Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, more of an obstruction than an NRL trainer, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, resting more players than any NRL club, drinking out of more toilets than any Bronco star could ever hope for, wondering what he’s done wrong not to be a current NRL mascot, playing out of position for the good of the team, and getting the full support of the board, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 27 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 27 Weekly Rant
So the 2025 regular season is going out with little more than a whimper, or a meh, or even a cheer at the enthusiasm levels of year five students at 2pm when the deputy principal walks in the room to talk about feelings, there’s more talk about what teams aren’t going to do than what they are going to do.
There’s not even a spoon bowl this season, and there should be one every, so you’ll have to settle for Gold Coast winning on Saturday, needing Newcastle in the last game of the season needing to win to avoid splinters.
OK, sure position eight is up for grabs, although the Roosters are in the driving seat and there’s plenty of things that need to happen to kick them out of the car/Tarago. I wondered why they called the Tarago the Tarago, and according to Wikipedia, and why would I go anywhere else, definitely not Grok although that is good for AI Greg Norman, it is named after a town in NSW, which is near Canberra, and convenient for this week’s theme.
The Dolphins need the Roosters to lose to the Rabbitohs, Alex Johnston to score three tries and claim the all-time try scoring record, Canberra to rest between 5-8 first grade players, win by more than whatever the points difference will be if the Roosters lose in the first place, and for Manly not to win 100.
Manly, the other team in contention for finals, need both the Roosters and Dolphins to lose, they need to win by at least 50 points while the Roosters lose by 33 or more, Alex Johnston to score three tries and claim the all-time try scoring record, to concede no more than six penalties, kick one 40-20, hope there’s no more than 10mm of rain in the week leading up to the game, resolve one major conflict somewhere in the world, have five of more players being able to do the bottle flip challenge during the final training session, correctly bet on the outcome of a 500 metre race between and cheetah and a leopard, design an alternative NRL trophy using only items from player’s recycling bins from last week and beat the Newcastle Knights NRLW team in a Great Australian BakeOff Challenge judged by former NRL referee Eddie Ward and Moghseen Jadwat.
The Dolphins of course could have sorted this problem by now by beating the other two teams in the last month but saved their worst football for those crucial games. But they appear to like doing things the hard way. Making their finals chances Stayin’ Alive, which is apt given the Bee Gees tribute in Redcliffe.
There’s also the battle for fourth place, which could go to any team, but would be best if the Warriors hung on. One because it would be great for rugby league to have a sell out NRL Finals game in Auckland, and two that Channel Nein would have to send their cameras over there to cover it.
But who knows which teams will be resting players and how many this week. Given that Canberra need to rest their first grade players and they are still in the NSW Cup and Jersey Flegg finals, maybe they shouldn’t send anyone and simply forfeit the game for the good of their club and the Dolphins. Although, given that would deprive Ray Stone of the opportunity to smash people in the hardest of hard tackles, I wouldn’t be doing that. Unless you want him to come around to your place and tackle you. That’s actually not a bad idea. Like the old Gorilla-gram back in the day. You can order Ray Stone to come to your place, or someone else and greet you with a low and hard tackle. Ray Stone being the professional will simply get up and go to the next job.
After Penrith set the NRL resting players pisstake record last weekend with 85, other NRL teams will be thankful the new bar was set so high.
You can’t blame Penrith for doing what they need to do to win a title. If they win a title then it’s more than justified, not that they need our box ticking.
But it does bring the NRL into question. Why do Penrith feel the need to rest so many players? Too many games? A State of Origin series that tires players and ruins the NRL for months? Stupid turnarounds to New Zealand a few days after a game in Perth? Games in Las Vegas?
The end result is essentially between the teams who have to play in Las Vegas and recover, and the other teams who have to wait a week for the Las Vegas games to happen, early season rustiness, players being taken out of club teams to go into Origin camp, players being rested after State of Origin because they schedule a game less than 48 hours after the Origin match is finished, ridiculous five and six game rounds of NRL which usually feature loads of rested players from Origin, plus throw in the new trend of resting players with three or less rounds of the season to go and you are getting to the why bother stage for half a season where there’s only 8-10 proper rounds of the NRL.
So currently more is less, and until they sort out State of Origin it won’t change and the NRL and the fans, but not the broadcasters as it’s those greedy buggers why we’re in this scenario, will have to suffer. Maybe not suffering like a Gold Coast Titans supporter but close enough.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 27 Expert Tips
THU – BRISBANE v MELBOURNE
The Storm average one loss every five years against the Broncos, so best of luck winning that game to grab the final top four spot. If they win it’ll be toilet water for everyone.
Melbourne by 12
FRI – MANLY v WARRIORS
For selfish reasons I’d like Manly to lose. For rugby league reasons I’d like the Warriors to win.
Warriors by 8
FRI – ROOSTERS v SOUTH SYDNEY
This game needs three things. A Rabbitohs win, an Alex Johnston hat trick, and a pitch invasion to rival one of the promotion parties in the lower divisions of English football.
Rabbitohs by 6
SAT – ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA v PENRITH (Win Stadium)
Rumours that Dragons coach has lost the change room. Maybe all he has to do is fill it full of the Fox League disciples that raise his almighty achievements. As for Penrith, I’d like to see them give this game and the NRL the middle finger and try and break their resting record from last weekend.
Penrith by 2
SAT – GOLD COAST v WESTS TIGERS
The Gold Coast can still avoid the wooden spoon if they beat the Wests Tigers. Given Newcastle’s awful form of late and on Sundays this season, and Parramatta’s recent turnaround, a Titans win should take care of it.
Gold Coast by 2
SAT – BULLDOGS v CRONULLA (Olympic Stadium)
How the hell have Cronulla snuck into contention for a top four spot. Hopefully the Bulldogs win, no one wants the Sharks to have a double chance.
Bulldogs by 14
SUN – DOLPHINS v CANBERRA (Dolphin Oval)
This could be the game of the round, if the previous game of the round result goes the right way. Either way Canberra will probably rest an RSL minibus of players, so the Dolphins can at least end their season with either a huge 60 point victory win fest or just enough. Either will work.
Dolphins by just enough
SUN – PARRAMATTA v NEWCASTLE
If this game was played in a forest and fell over would anyone hear?
Parramatta by 26
Read More:
NRL ROUND 27 PREDICTIONS & STATS
AI GREG NORMAN’S NRL ROUND 26 REVIEW
NRL 2025 NRL Season Stats
