Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers, colder than a Titans shower, and ducking for cover like a Melbourne Storm Assistant Coach, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 22 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 22 Weekly Rant
There’s a lot of things I wonder about with rugby league, and luckily most weeks I have this forum to discuss it. And much like a drunk on a late night train, there’s nothing you can do to shut me up. Well, unless I’ve drank way too much, passed out, then woken up with a headspin and ran off the train at Sunshine station throwing up all over the platform, then realising it was the last train home.
First wonderment for this week is how the Gold Coast keep winning in New Zealand – that’s three in a row, and two season in a row I’ve tipped them by myself in the various tipping comps around the farm. Not that I’m up against much. The dogs are too busy chasing things, the ducks are too stupid to tip any team, the chickens offer very little except eggs and the goat is just a real jerk and eats cans.
Someone did say the Titans always beat New Zealanders as they are used to having so many Kiwis on the Gold Coast that playing them feels like home. Without checking census data, an without wanting to, I’ll leave that with them.
The next thing I’ve been wondering about is related to that goat. As it makes me think of Todd Carney, who you could only presume would be up for eating a few empty cans if he was happy to ………. In his mouth.
But is Todd Carney’s behaviour just the tip of the iceberg, and there is a rugby league Epstein file out there with behaviour that makes Todd Carney look like a Thursday morning Bridge club at a Retirement village.
Now to clarify, the Epstein style list suggestions is only for boys behaving badly, minor misbehaviour with potential shameful incidents, not shameful incidents with minors.
For legal reasons the horse in the stable next to me has advised me not to name players who I think might be on a potential Epstein style list, but he eats his own droppings, so I’m not sure I want to take any or all of his advice. But given the legal budget of The Gurgler is zero I’d be be keeping specific opinions to my myself.
But being rugby league I’m sure the RSPCA would have to be put on high alert. Not sure what the link is between animals and rugby league. Usually is only a mascot, but then someone has to take it too far.
And I;’m sure that at least 50% of the boys behaving badly would happen in Bali, with 50% happening within a one mile radius of Cavill Avenue, and the rest at a League Club or Casino.
Not the Rooty Hill RSL though. That place is sacred and will not allow misbehaviour of any type from any rugby league player of any team.
I do wonder if there is a file sitting on a desk somewhere in the NRL HQ that someone is holding onto until the next broadcast deal is worked out. Whichever way that file goes, let’s just hope it is the opposite of whatever Channel Nein want.
Or maybe there’s an anti-Albanese group just waiting to find a Souths player involved to take down the current government. If that is true look no further than the comments section of a news.com.au article. The second most poisonous thing on earth, behind a letter to the editor at The Australian. Or a regular viewer of Sky News after dark.
The final thing I’m wondering about this week are my expert tips, which is usually a contradiction of terms. So here they are, your choice if you ignore/accept at your peril.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 22 Expert Tips
THU – PARRAMATTA v MELBOURNE
Normally you’d write off Parramatta as no chance against Melbourne, but with Jahrome Hughes out and Mitchell Moses not injured, I still will write off Parramatta vs Melbourne.
Melbourne by 8
FRI – WAHS v DOLPHINS
If busted arse Titans can make the Warriors looks silly, how about the Dolphins attacking machine? Unlike the Titans, the Dolphins have never won in New Zealand. Unlike the Dolphins, the Gold Coast doesn’t have statues of the Bee Gees.
Dolphins by 16
FRI – BRONCOS v RABBITOHS
I reckon Wayne Bennett has one more special left in him this season, and who better to do it against than the Broncos.
South Sydney by 2
SAT – GOLD COAST v PENRITH
After celebrating Des Hasler’s 500th game as an NRL coach with a win over one of their only teams you could say are the Titan’s bunny, the Gold Coast will no doubt get their pants pulled down by the resugent Panthers this weekend. One can only hope the pants are pulled down in the shower as Des Hasler gives them time to wrap a towel around themselves if he feels like a post game spray.
Penrith by 32
SAT – ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA v CANBERRA @ Win Stadium
I’ve sat here for ten minutes trying to think of something witty, helpful or unfair and all I could come up with is F Flanno.
Canberra by 4
SAT – MANLY v ROOSTERS
I would be more than happy if neither of these sides made the final eight.
Roosters by 6
SUN – WESTS TIGERS v BULLDOGS @ CommBank Stadium
Sunday specialists vs a team who like Sundays about as much as a kid forced to go to Sunday School or something similarly religious on a Sunday.
Bulldogs by 18
SUN – CRONULLA v NORTH QUEENSLAND
Somehow Cronulla managed to scrape home against a massively depleted South Sydney team, with a lop sided penalty count, and the stat of 61-4 for tackles in the opposition 20 metres. So North Queensland will punish the Sharks this weekend on the Rabbitohs behalf.
North Qld by 14
NRL 2025 NRL Season Stats
