Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, more of an obstruction than an NRL trainer, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, drinking out of more toilets than any Bronco star could ever hope for, playing out of position for the good of the team, and getting the full support of the board, it’s time for the 2026 return of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey. Normally each week the NRL Donkey delivers a slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league, and he will do so again in 2026, but before this season kicks off he offers up the NRL Donkey’s NRL 2026 Season Predictions and Opinions.
This NRL 2026 Season Predictions includes the usual sass, with a team by team outline about how each team will fare, plus the NRL Donkey will have his say on whatever catches his attention ahead of the 2026 season.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL 2026 Season Predictions and Opening Thoughts
The 2026 NRL season promises to be a season like none other, mainly because there hasn’t been a year 2026 (that I know of) and if there has been a 2026 before there probably wasn’t rugby league played, or at least it wasn’t called NRL. Maybe cavemen and/or dinosaurs has a rugby league equivalent, if they did, we’re sure Buzz Rothfield was probably a cadet reporter at one of the games, and hating it.
There will be many big things happening this season, but none more important than sorting out the NRL TV rights. And by sorting out the NRL TV that means getting the biggest dollars for it. I also hope by “sorting out the NRL TV Rights” that includes removing Channel Nein from any further involvement. They can keep the Tennis, Rugby Union and the world’s most boring game show Tipping Point with the equally dull Mark Wood-something, he’s perfect for tennis and dull game shows. So is Channel Nein, it would be nice if this is the last year they tell us when the NRL Grand Final is on, ruin State of Origin period NRL, throw Gus Gould at us, and have Mat Thompson shouting at everything. But we probably won’t be that lucky.
With all that in mind, Peter V’landys aka Man of Feathers has already starting tinkering with the game and will no doubt continue doing so to maximise entertainment potential for that TV deal. I’m sure by Magic Round the set of six will become a set of three, balls will explode if they are kicked dead from inside your own half, the bench will be extended to 12 players with all players joining the field required to do some form of TikTok popular dance move, the kick off will be replaced by a cannon which randomly shoots the ball into the air in any direction, and referees will be replaced with AI, then replaced by referees.
It will look and feel more like It’s A Knockout, which in some cases would be good. The original It’s a Knockout that is. Out in a stadium with teams like the Kingaroy Peanuts and hosted by someone similar to the rotund but jolly Billy J Smith, not any more recent re-makes. I get a feeling that V’Landys-ball will be more like newer It’s a Knockout, so it will be awful.
Talking of awful, I’m looking to hearing less about or from the following: Gus Gould, Lachlan Galvin, the NRL Bunker when making a pisspoor decision that no one agrees with, the referees boss on Monday morning being the only person who agrees with that decision, Channel Nein as previously mentioned, Cooper Cronk for the 6th time and beyond in a match where he picks up some minute detail of he game then flogs it because he’s the smartest person in the room, Michael Ennis, Michael Ennis and the others when the Dragons are playing, Channel Seven pretending to care about rugby league on morning news shows in the hope that they can steal the TV rights off Channel Nein, NRL justifying State of Origin ruining the NRL for two months while saying we can’t have a mid season break with Pacific Tests, Isaac Moses, Zac Lomax, Rugby 360, Rugby Union, Winter Olympics, Tipping Point, Greenland, and TV shows that are basically a 30 minute betting ad.
Sounds like I’m looking forward to the 2026 NRL season? You bet I am. I’ve tried to pretend that the Big Bash is worth watching, and that Tennis is an ok substitute, or following scores from UK Football via an app because I’m too cheap to pay for extra subscriptions is a great thing, but none of it is rugby league. And you can bet that I can’t wait for that first minute of the pre-season challenge for 2026 NRL. And that 80 minutes later, or less, I’ll be moaning about it.
And more.
I’ll be back every week during the 2026 NRL season doing the same.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL 2026 Season Predictions and Opinions – Team by Team
Season predictions are easy, since 16 of the 17 teams won’t win the premiership, if you say everyone can’t win it you’ll be right 16/17. No one except the author will check and you’ll only hear from them unless they’re right, when nobody will care anyway. Which kind of makes all of this pointless.
Which does make you wonder why this busted arse website has planned or will do up to eight season previews with all range of predictions.
Regardless of this being pointless, or if anyone will read this, or if a little truth bomb on a club’s chances leads to online abuse towards me or any other donkey in retaliation, I’ll press on with my thoughts on every club heading into the 2026 NRL season.
BRISBANE BRONCOS
Reece Walsh was bad enough when he was just a really good player, but after his 2025 heroics to guide the Broncos to the NRL title can you imagine the next level he’s going to take it to in 2026. The toilet drinking was a stroke of genius, so am looking forward to what next level is from there. And if a toilet will be involved again. One can only hope. On field, I can see that if the Broncos start underperforming in 2026, and there’s no reason to think they won’t be too arrogant enough to rest on their laurels, whoever Laurel is, and if there’s a Hardy or Harduar nearby. Therefore Reece Walsh will end up giving his team mates a spray and one will take exception, leading to the NRL’s first intra-team on-field fight where both players are sent to the sin bin. During Magic Round would be even funnier given it would be at a full Suncorp Stadium. Away from Reece Walsh’s antics, this NRL Donkey will be focused on the big X Factor, Man Mountain, Xavier Willison becoming one of the game’s best props in 2026.
BULLDOGS
I can foresee a huge battle in 2026 at the Bulldogs to see who NRL 360 obsesses over more – Gus Gould or Lachlan Galvin. Especially if the Bulldogs don’t start or end the season well.
CANBERRA
I not only wish the Raiders well for friends, but I am scared to not wish them well because of Ricky Stuart. Sticky, aka the Angry Ant, aka Carlos Smearson is a gift to rugby league in many ways, a genuine guy who just loves his sport, and team. But much like a kid throwing at tantrum at the local Coles, the anger can be funny sometimes.
CRONULLA
Hopefully not another year of them hogging and wasting a spot in the top eight and blaming Nicho Hynes for everything. But with their usual easy draw and ability to go under the radar, it probably will be another serving.
DOLPHINS
A Grand Final appearance led by the emergence of Ray Stone as the game’s premier backrower, during which his Dry July post try celebration will be tearing the ball in half with his teeth, given his dislike for scoring tries.
GOLD COAST TITANS
Like most of the residents on the glitter strip, I forgot about the Gold Coast Titans when writing this, as I could only count 16 teams for a long time. Then I couldn’t think of anything to write. Then I remembered they have a new head coach, who I couldn’t remember off the top of my head. After checking Wikipedia I remembered it was Josh Hannay, who won’t make any difference in producing another forgettable season. Not that he can’t coach, just it’s the Gold Coast. And only the Daikyo Dolphins win on the Gold Coast.
MELBOURNE STORM
As a fan of the Bellamy Box crosses on NRL TV Coverage (not Channel Nein’s) I kind of hope they have a few bad patches during the season and during games. There’s not much around more entertaining than seeing Craig Bellamy going off his head at something happening on the field. With player movement this season and next, it is the most unsettled Melbourne in years. And I’m here rubbing my hands together.
MANLY SEA EAGLES
The exodus of players from Manly to the Roosters will leave just Anthony Seibold being the narkiest head coach in the NRL now that Adam “Four Premiership Whingescreens” O’Brien left the Newcastle gig, and the usual politics and in-fighting as the talking points for 2026.
NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
Adding an overpriced and overrated player to save their team, in addition to the other overpaid and overrated star is certainly one way to do it. Adding a new coach with experience from the Gold Coast Titans will come in handy for the post match press conferences when they battle the Titans for last. at least Justin Holbrook is likeable.
NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS
Las Vegas will be the peak for the Cowboys, as the US fans get on board with a team’s name they won’t have to explain to them, and they win. It won’t stop Todd Payten being nominated as the next coach sacked all season.
PARRAMATTA EELS
Parramatta were a team on the rise in the last part of the 2025 NRL season, as the Ryles-o-lution takes shape. For the record that was a pisspoor attempt at a pun combining Ryles and Revolution. The Eels momentum continues when they get either a tonne of money or players for Zac Lomax.
PENRITH PANTHERS
Maybe the Panthers will slowly become the Max Verstappen of the NRL, where fans will stop hating on them now they haven’t won everything. Maybe no one did hate them at all in the first place, except Parramatta fans, and Wests Tigers fans, and maybe Melbourne fans, and jealous fans from other clubs, and Jarome Luai didn’t really help either. And no doubt Buzz Rothfield, but he hates all rugby league. As long as the Panthers have two Clearys involved they will be a Premiership threat.
ROOSTERS
Somehow the Roosters will assemble a squad worth $2M to $3M more than the Salary Cap, with a few zeroes going towards Daly Cherry-Evans, whose arrival to the club in 2026 will at least be a talking point. Will he do a Cooper Cronk and secure a few twilight premierships? If he does let’s hope he doesn’t follow Cronk into the Commentary box. Maybe the Roosters position as the production line for the Wallabies is how they keep their wages so low. Part of the players contract is back-ended deals paid by Australian Rugby Union bosses, paid for by RM Williams sponsorships.
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS
The Rabbitohs may end up wishing they had the excuse of injuries in 2026 as their hit and miss squad misses. Wayne Bennett magic doesn’t work, and he is tempted by the challenge of the PNG Chiefs NRL team and moves on to be replaced by Sam Burgess for 2027, which is followed by Latrell Mitchell moving to rugby union ahead of their World Cup in 2027.
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS
It’ll be another year of Fox League buddies defending Michael Ennis who is defending Shane Flanagan who will be defending his son Kyle who will be defending his performances which will be defending the terrible run of results which sees them last around Origin period. They might improve off the bottom of the ladder. Or not.
WAHS
I won’t invoke the Rugby league gods too many times, but may I summon them before the 2026 NRL season starts to ask for a cracking, top-four season for the Wahs and beyond. Winning Wahs are good for rugby league in general, especially in a World Cup year which could be the most compeditive ever.
WESTS TIGERS
Only the hardest of rugby league hearts wouldn’t kind-of wish the Wests Tigers make the top eight this season. Well you can count on Fox League not to wish them well, where else will NRL 360 and the Fox Sports website get their content from. Aside from Lachlan Galvin. Parramatta fans probably won’t wish the Wests Tigers well either, not just because they are neighbours but they are probably competing for the lower end of the top eight. Penrith fans may be a bit more generous, but maybe not.
