Kick to Come – NRL Round 5 Preview – powered by Ziggy Niszczot Moustache Cream

2017 nrl finals

Welcome to The Gurgler’s Kick to Come – our NRL Round 5 preview.

After attempting and succeeding to watch every minute of the 2017 season so far, we are start to get league-tigued already. Maybe too much rugby league is more than enough.

Just in case you’re asking, we’ve supplied our thoughts on last weekend’s Round 4 including our Team Of The Week with our recap of Round 4.

Onto our Kick to Come NRL Round 5 Preview.

Each week we ask questions on the round ahead and answer them ourselves, mainly because no one else will. We also provide our “best bets” on the weekend action and our tipping competition. And we indulge ourselves with something stupid, the backbone of this website.

 

TOP 5 QUESTIONS FOR THE NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW

 

Q – Can the Bulldogs save Des Hasler from the sack?

A – Probably not.

 

Q – Who will lose first out of the Roosters and Storm?

A – Hard to say, but if Manly keep playing the way they are, and Penrith give their best, it could even be this weekend for both.

 

Q – Haven’t Channel Nein got their wish for Round 5?

A – Absolutely. Broncos on a Thursday. Followed by two All Sydney clashes on Friday, and of course Sunday afternoon. Boxes ticked for Nein. Thank god for Fox League.

 

Q – Can the Warriors be trusted to win an obvious game?

A – Maybe in NZ.

 

Q – Will the Knights be >0  this weekend?

A – Likely not against the Sharks.

 

BONUS QUESTION – Was the NRL Marvel Heroes round the worst ever?

A – Yes, and we’ve already had a gripe on this subject – read here.

 

NRL FUN TIME – WHO HAS THE MOST DEADLY MASCOT?

We trawled the internet for statistics on which NRL team has the deadliest mascot. With some we got creative.

WARRIORS – 110 Million – We based that on stress related deaths. You know, Worriers? OK it’s either that or 0.
BULLDOGS – 25,000 – Dogs kill people
ROOSTERS – 380 – Deaths from Chicken based Salmonella.
COWBOYS – 136 (2015) – The Murder Rate in Dallas
BRONCOS – 100 – More horse deaths than you think.
TIGERS – 85 – Another surprising one given extinction threat.
STORM – 50 – Those killed by lightning each year
SHARKS – 10 – Scary buggers kill fewer than you think.
TITANS – 6 – Not the murder rate on the Gold Coast, but the number of teens killed in a Shed accident in Germany this year. Long Bow – Titans – Titans Garage.
PANTHERS – 3 – Based on Cougar deaths in the US, so close enough.
KNIGHTS – 2 – 2 People killed in Jousting accidents since 2006.
RAIDERS – 0 – Been a few years since Vikings were around, but a human will always be more deadly than an animal.
DRAGONS – 0 – Whilst not real, it is surely scarier than a few below.
SEA EAGLES – 0 – Apparently a lot more deadly to pets.
EELS – 0 – Listed as extremely rare.
RABBITOHS – White and fluffy and not very deadly.

 

THE GURGLER’S NRL TIPPING COMPETITION

Each week we will supply our tips for the week ahead, plus take on some guest tipsters. They are likely to determined by a ridiculous method. Will arse beat class? Probably. Pity we’re neither.

We have done it for the EPL, but next to none reads it. So we hope to get at least half of those people for the NRL tipping.

It is like the BBC EPL Tips of Lawro vs Someone Else, but more ridiculous.

THE GURGLER’s NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW TIPS

BRONCOS
ROOSTERS
COWBOYS
SHARKS
RAIDERS
PENRITH
TITANS
TIGERS

NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW – GUEST TIPSTER 1 – DEADLIEST MASCOT

As per the above, we pick tips based on which animal/human/other thing is the most deadly.

BULLDOGS to beat Broncos
ROOSTERS to beat Sea Eagles
COWBOYS to beat Rabbitohs
SHARKS to beat Knights
RAIDERS to beat Eels
STORM to beat Panthers
WARRIORS to beat Titans
TIGERS to beat Deagons

NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW – GUEST TIPSTER 2 – POSTCODE

So we have used the postcode of the team’s spiritual home (e.g. Souths = Redfern, Bulldogs = Belmore) added the 4 digits and the biggest total gets the tip. (e.g. 4503 = 4+5+0+3 = 12) Postcode and total in brackets below.

Bulldogs  ( 14 – 2192) draw Broncos (14 – 4064)
Roosters (10 – 2026) to beat Manly (3 – 2100)
Cowboys  (13 – 4810) to beat Rabbitohs (9 – 2016)
Sharks (7 – 2230) to beat Knights (5 – 2300)
Raiders  (9 – 2601) to beat Eels (8 – 2150)
Penrith (14 – 2750) to beat Melbourne (3 – 3000)
Titans (14 – 4226) to beat Warriors (8 – 1061) 
Dragons (12 – 2217) to beat West Tigers (6 – 2040) 
 

NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW – GUEST TIPSTER 3 – THE DOG

If we’re asking mascots, and postcodes, why not the dog.

BRONCOS
SEA EAGLES
RABBITOHS
SHARKS
EELS
PANTHERS
WARRIORS
DRAGONS

RESULTS SO FAR

R3 Ladder Improvement from 2016 – 75% – 6/8
The Gurgler – 66% – 21/32
Scrabble – 63% – 5/8
Selections by Postcode – 53% – 17/32
The Dog – 47% – 15 / 32
Selection by Mascot – 38% – 3/8
Pack of Cards – 25% – 2/8
 

THE GURGLER’S NRL ROUND 5 PREVIEW SUPER MULTI

Want to win some cash? You may well need to avoid following our tips. Here for you street money consideration is our best bets conveniently packaged into a super multi.

BULLDOGS +10.5 start
MANLY +10.5 start
COWBOYS to win
SHARKS to win
RAIDERS to win
PANTHERS +6.5 start
TITANS +6.5 start
TIGERS to win

$1 could win $38

About Max Layne 232 Articles
Max has no time for long bios, he has only time for sport and then more sport. Each week he tries to sum up what sport has tickled the collective fancy of The Gurgler.

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