More effective than an interim coach but not interested in the Dragons permanent coaching job, disappointing Craig Bellamy in every possible way, in training for the next mascot race, and so much more, it’s time for some Rugby League tips and opinion from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 9 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 9 Weekly Opinion
Sometimes there’s just something funny about other people’s misery. Not that I wish misery upon people, too often, and there are some people I wish a little misery upon but I’ll get to them later, but I must say I enjoyed watching a sixth straight loss for the Storm last weekend. Although I stress, I enjoyed it from the safety of thousands of kilometres (and miles) from AAMI Park.
Every try to the Rabbitohs, and there were plenty, one couldn’t wait for the mandatory camera pan to the Storm coaches box. And almost like he was playing hide and seek, or in desperate need of the toilet, Craig Bellamy was always getting up from his seat. We presume it wasn’t to cheer for tries as his team weren’t the ones scoring them.
As much fun as it was to watch the antics from high up in AAMI Stadium, you did have to feel for anyone inside that coaches box. You could imagine that being in the control room for the Chernobyl explosion in 1986 would be the only equivalent in history for humans to be so close to a nuclear meltdown. Coincidentally it is the 40 year anniversary of that event.
Perhaps Craig Bellamy is a modern history buff, and his plan all along was to lose six in a row and have a nuclear-powered meltdown in tribute. Because it would be stupid to try and fake a meltdown if you’re only on a two-loss run.
It would have been very funny if someone did go into the Storm coaches box dressed as Homer Simpson in a nuclear suit, holding a dosimeter in jest around Craig Bellamy’s face. That person would indeed be braver than three Kokoda trails, and might possibly need to learn how to fly, and quickly, but we’re sure it would be social media gold.
But the meltdown cooled and Craig Bellamy then appeared to give the Storm players the age-old “I’m not angry, just disappointed vibe”. Hopefully that doesn’t inspire them quick enough to beat the Dolphins on Friday night. Ray Stone is ready to disappoint the Storm and himself with a couple of tries like last season.
Talking of stone, not Ray Stone, nor things of Stone & Wood – I can categorically state that I have never, nor will I ever wish Helen a Happy Birthday. I’m also not talking about Stone’s Green Ginger Wine, possibly the most undrinkable spirit in Australian history, the mere smell of it can induce a gag reflex which may or may not be related to a session or two in the much cheaper days which usually ended in throwing up my guts followed by a minute of post-spew golden time.
The stone I’m talking about is the rock bottom of St George Illawarra. People came up to me in the streets last week after the weekly rant was basically paying out Flanno for 1,000 words, which I found odd because I am a donkey, and secondly they said I was too harsh. One of them was Michael Ennis, so I chose not to listen to him. Another was Cooper Cronk trying to give me a masterclass on rugby league tactics that was even more boring and arrogant as most of his commentary, it had less to do with Flanno than I realised so I dropped a few nards in his direction and set off for the TAB.
Maybe I was harsh though, because the Dragons were somehow even worse on Anzac Day against the Roosters, and without either Flanagan to blame, it was down to the players and the current hierarchy.
One does wonder though, the punishment for an awful season in the NRL is to get the same amount of money and try again. In the case of some clubs they use it wisely and rebuild, but you have to worry about the Dragons getting the same amount of money again given their recent recruitment.
Perhaps the threat of relegation like world football is better.
The relegation battles in the Premier League and elsewhere are usually and often better than the title races, with games, seasons and reputations going down to the last minute, the last kick. This season’s potential Spurs relegation is one of the year’s biggest sporting stories.
So imagine if instead of the punishment for the Dragons poor form this season isn’t a wooden spoon and mild finger pointing, but relegation from the NRL all together, it might make them put in more of an effort.
Perhaps not straight relegation though, as the NRL isn’t like the English football and beyond with multiple division and storied teams filling those tiers, so replacing an NRL team should be a little harder but not off the table.
So maybe the NRL could move the State Championship games and second tier competitions to a week prior, and then on Grand Final day instead of the State Championship which has become boring only because the Qld sides have sucked recently, they have the winner of the State Championship playing the wooden spooners of the NRL for a place in the NRL competition. A big $Million playoff.
This means we could see an Ipswich Jets or Newtown Jets in the NRL without any of the effort currently going into the Perth and PNG teams.
Although one sticking point, which would actually be very funny is if the NSW Cup team (let’s face it, it won’t be the Qld side winning the State Championship) is the same as the NRL team and you have the situation of the same team playing itself for a place in the NRL. Even funnier is working out what to do if the NSW Cup equivalent wins.
Sadly relegation probably won’t happen, which is a real shame, unless it was my side on the chopping block.
Also on the chopping block are my expert tips for this weekend below.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 9 Expert Tips & Match Analysis
FRIDAY 6PM – BULLDOGS v NORTH QUEENSLAND @ Accor Stadium
The Bulldogs might win this as the Cowboys are playing more NRL players than Qld Cup players. You have to question how a team can lose consecutive games against teams with double-figure player absentees, and how much of it we can blame on Gus or Lachlan Galvin. If the Cowboys lose there’s no doubt that Todd Payten will get the blame.
Bulldogs by 6
FRIDAY 8PM – DOLPHINS v MELBOURNE @ Suncorp Stadium
Neither of these teams have won a game since Round 3, and if the Storm lose it will be a club record, Dolphins won’t be far off a new record if they lose either. But at least the Dolphins are going down swinging, and with Tramplin’ Trai Fuller getting the minutes he deserves, and Ray Stone on a try scoring streak against the Storm, and Melbourne looking so busted arse, a win for the Dolphins looms.
Dolphins by 8
SATRUDAY 3PM – GOLD COAST v CANBERRA
It easy to forget the Gold Coast had a bye last weekend. Or that they play in the NRL in general.
Canberra by 20
SATURDAY 5:30PM – PARRAMATTA v WAHS
Wahs are back to winning ways, and if you don’t want that to continue you probably hate rugby league.
Wahs by 12
SATURDAY 7:30PM – ROOSTERS v BRISBANE
A premium clash hiding on a Saturday night, and with the Broncos getting a few of their bigger names back it should be a blockbuster.
Brisbane by 4
SUNDAY 2PM – NEWCASTLE v SOUTH SYDNEY
Souths can do anything after finally winning in Melbourne after 20 attempts. Newcastle isn’t that far away, and will be filled with lots of Random Souths Guys.
South Sydney by 16
SUNDAY 4PM – CRONULLA v WESTS TIGERS
Many rugby league fans are happy seeing the Tigers in the top four, with the possible exception of Isaac Moses, all the players that failed to get on the Cleary bus, and probably Buzz Rothfield.
Wests Tigers by 4
SUNDAY 6:15PM – PENRITH v MANLY @ CommBank Stadium
The Foran magic continues, as does the relentless winning machine that is Penrith, the only surprise with this game will be that this game isn’t on at 4pm on Sunday.
Penrith by 10
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S FULL NRL 2026 GEAR
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WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE 2026 NRL PREMIERSHIP
NRL 2026 RATINGS PREDICTIONS
2026 NRL JERSEY RATINGS WITH AI GREK NORMAN
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2026 NRL DRAW ANALYSIS – TEAM BY TEAM
THE A TO Z OF THE 2025 NRL SEASON
