matches between these sides. Brighton have lost just one of them.
One team has sacked their manager, the other must surely be in the next few to face the dreaded vote of confidence, as Everton compounded recent form wobbles with an exit in the FA Cup to Millwall. Marco Silva seemingly headed for another second half of the season fade. They are helped by the fact that Huddersfield have lost their last six t home and that Huddersfield haven’t beaten Everton since 1956, but not helped by the fact that Huddersfield could get that new manager bounce after another Dortmund junior coach Jan Siewert was hired.
Barely Interesting Fact: Everton have been drawing at half time 70% of their games this season, but have kept just one clean sheet away.
“Best” Bet: Half Time Result (Draw) @ $2.00
WOLVES v WEST HAM
Kick Off: Tuesday 7:45pm GMT
Previous 2018-19 Result: West Ham 0 Wolves 1
Both of these teams come into the game on the back of FA Cup surprises. Wolves who were good enough to knock out Liverpool’s second side last start were pushed all the way by Shrewsbury Town, Wolves needing a later goal to draw. West Ham meanwhile, were well beaten by AFC Wimbledon, making it a great day for the third tier, as Doncaster Rovers also got through to the fifth round. Wolves home form is patchy currently, although their win over Leicester last start was at least entertaining. West Ham’s form is hard to follow, but at least it seems they get Marko Arnautović back after a failed move to megabucks China. They need him based on most performances without him.
Barely Interesting Fact: Both of these teams have now drawn with third division Shrewsbury Town in the FA Cup in consecutive seasons.
The Ole Gunnar Solskjær revolution continues, as Man Utd head into their match with Burnley on an eight game winning streak. Whilst some of the new manager’s games were seen as easy prey, they have beaten Spurs and Arsenal in their last two away games, and are now just three points from fourth. Heights that seemed impossible under the Grumpy One. Burnley are now unbeaten in four league games, and as a consequence see themselves out of the bottom three, but beating this current United team at Old Trafford seems unrealistic. At least they still have a three point gap to 18th placed Cardiff who have a similarly tough game at Arsenal.
Barely Interesting Fact: Burnley’s last win at Old Trafford was in 1962, but they did beat Man Utd once since, in 1968.
“Best” Bet: Man Utd -1.5 Handicap @ $1.68
NEWCASTLE v MANCHESTER CITY
Kick Off: Tuesday 8:00pm GMT
Previous 2018-19 Result: Man City 2 Newcastle 1
The Manchester City juggernaut rolls on, after they beat Burnley 5-0 in the FA Cup. They last conceded against Liverpool, and since them have won their six games in the league and various cups by 28-0. And they have seemed to have played Jesus, Aguero, and de Bruyne into form alongside all their other in form players. The only question for Man City is how to fit them all in. Good problem to have for real manager, not so for Fantasy managers. Newcastle won 3-0 against Cardiff in their last league game, and the very predictable loss came against Watford in the FA Cup on the weekend. Newcastle are just above the relegation places, but are lucky as their rivals all have hard games.
Barely Interesting Fact: Newcastle haven’t beaten Man City under their new ownership. In fact you have to go back to 2005 for their last win. In the meantime Man City have won all but three of those games at a healthy 56-12 goal difference.
Bournemouth welcome Chelsea on the back of a rare win in the Premier League. But despite their recent form woes, they are currently the 6th best team in terms of home form. Although Spurs have two games in hand. Chelsea have lost three of their past six away games which gives them a sniff. Until you see Chelsea’s form against the bottom half, they have dropped just two points. Hopefully we get to see Gonzalo Higuain in action too. Callum Wilson can look and wonder what if.
Barely Interesting Fact: Bournemouth won the first clash between these two sides in 1988 back in the old 2nd division.
An interesting battle of two teams just avoiding relegation, both hovering on 22 points, four points clear of the drop. Happily for Crystal Palace this game is away, as their home form is terrible. Their away form is not too bad, and great recently, with wins over Man City and Wolves and a 4-3 loss to Liverpool in the last three road trips. Scoring doesn’t seem a problem on the road, they have almost three times as many goals away than home. The three at Liverpool was as many as they had conceded in all their other home games. Southampton have turned the corner since getting id of Mark Hughes, but they are still only a small losing streak way from heading back to the bottom three.
Barely Interesting Fact: Crystal Palace and Southampton have both only won twice at hoem this season.
Liverpool have had a nice break, no FA Cup games after getting knocked out by Wolves in the third round, and an added bonus of an extra day off with a Wednesday fixture. Liverpool were stretched by Crystal Palace last start at home, conceding as many in one game as the previous ten games. Leicester are a hard team to follow form-wise, but you can’t complain about the entertainment they provided last time out against Wolves. A loss here will probably see the end of Claude Puel for no good reason.
Barely Interesting Fact: Since Leicester have returned to the Premier League, they have only failed to score against Liverpool once. Although, they have only won two of those games.
Spurs are still solid in third palce, but worringly they have lost their last two at home to Wolves and Man Utd. They should have their star player Son back from the Asian Cup, whcih should make up for the losses of Alli and Kane. Watford are unbeaten in their last four away games, and have beaten Spurs already this season. A great game to finsih of the midweek Premier League predictions Week 24.
Barely Interesting Fact: Spurs have only beaten Watford once in their last four games.
“Best” Bet: Undr 2.5 Goals @ $2.05
Last week’s “Best” Bets – 6 / 10
Premier League Predictions Week 24 – MMMMMulti
Time to make some money – here’s our best five tips rolled into one money-making machine.
ARSENAL to beat Cardiff
WOLVES to beat West Ham
MAN UTD to beat Burnley
MAN CITY to beat Newcastle
CHELSEA to beat Bournemouth
LIVERPOOL to beat Leicester
$1 for $7.50
2018-2019 Premier League Tipping Competition Results
A new year, yet more of the same as we launch the January 2019 Jerk of the Month nominations.
Being January, it is Australian Open time, and therefore few young gents who regularly appear in these monthly polls returns.
The shutdown in the US has flushed out a couple of new Jerk of the Month nominations, and a regular too.
Sport and politics in Australia dominate the rest of the nominations for January 2019 Jerk of the Month.
Note that due to the 2018 Jerk of the Year voting period, that this can include December 2018’s biggest jerks.
FORM GUIDE – January 2019 Jerk of the Month
DONALD TRUMP
Why nominated for the Jerk?
The 2018 Joint Winner of the Jerk of the Year returns to the monthly nominations, leading the way with his shutdown of the US over the Border Wall.
Whether he is completely at fault for all the politicking of the shutdown, but his behaviour around, and general tweeting keeps him in the running for the first Jerk of the Month award for 2019.
So too does the underlying theme of a child with toys being thrown out of the pram.
His big fat lie when saying he could related to the 100,000’s of workers without pay, tipped him over the edge of Jerk.
Jerk Rating: 10/10
WILBUR ROSS
Why nominated for the Jerk?
The Commerce Secretary in the US who couldn’t understand why struggling workers didn’t take a bank loan instead of going to food banks. And for not showing up to their government job, to go to a second job that pays them.
Described the bombing of Syria as “after-dinner entertainment” for the Mar-a-Lago crowd (where he’s naturally a member);
been accused of stealing from his former colleagues
Jerk Rating: 8/10
AUSTRALIAN CRICKET TEAM
Why nominated for the Jerk?
For their general lack of fight and performance for most of the summer.
Of course they recently pantsed Sri Lanka at the Gabba, but most of the dross before then deserves a Jerk of the Month collective nomination. Except for one gent who has made our January 2019 Hero of the Month nominations.
Jerk Rating: 3/10
AUSTRALIAN CRICKET SELECTORS
Why nominated for the Jerk?
For causing a lot of the trouble for the above nomination, with mixed messages for players, contradictions, and seemingly strange selections.
They occasionally get it right. But are an easy scapegoat if the don’t.
Jerk Rating: 5/10
BERNARD TOMIC
Why nominated for the Jerk?
For more of his usual antics at the Australian Open.
Then there was the rants at Davis Cup boss Lleyton Hewitt. Some of that got quite nasty. If only he realised most of Australian don’t want him to represent us either.
It’s past the time when we hope for a turnaround in professionalism and potential being reached. All we care about now is the requisite amount of Jerk to be nominated each month.
Jerk Rating: 10/10
NICK KYRGIOS
Why nominated for the Jerk?
One good jerk always deserves another, as the second half of the comedy duo Tennis Jerks Inc. made sure he wouldn’t be without a January 2019 Jerk of the Month nomination, with an Australian Open that failed on court, but delighted us off it.
HE started off the month remarking he couldn’t care less about Tennis, which is always good leading into a major.
The Spaniard may not have won his important clash, but he did win tantrum of the tournament. A feat in itself at an Australian Open with local favourites always contending.
Jerk Rating: 10/10
CHANNEL 7 / FOX CRICKET
Why nominated for the Jerk?
For Fox Cricket’s simulcast of the Chanel Seven Big Bash coverage, which featured Michael Slater.
No Slater is good Slater. Don’t do it next season.
Jerk Rating: 7/10
CHANNEL NEIN
Why nominated for the Jerk?
Proving they are just as bad at broadcasting the Tennis as they were with the cricket or are with the NRL.
#NoToNein
Jerk Rating: 9/10
THE FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
Why nominated for the Jerk?
For having some kind of broadcasting deal that sees Australia go without the third and fourth round of the FA Cup. Two of the best weekends of football of the season.
No wonder the FA Cup is slowly dying.
Jerk Rating: 9/10
QLD GOVERNMENT (For Gabba Name Change)
Why nominated for the Jerk?
If it isn’t bad enough we have to see Kate Jones at the unveiling of anything in Queensland, the decision to sell naming rights of the Gabba stinks.
They say the money will be used to fix up the Gabba, and lord knows it needs it.
But to change the name will be the final nail in the coffin of an already soulless venue. It is already bad enough without changing the name. It’s name and names for both ends of the ground ae close to it’s only redeeming feature these days. That and the pool.
Jerk Rating: 7/10
FRASER ANNING
Why nominated for the Jerk?
The least elected Australian Politician in history for making tax payers pay for his trip to Melbourne for the far-right rally that led to the Nazi salute making a brief comeback.
Perhaps he should have invoiced the 19 people who voted for him in the Senate election
Jerk Rating: 9/10
VOTE NOW – January 2019 Jerk of the Month
Vote for as many of the this month’s Jerk nominations as you like. They’ve asked for it.
Netflix have found gold with their Sunderland ‘Til I Die Documentary attracting football fans and TV fans alike, but where to next in the UK Football genre?
As ever, The Gurgler is on hand to leach off the popularity of something and suggest a few alternatives. Like our effort with alternative SBS Slow TV suggestions.
We believe one of the reasons Sunderland ‘Til I Die Documentary works is that the story doesn’t revolve around a news hogging EPL entity, but a club that allowed so much access that a multi million dollar sporting enterprise wouldn’t.
And there are so many more similarly interesting stories out there in the lower reaches of English football that need a Netflix Documentary telling.
So here are our Sunderland ‘Til I Die Documentary alternative suggestions for the next series.
GET OUT – THE WORST OWNERS IN ENGLISH FOOTBALL
The Sunderland ‘Til I Die Documentary proved that things can happen in sport no matter how professional you are or how hard you try.
So how do some clubs survive, and occasionally thrive, with people who seem to hate their own club and everyone in it..
Each club mentioned below could have its own Sunderland ‘Til I Die style Documentary, but to ram home how many awful owners there are, it could be a club an episode, with a potential vote via social media at the end.
The clubs to feature are:
Blackpool – whose owners like to sue their own fans.
Coventry City, whose owners seemed to enjoy forcing their own team out of their city.
Charlton’s owners have too big a back catalogue of hurt towards their club that could requite a second episode.
Bolton are more worried about a social media war of words than paying their players.
Blackburn’s owners probably deserve a slot due to their effort taking an EPL regular to the third division.
Then there’s the enigma that is Mike Ashley at Newcastle.
You could think of a few more of the current owners, and pick a few choice ones from back in the day if you wanted a full set of ten episodes.
SPIES LIKE US
After being caught for spying on Derby County’s training before their match a few weeks ago, Leeds United manager Marcelo Bielsa admitted his guilt and took it on the chin.
And we’re suggesting that all the documentary needs to be is just another Powerpoint presentation featuring Marceo Bielsa.
That or a documentary on the man they call El Loco. Either way it sounds like Netflix gold.
DONS v DONS –
One of the big stories over the past few decades of English football has been the rise of AFC Wimbledon after the original Wimbledon FC was shipped off up north to Milton Keynes Dons.
The whole story of the rise of Wimbledon from Non League to FA Cup winners and Premier League regular in under a decade – featuring Vinnie Jones – `followed by the decline, relocation to Milton Keynes and the rise again of AFC Wimbledon should be as interesting a modern football story as any.
EXACTLY, ACCRINGTON STANLEY
After Sunderland Til I die showed the behind the scenes of a big, former Premier League side on the rapid decline, what about the opposite.
Accrington Stanley are one of the Football League’s smallest clubs, but that hasn’t stopped them punching above their weight.
The smallest budget, and one of the smallest average home crowds haven’t stopped them reaching the third division, and briefly in the top six this season.
A behind the scenes of this small club could prove a fascinating insight to the life of a lower division football team, where a FA Cup run windfall the size of a big EPL side’s weekly wage can make all the difference for a club.
It might finally get rid of the effects of the Who Are Accrington Stanley Milk commercial from back in the day.
HOW GREEN ARE THE ROVERS – THE FOREST GREEN ROVERS STORY
The Forest Green Rovers story – a recently promoted fourth division side in the UK Football League – was interesting, but not remarkable until Eco Businessman Dale Vince took over, and completed the job from Non League to the Football League.
Why are Forest Green Rovers more interesting than other previous promoted side? Well because they are the first football club in the world to be certified carbon neutral.
Not only that, but they are also an all Vegan football club.
Players don’t eat meat, nor is it sold at the ground.
They’ve added solar panels to the roof of their grandstand, used organic fertilizers on the ground, introduced robots GPS based mowers to become the greenest football club in the world.
Surely a football club that different is worth at least half a Sunderland ‘Til I Die Documentary.
THE BEAST
No suggestions for alternative football documentaries alongside Sunderland ‘Til I Die would be complete from us without a lengthy, informative, and mostly entertaining piece on Adebayo Akinfenwa.
The strongest man in football has spent a long career between the third and fourth division, but he is also a big man off the field. And a very entertaining guy.
Here is our 2018-19 FA Cup 4th round preview where the competition steps up a gear from our lengthy 3rd Round thoughts.
Some teams still don’t take it as seriously as we do, but a day out at Wembley is not far away, so it will get slightly more interesting with each completed round.
This year the FA Cup 4th round fixtures sees a good mix of lower leagues teams pitched against EPL teams, and a smattering of all Non EPL ties, ensuring some paupers will kick on in the cup.
Once again Australia doesn’t get to see any of it. Arseholes, anyone involved in that decision.
We have the full 2018-19 FA Cup 4th round Preview with fixtures, barely interesting stats, and a bold prediction for all of the games. Not just those involving Premier League sides like other inferior efforts.
So enjoy our 2018-19 FA Cup 4th round Preview.
2018-19 FA Cup 4th Round Preview – Barely Interesting Draw Facts
There is still one Non League teams in the fourth round – former League Two escape artists Barnet in National League Premier who saw off Sheffield United in an upset that went a little unnoticed given the Blades are within touching distance of the Premier League.
There are 7 matches that don’t feature an EPL side, meaning at least 7 teams from the lower leagues will get a chance in the fifth round. A healthy 43% of the last 16 teams.
There are four all EPL ties. Opening up more non EPL places.
At least one League One or League Two side will progress out of Doncaster and Oldham.
The biggest difference in overall leagues position are the matches featuring:
Barnet-Brentford 71
AFC Wimbledon-West Ham 58
Middlesbrough-Newport 56
The matches with the smallest difference in overall league position are:
Newcastle United-Watford 10
Arsenal-Manchester United 1
The average distance between the sides for all games is 29 places.
Recent clashes
3 Matches are replays of a clash within the last month.
Top Goals scored on average – this season
Manchester City 2.7
Tottenham 2.1
Arsenal 2.1
West Bromwich Albion 2.0
Manchester United 2.0
Top 3 Fewest Goals Conceded per game – this season
Middlesbrough 0.7
Manchester City 0.8
Chelsea 0.8
Top 3 Most Goals Conceded per game – this season
Newport 1.7
Gillingham 1.7
Burnley 1.9
2018-19 FA Cup 4th round Preview – Upset Selection
Here’s our favourite potential upsets for the FA Cup 4th Round preview. Read more in the match by match preview below.
Doncaster 1 Oldham 2
Middlesbrough 0 Newport 1
Portsmouth 2 QPR 0
Brighton 0 West Brom 2
2018-19 FA Cup 4th round Preview – Match by Match
FRIDAY- Kick Off 7:45pm UK
BRISTOL CITY (7th Champ) v BOLTON WANDERERS (23rd Champ)
H2H All: Bristol C 27 Bolton 18 Draw 17
H2H FA Cup: Bristol C 2 Bolton 0
Last Meeting: Jan 12 2019 – Bristol C 2 Bolton 1 (Champ)
Last Round: Bolton 5 Walsall 2 – Bristol 1 Huddersfield 0
Preview: In form Bristol City will be looking to replicate their progress of last year’s League Cup, where they made the semi finals and were competitive against Man City. Bristol City are currently seventh in the Championship, just two points from a promotion place. Something Bristol won’t want to replicate is the Cup ruining their league form, like what happened last years where they fell out of the top six after the League Cup exit. Bolton are in much worse shape, any team sitting behind Ipswich Town in the last six form is struggling, And there’s doubt about whether players are getting paid. Tough gig to win this one.
Barely Interesting Fact:Bolton have lost their last three away games to Bristol by a combined 10-1.
Prediction:Bristol City 2 Bolton 0
FRIDAY- Kick Off 7:55pm UK
ARSENAL (5th EPL) v MANCHESTER UTD (6th EPL)
H2H All: Arsenal 81 – Man Utd 96 – Draw 51
H2H FA Cup: Arsenal 6 – Man Utd 7 – Draw 2
Last Meeting: Dec 5 2018 – Draw 2-2 (EPL)
Last Round: Blackpool 0 Arsenal 3 – Man Utd 2 Reading 0
Preview: The biggest clash of the FA Cup 4th round for big names, and winners of the FA Cup too. Arsenal (13) and Manchester Utd (12) are the top two teams in terms of FA Cup wins. One team will be denied the chance to extend that after this weekend. Manchester Unite sit only behind Barcelona in the hottest streak in the top five leagues in Europe. Ole Gunnar Solskjær has really worked some magic with the same players who looked busted arse under Jose Mourinho. Arsenal’s recent form isn’t too bad – 10 points in 6 games – but it was their last start win over Chelsea that gives them hope of a win this weekend, and at the end of the season in the 4th place race.
Barely Interesting Fact:The last time these teams played each other at Arsenal’s home ground was when the EPL was called Division One, and the ground was Highbury. Back in 1988, and Arsenal won 2-1.
Prediction:Manchester United 2-1
SATURDAY – Kick Off 12:30pm UK
ACCRINGTON STANLEY (14th League 1) v DERBY COUNTY (6th Champ)
H2H All: Accrington 1 – Derby 1 – Draw 2
H2H FA Cup: NA
Last Meeting: 1957 – Draw 2-2 – (Div 3 N)
Last Round: Accrington 1 Ipswich 0 – Derby County 2-2 Nott’m Forest (Replay 2-2 – Derby on pens)
Preview: Accrington’s slide down the League One ladder from an unlikely promotion spot has been softened with a cup run, although they did beat perennial FA Cup third round lightweights Ipswich Town. Derby County – or to give them their current correct name – Frank Lampard presents Derby County – are going to be a lot tougher than Ipswich, after they took Southampton, of the EPL, to two draws and won on penalties in the FA Cup 3rd Round. They have a decent enough squad to go deep into the competition, but a successful run might hurt their chances of promotion, after their now traditional second half of the season slide down the ladder.
Barely Interesting Fact: This is the second time in three years that Accrington have made the FA Cup 4th Round. Last time they lost just 1-0 to Middelsbrough.
Prediction:Accrington Stanley 0 Derby County 3
SATURDAY – Kick Off 3pm UK
SHREWSBURY TOWN (17th League 1) v WOLVES (8th EPL)
Preview: It’s been a good season for Wolves thus far, sitting comfortably in the top half and knocked Liverpool out of the FA Cup last start. With their safety and prosperity in the EPL looking safe, they should really have a go at the FA Cup. And all of a sudden they are goal scoring kings. Ominous for their opponents. Shrewsbury’s FA Cup run is a little joy on an otherwise ordinary season, but possibly better than Stoke’s season, the team that the beat over 2 attempts last round. Their 17th position is a little flattering, they are just one point from the first of the relegation places.
Barely Interesting Fact: The last time these teams met in the FA Cup was in the lofty heights of the 6th round in 1978/79,
Preview: Newcastle never seem like they want to progress in the FA Cup these days, so needing a replay with extra time to get past Blackburn last round wouldn’t have made them too happy. Their relegation fight probably is the bigger worry now, as they struggle again. The 3-0 win over Cardiff is a step in the right direction. Watford can’t complain about their season so far, and an FA Cup run would be a great way to achieve something other than the battle for seventh. The hornets have made it to the FA Cup fifth round on four occasions.
Barely Interesting Fact:In 1988-89 it took 4 attempts to get a result between these sides. The games went 0-0, 2-2, 0-0, and finally 1-0 to Watford.
Prediction: Newcastle 0 Watford 2
DONCASTER ROVERS (7th League 1) v OLDHAM ATHLETIC (12th League 2)
Preview: One for the fans of the small forgotten Football League teams, as this game guarantees that a team from outside the two divisions will make the fifth round. Both teams saw off higher league opposition last round, Oldham’s the most impressive as they saw of Premier League team Fulham, with some ease, away from home. If Fulham weren’t going so bad it may have received more fanfare. Oldham did knock Liverpool out of the FA Cup in this FA Cup 4th Round in 2013. Doncaster made the fifth round a few times in a row in the 1950’s, and this is their best chance in a while to repeat that.
Barely Interesting Fact:The home side has only won once in the last nine meetings between these sides.
Prediction:Doncaster 1 Oldham 2
MIDDLESBROUGH (5th Champ) v NEWPORT COUNTY (13th League 2)
H2H All: NA
H2H FA Cup: NA
Last Meeting: 2014 – NA
Last Round: Middlesbrough 5 Peterborough 0 – Newport 2 Leicester 1
Preview: Middlesbrough are going well enough this season – sitting 5th in the Championship – but a loss here to a team that caused the biggest shock of the 3rd round will not be popular. Tony Pulis is doing the job you’d expect at Middlesbrough, they do have one of the best defensive records in all divisions, but haven’t scored more goals than the bottom five sides. In saying that, they did score 5 goals last round against the usually free scoring League One side Peterborough. Newport County are doing another good job in the FA Cup, and are a realistic chance of an upset again here.Their away record isn’t great with just three wins in 14 games, but it is the FA Cup.
Barely Interesting Fact:This is the second consecutive year that fourth tier side Newport County has made the 4th round. Last season Spurs needed a replay to get past them.
Prediction:Middlesbrough 0 Newport 1
MANCHESTER CITY (2nd EPL) v BURNLEY (16th EPL)
H2H All: Man City 45 – Burnley 20 – Draw 25
H2H FA Cup: Man City 3 – Burnley 1
Last Meeting: Oct 2018 – Man City 5 Burnley 0 (EPL)
Last Round: Man City 7 Rotherham 0 – Burnley 1 Barnsley 0
Preview: One of four all EPL ties, and interestingly enough, four of the top five sides that remain in the FA Cup 4th Round play in all EPL clashes. Only Chelsea v Sheffield Wednesday bucks the trend. Man City play Burnley again in the FA Cup, after the two sides clashed last year, and Man City won 4-1. It’s a busy period for Man City who have come into this game on the back of a League Cup semi final, and then there’s a midweek game coming up after the FA Cup 4th round. Lucky they have the world’s best depth in midfielders. Burnley are on a decent run in the League, with three wins and a draw, but we can only see a big Man City win, even if Burnley don’t rest too many players.
Barely Interesting Fact:Manchester City have conceded just one goal in all Cup games this season, – in a 1-1 draw with Leicester who they beat on penalties. All told, Man City have scored 22-1 in their five cup games this year.
Prediction:Man City 6-0
PORTSMOUTH (1st L1) v QPR (14th Champ)
H2H All: Portsmouth 10 – QPR 14 – Draw 10
H2H FA Cup: NA
Last Meeting: 2011 – QPR 2 Portsmouth 0 – (Champ)
Last Round: Norwich 0 Portsmouth 1 – QPR 2 Leeds 1
Preview: These two sides saw off the teams that were (and still are) first and second in the Championship. Portsmouth’s being the more impressive given their position in League One. Although they may well soon be back in the Championship, as they sit first in the table. However they have lost their past two games, but should stay on track for promotion. Unless a Cup run gets in the way. QPR got past Leeds Utd in an unexpected result last round, QPR are turning this season into a decent one, especially after losing their first four games. They sit 14th, but are in a gaggle of teams within one point of each other. Promotion places are still a minimum of seven points away, but a 5th round FA Cup place is just one win away.
Barely Interesting Fact:Five of the last seven games between these sides have ended in a draw.
Prediction:Portsmouth 2 QPR 0
SWANSEA CITY (9th Champ) v GILLINGHAM (18th Champ)
H2H All: Swansea 15 – Gillingham 13 – Draw 10
H2H FA Cup: Swansea 3 – Gillingham 0
Last Meeting: 2011 – QPR 2 Portsmouth 0 – (Champ)
Last Round: Aston Villa 0 Swansea 3 – Gillingham 1 Cardiff 0
Preview: Gillingham saw off Premier League opposition last start with a win over Cardiff, so are looking for a Welsh double here in the FA Cup 4th round. Gillingham are struggling in League One – just one point above relegation. Swansea are having a pretty inconsistent season, they are in the tight chasing pack of promotion hopefuls. They are also one of the rare teams to lose to Ipswich Town this season. Their last start win over Aston Villa was impressive enough, and should get the job done here.
Barely Interesting Fact:The last time Gillingham made the FA Cup 4th round was in 2003-04, where it was a run of five straight seasons making the fourth, fifth or sixth round.
Prediction:Swansea 2 Gillingham 0
BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION (13th EPL) v WEST BROMWICH ALBION (3rd Champ)
H2H All: Brighton 5 – West Brom 9 – Draw 7
H2H FA Cup: NA
Last Meeting: Jan 2018 – West Brom 2 Brighton 0 (EPL)
Last Round: Bournemouth 1 Brighton 3 – West Brom 1 Wigan 0
Preview: Brighton did a good job last time out in the FA Cup 3rd round with a rare three goal haul and an away win, and luckily for them this games is at home. Brighton have only lost to Chelsea, Spurs and Liverpool at home this season, teams that have scored at 1.7 goals a game or better this season. So too have West Bromwich Albion, who currently average 2.04 goals per game. West Brom are one of the more free scoring teams in the four divisions this season, and that is keeping them in the promotion race in third, just three points from second. West Brom also have the second best away form in the Championship this season.
Barely Interesting Fact:Two West Brom strikers have scored 14 goals this season so far and a third has scored nine goals. Brighton have Glenn Murray on eight goals, then the next best is four.
Prediction:Brighton 0 West Brom 2
SATURDAY – Kick Off 5:30pm UK
MILLWALL (19th Champ) v EVERTON (11th EPL)
H2H All: Millwall 5 – Everton 4 – Draw 3
H2H FA Cup: Everton 2 – Millwall 1 – Draw 1
Last Meeting: 2006 Everton 1 Millwall 0 – (FA Cup)
Last Round: Everton 2 Lincoln City 1 – Millwall 2 Hull 1
Preview: It’s the Tim Cahill derby, two clubs where the Aussie hero did some of his best work, including helping Millwall to an FA Cup final whilst in the Championship. Both teams are having underwhelming seasons – Everton are 11th and whilst they are in no immediate danger of dropping into the relegation race, they have scored just eight points from their last ten games. In more relegation worries is Millwall who are 19th and six points clear of relegation. Luckily for them, none of the bottom three look likely to save themselves. Millwall’s win was the more impressive in the 3rd Round, they saw off an in form Hull, where as Everton weren’t overly convincing against fourth tier Lincoln City.
Barely Interesting Fact:Everton have never beaten Millwall at the first attempt in any Cup competition. When they have progressed past Millwall in a cup, it has need at least one replay.
H2H All: West Ham 1 – AFC Wimbledon 0
H2H FA Cup: NA
Last Meeting: Aug 2018 – Wimbledon 1 West Ham 3 (League Cup)
Preview: A nice cross London rivalry to savour in the FA Cup 4th round. AFC Wimbledon have bigger things to worry about – like getting out of the bottom four – and avoiding relegation. West Ham are in prime position to take this competition seriously and attempt to win. We hope, as Wimbledon supporters that they can avoid relegation and gives us something to cheer for.
Barely Interesting Fact:Despite being dead last in the third division, AFC Wimbledon have conceded fewer goals per game than West Ham
Prediction: AFC Wimbledon 0 – West Ham 3
SUNDAY – Kick Off 4:00pm UK
CRYSTAL PALACE (14th EPL) v SPURS (3rd EPL)
H2H All: Crystal Palace 9 – Spurs 25 – Draw 13
H2H FA Cup: Crystal Palace 3 – Spurs 2 – Draw 1
Last Meeting: Nov 2018 – Crystal Palace 0 Spurs 1 (EPL)
Last Round: Crystal Palace 1 Grimsby Town 0 – Tranmere 0 Spurs 7
Preview: The last of the all EPL ties, and if only Crystal Palace could produce the same performances and goals at home. Palace have scored just 6 goals at home this season, their opponents Spurs are the best away team in the EPL and have scored 30 goals. But Spurs don’t have Harry Kane, and who knows who will line up for them with Son and Alli missing too. Although Harry Kane would have been unlikely to play in this game anyway, not having him on the bench to call up will be a test.
Barely Interesting Fact:Seven of the last eight matches between these teams has ended up 1-0. Spurs won 6, Crystal Palace 1
Prediction:Crystal Palace 1 Spurs 0
SUNDAY – Kick Off 6:00pm UK
CHELSEA (4th EPL) v SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY (16th Champ)
H2H All: Chelsea 37 – Sheff Wed 41 – Draw 45
H2H FA Cup: Chelsea 8 – Sheff Wed 2 – Draw 6
Last Meeting: 2000 – Sheff Wed 1 Chelsea 0 (EPL)
Last Round: Chelsea 2 Nottingham Forest 0 – Sheffield Wednesday 0 Luton Town 0
Preview: Chelsea’s manager Maurizio Sarri was very unhappy about Chelsea’s latest loss to Arsenal, a loss which has seen the fourth place battle open up again. Chelsea are down to 7th in the last 6 form in the EPL, but should easily account for Sheffield Wednesday. If only they had got a deal for Gonzalo Higuain done early in the transfer window, he could have warmed up with taking on Sheffield Wednesday. The Owls are down in 16th, and have changed one manager this season, but they should be safe given they are 12 points from relegation.
Barely Interesting Fact:Only Ipswich Town have conceded more goals in the Championship than Sheffield Wednesday. That’s a worry as Ipswich are terrible.
Prediction:Chelsea 3 Sheffield Wednesday 0
MONDAY – Kick Off 7:45pm UK
BARNET (16th National League) v BRENTFORD (17th Champ)
H2H All: Brentford 10 – Draw 4 – Barnet 0
H2H FA Cup: Brentford 1 – Barnet 0
Last Meeting: 2000 – Sheff Wed 1 Chelsea 0 (EPL)
Last Round:
Preview: Battle of the Bees from London, and the Bees from the north of London are looking for their first win between these sides. They should have no fear playing a Championship side, after knocking off automatic promotion hopefuls Sheffield United in the previous round. Brentford aren’t in great form away either, as they have just the loss win and seven draws from 14 matches. After spending several years dodging the drop from League Two, perhaps an FA Cup run will spark Barney into a promotion tilt from their lowly 16th place.
Barely Interesting Fact:Barnet have never beaten Brentford, and their home ground is the The Hive, after leaving Underhill their home ground of over a century.
After a summer of way too much Stefanovic, and Breakfast TV in general in the news, the new Today Show format has been launched, and been met with some of the lowest ratings in years.
We are nothing if not helpful here at The Gurgler, so as ever we are on hand to provide some advice on potential improvements to the new Today Show format. Bringing back entertainment to the early morning slot, rather than fake camaraderie, forced laughter, and weather people barely being able to hide the sponsored content of their live cross. Only in Sydney of course. It is Channel Nein.
So in another of our series of The Gurgler Fixes….. we have a list of entertaining new addition for a real new Today Show format that could work.
TURN THE TODAY SHOW INTO SLOW TV
Some could argue that the new Today Show format is already a very similar feel to Slow TV, which is becoming a cult hit on SBS, so why not turn breakfast TV into a peaceful journey for three hours on a cruise, or a train somewhere, with just the audio of the news, sport and weather interrupting the silence of the slow TV journey.
MORE CREATIVE WAYS TO COPY THE CASH COW
There are very few people in Australian Entertainment with more charisma than Sunrise’s Cash Cow, so the new Today Show format is already up against it, and their previous efforts like Block O Cash stink of lack of idea and cross promote.
Time to be different. And entertaining.
Perhaps instead of just making a phone call that no one answers, the Today Show could announce that their Cash Machine (the one that blows all the notes around a tube,) will be on a certain street at a certain time, and only the first 10 people with the correct password on screen can enter. Think of the entertainment as the desperate people snatch at flying mustards and lobsters.
Or you could do it weekly and draw up a grid on one of the beaches in Sydney, and people ring in to try to claim a grid all week. Then every Friday, a qualified sky diver holding a briefcase O cash with drop from the sky and hopefully lands in one of the grid squares. If they don’t – Jackpot.
CLIVE PALMER RANT SECTION
We presume it is no longer done, but the old Alan Jones rant segment provided some entertainment back in the day. So why not bring that back with someone new.
Rather than having two “Social Commentators” debating some topical rubbish for five minutes, bring in a heavy hitter, full of controversy for a shot, sharp two and a half minute rant.
And who better than Clive Palmer to provide the entertainment.
Problem is, it would probably only probably last 20 seconds, and the last 15 of that would be both saying they don’t care anyway, but what TV.
HOROSCOPES
We can sort of remember the old Horoscopes on morning TV, usually in the Bert Newton shift, so why not bring that back.
Heading off into the ad breaks with some soothing music and soothing reassurance that your day as a Capricorn will be OK, is rating gold waiting to happen.
With social media killing the Horoscope industry, they need all the help they can get.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Following on from the vital life advice that Horoscopes deliver, why not have a relationship advice segment where people write, fax, email and tweet their questions to a relationship expert.
This opens up for plenty of cross promote, as they could bring in the same actors pretending to be experts from MAFS (the worst show on earth) to hand out the advice to people in genuine need of relationship advice, nd who are 10 times less awful than the people on MAFS.
SHOOT RICHARD WILKINS OUT OF A CANNON….WEEKLY
Since the man who is a Today Show institution is being the Daryl Kerrigan of the new Today Show format, the Channel Nein bosses should create a segment where every Friday they fire Richard out of a cannon at various locations around Sydney.
Not only would the fan love it, but it also might hasten his resignation.
WEEKLY MAN v FOOD SEGMENTS
People love eating competitions. Fact.
So instead of the weather person doing a quaint cross to some place in Sydney, why not hijack that once a week for an eating contest.
Better still, see what Adam Richman from Man v Food is up to and offer him the weather person job.
SPORTS BETTING ON THE NEWS
The big missing market on breakfast TV and the new Today Show format is that nothing is aimed at younger men.
Another fact in addition to the one where people love eating competitions, many younger men like to have a bet. On lots of things.
So why not involve a sports betting company into the new Today Show format.
Company X (basically anyone that doesn’t involve Tom Waterhouse) will sit on the news desk, and once the half hourly bulletin is over they list some odds of potential outcomes of the news, with specially created markets and prices for Today Show viewers only.
Surely this will bring in the younger, cashed-up audience that is rating and advertising gold.
Download your all new 2019 Tennis Jerks Bingo board now.
A new year has arrived, and as ever in January we are entertained by the antics of Nick Kyrgios and Bernard Tomic, so we decided to relaunch our Tennis Jerks Bingo for 2019.
We released this in previous year, and people couldn’t get enough of Tennis Jerks Bingo. Enjoying following every rant, sulk, tank, and controversial moment that the Tennis Jerks serve up. Pardon the pun.
Instead of tsk tsking or being mildly horrified of the antics of Tennis Bad Boys Nick Kyrgios and Bernard Tomic, you can enjoy all of their adventures and turn it into a game for all the family to enjoy. Why not have two copies and have your family and/or friends pick a side out of Kyrgios or Tomic and see who wins.
We have a list of all of their potential flashpoints for the year ahead.
Could it be that the Tennis Jerks abuse a poor innocent 10 year old ballperson, throw a racquet at an umpire, get arrested for doing burnouts in their high performance car, and worst of all release a rap album. Or perhaps just some good old-fashioned tanking, and throwing away ability.
And who is to say that the Tennis Jerks won’t deliver them all. And you win if they do.
Sure these guys are super talented, and probably massively misunderstood, but while we wait for one or both to fulfil their talent instead of the bank accounts, you can join them for the rocky ride of being an underperforming Australian sporting star with giant chips on shoulders.
So enjoy the 2019 All New Tennis Jerks Bingo.
Download the game board and stick it on the fridge.
The first completed form sent to contact@thegurgler.com wins a prize.
HERE IS THE ALL NEW TENNIS JERKS BINGO BOARD
Click on the image below for a full size Bingo Board to print and play along.
Download your all new 2019 Tennis Jerks Bingo board now.
All the big European Football is back from Spain, Italy, France and Germany this weekend after the winter break, and so to is our quick European Football Highlights for the weekend.
Some might call our European Football Highlights hipster football, we don’t, it’s pure sports nerd and football goodness. Give us an Eibar, Sassuolo, or Borussia Monchengladbach any day.
There’s no super big European clash this weekend but there doesn’t have to be, just a welcome return of everyone, and some decent games across the four big leagues.
But if you have a life and can’t watch everything, we offer up our quick European Football Highlights, to help you follow the best of it, without the need to stay up for absolutely everything. With added TV times
Quick European Football Highlights Week 17 – The Matches
Here are the minimum of games worth keeping an eye on in our opinion.
There are TV Times for those in Australia lucky enough with Bein Sports.
BUNDESLIGA – HOFFENHEIM v BAYERN MUNICH EURO KICK OFF – FRIDAY EVENING
The Bundesliga returns this weekend, and kicks off with the league’s biggest team, and we’ll see if the break has recharged them for a title battle with Dortmund. They are only six points behind at the moment in second place. Bayern also finished the calendar year on a run of five straight wins. You could look at Hoffenheim’s form two ways – they are unbeaten in ten matches, but then they have also drawn their last six games. There should be plenty f goals, both teams average around 2 goals per game.
Barely Interesting Stat: Hoffenheim have beaten Bayern at home the past two seasons. Prediction: Bayern Munich 3-2 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – Saturday ADST 6:25am Bein Sports 2
LA LIGA – REAL MADRID v SEVILLA EURO KICK OFF – SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Third v fourth clash, and both sides on 33 points. Who’d think that Sevilla could win just one of their last six games, and still be just ahead of Real Madrid on goal difference. They also haven’t won any of their last six on the road, so a win in Madrid looks a little unlikely. But it is a different Real Madrid this season, no Ronaldo, a sacked coach, an interim manager whose gloss is wearing off, and a few injuries and an unloved Isco. Despite all the turmoil, and shock losses in the league and Champions League, they are still fourth, and will probably overtake Sevilla into third this weekend.
Barely Interesting Stat: At least one side has scored 3+ goals in 10 of the past 11 fixtures. Those same 11 games has seen 4.5 goals scored on average too Prediction: Draw 2-2 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – Sunday ADST 2:10am Bein Sports 2
SERIE A – FIORENTINA v SAMPDORIA EURO KICK OFF – SUNDAY AFTERNOON
It’s all about Fabio Quagliarella for us as he tries to score for a 10th straight game. Best thing is he usually scores outrageous goals that are worth watching for. 12 Goals and 5 assists is a decent return, especially at 35. Sampdoria have scored the fifth most goals in the league, with his help. Fiorentina have conceded the fourth least despite their 10th position, so perhaps it won’t be 10 straight goals then.
Barely Interesting Stat: Both teams have been drawing at half time 11 of 19 games this season. Prediction: Sampdoria 1-0 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – Sunday ADST 0:50am Bein Sports 2
SERIE A – NAPOLI v LAZIO EURO KICK OFF – SUNDAY EVENING
A battle of 2nd v 4th, but things aren’t as close as you’d think at the top of Serie A. Napoli are a good 12 points ahead of Lazio, who are hanging onto fourth spot with four genuine challengers to their position between one and three points away. Napoli are one of two teams not to lose at home this season, two draws being the only blemishes so far this season.
Barely Interesting Stat: Lazio haven’t beaten Napoli since 2015, and there have been some big wins for Napoli too. The record from 2016 onwards is 6 wins 1 draw at 21-4. Prediction: Napoli 3-1 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – TBA
LIGUE 1 – ST ETIENNE v LYON EURO KICK OFF – SUNDAY EVENING
Another 3rd v 4th head to head for the weekend, and a local derby no less. Just 60km covers the two teams in Le Derby, and so does two points. Currently St Etienne have the better position and the better form – they have four wins in their last six compared to Lyon’s one, but also have four draws. Third place gets a Champions League qualifying place, so plenty to play for. Both sides have some interesting players – like nearly Liverpool man Nabil Fekir and Memphis Depay. St Etienne have a parade of familiar ex EPL players who have found a new home.
Barely Interesting Stat: Prior to last season’s 5-0 battering, St Etienne had won three in a row at home to their rivals Lyon. Prediction: Draw – 1-1 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – Monday ADST 5:55am Bein Sports 3
LA LIGA – EIBAR v ESPANYOL EURO KICK OFF – MONDAY EVENING
Our favourite Spanish team, if not favourite team of all at the moment are struggling. Despite playing some of the best football in Europe, they are on an unlucky run of a loss either side of four draws, which doesn’t help the slide towards relegation. Currently they are just three points clear of the drop zone, and Rayo Vallecano have won their last three. It is going to be a big battle for relegation, Espanyol are only two points ahead in 10th, but have lost seven of their last eight games. Eibar’s style at home is worth tuning in for though.
Barely Interesting Stat: Eibar have only led at half time once this year. Home to Real Madrid. Where they went on to win 3-0. Prediction:Eibar 3-1 TV – Bein Sports Australia Kick Off Time – Tuesday ADST 6:55am Bein Sports 2
Quick European Football Highlights Week 20 – The Big 10 Multi
Here are our favourite tips from all of the European football this weekend. We try to pack as many tips in there as possible, just so we can fall one short.
BARCELONA to beat Leganes
EIBAR to beat Espanyol
NAPOLI to beat Lazio
INTER to beat Sassuolo
ATALANTA to beat Frosinone
LILLE to beat Amiens
PSG to beat Guingamp
OVER 3.5 Goals – Hoffenheim v Bayern
EINTRACHT FRANKFURT to beat Freiburg
BORUSSIA MONCHENGLADBACH to beat Bayer Leverkusen
$1 for $140
Quick European Football Highlights – The Tables
Haven’t caught up with all of the tables in a while? Why not now.
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Here’s to another weekend of Premier League Football, as well as our Premier League Predictions Week 23.
Every week we offer up our Premier League predictions, along with a mini preview of each match, with a few best bets in an alternative Premier League preview.
We also put our tips up against a competitor, usually not human though, and based on some football stat or general life. This week our tipping opponent is based on each team’s traffic problems in their local authority in the UK.
It’s a lot like the BBC’s Lawros tips, but better. Arguably.
Premier League Predictions Week 23 – Gurgler v Traffic
TIPS BACKGROUND: In honour of the Burton Albion fans who were stuck in traffic, missing eight of the nine goals that Man City scored in the League Cup semi final, and because we are starting to run out of ideas, we have based this week’s tipping opponent on UK Traffic problems.
We eventually found a study that listed the extra time spent in traffic by Local Authority around the UK, and we have used that to determine tips.
Essentially, the worse the traffic, the worse mood both players and fans will be, so whichever team’s traffic figure is lower, that team gets the tips, as we presume they will all be happier.
Data is from here if you can be bothered going through a few hundred pages.
GURGLER PREMIER LEAGUE Predictions Week 23
Based on our opinion, research, study and ignorance. (In no particular order)
DRAW – Wolves v Leicester (1-1)
LIVERPOOL to beat Crystal Palace (2-0)
MANCHESTER UNITED to beat Brighton (4-0)
NEWCASTLE to beat Cardiff (1-0)
SOUTHAMPTON to beat Everton (2-1)
WATFORD to beat Burnley (3-1)
WEST HAM to beat Bournemouth (2-1)
DRAW – Arsenal v Chelsea (1-1)
MANCHESTER CITY to beat Huddersfield (2-1)
DRAW – Fulham v Spurs (2-2)
PREMIER LEAGUE Predictions Week 23 – Traffic
Based on Traffic stats from the above report link. Average delay in spvpm (difference in free flow traffic to actual calculated in minutes) in brackets.
LEICESTER (29.8) to beat Wolves (79.7)
LIVERPOOL (83.9) to beat Crystal Palace (99.5)
BRIGHTON (84.2) to beat Man Utd (98.0)
DRAW – Newcastle (69.8) v Cardiff (No Figure)
SOUTHAMPTON (83.6) to beat Everton (83.9)
WATFORD (36.1) to beat Burnley (57.8)
BOURNEMOUTH (49.4) to beat West Ham (77.5)
CHELSEA (153.0) to beat Arsenal (187.3)
HUDDERSFIELD (64.0) to beat Man City (98.0)
FULHAM (129.3) to beat Spurs (154.5)
Premier League Predictions Week 23 Mini Match by Match Preview
Here’s a quick run down of every game for Week 23, with a barely interesting stat and a best bet included for those inclined.
WOLVES v LEICESTER CITY
Two of the harder teams to read form-wise. Both are capable of matching the very best teams, and both are capable of slipping up against the bottom three. Both are set for upper midfield finishes, for Wolves that will be a decent achievement, for Leicester it will probably get the manager sacked.
Barely Interesting Fact: Six of the last 12 matches have been draws. Wolves have won just 3/17 since 2000.
“Best” Bet: Leicester +1.0 Handicap @ $1.52
LIVERPOOL v CRYSTAL PALACE
Liverpool did what they had to get done last weekend against Brighton, and will be wary of Crystal Palace who have won two in a row on the road against Man City and Wolves. Pity they can’t replicate that form at home after losing to Watford last weekend. If they had won, Crystal palace would have been up to third on last six form instead of seventh. Liverpool appear to have gotten over their slump of first league loss and FA Cup knockout.
Barely Interesting Fact: Crystal Palace have a decent record in Liverpool. They lost 1-0 last season, but won the three previous seasons before that.
“Best” Bet: Mo Salah to score anytime @ $1.45
MANCHESTER UNITED v BRIGHTON
The Ole Gunnar Solskjaer led renaissance of Manchester United continues, as Man Utd beat Spurs and took away some of the cynicism that they hadn’t beaten anyone very good yet. Although that was largely thanks to David de Gea returning to his Jose saving glory days and a wasteful Spurs. For all their dross earlier in the season, Man Utd have still only lost once at home, and Brighton have won just twice on the road. To say they have Brighton covered in firepower is an understatement at the moment.
Barely Interesting Fact: Brighton have not scored at Man Utd in the League since 1981. They have never won there either.
“Best” Bet: Man Utd to win @ Over 2.5 Match Goals @ $1.83
NEWCASTLE v CARDIFF
Hmmmm, this looks like dross. Perhaps the only interest will be with the managers who provide some entertainment usually. Newcastle have scored just seven goals in 11 matches at home, Cardiff just six in 10 games away. If there was betting for Match of the Day order, this would be favourite for last. Still it is an important game in the grand scheme of relegation, with the teams third and fourth last and separated by one point.
Barely Interesting Fact: Cardiff last beat Newcastle in the league back in 1981. Or in Newcastle since 1963.
“Best” Bet: Under 2.5 Goals @ $1.59
SOUTHAMPTON v EVERTON
Two teams going in the opposite direction, Southampton have massively improved under their new manager Ralph Hassenhuttl, before last weekend’s win over Bournemouth Everton had won once in nine games. They are currently 10th. Everton have scored just four points from their last six away games. Southampton though have the third worst home record with one win and five draws from their ten games.
Barely Interesting Fact: Everton have won this game just once in the last 9 visits to Southampton.
“Best” Bet: Southampton or Draw @ $1.45
WATFORD v BURNLEY
Burnley are slowly creeping away from relegation danger after winning their past three games, but their poor start to the season means they are still just three points from the drop zone. Watford are going OK t the moment, although less so at home where they have won just once in their last five. Could be one of those sneaky multi goal thrillers.
Barely Interesting Fact: Watford are only one point behind Man City in last six form. And one of a handful of teams to score double figure goals.
“Best” Bet: Watford to win @ $1.62
BOURNEMOUTH v WEST HAM
Bournemouth need a win pretty badly here, given they are on a run of six straight losses away, they are going to have to make it count at home. And they could lose their main strike weapon Callum Wilson during this transfer window. They are still nine points clear of relegation, and are lucky very few clubs are making a move. A team making a move is West Ham, who beat Arsenal last weekend and are just one point from the all vital 7th place. Prior to their last match away loss at Burnley, West Ham had won three in a row on the road. West Ham too look likely to lose their main striker with Arnautovic set to leave the club for megabucks in China.
Barely Interesting Fact: The last three games between these sides at Bournemouth has seen 15 goals.
“Best” Bet: Over 2.5 Goals @ $1.60
ARSENAL v CHELSEA
The big top six clash of the weekend, and as per usual in the UK friendly (but terrible Asian/Australian) time zone. With Man Utd playing a comparably easier game against Brighton, Chelsea need to win to maintain the six point gap. If Arsenal win, the three teams already mentioned could be within three points and the battle for the final Champions League spot is on. Arsenal have won their past four games at home, but overall it is just seven points, and 12th in the form table. Chelsea have won their past three away games.
Barely Interesting Fact: Chelsea have won just one of the last five games at Arsenal.
“Best” Bet: Both teams to score @ $1.50
HUDDERSFIELD v MANCHESTER CITY
David Wagner has left Huddersfield in what appears a rare case of genuine mutual consent. Huddersfield probably would have kept him on to recoup for the Championship next season, but now they need a new boss to see out a season that is looking like it is going to end in relegation. Jan Siewert the Borussia Dortmund’s U23s coach is favourite but apparently is not under consideration. Sam Allardyce has ruled himself out, probably to the relief of Terriers fans. The full Huddersfield Next Manager odds are here.
As for Man City, they are in hot form having beat Liverpool, and then won their next three games by a combined 19-0.
Barely Interesting Fact: There has been at least one draw between these sides per season in nine of the past 12 seasons they have faced each other. With a draw in each of the last three seasons. Since the earlier game was a win to Man City, and this is the only match left for the season……
“Best” Bet: Huddersfield +3.0 Handicap @ $1.53
FULHAM v SPURS
For once Fulham have lucked in, getting a home game against Spurs without their two big attacking weapons. Although, Eriksen and Dele Alli are still available. Still Fulham have signed Ryan Babel from Besiktas, who despite playing very well recently for Holland, will not solve their problems at the back. Three points for Fulham would be most unexpected and welcome, and they have lost just one of their last five (2W 2D). A good test for Spurs for the next month with a lot of games, and missing players.
Barely Interesting Fact: Spurs have scored 3 goals against Fulham in five of the last eight games. They won seven of those and lost once.
“Best” Bet: Over 2.5 Goals @ $1.80
Last week’s “Best” Bets – 3 / 10
Premier League Predictions Week 23 – MMMMMulti
Time to make some money – here’s our best five tips rolled into one money-making machine.
MANCHESTER UNITED to beat Brighton
SOUTHAMPTON to beat Everton
WATFORD to beat Burnley
DRAW – Arsenal v Chelsea
DRAW – Fulham v Spurs
$1 for $60
2018-2019 Premier League Tipping Competition Results
