Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, more of an obstruction than an NRL trainer, ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, and wondering what he’s done wrong not to be a current NRL mascot, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 25 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 25 Weekly Rant
Last weekend had it all, Golden Point Thrillers, Battles of Brisbane, Wests Tigers winning, and with only minimal interference by trainers.
Well it didn’t have a Dolphins win, which made me sulk for a good three hours. At least it was sold out so I couldn’t experience the disappointment in person/donkey. Although I’m not sure which section animals sit in. <Insert joke about worst NRL fans here>. <Well, not the Gold Coast anyway, they have no fans>.
It also basically meant the end of the finals race, as the Dolphins and Manly continue to choke. At least the Dolphins have an excuse, missing an RSL Courtesy Bus of their top line players. Manly meanwhile have players to burn, but play them out of position like Tom Trbojevic, or piss them off until they want to leave like DCE. Although, that one seems more DCE than Manly. The point is still they have Origin standard players fit. Not that either played that much Origin this season. Nor does it look like DCE will play next season. Not at Manly or the Roosters. Certainly not for Queensland.
But as ever, complaining about something gives me an idea to overhaul the NRL Finals series. Instead of expanding to a top ten, and Wildcard weekends to include more underperforming teams and players, and to get that tiny bit closer to NFL just the way the NRL like it, and neeeeeeed it, the NRL should adopt a F1 Qualifying system.
From a certain point of the season, the NRL eliminates one or two teams per week from playing finals. Some teams like the Gold Coast do seem to take care of eliminating themselves from the final race, but imagine culling teams who could still make the finals. Like Q1 and Q2 cutoffs in F1 qualifying, it doesn’t matter if you’re car is fast enough for the top ten, if you aren’t fast or good enough by the cut off – you’re out. Or you are either Yuki Tsunoda or Lance Stroll.
This would of course remove the need for the term mathematically possible. A loose term that isn’t used near enough in real life. So many things could be mathematically possible. Kind of like all my Same Game Multi bets that involve Ray Stone. Why I would bet on the one NRL player who seems to hate scoring tries is beyond me and right minded rugby league folk. I mean, Ray Stone appears to hate a lot of things, but try scoring is up there. Along with losing, penalties, six agains, intercept passes, the padding around the goal posts, at least three of the four corner posts, Michael Ennis’ commentary, 40-20 kicks and 20-40 kicks even more so, and chip kicks that don’t bounce. But mainly tries. And buses.
So many other words are underused too. Like plethora, nothing describes a bunch of stuff better. Like chortle. And the use of grape instead of great to describe something that is underwhelming. And finally Kapila Wijegunawardena – he’s a Sri Lankan cricketer of the past. Good record, didn’t get enough game time in my opinion.
Back to NRL game time. Imagine though the scramble of teams in the last weekends of the season as they try to survive another week. Trying to win to get above this week’s cut off of 12th place. It’ll be like the last minute of an F1 qualifying session, except it is 80 minutes long.
It doesn’t really solve the problem of when the top eight looks settled a month from the end of the season. As it looks like at the moment. But like the Head of Referees I’m not really a problem solver.
One thing that did come from last weekend’s round from actual teams that will make the finals was the golden point win for the Storm. How much better is it when a try wins golden point? Especially one as cheeky as Grant’s biggest dummy of all time. Well in rugby league. The biggest dummy in sport is Lance Stroll.
Golden Try would be so much better, and to make it more interesting, sides lose two players after every five minute section, and we play until a try is scored. Even if it’s One on One. Can you imagine it?
Or even better. Golden Point starts off with a five kick minimum kicking duel. Once each team has kicked five times, and not kicked it dead or out, then it’s play on. But only if they want to, perhaps the kicking duel could go longer, for the fans.
More popular and just as useful as a kicking duel, here are my NRL Round 25 Expert Tips.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 25 Expert Tips
THU – SOUTH SYDNEY v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA – Olympic Stadium
The smell of that wooden spoon and the thought of the questions from the media about it has inspired Wayne Bennett to lead his Rabbitohs to two straight wins. It does help his team were playing sides that Souths had both won a million in a row against. <Checks notes> Hmmm, Souths have won nine straight home games v Dragons. How convenient. It might even make Wayne smile.
Souths Sydney by 2
FRI – PENRITH v CANBERRA – Mudgee
The Friday 6pm is the perfect game for Country football. And they should make every team take one game on a Friday to the country. Including you Broncos. But what a clash this promises to be, a double header of top four clashes. Stack the fridge, order the pizza, it’s a league party night in the barn this Friday.
Penrith by 2
FRI – MELBOURNE v BULLDOGS
I write this before the team lists are out, mainly because I have better things to do, but I am sure if the Bulldogs lose it won’t be and will be Lachlan Galvin’s fault.
Melbourne by 2
SAT – MANLY v DOLPHINS
One last chance for the Dolphins to choke against sides they are directly competing against for the top eight. There’s of course still a sliver of hope for finals, and they have been extraordinarily brave this season with all the injuries. Watch Daly Cherry-Evans, relative of former Redcliffe great ruin whatever chance is left.
Dolphins by 2
SAT – GOLD COAST v WARRIORS
Hard to believe I know when saying that Gold Coast are the form team for H2H heading into any game, but here we are. They have won six of the last seven v Warriors and plenty of other barely interesting stats that the other Gurgler NRL article covers and I can’t be bothered reading. Someone I know unfairly said that the Warriors are hopeless v Titans because there’s so many New Zealand folk on the Gold Coast. That sounds stupid, and doesn’t explain the losses in Auckland, so I don’t talk that person now.
Gold Coast by 2
SAT – PARRAMATTA v ROOSTERS
I’m sure there’s a group of people somewhere who can’t wait for this game. I’m not in either camp, might see who the Guest Programmer in on Rage.
Roosters by 2
SUN – NEWCASTLE v BRISBANE
After destroying the hope and dream of their cross town rivals, the Broncos look to pour more misery on another team. Although, Newcastle seem to do that well themselves. Hopeless at home, 12 times this season they haven’t scored a point in the first half. Now they are loyal fans the ones who turn up. And for the record, they know rugby league Mr Coach. And if they boo your team, then you and them probably deserve it. Especially you Mr Coach aka Whingescreens O’Brien.
Brisbane by 40
SUN – WESTS TIGERS v NORTH QUEENSLAND – Leichhardt
Seems strange that a side featuring Jarome Luai and two May brothers are becoming one of the feelgood sides in the NRL. Their recent run means no wooden spoon, and are an outside chance for 9th, which will probably break the internet.
Wests Tigers by 2
Read More:
AI GREG NORMAN’S NRL ROUND 24 REVIEW
NRL 2025 NRL Season Stats
