Welcome to the first Bazz Wrathfield column of the new season, where our most senior rugby league writer uses his decades of experience and bitterness to discuss and moan about the big news stories in rugby league. And with the new season not far from starting, Bazz applies the wettest blankets across your team’s chances of winning the 2024 NRL Premiership.
Other better rugby league websites and journalists will try for bold predictions and reasons for your team to win in 2024, not Bazz. His unique mixture of experience, apparent hatred of rugby league despite that experience, and general Eeyore-like gloominess means if there’s any reason your team can’t win, he’ll find it.
So if you’re looking for a reason to book your holidays in September with confidence your team won’t make the finals then here is Bazz Wrathfield’s Reasons Your Team Can’t Win the 2024 NRL Premiership.
And with one for every team, it essentially means no one will win the 2024 NRL Premiership, except for the peddlers of rubbish and hate like Bazz Wrathfield. And of course, the mysterious and anonymous Fox League writers.
Why Your Team Can’t Win the 2024 NRL Premiership
According the “Senior” league reporter Bazz Wrathfield
In order of Sportsbet Odds
PENRITH PANTHERS
“No one has won four premierships in a row since I was in my late 30’s, so I just can’t see it being done. And no Stephen Crichton, Jarome Luai distracted. I know I said exactly the same sh-t last season too, but this season is different.”
BRISBANE BRONCOS
“The Broncos made more errors than any other team in 2023, but they had an in-form Reece Walsh and Ezra Mam covering for them. But look at Reece Walsh’s second season at the Warriors. He went from 9 tries in 2021 to just two in 2022. Reece Walsh scored nine tries in 2023, so I’m guessing history will repeat, he’ll have a shocker second season syndrome at the Broncos. For all his good in 2023 he still made the most errors of any player, the only player above 50 errors for the season. It could go either way with Walsh, he has potential of being a real d!ckhead at times. And potentially all the time. So…..
Brisbane and the team below South Sydney were the only teams not to win a game on a Sunday in 2023. So, no Sunday wins = No Premierships, given the GF is on a Sunday night. Thanks Channel Nein.”
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS
“Just two teams have made the top eight within three seasons of a Wayne Bennett departure, and despite the 2022 South Sydney Rabbitohs being one of those teams, I can’t see the 2024 team being better than the 2023 editions which didn’t make the finals. And the arrival of Jack Wighton asks more questions than delivers answer, so someone is going to be displaced, and unhappy. Not as unhappy as me, but who is. It feels like a club that’s within months of a fully blown dressing room combustion.
South Sydney won just two games from Round 20 and scored as many points as the Dragons over the same period and less than the Wests Tigers.”
SYDNEY ROOSTERS
“The Roosters scored the first try only more often than the bottom three teams from the 2023 NRL Premiership. And depends if James Tedesco can be blamed for more stuff in 2024 like he copped in 2023.”
MELBOURNE STORM
“Moving Justin Olam should have Melbourne worried their previously loyal seven million-odd rugby league fans from PNG will now take their fandom to the Wests Tigers. Melbourne also topped the Penalty/Ruck Infringement count last season and Missed Tackles/Ineffective Tackles.”
NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS
“Because it would be great for rugby league if it did happen.”
CRONULLA SHARKS
“Cronulla have won one finals match from nine attempts since their GF win in 2016.”
PARRAMATTA EELS
Parramatta Eels have never won a Premiership in a leap year. Neither have North Qld,
Newcastle, Canberra and Penrith of the teams who have won a Premiership.
Some teams have won plenty in a leap year, as per the table below.
| Balmain | 4 |
| Bulldogs | 4 |
| Manly | 4 |
| Souths | 4 |
| Dragons | 3 |
| Roosters | 3 |
| Brisbane | 2 |
| Melbourne | 2 |
| Wests | 2 |
| Sharks | 1 |
NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS
“Take your pick. No leap year Premierships. They conceded 60 points in 2023.”
MANLY SEA EAGLES
“Luke Brooks has never won a premiership. Plus Manly were one of two teams in 2023 to not win a game after trailing at half time. Wests Tigers were the other ones.”
NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
“If I’m going to be a wet blanket, and I will, then I’d say Kalyn Ponga is the reason. Mainly, when he gets injured Newcastle can’t win. Or when the local nightclub unveils their new suite of toilets and express 15 minute parking zones.
Call us lazy, but outside of Johns brother feuds and Kalyn Ponga, we journos usually don’t have much else to say about Newcastle”
GOLD COAST TITANS
“Gold Coast teams don’t win anything. Gold Coast Suns AFL, Gold Coast Rollers basketball, Daikyo Dolphins Baseball, Brisbane Bears….nothing.”
CANTERBURY BULLDOGS
“Only one team has conceded 60 points or more and won the Premiership in the following season – Penrith in 2003. Penrith in 2002 lost 64-6 to Parramatta and won the Grand Final the following season.
It’s a bit hard on the Bulldogs just to single them out. So Wests Tigers and North Queensland are now also out after they tonked each other last season.
Amazingly, Brisbane and NZ Warriors conceded 60+ in 2022 before both made the Top 4 in 2023. Broncos made the Grand Final and could have broken the curse.
Also interesting, Roosters made the GF in 2010 after being thrashed 60-14 in March of the same season.”
CANBERRA RAIDERS
“Ricky Stuart aka Carlos Smearson”
DOLPHINS
“Only one team has won a premiership in the second season of the NRL (from 1998). That was the Melbourne Storm in 2009.
I’d say second season syndrome, but Melbourne won a premiership in their second season.”
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS
“The Dragons lost all their sway games last season. so if they need 50% win rate to make the finals they’d need to win all their home games. Which they won’t. Shane Flanagan isn’t as good a coach as he makes out. He hasn’t won a premiership since he won a title at the Sharks in 2016 with the alleged assistance of _________________.”
WESTS TIGERS
“Benji Marshall and Shane Richardson aren’t that good. Yet. Although a Wests Tiger Premiership may make 12 Fox League writers redundant, so out of interest for my fellow scribes (no not that one who raps) we’ll pass on a 2024 Premiership endorsement for Wests Tigers.
