More pain and empty Supermarket shelves for Australians this week after the deputy chief health officer Professor Michael Kidd (real name) said it was a good idea to stock up on Panadol and other pain killers and so Australians did what they do and panic bought. Even with the chaos unfolding the deputy chief health minister vehemently denies any conflict of interest.
This is despite Professor Kidd trying to get the Covid Safe message out there in a new and exciting way.
After figuring that half of the country are at home during the morning hours now, either working from home, waiting for a test, or politely and quietly suffering from Covid but without annoying any of the government testers like a good boy/girl, he came up with a great idea…..
A Covid Safe informercial slot on Channel Seven’s Morning Show.
And what a show he put on.
Having seen the uptake success of his Panadol advice, he thought there was so much more advice he could give.
Dressed in a Nascar style racesuit, Professor Kidd unveiled a new range of things Australians should consider stocking up on to see them through Covid.
There was Panadol of course, after the recent successful marketing strategy.
But Professor Kidd made his case for his new sponsors.
“Hydralyte is great for the rehydrating when having Covid and Kleenex is a must for those sniffles, as well as Glad as a place to put those dirty tissues.”
“Band Aid and Movicol have joined our campaign to ensure Australians are safe and healthy”.
“Of course the path through Covid is difficult, and one should look after the soul as well. That’s why we have brought on McDonalds as an official Covid partner, so you can still enjoy hot meals without infecting others through the drive through.”
“Just to be clear, that’s a McDonalds drive thru, not a testing one.” He chuckled at his own joke, umaware of the death stare given to him from most of the crew. Even the usually cheery Infomercial interviewer had to force a smile like never before.
“And for balance Chiko Rolls offer a quick and easy at-home lunch option of the highest quality. And it’s vegetarian. We think. Who really knows. But with enough grease who cares how much cabbage is in it”. Professor Kidd takes a quite unconvincing bite of a luke warm Chiko Roll that has been recently microwaved.
Finally, and slightly concerning, is the link to Real Life Insurance, which didn’t fill one with great confidence about the next few months of Covid response from the Federal Government.
After his stint on TV had ended, Professor Kidd took to social media to upload the video for more views and likes.
But to his surprise he was met with a barrage of abuse from Australians tired which prompted a follow up post denying he’d been bought out, despite changing his social media background image to look like one of the advertising boards that are placed behind sports people for post match interviews.
With his popularity with the Australian public somewhere between Novak Djokovic and Scott Morrison, Professor Kidd announced in a third post that he was cancelling the informercials as of the end of the week, and changed his social media background back to picture on a beach somewhere.
After a long day, full of stress Professor Kidd went home to rest and take some Panadol for a thumping headache. Sadly though, he had no more at home, and the local supermarket was out.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
