May 28, 2017

Gurgler Writing Staff’s Triple J Hottest 100 Selections

The Gurgler Writing Staff, well the ones who could be arsed responding to our in office memo anyway, have their selections ready for the big Triple J Hottest 100 countdown. Well, sort of. Read below to find out why.

triple j hottest 100 selections

It’s Australia Day and that means some of the nation’s hippest people are busy deciding their Triple J Hottest 100 Selections.

So have our writing staff. A rather less hip and up to date crowd of crazy, bitter, twisted and cynical bunch.

But like most sporting events, election nights, and big entertainment showpieces, they aren’t afraid to offer up their Triple J Hottest 100 selections.

Not that many, if any, or too many of our writers will be listening to it. Most will either still be tuned in to 612 ABC, or turning off the radio once the TAB Sports Breakfast show is over.

We know when we are too old, too dull and too something or other to really care. Just like the turds who turn up to an RSL on Anzac Day just to be a jerk and be punched by a former Serviceman we are going to pretend to know something about our Triple J Hottest 100 selections.

So sit back and enjoy or ignore as we put the question to variety of Gurgler writing staff.

GURGLER STAFF WRITERS Triple J Hottest 100 selections

KAAPS LOCHE – Entertainment Contributor

“As the Richard Wilkins of the writing staff, you know the entertainment reporter who no one really likes and provides most of the garbage, I feel the responsibility that I should know the most. So after a quick google search and a quick 20 second view of two websites I can heartily recommend someone called Flume taking the number 1 spot for my Triple J Hottest 100 selections.

Given the Triple J’s affinity for songs/bands with fire sounding names in it, you know – Sex Is On Fire, The Roof Is On Fire, and other artists who I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. That will do me.”

THEYDON BOIS – Football Expert

“I’m known for coming up with ridiculous opponents for my weekly EPL tipping, so have used some out there stats to decide this year’s winner.

So I have set up a spreadsheet with stats on Popultion per Sq Kilometre, GDP of each state, Area of each local council in Australia, Cost of a standard take away coffee in the main street of each town, how many babies have been named Cliff in the previous 50 years and the average age of the unemployed in each local council, and have come up with the winner.

It will be some bunch of wankers from Inner Melbourne or a duo from Fremantle. Fact.”

FRANKINGTON STANLEY – News Desk Editor

“Since everything that is old becomes retro and cool, I’m holding put for a bit of Buddy Holly. I hear he’s a hoot with the young kiddies. Flying up the charts.

By the way LMB for making me get out of my pool to answer this.”

PERRY THRUST – Motorsport Analyst

“I’m too busy with the news of Bernie Ecclestone getting the arse.

Although I haven’t been interested since Gnarls Barkley last had an entry.”

MAX LAYNE – Sports Editor

“Don’t give a shit.

I can just imagine the Triple J crowd calling anyone Un-Australian for not listening to Triple J on Australia Day. The same type of people who protest for no reason about everything, and spend 7 years at Uni getting a degree to become a something or other. They think they’re on the cutting edge of music and life because they exclusively listen to the J’s. So fuck them and the high horse they rode in on.

I gave up listening to Triple J when Roy and HG walked out. Thankfully they are back on Triple M now where I can combined my love for them and ACDC’s Jailbreak.”

GERRY MANDER – Head of Politics

“Has Antony Green called the winner of the Triple J Hottest 100 Selections yet?

If not, I don’t trust anyone.”

DEREK OTTOMAN – Podcast Director

“Look Fuck Off, and Fuck Off now.”

HARLAND BULWER – Head of Conspiracy Theories

‘I firmly believe it will be a song where there is some form of anti Trump, pro Refugee, and anti Coles message if you play the song backwards from 1:30.”

MATT FINISH – Social Media Analyst

“Hmmmmm, it will probably be some Skip Hop shite that I can’t stand or know the name of the band or song.

You know Skip Hop, the Hip Hop genre with an Australian accent.

JUAN LYNAGH – Head of Sports Betting Trends

“I’d reckon that band Bliss and Esso are a real chance of a late movement in the market after that unfortunate death on the set of one of their music clips during the week.

I wonder what odds I’d get. Let me check Sportsbet.”

PATRICK HEISENBURG – Feature Columnist

“Is this the year we are meant to al vote for Taylor Swift?

Now that shit would be funny.”

 

 

 

 

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