Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, with more complaints about the NRL draw than all NRL coaches combined and as big a bullshit artist as Phil Gould it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 14 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 14 Weekly Rant
We’ve jumped over the halfway point of the regular NRL season and we’re yet to see a sacked coach. But you get a feeling it won’t be long.
Newcastle’s Adam O’Brien always seems to be the next coach sacked along with the Cowboy’s Todd Payten, but given the Newcastle side average 13 points a game it’s no surprise. He had a mighty moan last weekend about the NRL draw given their Friday game was two days after Origin Game One which meant Kalyn Ponga was scratched, and he has a fair complaint, but he can file his complaint with the thousands of others from NRL fans about how much Origin sucks the life out of the NRL. It’s the same end result, both Newcastle and NRL fans don’t win. The Newcastle coach certainly didn’t complain the weekend before when he played a Penrith side missing all of their Origin players, resulting in a rare Knights win over Penrith. Coaches are funny people though.
Talking of not winning, why do Newcastle with their dreadful attacking prowess start off the NRL round again this weekend. Newcastle have kicked off the NRL weekend four times this season by this weekend. Take a look at the Round 14 fixtures and there is at least five better games. Of course one of them is the Warriors, and how dare I suggest that a Warriors game could lead off a weekend of NRL. Channel Nein wouldn’t stand for it. They hate New Zealand. And I’d like to think New Zealand hates them. It’s at about this time that Channel Nein producers will issue cheat sheets to all Channel Nein broadcast staff to start getting to know the Warriors players, coaches, colours ahead of their magnificent return to Finals football.
Perhaps in the future the NRL could use the Origin period to reset the draw. The pre-Origin rounds are done well before the start of the season, and then the second half of the season is redrawn at Origin time, so the broadcasters can reassess the best games based on how teams are looking in the current season and ensure the best games in the best timeslots. Although that’s wishful thinking. Channel Nein will insist that the Sunday 4pm will still be a gamer between two Sydney teams, the Warriors will be banned from Thursdays and Fridays prime time slots. Canberra too.
Another coach under the pump is Michael Maguire who seems to be even less popular than Kevin Walters. Which is easy, as Kevvy is at least likeable, even when he’s not winning. Maybe the Michael Maguire hire for the Broncos is the ultimate inside job from NSW, to cement a dynasty for the Blues for a decade to come. I can see it all now. Maguire wins the 2024 Origin series, then steps down to dismantle the Broncos and ensure they are too exhausted to play good for Qld or Brisbane, turning Qld fans against them and a vicious cycle begins. Very clever NSW. Except the Courier Mail will ensure Maguire is sacked soon enough now that the ALP are out of state government.
Moving to State of Origin, this website has already had their say on the game with their One Minute Match Report, but I think they were being nice. Queensland sucked and the game was pretty much awful. Not as bad as the Newcastle game will be this weekend, but close.
Maybe it’s Queensland’s fault for being so uncompeditive. Maybe it was the Ikea flat pack building furniture levels of excitement from Andrew Johns or just Cameron Smith talking at all that made it seem worse. Or the ads. Or the ads featuring Cameron Smith. I’d bad mouth the lead commentator if I knew his name. It’s not Rabs, or the great Peter Psaltis, so I don’t care. Psaltis should be the lead caller on Channel Nein. Or better still, Peter should move to Fox so I can have the best of both worlds. Channel Nein can have Cooper Cronk as a player swap. And Michael Ennis. And Buzz. Lock him in an office with Gus and record the podcast that everyone needs. And wants.
Much like the Origin period of the NRL, this weekly preview is probably disappointing and a little half assed (pardon the pun, I am a Donkey), but I can leave for a fresh pile of hay before handing off the expert tips for the weekend ahead.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 14 Expert Tips
Thu NEWCASTLE v MANLY
The stats on these sides are so awful coming into this game it seems neither want to win it. Well, they did draw a few years ago. Maybe they will draw again. You’d presume Newcastle coach would be against that result given it is called a draw and that’s what he blamed last week’s loss on.
Manly by 16
Fri MELBOURNE v NORTH QUEENSLAND
The very best of luck to North Queensland, as Melbourne have won a million in a row at home to Qld sides.
Melbourne by 30
Fri DOLPHINS v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA (Suncorp)
A home side special. Hopefully (he says with the one eye open). Some Qld teams need to win at Suncorp Stadium.
Dolphins by 16
Sat CRONULLA v WAHS
Probably the game of the round, no surprise it isn’t on FTA as it involves the Warriors. Channel Nein hate New Zealand by the looks. Lucky the rest of us love the Wahs. And hate Nein.
Warriors by 4
Sat BRISBANE v GOLD COAST
At least the Gold Coast look like they are trying. No wonder Qld are going sh!t in the Origin.
Brisbane by 2.
Sun CANBERRA v SOUTH SYDNEY
Can we call the Raiders run a juggernaut yet? Or is Canberra too boring a town to have such an exciting term assigned to it? Well their team is easy to like and winning in style. Who doesn’t like to see Ricky Stuart happy. Maybe Jaemon Salmon.
Canberra by 20
Sun WESTS TIGERS v PENRITH (CommBank)
A game where neither team likes to play at the ground. Seems kind of stupid. One does wonder how the NRL will piss of the Tigers this weekend. Via the Bunker at a minimum.
Penrith by 2
Mon BULLDOGS v PARRAMATTA (Olympic Stadium)
Watch for the Galvanised touch. Similar to the Midas touch, which sounded like a good idea but ruined everything. Except Galvinised isn’t as pretty as gold.
Parramatta by 12
