In worse condition than a Canberra Stadium, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, trying his best to not lash out at kids at NRL games while wondering what he’s done wrong not to be a current NRL mascot, sitting on the extended bench and not expecting to play for the good of the team, and getting the full support of the board, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant from The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. The NRL Donkey provides his NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 3 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 4 Weekly Opinion
With Petrol prices for a full tank of fuel approaching the cost of a pie and chips with a bottle of Coke at Suncorp Stadium, and the worries of fuel supplies getting lower than fans patience with Six Agains, and even talk of fuel rationing, which for Gold Coast based rugby league should be ok because their NRL teams has been rationing wins for the last decade or so, it’s time to ask what Rugby League can do for this Oil/Fuel crisis.
Of course with the NRL having recently played in the US in Las Vegas to the amazement of the very few US citizens that were there, I’m sure it got the attention of the US President via social media, and he has secretly asked the Australian Prime Minister “Albo” to send as many current and former rugby league players to the Middle East to help ships get through the Strait of Hormuz.
“Albo” being a Rabbitohs fan had no problems organising up 50 players from the Roosters and Manly to act as human shields on ships carting oil through the channel of danger, but was overruled by the Player’s Union, Rooster’s Nick Politis, finance guru Tom Piotrowski was also asked and advised it wasn’t a good idea, and Manly kind-of rejected the idea. They said no to a bunch of players but did offer up Anthony Seibold. To which “Albo” politely declined leaving Manly to come up with another idea to get rid of their current coach.
Ray Stone from the Dolphins was mentioned, and all were in agreeance that if only Ray Stone was sent to the Middle East that the war would stop immediately. A steely glare from the Dolphins forward would have more firepower than a dozen Iranian missiles, and one tackle from Ray Stone would take out the entire Iran nuclear program. It was rumoured that Ray Stone hated wars nearly as much as scoring tries, but his commitment to the Dolphins is absolute. Even if it means the entire world is blown up by one side or the other and the human race comes to an end, Ray won’t renege on his Dolphins contact nor dampen his commitment to his team and himself. Ray is also rumoured to be taking over from the sadly recently deceased Chuck Norris as the World’s Toughest Person Meme Guy. We are sure Chuck would have given him his blessing if he knew who Ray Stone was.
But since the Roosters and Manly were too selfish to send anyone other than a head coach they want to sack anyway, and the world is too scared to ask Ray Stone, how else can rugby league solve this crisis, or at least minimise the temporary pain.
The answer is Magic Rounds. Every week.
Instead of flying around Australia for multiple games, rugby league teams would converge in the one city for a two week burst, then move on to the next city in more sustainable options than flying, given flight fuel could be dry in 30 days or so some media panicking will tell you. Maybe they’re right, if they are my two huge adult sized bathtubs, one laundry tub, and the broken hot water tank all filled with Unleaded 91 is looking real good. And I only drove off once from the servo without paying.
Why two weeks you say? Or did you not get that far thinking what a stupid idea, and why am I reading an angry donkey talking about oil crisis and Anthony Seibold when all I want is expert rugby league tips? Good point. First reply is Up Yours. Second is that two weeks in the one city, as opposed to the current one for regular Magic Rounds means one less week of travelling.
Of course the best location to start this off is in Sydney. Which will suit a lot of teams that are based there, except for Manly if the ground/s in question are south of Sydney Harbour. One week could be the Olympic Stadium the next Sydney Football Stadium. Or one week is using old suburban grounds only. Like Belmore, whatever Kogarah is called these days, whatever Shark Park is called these days, Henson Park, Redfern Oval, North Sydney Oval (for Manly fans), Leichhardt Oval and Lidcome too.
This means the interstate teams will have to bus it in, or how about getting the XPT from Brisbane to Sydney? Harder for the Cowboys from Townsville, as that’s a long train/bus trip. But they can sack/rehire Todd Payten on one of the trips. Plus for the Queensland teams they can get their back on all the other teams when it is their turn to host the Fuel Crisis Magic Rounds later in the season.
The elephant in the room, which I’m not sure is being unkind to the Warriors, as they are much more fearsome than elephants, but I guess rugby league fans love the Wahs, and people like elephants, so maybe they are an elephant in some room somewhere. Just not here. But the Warriors sort-of have to fly to Australia to get here, and they could spend six months in a leaky boat, but given they are leading the competition and looking good, why would they want to miss out.
But we have to remember the sacrifice they made for Covid era league. So as a reward, the entire competition will move to Auckland for four weeks, for four huge Magic Rounds including a State of Origin game while they’re all there, just a year ahead of schedule. Given Auckland will have never seen so much rugby league, they probably won’t mind as much that it will be Origin period NRL where the teams are decimated by Origin players, injuries, and internal club punishments for off field acts.
And before you all accuse me of not saving money because then 17 teams have to fly to New Zealand and back, hold onto your horses. Or Donkey. Just don’t touch me.
The NRL could put on a Cruise Ship from Sydney to Auckland, half of the ship booked for players and staff, and the other half for fans paying a premium to be on the same ship as all the rugby league stars. Of course with that amount of food, alcohol and fans with social media, there will be a heavy security details attached. But good news is they can go to the Middle East war after if it is still going, as dealing with Iran missiles will be easier to handle than many drunk NRL fans abusing NRL players. Or vice versa.
The cruise ship can then sail up the coast to Brisbane and Townsville where the Queensland fans can have the same experience, and be charged the same premium. Although, it will still be less than a family ticket and a drink to a Broncos game.
Maybe they could do Newcastle for two weeks before finishing the season in Sydney again.
And you know there’s no point doing a Magic Round in Melbourne, as their interest in rugby only starts in September. And even then…..
Looking long term you could also delay the start of the Perth Bears by another year, which would thrill their US Fox News-like media, and give the Bears time to steal more of the Storm’s players. That would save on aero fuel. Same for PNG, but given their current effort setting up a side, I’d be more worried about rising sea levels and not Mad Max style running out of fuel problems before they’re ready.
So rugby league would become a travelling carnival or circus, which sometimes it closely resembles anyway. Giving the fans more access than ever, the NRL makes more money, and the Australian Government saves more fuel than it could ever dream of, and Ray Stone stays with the Dolphins in between memes.
Rugby League saving Australia again. What a sport, and that’s why we all love it, with the exception of Buzz Rothifeld, who doesn’t.
Talking of Buzz, this week’s expert tips will get old really quick too.
READ MORE: NRL DONKEY’S 2026 NRL SEASON PREVIEW
READ MORE: AI GREG NORMAN’S NRL ROUND 3 REVIEW
READ MORE: GURGLER’S NRL TEAM OF THE WEEK & PLAYER STATS
READ MORE: ONE MINUTE MATCH REPORTS FOR ALL ROUND 3 GAMES
The NRL Donkey’s 2026 NRL Round 4 Expert Tips & Match Analysis
GAME BY GAME
THU 8pm – MANLY v ROOSTERS
So surprised this game isn’t on a Sunday. Be surprised if I can/could be bothered watching on either day. The potential uber-focus on DCE seals the deal for non-participation.
Roosters by 10
FRI 6pm – WAHS v WESTS TIGERS
How good is a table topping Wahs. The opposite to the Tigers who got some key injuries just when they’re starting to look good. Their away form on Friday so bad there’s no way I’d tip them at full strength.
Warriors by 26
FRI 8pm – BRISBANE v DOLPHINS
I just wanna see hate.
Dolphins by 2
SAT 3pm – BULLDOGS v NEWCASTLE @ Accor Stadium
No offence, but seeing Tyson Gamble means Newcastle have a lot of players out, and they won’t win.
Bulldogs by 12
SAT 5:30pm – PENRITH v PARRAMATTA @ CommBank Stadium
Penrith will take great joy in choking the points that their local rivals Parramatta can score this weekend as much as Parramatta will take great joy in wiping the smile of Penrith’s face. I will take great joy in watching both happen.
Penrith by 20
SAT 7:30pm – NORTH QUEENSLAND v MELBOURNE
Melbourne might still be shocked after last weekend’s second half v Broncos. Cowboys might be equally shocked after winning.
Melbourne by 8
SUN 4pm – CANBERRA v CRONULLA
Hopefully it doesn’t rain in Canberra at that stadium. Canberra should be thankful that Craig Bellamy wasn’t in the coaches box last weekend, or they may have felt the shards in Queanbeyan. Picking Canberra because I like them better.
Canberra by 8
SUN 6:15pm – GOLD COAST v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
In English Football they’d call this a relegation six-pointer match. Maybe they should relegate one of these two teams.
Dragons by 2
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S FULL NRL 2026 GEAR
We’ve been working hard for you to bring you the 2026 NRL Season Previews from every angle and angel possible. But never Jo Angel.
NRL DONKEY’S 2026 SEASON PREVIEW
BOLD NRL 2026 SEASON PREDICTIONS
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT’S SENSIBLE NRL 2026 SEASON PREDICTIONS
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE 2026 NRL PREMIERSHIP
NRL 2026 RATINGS PREDICTIONS
2026 NRL JERSEY RATINGS WITH AI GREK NORMAN
2026 NRL DRAW ANALYSIS
2026 NRL DRAW ANALYSIS – TEAM BY TEAM
THE A TO Z OF THE 2025 NRL SEASON
