It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners cast their eye over the weekend of rugby league that was with the NRL Round 13 Weekend Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Round 13 Weekend Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
Broncos Shocked That Hottest Off Contract Star Signs for Other Club Because They Offered Twice as Much
Nicho Hynes has been outstanding for the Melbourne Storm, and as keen Intrust Super Cup supporters we aren’t surprised.
He has not only capably covered for the superstar fullback Ryan Papenhuyzen, but starred in his own right, grabbing his chance to shine.
Hynes was looking for a club to get a permanent starting role, and the Broncos were looking were looking for a player just like him. It sounded perfect.
Except the Broncos offered him a seriously under-valued contract and Hynes signed for the Sharks for twice the money and the same number of seasons.
Maybe they got scared off by Darren Lockyer saying it wasn’t a good idea to sign Hynes. Lockyer – of course – is part of the off-field team who have had so much success in the last two seasons.
So after giving away the bright prospect of Reece Walsh, they then low-ball the best available fullback on the market.
One could point out that a mere look at NRL Supercoach would have shown just how poor an offer the Broncos made.
Reports that the Broncos are chasing the available Matt Dufty with a packet of Smiths Crisps, a 30 pack of Coke, and two free rides on the Brisbane Wheel are unconfirmed.
Stay tuned for more….
NRL Considers Moving Broncos From Thursday Night As They Are Still Crap
After missing out on Hynes, the Broncos may be kicking themselves after a less than stellar effort from Jamayne Isaako on Thursday night.
But given the off-field efforts of the Broncos recently, they may not be smart enough to know that they should kick themselves.
Broncos fans seemed to take out their frustrations on Isaako, who may have to get used to it if Anthony Milford isn’t available to be the team’s scapegoat.
It was another second half capitulation and another Thursday night loss: making it two losses in a row on a Thursday.
The NRL are looking into whether any of the Broncos’ remaining Thursday night fixtures can be moved.
In the meantime, the Broncos have a rare non Thursday/Friday night game, against the Canberra Raiders in round 14; the Raiders are the king of second half capitulations, so this game could have a 50-48 scoreline or a 2-0 scoreline, depending which team wants to turn up after halftime. Could a win put the Broncos back in the NRL’s good books?
Stay tuned for more….
The Wests Tigers Are The New Premiership Favourites
Various bookmakers have installed the Wests Tigers as the new premiership favourites after they belted Penrith on Friday night.
After breaking the Panthers’ undefeated run, it’s almost inevitable that the Tigers will go through undefeated and win their first premiership since 2005.
Tigers fans are so confident that they’re already buying grand final tickets.
As for Penrith, they’ve already started planning for 2022 as they obviously can’t win the premiership after one devastating loss in the first 13 rounds.
Speaking of which…
Stay tuned for more….
Constant Footage of Unavailable Panthers Players an Ongoing Reminder That the NRL is Shit During Origin
Penrith’s unbeaten run for 2021 came to an end on Friday night against the Tigers, who were thrilled with the victory and the ability to give some love back to former bus driver/head coach Ivan Cleary.
It was a great win for the Tigers, who won back-to-back fixtures for the first time since June 2020.
But throughout the coverage the camera panned to the harem of Penrith players who were unavailable because Origin teams need an extended time to lead into the big game.
Fair enough too, but the half-arsed, half-round every season is one very few fans look forward too.
To stop Origin-heavy teams fielding weakened sides and all but throwing away two vital points (unless you’re the Storm), the NRL would be better off postponing the NRL before Origin and hold a three-game women’s Origin series (Friday nights) and Pacific Tests (Saturday nights) in the lead up.
Stay tuned for more….
The Melbourne Storm Are Secretly Hoping That Lockdown Remains As Plans Underway to Become the Sunshine Coast Storm
After another win in Queensland for the Storm (making it 23 in a row on Queensland soil) and the lockdown in Melbourne looking likely to continue, the Storm have used the opportunity as a test run for future plans.
Given that the majority of Melburnians don’t care about the Storm – as we exclusively revealed earlier in the season – it just makes sense to move to the Sunshine Coast fulltime and re-name themselves the Sunshine Coast Storm.
A source from the Storm told us off the record, “We’re worried that Redcliffe will get the 2023 NRL bid, so we’re trying to seal our future by moving to the Sunny Coast. At least the fans up there will appreciate us!”
He added, “Given how bloody hopeless the Victorian government are with quarantine and COVID-19, we’ll probably have to do on-and-off again lockdown for the next 10 years. We tried to win the hearts and minds of the Mexicans. We really did. While we have a small, loyal following – and Molly Meldrum – most Victorians can’t see past their beloved aerial ping pong.”
Stay tuned for more….
New Origin Start Time Revealed
Wednesday night’s 2021 Origin opener will now start at 10pm.
With Channel Nein using Origin as their showpiece event (to try and prove they still care about the game), they’ve regularly delayed the kick-off with their extended pre-game circle jerk by former “legends” telling everyone how good they used be back in eighteen-dickety-six, and Gus indulging himself (and boring everyone else) with his best Any Given Sunday impersonation.
Continuing this tradition, game one’s kick-off has been moved back so Nein can extend their pre-game show to three whole hours for maximum ratings bliss, including 1,000 promos for the next season of Married at First Sight or Lego Masters or Celebrity Apprentice or whatever.
While Phil “Gus” Gould and Paul “Fatty” Vautin won’t be in Townsville, Gus will pre-record his usual pre-game waffle and Fatty will also pre-record a piece on his famous 1995 Origin win.
Raiders Fans Enjoy Stress-Free Weekend
After enduring seven losses from their last eight games and witnessing more drama than a poorly-written soap opera, Canberra Raiders fans could finally enjoy a stress-free weekend with the bye. Their moods were brightened when the NSW Cup team beat Newtown 20-10 to move back into the eight and the ACT Brumbies beat the Wellington Hurricanes in the Super Rugby Trans Tasman competition on Saturday night (just the second win by an Australian team in four rounds).
It also meant Raiders fans with triskaidekaphobia weren’t tempting fate by watching their team during round 13.
The stress levels will return on Saturday night when the Raiders try really hard not to fuck up a much-needed win over the equally crap Broncos (see above).
