Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, drinking out of more toilets than any Bronco star could ever hope for, wondering what he’s done wrong not to be a current NRL mascot, playing out of position for the good of the team, getting dropped for the finals series due to discipline breaches and getting the full support of the board, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Finals Week 1 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Finals Week 1 Weekly Rant
So we are left with the NRL’s best of the best for 2025, and it is hard to argue really. The next best team in 9th was the Dolphins, who a month ago had the chance to beat all three of their nearest top eight contenders and lost by a combined 70-160. I mean, that 70 over three games might win you one under normal circumstance, but the 160 conceded in three games will rightly win you zero games.
That’s not to say the Dolphins didn’t do well in 2025. Their injury list filled an RSL courtesy bus for most of the season, and they lost their first four games. But genuine excuses aside, they are next best, so it’s hard to argue that the top eight isn’t the top eight.
Especially when you look lower than the Dolphins and see that most of the teams have either been last at some stage in 2025 or have players or coaches that are unlikeable. In the case of Manly and the Dragons it’s both. The NRL’s top eight rightly doesn’t reward too much mediocrity. Which is why I hope there’s no wildcard week anytime soon.
If anything, the top eight should be tightened up. If a team wins less than 50% of their games, then you can’t qualify for the finals. If that means teams get a free week off because there aren’t eight finals teams then so be it. Why reward mediocrity.
But onto season’s finals, and the great thing is that the bottom half of the finals looks almost better than the top half, it feels genuinely open.
Open like a toilet seat filled with nourishing water.
The Broncos looked cooked before their game against Melbourne, who they rarely beat, with Walsh’s toilet water drinking antics on social media, injuries, and Gehamat Shibasaki taking the last four letters of his surname too literally. But win in style they did, so what would I know.
Then for Reece Walsh to have a post try celebration involving toilet water was genius, and expected. But some in the crowd were ready too with toilet paraphernalia.
Can you imagine the rush at various Bunnings around Brisbane this week, and next, for toilet brushes, toilet seats, Toilet Ducks, plungers and more. Conservative calculations by my data team estimates that Reece Walsh’s antics will bring in $25M into the local economy. That more than covers the Broncos wages for an entire season. Not sure about boats though.
Someone who does know boats, and it isn’t that guy from King Gee ad back in the day on TV, is Greg Norman.
Why do you ask I mention Greg Norman in the middle of a rugby league column. Firstly, I love Greg, secondly he has brough out a NRL Finals Preview for everyone to enjoy.
READ MORE: AI Greg Norman’s NRL Final Predictions
Shameless plugs aside, I kind of hope that Canberra win the comp from here. Not that I have anything against Penrith, Melbourne or the Roosters. Ok, so I do have something against the Roosters and I really hope they don’t win. But it would be nice to see a new team win, and strangely (not Ethan) it’d be nice to see Ricky Stuart happy.
You could imagine that a premiership may not even make Craig Bellamy happy. Sadly we won’t get to see that happening this season in my opinion. Although, the silver lining of the Storm not winning the comp is the Bellamy Blow-ups. Which are always funny.
What isn’t funny is not getting 4/4 this weekend. So my NRL Finals Week 1 Expert Tips are below for your consideration.
Excuse me while I take a little sip then log off.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Finals Week 1 Expert Tips
FRIDAY 7:50PM – MELBOURNE v BULLDOGS – AAMI PARK
There’s always one NRL finals game where the fans of all the other clubs hope both sides bash each other up good and proper for their own amusement/gain for their finals team. This appears to be the one. The only things that will hit harder is the atmosphere in the Melbourne coaches box if the Storm are going badly. Can’t see either of these winning the title. Which will be funny for different reasons.
Melbourne by 16
SATURDAY 4:05PM – WARRIORS v PENRITH – MT SMART STADIUM
Everyone’s second side in the finals, it is at least funny that Channel Nein have to go to New Zealand to cover this one. And you do have to wonder if the Wahs aren’t your adopted team for the finals, what is wrong with you. How anyone can dislike the Warriors is beyond me. But maybe that’s the hate-filled post-Trump world we live in these days. Shame the Wahs are coming up against a rested Penrith who haven’t lost a finals game in a million years.
Penrith by 12
SATURDAY 7:50PM – SHARKS v ROOSTERS – SHARK PARK
First of all, very surprised this clash isn’t being played at 4pm on the Sunday. You can imagine Rabs would refuse to leave the couch to do this one back in the day until it was moved to a Sunday afternoon so he could argue with Gus Gould about stuff. And who could blame him for wanting the shift? It’s not one to get too excited about. Well, that’s not exactly true. The Roosters winger Marky Mark provides some entertainment, and an angry Spencer Leniu never disappoints. But like most sharks in the wild the Cronulla Sharks have gone under the radar over the past few months. But like sharks in the wild do tend to prey on weaker rivals. At least the Cronulla Sharks will have Nicho Hynes, rugby league’s nicest man. And it is probably that title that saved him from a week or two off with a hip drop from last weekend. Either way for Cronulla – Hynes can lead them to victory or be at the front of the queue for fans blame.
Sharks by 2
SUNDAY 4:05 – CANBERRA v BRISBANE – CANBERRA STADIUM
This could be a Grand Final preview, which would make a lot of people unhappy. Channel Nein for not having a Sydney team. Sydney fans for not having a Sydney team. Craig Bellamy would be angry. In general. Victorian fans wouldn’t really care, and they call it rugby anyway. Bob Katter could potentially hate it too, but a lot of things annoy Bob these days. Shame, as Bob is pretty funny. Penrith fans would hate it, as they would miss that Penrith winning the comp from outside the top four narrative. But a Canberra-Broncos GF could be very entertaining. If the Broncos can get over their atrocious away finals record. Which they won’t.
Canberra by 6
Read More:
NRL FINALS WEEK 1 PREDICTIONS & STATS
NRL 2025 NRL Finals Stats
H2H RECORD V OTHER FINALS CONTENDERS IN 2025
NRL 2025 NRL Season Stats
