Breaking news as it appears the Australian Cricket pay dispute has come to an end, and not before time as there is a Matador cup to be played for no one to care about just around the corner. Oh, and to a lesser degree The Ashes and Big Bash League.
Whichever side of the fence you have sided with, just be happy that an agreement has been agreed and we will get to see a full strength Ashes series. And it will take all of that strength for us to endure the Channel Nein commentary which will no doubt be whipped up into maximum frenzy and TMS work.
You may ask how did the Australian Cricket pay dispute come to an end? What break through was made? What was the give and take from both sides to make it happen?
Well we know, and have exclusive details, and as a reward to all of our regular Gurgler readers we are leaking them to you first before it goes mainstream from tomorrow.
- The Australian Cricketers Association (ACA – the better one not the awful one on Channel Nein at 7pm) and Cricket Australia (CA) have made an agreement with Australian Government to ditch any planned Work for the Dole scheme and have replaced it with a Dole for Shield program. essentially, anyone who is on the dole and not currently working will be forced to attend all Sheffield Shield games in their capital city, and will be given $20 of their dole as vouchers to be spent at the ground per game. ACA will receive 10% of all takings. Win – win. Sheffield Shield crowds exceed 100, people on the dole don’t have to apply for 100 jobs a month to justify their money, and the players get a little taste of the action.
- All cricket games in Australia will feature the old Mercantile Mutual style sign (new sponsor with massive money injection of course) where cricketers are encouraged to go big and hit them on the full. Every sign hit will be worth $10,000 to the players. Sure to be a favourite of the newly expanded crowd at the Sheffield Shield games.
- The Domestic One Day season to be reduced to being played on a floating Circket field on a massive Cruise liner. Games will be played 24 hours a day in an attempt to finish the competition in just over a week, and broadcast on Fox Sports and ESPN. Tickets to the 10 day cruise will be available for the bargain price of $1,499 and includes all you can eat, drink, and sleep. ACA to take 20% cut of all ticket sales.
- Channel Nein not to get the Big Bash Rights. While you’re here, why not sign the petition to stop Channel Nein getting the Big Bash Rights.
- After mouthing off against the players, the players have insisted that Michael Slater stays outside a 5 metre radius of the players. Cricket fans around the nation ask to tap into that agreement for the commentary box this summer.
- ACA have negotiated that Shane Watson gets one extra video review per day.
- ACA, CA, and Australian Department of Industry, Innovation and Science to co-develop a Pokemon Go style app featuring all Sheffield Shield and International cricketer around the country, replacing the cute Japanese characters with Australian cricketers. ACA to get 20% of all In App purchases.
- Each Test player is guaranteed one awful advertisement during the summer of cricket each. The ACA have ensured that all ads are as awkward as the truly terrible Wolfblass ads from back in the day.
- ACA have won the rights to 20% of any future 12th Man CD, ITunes, and DVD sales.
- Glenn Maxwell to double as selector for all One Day Internationals in Australia.
- Brad Hogg to play in as many Big Bash as he wants, and finally the Australian public get what they want.
Now that the Australian Cricket pay dispute has ended it better be bloody worth it ACA and CA. We will blame any Ashes series loss at both of you equally, and since you are incapable of winning the series in England, we will hold a grudge for a solid four years by refusing to give you anymore money.