With the AFL back this weekend, it’s also time for Victoria’s second favourite sport: ignoring the Melbourne Storm.
While the Storm have won four ‘official’ premierships, provided the nucleus of Queensland’s eight straight Origin wins, and only missed the finals three times since their inception, they may as well be playing on Mars for the majority of AFL-obsessed Victorians.
Jesse Taylor, president of the Storm fan club, is sick of it.
“I moved from Sydney to Melbourne for work in 1998, so I figured I support the locals. I even went to the 1999 grand final. While we’ve built up a loyal fanbase, we’re fighting a losing battle. The Storm are one of the most successful sides in the NRL era, and quickly rebounded from the salary cap dramas which would’ve destroyed most other clubs; if they were based in NSW, QLD, or the ACT, they’d be lauded as champions, but not here.”
Taylor has tried everything to get friends and co-workers interested in rugby league, but to no avail.
“One year, I managed to get Molly Meldrum to a work function. He was in full Storm gear, but all the idiots I work with just wanted to talk about bloody music!”
Taylor tried to watch some AFL in the early 2000s, but didn’t enjoy it. “Honestly, it feels like glorified basketball and most games I watched were over by halftime. Nothing beats a nice, tight game of rugby league, where every try is earnt; at least footy doesn’t give teams a point for missing.”
Taylor has a radical plan to improve the Storm’s popularity.
“Seeing as Queensland – which actually appreciates their footy – are crying out for a second team, let’s get the Storm down there.”
Taylor’s proposal, which he’s formally submitted to the NRL, suggests a name change to the South Brisbane Storm, and all home games moved to Lang Park. The South Brisbane Storm will add maroon to their usual purple, navy, white, and gold jerseys.
“The Broncos are dead ducks at the moment, so the new Storm will sweep up all the angry Broncos fans, and it’s a good time to get in before the Bombers do. I’ve spoken to my group, and we’re happy to make regular trips to Brisbane to watch our boys and get away from the awful Melbourne winters. The extra costs will be built into our membership packages and Molly’s agreed to help us out financially. I think it’ll work.”
When asked about whether they would miss the Storm, a prominent Melbourne breakfast radio DJ (who wished to stay anonymous) replied: “Who are the Stormers again? Do they play soccer or cricket? Who cares, what really matters is whether Richmond can win three in a row. I reckon they’re morals!”
