After over 20 years of sponsorship from ‘Big Telco’ (either Optus or Telstra), the NRL will have a surprise new sponsor in 2022.
“From 2022, the NRL will be renamed the Carlton Zero Premiership,” said NRL CEO Andrew Abdo.
The big player in non-alcoholic beer have jumped on to try and limit the amount of alcohol-related incidents by meat-headed players, who now have to be treated like naughty teenagers because they seriously can’t be trusted anymore.
“Under the new sponsorship, every players in the first grade squads will be given a year-long supply of Carlton Zero which they must drink. Any attempt to buy proper alcohol – even light beer or cider – will be met with an immediate season ban. No excuses!” said Abdo.
“I know there’s a lot of players who do the right thing and can be trusted to have a few quiet drinks, go home, and not act like absolute dickheads. But we’re at the point where the minority of idiots have ruined it for everyone else. Non-alcoholic beer is pretty good once you get used to it, and you can drink a million of them and the worst that’ll happen is you’ll need to pee a lot.”
Serial crank Buzz Rothfield was going to comment, but he got into an argument with Paul Kent about the correct length of players’ socks and forgot to contact us.
Meanwhile, Fox Sports staff writers are busy dreaming up tortured puns involving the Carlton Zero Premiership and the longest premiership droughts. It could take all off-season.
