It’s time for weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s angry man Buzz equivalent known only as the NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 19 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 19 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
Here we are, staring at yet another dud five-game card Origin period dross that somehow doesn’t feature in the NRL’s advertising pre season. We wait to see what that voiceover bloke from Fox League will say to talk this one up for their week preview ad. Maybe they should give him the weekend off.
I guess there’s the Wayne Bennett derby with both of his teams facing each other at the same ground. Or maybe they could replay that huge collision between Paul Harragon and Mark Carroll ahead of the Manly v Newcastle game. Or maybe they could highlight how great the Cronulla-Wests Tigers game will…..na. Or what about Gold Coast v Parramatta. Hmmmm, Na. Wait there’s always Origin depleted Broncos v Origin depleted Dragons…..Geez it is a bad weekend.
Talking of depleted, the Queensland Origin team named for Origin Three is depleted with zero David Fifitas and one Kurt “Captain Plod” Capewell. One does wonder how many of Billy Slater’s friends and family and acquaintances Fifita has offended to be not selected. Maybe it’s just one Billy. I guess that’s all the Slaters you need to piss off. But given the Queensland Origin Two team had the impact of a wet paper towel, promoting Capewell to the starting side seems like a bad idea. We can’t and won’t complain about the other changes though. We’re Queenslanders after all.
Talking of plod, the NRL Donkey got sucked into the elections around the world in the last weeks, mainly due to the use of left wing and right wing. It did get me thinking whether left wingers or right wingers in rugby league are more useful, or indeed suited to politics at all. Wingers do come across as being the most expendable on the field. Note: due to injuries Kurt Capewell played on the wing for Warriors v Bulldogs last weekend. But normally wingers come across as simple being, paid to do one job – catch ball, run and score, and doing mostly ok, some adding a bit flash and style. But you can’t rely on them to do anything too important. Actually that was three jobs, but we’ll move on. Hmmmm, the more I talk, the more wingers they sound like politicians. The bad ones that is, which is most.
It did get me thinking though, politics is too one side or the other. Sure there’s the old people who only read The Australian who key cars at local shopping centres and watch Sky News after dark, angry at everything who will always vote for the conservatives. And there’s the younger voters who are offended at everything who will flock to politicians based on social justice who will only key cars at shopping centres and universities that are made in Israel. But where’s the middle ground for the everyday rugby league loving Australian.
This is a gap that a Rugby League political party needs to fill. Imagine come election time that every Australian can choose between Green, Blue, Red and Red-Head plus a certified former rugby league player or coach or match official. The Rugby League party would focus on grassroots, and there’s no one better to tackle the Cost of Living crisis than those from the great game of rugby league.
Sure in Victoria you would have to change the name of the party to just the Rugby Party, as they have no idea there’s two different codes, or the Melbourne Storm before September, and for the South and Western Australia you would have to do some strategic moving of some of rugby league’s biggest personalities to get some attention, but it would be worth it. One Dale Shearer could do more for Western Australia than five Ian Goodenoughs (Member for Moore), same for either Eric Grothe or Eric Grothe Jnr in the Adelaide Hills. Not in Tasmania though. Not even rugby league can save Tasmania.
So picture the next election cycle featuring rugby league candidates in every seat except Tasmania, knowing that there is finally a safe and prosperous future ahead. Rugby League to the rescue. If only it can save itself for Round 19.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 19 Expert Tips
DOLPHINS v SOUTH SYDNEY
Supercoach Wayne Bennett saves himself some time this week by hosting both of his sides at Kayo Stadium aka Dolphin Oval. Although pretty sure Dolphin Oval wasn’t an oval. But the Rabbitoh is actually a human selling rabbits and not a bunny but don’t want to spoil that myth either. Hopefully someone from Redcliffe tells Wayne Bennet who he is coaching this week, although he may be old, he’s not Biden-old yet, but just in case he is reading it is the Dolphins for the record. Perhaps Wayne could be forced to stand in front of the Bee Gees statues for an hour plus be forced to jump off the jetty everyday before the big kick off just so he knows that he is responsible for the Redcliffe based side. Talking of staring, I can already feel the burn of a Ray Stone stare if he isn’t included in this week’s action. Not saying the Dolphins beat the Dragons with Ray Stone last time out, but….no stuff it, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Pick Ray, or else.
Dolphins by 4
CRONULLA v WESTS TIGERS
First of all I’d like to say that Sharks fans and Rugby League fans should be ashamed of themselves. You’ve turned one of the great rugby league people in Nicho Hynes from the NRLs equivalent of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh into the NRL’s equivalent of Eeyore. Great work. According to reports – the great man even found the time to stop some random person committing suicide during the week, as ever thinking about other even when he’s having a bad trot. What a guy.
Talking of Pooh/Poo the Sharks really stink at the moment losing five of their last six. Now I’m not suggesting that Nicho Hynes’ ankle injury at training isn’t real, but I reckon he won’t rush back. Nor should he. Maybe spend the time off looking at real estate in Townsville ahead of a move to the Cowboys. Although on second thoughts, it might be safer to be abused as a Sharks player than live in Townsville. If you listen to the news, which I don’t. I’ve never ever heard anyone ever say how great Townsville is. Like junk mail it is just tolerated and never enjoyed. Unless it is one of those Hungry Jack’s vouchers where you can save up to $200 and you dream about ways of buying everything on the leaflet just to save that money. Probably not good for your health, and maybe David Koch wouldn’t approve of the financial aspect either, but you gotta live. Although if you did eat that much Hungry Jacks you may not live either. Back to Sydney, as punishment for the mis-treatment of Hynes gonna tip the Tigers.
Tigers by 6
GOLD COAST V PARRAMATTA
Gold Coast all of a sudden are on a winning streak. Sure I picked their upset win over the Warriors two weeks ago, but did fall 58 points short of getting the correct margin, it was still better than everyone else in the NRL farm tipping comp who picked the Warriors. Even the chickens went for the Warriors. On a sad note, the farm’s dog hasn’t been the same since a group of NRL players came through. Aside from the 66-6 fluke the Gold Coast are still the Seventh Day Adventists of the NRL with a terrible Saturday record. Problem is, Parramatta have the worst away record in the comp, and are missing Mitchell Moses. This game screams who-cares Origin period rubbish.
Talking of Origin disappointments, the Gold Coast at least have David Fifita after he was somehow not picked for Queensland and defying most rugby league logic except for the We’re Queenslanders theory, misses out to Kurt Capewell aka Captain Plod who was promoted to the run on side. Although we use the term “run” advisedly. So the Titans should get the advantage of his presence and their side choc full of about four fullbacks to run rings around the Eels.
Gold Coast by 4
BRISBANE v ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
This game is Origin affected, which isn’t a bad effort for two teams outside the top eight. It’s amazing to think the Dragons have currently won more games than the Broncos. I’d congratulate “Flanno” but I just really don’t like him or the way Fox League promoted him for years. So no Huzzah or this week’s tip either. At least this game has Ezra Mam who by the way was/is Origin ready and offers 98% less plod than some other Queensland players. The Origin players have also given our favourite Broncos Xavier “The Beast” Willison another run on chance. Although I predict it will be more of a run-over chance. Get it? Run-over, by a Man Mountain, and The Beast, aka Xavier Willison.
Broncos by 12
MANLY v NEWCASTLE
Thank god there are only five games this week as I’m really running out of steam to care about this one. Kalyn Ponga hung around long enough to get into the Queensland team, and Dane Gagai gets a deserved recall. Very happy for Gagai, he looks like a friend of mine, although my friend also looks like Alby Mangels from his World Safari days, so work that one out. As for the game, Manly seemed determined to play Tommy Turbo out of the position they pay him a million dollars to do, which isn’t bad. I’m currently looking for a similar million dollar deal where I don’t do the job I’m paid for. The more I think about this game, the less I care, so here’s the final tip so I can go back to the last series of Great British Railway journeys hoping that there’s a train to Truro.
Manly by 10.
READ MORE: MORE NRL ROUND 19 TIPS AND STATS PREVIEW
