Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, with a better Round 1 record than Craig Bellamy, trying his best to not lash out at kids at NRL games while wondering what he’s done wrong not to be a current NRL mascot, sitting on the extended bench and not expecting to play for the good of the team, and getting the full support of the board, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 1 Expert Tips Part Two as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 1 Weekly Rant Part Two
Instead of being excited for part two of Round 1 of the NRL this weekend, it almost feels like a bit of a left down, the six games almost over-shadowed by the relentless shinyness of Las Vegas.
But it shouldn’t as the six games are pretty good. Well, maybe not Cronulla v Gold Coast, that is barely one for their fans let alone the neutral. But overall it’s a good round. But the NRL don’t really care, as they let the whole NRL competition go to sh!t for two months for three Origin games, so overshadowing six NRL games isn’t that bad.
This weekend opens up with Melbourne and Parramatta, and given the Eels return to form late last season and in the pre season challenge, combined with Craig Bellamy never losing a Round 1 game, it should be a cracker. And hopefully a cracker as in crack in the glass of the Storm coaching box window. Not that I care if Melbourne win or lose, but I do care if Craig Bellamy goes berserk about any of it. It’s one of my five favourite things about rugby league along with a kicking duel, Ray Stone, anytime any PNG team plays and intercepts.
Friday sees repeats of Grand Finals, one from 2002 and other from 2023, and since we can’t have a Grand Final in week one from last year’s GF, why not repeat a few from other years. Not that the NRL probably set out to do that. The NRL be rubbing their hands together with the prospect of a full house at Suncorp as much as Channel Nein are rubbing other places at the thought of the Broncos on a Friday night.
Most people seem to like Canberra, and dislike Manly, so that makes the other Saturday game plenty interesting. We get our first look at whether the Raiders 2025 season was just a fluke or not. Hopefully not, as it is a rare story about something good coming out of Canberra.
And Sunday offers just one game, but Dolphins v Rabbitohs is good enough to hold it’s own as a standalone game, with enough narratives to fill a few NRL360’s.
Just writing about it gets me in the mood. And luckily you can sample my match by match thoughts below.
But what about last weekend in Las Vegas?
Just when you get nervous about a new season the NRL manages to reassure with some old favourites.
Like the Cowboys being ordinary for most of a game and Todd Payten immediately becoming the first coach sacked again.
Like The Bunker making the wrong decision for a change.
Like Cooper Cronk dulling up the Commentary box.
Like Fox League and friends going out of their way to say how great the Dragons were, and how great the Flanagans are, and how unlucky the Dragons were, and how Dragons the Dragons are.
It’s good to know that not everything will change ahead of a new NRL Season. And it makes this article easy when I can just copy and paste from last year’s gripes.
The only thing most were not expecting was Newcastle to play as good as they did. Especially after the dross they served up at times in 2025. They can enjoy their time at the top of the ladder ignoring the fact that Kalyn Ponga won’t play that well every week, or possibly again until closer to Origin selection time. By then they may not need him anyway, as their three halves on show did plenty. Newcastle fans will be comforted knowing that every winner of Las Vegas games before this season went on to make the finals.
But let’s let Newcastle be Newcastle for now and enjoy their time at the top. Who knows, it might not be for long. Unlike the rest of this weekly preview.
READ MORE: NRL DONKEY’S 2026 NRL SEASON PREVIEW
READ MORE: PROPER RNRL ROUND 1 PREVIEW AND PREDICTIONS
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 1 Expert Tips Part Two
GAME BY GAME THOUGHTS
THURSDAY 8pm – MELBOURNE v PARRAMATTA
Surely no one, or no team would dare to break Craig Bellamy’s Round 1 form. If so, they’ll need the fastest transport available. Thankfully the Grand Prix is on. This game is kind of interesting aside from running away from Craig Bellamy given the back and forths over Zac Lomax. What odds that will be conveniently settled after Round 1.
Melbourne by 10
FRIDAY 6pm – WAHS v ROOSTERS
Everything points to the Roosters winning, but then there’s the nagging stats of the Wahs perfect record v Roosters on a Friday. And the nagging dislike of the Roosters. And DCE doesn’t help.
Warriors by 4
FRIDAY 8pm – BRISBANE v PENRITH
Quite the game on offer on Friday night at Suncorp, with the Broncos back where Channel Nein love them, and a sell out apparently no less. Penrith’s woeful Round 1 away form is a surprise, but it might be cancelled out by the Broncos’ woeful recent record at Suncorp Stadium v Penrith.
Penrith by 2
SATURDAY 5:30pm – CRONULLA v GOLD COAST
If there was a 3pm timeslot available for this week, this game would have filled it, the game has passive listen on the radio as background noise vibes about it.. Gold Coast meanwhile might be threatening to achieve something this season, and looked good in pre season. Cronulla will probably make the finals without challenging for the title. There’s gotta be at least one upset in these six Part Two games for Round 1, so this may as well be it.
Gold Coast by 6
SATURDAY 7:30pm – MANLY v CANBERRA
If Jamal Fogarty is the most interesting thing about this game then that says a lot about both sides. Both coaches do have it in them to get a bit feisty and entertain the masses. As for the game, I’d much rather Canberra win and Manly not win.
Canberra by 6
SUNDAY 4pm – DOLPHINS v SOUTH SYDNEY @ Suncorp Stadium
A Wayne Bennett derby which will hopefully be decided by golden point just to annoy him.
Dolphins by 1
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S FULL NRL 2026 GEAR
We’ve been working hard for you to bring you the 2026 NRL Season Previews from every angle and angel possible. But never Jo Angel.
NRL ROUND 1 ONE MINUTE MATCH REPORTS – LAS VEGAS
NRL DONKEY’S 2026 SEASON PREVIEW
BOLD NRL 2026 SEASON PREDICTIONS
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT’S SENSIBLE NRL 2026 SEASON PREDICTIONS
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE 2026 NRL PREMIERSHIP
NRL 2026 RATINGS PREDICTIONS
2026 NRL JERSEY RATINGS WITH AI GREK NORMAN
2026 NRL DRAW ANALYSIS
2026 NRL DRAW ANALYSIS – TEAM BY TEAM
THE A TO Z OF THE 2025 NRL SEASON
