A mediocre animated film has been ‘saved’ by an annoyingly cute animal character.
Howard Jones, the director of A Long Journey Home was hoping his school holiday film – about a young boy who travels to a remote village to find his biological parents – would be a mature hit for older children and adults.
But studio interference has forced him to completely change his film. Jones refused to name the studio to protect his reputation.
“I spent over a year lovingly crafting this film – with enough drama, adventure, and heart for older viewers, and a few jokes for the younger kids,” said Jones.
“But the studio hated it! They complained that the film was too serious for younger kids, and the characters were too ‘realistic’ to be made into toys that the same kids would bug their parents to buy.”
While Jones at first refused to bow to the studio’s demands, their threat to axe the film completely forced him to comply.
“They said I had to insert a cute animal character or the film wouldn’t be released. I should have stuck to my guns, but this is my first animated film, and I’ve worked way too hard to see it come to nothing.”
Struggling for ideas, it was a family visit to a zoo that gave Jones a perfect idea.
“My five-year-old immediately fell in love with the otters and really wanted an otter toy from the gift shop.”
‘Ollie the Otter’ was soon born, shoehorned into the story as the animal companion, with a semi-famous stand up comedian providing a voice for all the jokes.
“I had to watch as some hack from Disney and Dreamworks or whatever come in an insert Ollie into almost every scene. There’s one ridiculous bit where Ollie makes a TikTok of himself in a funny hat lip syncing to some garbage pop song. Those money-hungry grubs had massacred my baby and I was mortified.”
While the film did big number at the box office and on Disney+, Jones was so upset that he refused to promote the movie.
“They threatened to fire me, but I didn’t care by then. My final move was to change my name to Alan Smithee in the credits so that piece of garbage wouldn’t destroy my career. Apparently the studio is already planning an Ollie spin-off movie for next summer, a shitload of merch, and two free-to-play mobile games – one ‘endless runner’ game, and another that’s a blatant rip-off of Lemmings.”
Though it wasn’t all bad news for Jones, as he used his payout from the studio to turn the original version of A Long Journey Home into a graphic novel.
“I’ve still got my early scripts – before the studio ruined everything – and I’ve called in a mate who used to work for Marvel Comics. I’d much rather let people read my vision than rot their brain infront of some stupid popcorn movie.”
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