The new F1 owners have finally confirmed that F1 Grid Girls are to disappear from the F1 starting grids, ended decades of tradition.
The expected standard PR polished statement included “While the practice of employing grid girls has been a staple of Formula 1 Grands Prix for decades, we feel this custom does not resonate with our brand values and clearly is at odds with modern day societal norms,” .
Fair enough, but like some of F1’s other decade long traditions like bugger all overtaking at the front of the grid, showing who-gives-a-f**k celebrities on the grid or in pitlane during the race instead of the actual teams who spend millions to race, and Ross Brawn, we have ignored them anyway and just focus on the race. If not the racing.
But like any sporting topic, the loss of the F1 Grid Girls gives us a chance to look into the alternatives on offer, and to offer something equal parts plausible and insane. Just the way we like it here at The Gurgler.
So enjoy and shake your head at our alternatives to F1 Grid Girls.
F1 new owner’s want to give more back to the fans, so with F1 Grid Girls gone, how about running a competition via the F1 twitter for each Grand Prix for the 20 people to hold the sign.
Any age, gender, shape, size, intelligence, allegiance to F1 team could enter, and the result would be 20 real fans getting a close up taste of F1.
If F1 wanted to be commercially inclined, why not limit it to people who have already bought tickets, and you must use the ticket barcode to enter.
HOLOGRAMS FOR TV
Given that F1 really cares more about the TV audience that the actual crowd at the circuit, who are often 100’s of metres from the grid anyway, why not have some fancy hologram image of the drivers preferably hamming it up for the fans. No pun intended for Mr Hamilton aka the Great Hamtima.
Perhaps the hologram could showcase a hidden talent for each driver. Lewis Hamilton’s burgeoning music career, Daniel Ricciardo juggling chainsaws, Sebastian Vettel smiling, a montage of Kevin Magnussen’s best work from 2017, or for Kimi it could be him staring at the camera for minutes simply eating an ice cream.
The parade lap is one of the more useless features to a Grand Prix weekend, but it could be used as a star alternative now that F1 Grid Girls are gone.
As the cars set off for the slow tour of the circuit, they could trip off a wire which would lead to a firework going off just above the car with the car’s number and team’s colour.
Imagine 20 spectacular mini fireworks going off down the pit straight like a Mexican Wave at the cricket (minus the beer cups filled with urine). Talk about a sensational alternative to someone holding a sign.
AFL STYLE BANNERS
Don’t people just love the banners the AFL teams use to run onto the field, lovingly crafted by their fans? Not many rugby league teams use them, probably because it would take more than 6 words to fill the banner, but that’s a story for another time.
But what about AFL style Banners for the cars to smash through as they start on their parade lap. They would certainly be more exciting than a 50cm x 30cm sponsor placard. Since the F1 grid girls are gone, why not have something bigger and better.
Once again, F1 could take it to their fans to allow them to create, or at least pick the best twitter message to put on the crepe paper artwork.
Make it happen F1. For the Australian Grand Prix at least.
LE MANS STYLE RUNNING START
What about changing the whole starting procedure and fire up the fans with a Le Mans style start with the drivers running to their cars.
Sure, there’s some bugs to be worked out.
Like drivers can’t start the cars themselves, and they need help with 5 point safety harness, and the danger of falling over and being cleaned up by a car which can get to light speed in a few seconds, but they are the details for a later time. For now, let’s have some blue sky thinking.