Faster than an Aston Martin, more expendable than either Alpine driver, a tenth as excited about Lando Norris than Sky F1, and with more hope of getting out of Q1 than certain drivers, it’s the F1 Donkey with his unique view on F1 and more. Before each race The F1 Donkey puts the ass in sass and unloads his alternative, slightly unhinged thoughts on F1 including this week’s Bold 2025 Dutch Grand Prix Predictions and opinion.
The F1 Donkey’s Pre Dutch Grand Prix Thoughts
The long agonising four week wait is over, and Formula 1 fianlly returns this weekend.
I have filled the break watching various seasons of BBC F1 highlights on YouTube, especially the 1980’s. What an era.
Aside from all the big names of Alain Prost, Nelson Piquet, Nigel Mansell, Ayrton Senna, Thierry Boutsen, Rene Arnoux, Piercarlo Ghinzani, Adrian Campos, and Teo but not Corrado Fabi, the cars, the race and of course the commentators all had so much colour.
Not like today where Osca Piastri stands out because he is even more boring that most of the drivers.
Back onto the commentators, Murray Walker was the star of those highlights. Sure he loved Mansell and his dogged British determination, but he never let it blind himself from the Boutsens, the Danners, the Bergers and dare I say the Brundles of every race. Unlike the paltry Fox News style bias of the modern day Sky F1 team. Where even a Lando Norris fart should be hung in every garage and motorsport circuit pitlane around the world.
And of course James Hunt being James Hunt. He didn’t care, and occasionally didn’t show up, but he was James Hunt. He had beefs with drivers, he swore on camera, but he was honest and great. Praise and criticism handed out harshly, truly and fairly.
But also the cars had personality. For one thing, they all looked different. Some looked awful, others beautiful, but they were unique. And most importantly, they used to break down a lot. Despite knowing the result due to my uncanny ability to remember every grand prix winner from 1980 to 1999, it is still fun watching and trying to remember when the car leading was cruelly denied by a malfunction. Or an errant backmarker. And sometimes both at the same time and more. But the cars are so bulletproof these days that they are as boring as the drivers.
Talking of boring, over the break the new Cadillac team announced their driver line up for 2026, and while some might say it’s boring, it’s also safe. And Valtteri Bottas’ new lease of life on social media means he is one of the most interesting F1 drivers these days. That could be a bit like saying that he’s the most interesting delicious tasting of 50 bowls of vanilla ice cream, but still. Sergio Perez was a safe pair of hands in midfield cars back in the day, and his departure from Red Bull shows that the Red Bull is not even good enough to be classed a midfield car. If Max can’t drive it, then it is sh!t. Although, that doesn’t mean Sergio Perez shouldn’t have done better in 2023/2024. He should have. He was equally as terrible as the car.
But both have figured potentially being 21st and 22nd is better than being third (driver) or not at all. Who can blame them.
I just think Cadillac missed an opportunity.
With a four week break, there was no F1, and plenty of fans waiting around for that elusive Oscar Piastri chuckle or a little bit of Hulk news, or to see which driver can ruin their career at Alpine next. And Sky F1 spent the summer break at the Dry Cleaners.
Cadillac should have whittled their candidates down to 3-8 and had a week-long shootout for the drives for 2026. At Laguna Seca, because that track is awesome, or even better, Road America. Three days of testing, followed by races on the Thursday and Friday, with points being awarded for laps covered, positions in race, and points taken away for crashing.
The top two may well have still been Bottas and Perez, but what a way to unveil them then with a podium celebration for the two race drivers and reserve for 2026.
It might be as interesting as Cadillac get, so missed opportunity.
Onwards then, for this week’s bold predictions, and we’ve thrown in some extra stats for excellent F1 filler.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2025 Dutch Grand Prix Predictions
And here they are, in a convenient team by team format, so you can ignore them all at your convenience or peril. Depending on the outcome of our prediction.
McLAREN
Feels like a Lando Norris weekend. Maybe there will be just a point in it after leaving the Netherlands. But the comes the double qualifying choke.
RED BULL
Max Verstappen for pole position, and if he manages that he’s an outside chance for winning this race on the narrow track.
MERCEDES
George Russell to be early front nuisance value. Kimi back on track with a double top six qualifying and finish.
FERRARI
Charles Leclerc to outqualify and outrace a lacklustre Lewis Hamilton. (Pasted from last few GPs). Massive questions being asked of Hamilton heading into Italian Grand Prix.
WILLIAMS
Carlos Sainz to pull out a top six qualifying effort and points with an outside chance of a Ferrari return being wafted under his nose.
ALPINE
Colapinto is a certainty to run into a wall at some stage over the weekend.
RACING BULLS
As obscure a race as a team can manage.
ASTON MARTIN
Alonso heroics. F1 Nudity from Lance Stroll.
HAAS
Slightly further back and even more un-noticeable than Racing Bulls.
SAUBER
Bortoleto 10th in qualifying beating his team mate The Hulk in 11th by 0.005 seconds. Point for one of them.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2025 Dutch Grand Prix Stats
Our stats team told me I should include some graphs to go with the poisonous viewpoint. So here then are some form stats for qualifying and the race, and after that a computerised guess at who will win the race. Spoiler alert: it’s a McLaren.
Dutch Grand Prix – DRIVER PREVIEW RATINGS
The stats boffins at The Gurgler have compiled a whole bunch of stats from this season, and recent seasons at this weekend’s venue, added a multiplier for recent results and come up with a score out of 100% which equates to each driver’s chances of doing well this weekend. Just to make finding a winner for a race more complicated than it needs to be.
Here are The Gurgler Driver Preview Ratings for this weekend.
F1 2025 Season Stuff
We’ve worked hard getting ready for the 2025 F1 Season, and this is our best work below.
HUNGARIAN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
BELGIAN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
BRITISH GRAND PRIX – RATINGS
AUSTRIAN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
CANADIAN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
SPANISH GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
MONACO GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
EMILIA-ROMAGNA GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
MIAMI GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
SAUDI ARABIA GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
BAHRAIN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
JAPANESE GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
CHINESE GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX – REVIEW — RATINGS
2025 F1 SEASON PREVIEW – DRIVERS
2025 F1 SEASON PREVIEW – TEAMS
2025 F1 SEASON – THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR AND AVOID
AI DOES F1 – TURNING CARS INTO ANIMALS
F1 2024 Season Stats
Want to remember what happened last season? Here’s a bunch of our best work to sum up the 2024 F1 Season.
F1 2024 FULL RACE REVIEWS ALL 24 RACES
