Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, offering up a contract DCE wouldn’t be happy with, and avoiding any tariff that he knows about, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 6 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 6 Weekly Rant
So were halfway through the federal election campaign, and what a dud parade it is.
As ever, it’s not much of a choice for the Australian people. Except for the choice of Election Night TV coverage, that’s Antony Green and his final count or you are stark raving mad. But not Starc raving mad, that’s another issue entirely.
Back to political leaders then.
One who kind of reminds me of a real life Looney Tunes character. Not the evil ones, one of the kind of likeable but slightly bumbling one. Sort of like if Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig and that hopeless cat who can’t talk properly or catch a bird went all Roman and the subsequent mix of DNA produced an offspring. Despite the bumbling can be seen shaking hands and reading books to kids without them looking on in disturbed horror.
That’s because the other looks like one of a number of bad guys from a Pixar movie. But less likeable and more threatening to children. He is a politician from Queensland, so no surprise he’s either disappointing or embarrassing. I haven’t liked a Queensland politician since Warren Truss retired. And to a lesser degree, Warren Entsch.
So that’s the choice. It’s sort of like a Sunday afternoon clash between Cronulla and Parramatta because Channel Nein kind-of demand it’s two Sydney teams or nothin’. Mainly because back in the day it meant that Ray Warren didn’t have to travel far, but these days it’s just laziness. Especially since they call everything from inside a cardboard box in Sydney due to budget cuts because of the amount of money spent on TV’s worst ever show – MAFS. Which explains Tipping Point, by some distance the dullest TV show in history, hosted by the least interesting Woodie, which is saying something.
It may be too late since the electoral roll closed yesterday, but I would like to have seen rugby league come up with RLP – the Rugby League Party. Candidates promising nothing but cost of living pressure easing, relief at the petrol bowser, destroying price gouging at football grounds so a Pie and Coke combo costs less than a plane ticket to Bali, yet still has the required amount of in flight punching, and finally to fix the NRL Bunker once and for all.
I’d also like to see RLP candidates stand up to the NRL clubs and limit them to just three NRL jerseys per season.
Rugby league solutions to rugby league problems. That’s it. Nothing more, or less.
Giving the public money back in their back pocket, while reducing price gouging and excess jerseys to make rugby league more affordable. What more do people need. And want.
Fielding candidates in every electorate in Qld and NSW, because there’s no point doing that in Victoria because the only question people will ask is “doesn’t that guy play rugby?”.
Given the two state attack, there’s probably no way the RLP will win power, but they could hold the balance of power, so once elected, and after they have seen all rugby league policies implemented, they could turn their brains to the current Tariffs crisis.
The RLP, and especially RLP leader David “Cement” Gillespie and depute Billy “Queenslander” Moore, won’t be stuffing around with Donald Trump. They will implement counter rugby league tariffs.
Any rugby league subscription from a US address will face a 20% tariff.
Any rugby league jersey bought and sent to a US address will suffer a 40% tariff.
Any Google enquiries from the US into rugby league will be charged a $1 surcharge. Queries like “Who was the better McGuinness brother Kevin or Ken”. Or “Why did Paul Hauff disappear”. Or “Is Scott Minto related to Wayne Bennett?” And, “How many tackles did Eoin Crossan make in his career?”
And for next year’s Las Vegas NRL festival, all fans must show their birth certificate at the gate, and any US citizen will be charged an extra 20%. In US currency of course, because the Aussie is busted arse.
The RLP will stand up to the Trump bullying tactics as only rugby league can. With no nonsense toughness and hard work, which is why David Gillespie is the perfect leader.
Any threat of the US retaliating will be met with an hour-long presentation of the best of the 1970’s and 1980’s rugby league, with spoons handed out to all US officials with the word “EAT” engraved on every one. There wouldn’t be a dry pant in the house, and Australia’s tariffs would disappear.
The RLP’s action will see tactics all over the world changed to match, and the US will drop all tariffs against all countries, except that one which is the island inhabited only by penguins because that is funny.
And the world will be a better place. Thanks to rugby league.
But enough of election time. It is selection time.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 6 Expert Tips
DOLPHINS v PENRITH
Hard to believe Penrith have lost four in a row, are yet to win in Australia, and the Dolphins have overtaken them on the ladder. You know it’s all going to click for Penrith eventually, but as a Dolphins fan that can wait until next week thanks.
Dolphins by 2
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA v GOLD COAST
Picking Titans for the usual reason. Can’t stand Flanno.
Gold Coast by 10
BRISBANE v ROOSTERS
This game is so good, unlike the drink So Good, that this will be the second time in six weeks that it has happened. Last time around the Roosters got plucked, but the Roosters have a very good record at Suncorp Stadium against the Broncos. Bit of a too hard basket.
Brisbane by 6
CRONULLA v MANLY
Surprised this game is not on Sunday at 4pm. Still won’t be watching. Too much DCE and/or Manly.
Cronulla by 1
SOUTH SYDNEY v NORTH QLD
Latrell has been moved to five eighth, which will ensure the coverage will ensure that the required threshold of Latrell Mitchel conversations during the broadcast will be maintained at 25%. And in the US that will be tariffed at 30%.
South Sydney by 10
PARRAMATTA v CANBERRA
The most interesting thing about this game is that it is in Darwin. Wonder if the heat will make Ricky madder than usual. Hope so.
Canberra by 2
MELBOURNE v WARRIORS
Melbourne have won a million in a row v Warriors so for that reason, and the lack of wanting to annoy Craig Bellamy, I’m yipping Melbourne.
Melbourne by 12
NEWCASTLE v WESTS TIGERS
Like this column, I will have run out of energy with this game by the time it’s here.
Wests Tigers by 2
Tell me why don’t you pick Ells