Alternate Sporting Universe – If MKR Producers did the Football World Cup draw

What happens in an alternate Sporting Universe when we get the My Kitchen Rules decision makers to decide on the Football World Cup draw.

Football World Cup draw

For something different, we have imagined an alternate sporting universe. Like a different way of doing a Football World Cup draw, or changing rules to match board games, and other potential openings into a portal for doing something different in sport.

This time we wonder what would happen if the producers of MKR


Not long ago FIFA announced plans of changing the Football World Cup draw to include 48 teams instead of the current 32.

We disagreed of course, and came up with a plan to include a Football World Cup draw to include every single FIFA nation. If you want to rediscover that piece, just follow the story link here.

According to the Fox Sports article, the plans are to have 16 Groups of 3 Teams, and unlike how it is thought in the Simpsons, there will be no draws with penalty shootouts to decide all games. Then the top two go through for knockout from 32 teams down to a winner.


Sounds mildy interesting, sure. But what if we were in the alternate Sporting Universe and the Football World Cup Draw was worked out by the producers of the hit soap drama Kitchen show My Kitchen Rules aka MKR.

MKR seems to go on forever, with participants falling in and out of the competition so regularly that we can’t keep up. Well we can’t also keep up as we don’t watch. But every now again an MKR ad is on the TV, and you think to yourself “Is that thing still on?” 

Why not jazz up the Football World Cup draw by applying the logic of MKR producers from an alternate sporting universe.


Instead of 16 Groups of 3 Teams playing round robin, MKR Producers decided that there should be eight groups of six.

Within that group of eight teams there will be no round robin, just head to heads with the 4 losers in each group eliminated.

That leaves 24 teams.

The 8 teams with the best win from the previous round take a rest as the remaining 16 teams play each other head to head again.

That leaves 16 teams.


Then the 16 teams are split into 4 groups of 4 where they will all play each other in a typical round robin.

The top teams from each of the four pools go into a semi final pool.

The second placed teams, plus two of the next best third placed teams, plus two of the sides previously knocked out in the early rounds that got the most votes from the public to get back into the tournament then play a round of knockout games, losers eliminated.

That leaves four teams above, plus four winners of the Round Robins groups.


All eight teams play head to head in the Semi Finals stage, and that will leave the four winners.

Next up is the elimination finals, where another round robin group of four teams goes ahead.

After 2 rounds, the team sitting last is eliminated from finals contention, but still have to play last match.

After the completion of 3 rounds, the third team is eliminated.

This leaves two team, who will then play off for the Cup final.

Not before a special 3rd v 4th place match.

And a match featuring 2 of the fans favourites match.

THE Football World Cup Draw MKR SOLUTION – SUMMARY

Of course, if the MKR way of running the Football World Cup is followed, then the Football will only be able to be played on Sunday through to Wednesday, and not before 7pm. This will also ensure the World Cup drags out to 4 months like MKR is.

Being MKR there will be loads of interviews and a mobile interviewing station will be installed on every sideline to ensure players can comment about how is it going mid game.

Oh, and the tears. Mandatory.

Only thing missing will be the hosts, which will not include wankers like Manu and March 2017 Jerk of the Year Nomination Pete Evans.

So enjoy our first alternate sporting universe. May there be many more.


About Kaaps Loche 234 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.

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